Rectifying the Past
by Atana
Summary: Snips and Spirals fans, rejoice! Here it is - the "prequel" to Ladytesser's adult SnS version of "Prisoner of Azkaban"! Enjoy!
1. Default Chapter

DISCLAIMER: The Harry Potter Universe belongs to J.K. Rowling. We merely play in it and cause chaos.

Other characters are the creation of Atana and Lady Tesser.

PG-13. No slash, no sex; mild language, adult themes.

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Adult SnS Fanfic:

"Rectifying the Past"

background to 'The Prisoner of Azkaban'

Text by Lady Tesser

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CHAPTER ONE: "The End of Summer"

Britomartis Vox - Worlds Religions Professor of Hogwarts - sat straight up, looking around the unfamiliar room. It was a dirty shack with broken furniture and mirrors and torn bedding, the whole thing in general disrepair and untouched for many decades.

She got up, rubbing her shoulders in the chill air ... and realized she was not alone.

Around her were dark figures, figures in black, figures in pale death-masks, their left arms exposed ... displaying the Dark Mark of a skull devouring a snake.

She felt for her wand in her gown and found it was not there.

Britomartis opened her mouth as they reached for her, ready to blast them with a Minoan spell.

A cold hand clamped over her mouth and another drew around her waist, pulling her close to a cold, stiff body. She struggled, trying to break out of its grip, but it held her against its body with a vice-like hold.

Deathly-cold breath whispered hoarsely into her ear, "Traitors will be punished, Snake-Bitch."

The Death Eaters enclosed around her as she suffocated under the cold hands ...

The scream shocked Severus Snape awake, turning over to see Britomartis struggling in her sleep and sobbing.

"Martis!" he called, shaking her.

"OFF!" she shrieked. "Off of me! Snips! They're here! The Death Eaters!"

"MARTIS!" Fear manifested as a cold spike in his stomach. He had wanted to keep that part of his life - and the figures themselves - as far away from her as possible. "MARTIS! Wake up!"

Her eyes snapped open, taking in the dimness of the room. "Severus!" she gasped as she sat up and embraced him. "Oh, Great Mother, are you - "

He held her, stroking her hair. "I'm here, Martis, I'm here. What happened? A nightmare?"

She nodded into his chest. "Surrounded by Death Eaters. They called me a traitor. They-they - "

Severus held her tightly, squeezing her, trying to make her feel safe despite how close that Darkness was and how much it had skewered their lives. They had been pulled apart for nearly twenty years, created new lives, and the Darkness tore those lives apart.

And yet that Darkness drew them together once again.

Severus was an old hand at nightmares. They plagued his sleeping moments his entire life. He was used to it, unlike his Martis whom was too pure and good to be subjected to their torment. When Britomartis had nightmares, he worried.

Yet this was the first he had ever heard of this particular nightmare, and he had been privy to her sleeping state the entire summer.

"Martis?" he whispered in the early morning darkness.

"Hm?" she murmured.

"I won't let them near you."

She raised her face and kissed his mouth. After a moment, she replied, "I know, my love."

----------

The summer holiday had been incredibly quiet. With the rest of the staff on vacation, Britomartis and Severus had the dungeons to themselves, never seeing another soul the entire time. Which suited them fine, as they were catching up with years of maturation and exploration that they should have had over the past twenty years. The conclusion was silently reached that - if the Dark Lord had not sent Britomartis away - they would have ended up exactly as they were now, only much earlier.

It became plainly obvious over the summer, between talking and loving, that perhaps the old battlecry of 'Snips and Spirals Forever' really did mean 'forever', if not 'completely entwined'.

Britomartis accepted it as such. Everyone back in school had teased them about dating each other and being in love, and both denied it quite extensively, but really, she believed she would have fallen in love with her best friend if she had stayed at Hogwarts. It was something quite natural, after all. And ... complete honesty ... she had indeed those last few months they had together; especially after Severus had called upon all the Angels of Vengeance after what that jackass Karkaroff had tried to do.

And thinking upon it - given another month after that Yule Ball - they probably would have consummated the whole thing and really gave their teachers something to worry about. She had always wanted Severus' children.

Damn, Narcissa Black-Malfoy had been right all along. If things had pulled along without any problem, there would be a young lady Vox-Snape in line for Draco Malfoy. The thought made Britomartis shudder in both anger and relief.

Severus knew he loved her deep in his gut. Like everything else that he deemed good in his life, he stuffed it down inside and tried to forget it, not believing that anyone would love him in return. He could now admit to himself that he had been desperately in love with her that last year together and he was terrified beyond human comprehension that she would have dropped him if she ever found out.

But she returned it. Great Gods, she actually loved him in return, completely, fully, without reservation. It still made him break into tears. Her acceptance of his heart - naked, raw, damaged, bitter - had been one of the greatest gifts she could ever give him since she had declared him her friend back when they were kids.

For the duration of the summer, she had moved into his rooms and both attained a Zen-like sense of domestication by coming as close to living like normal people as possible. They found out things about each other that no one would have ever known ...

The most amazing discovery was that Severus was a brilliant cook.

'Of course,' he had explained. 'Potion-making isn't much different from cooking; it's merely changing the ingredients around.'

The second amazing discovery was that Britomartis was still flexible after all these years.

Commentary on that subject will be censored.

Severus caressed his hand over the ash blonde hair before his face, inhaling the scent of female. His hand moved down over the olive-toned shoulder and down the back, over the sheet-covered hip, then back up to her throat. Moving the hair aside, he kissed the back of her neck softly.

"Mm," she moaned. "Morning, Snips."

"Good morning, Spirals," he returned, kissing her ear. "Feeling better?"

Britomartis turned over and licked his lips before kissing him, her arms drawn around his neck. "Yes. I didn't dream the rest of the night, so nothing else." She inhaled, looking up into his eyes. "I like waking up to your face. We should have done this twenty years ago."

"We were both too scared and you knew it."

"Then last year."

"And have me mooning over you during my classes? The students would lose all respect for me."

"Actually, their respect for you would increase, my love." She kissed the end of his nose. "Do recall my pack of Stormtroopers who attempted to 'help' you along with the Kissing Powder."

"I remember your nieces and nephews also tried to 'help' me with a bottle of Ambrosia."

She giggled and poked his chest. "Bother."

He laughed, poking her in return. "Bother."

"Bother."

"Bother."

"Bother."

"Bother."

She squealed disgracefully due to where he poked her.

He grinned and added, "I win." He sat up and brushed his hair from his face. "I really need to get to work on study plans, Martis."

"As do I." She pulled him back down. "Later."

"If you insist."

----------

Students shopping for school supplies in Diagon Alley really did not expect to see the Slytherin House Master and Mother wandering the street among them. Of course, it was odd seeing the Potions Master in sunlight at all. They suspected he would have melted or burned up or SOMETHING horrible when exposed to sunlight.

Instead of escorting the Worlds Religions Professor and looking for all the world like he was in love.

It was WEIRD!

Britomartis linked her arm into Severus', inhaling the air around them. "Our one time we met here, running around on our own."

"Getting our books and robes," Severus remembered.

"Gazing in adoration at the Nimbus 1001."

"Sharing ice cream."

"Making fun of Lucy in the robe shop."

"Being caught in Knockturn Alley ... "

Britomartis stopped walking and moved around to face him, holding his face in her hands. "It was a long time ago, my love. He's dead and gone. It's just us again. Only us."

She brushed hair from his beautiful dark eyes, watching the pain melt as he allowed his soul to release the memory of his father.

"Mummy, look! It's my professors!" the overly-hyper voice of Colin Creevey cried out.

Severus pulled away from Britomartis, his Scary Potions Master mask slipping on his face. "Oh, good god ... "

Britomartis smiled, pushing her sunglasses back up on her face. "Suck it up, darling. It's only one Creevey."

They turned and saw Colin running up to them, followed by a much smaller clone that was obviously his brother. Behind them, a blonde woman in a pink and sky-blue gown and robe walked at a slower pace ... until she stared at the two professors.

Colin threw himself at Britomartis, landing in her arms and hugging her tightly around the waist. He pulled away to look up at her face. "Professor Vox! It's me, Colin Creevey - this is my brother Dennis, he's only ten, but I bet he'll be coming to school with me next year! Say hello to the Worlds Religions professor, Dennis - Dennis! That's Snookie-Poo - she doesn't hurt anybody! Stop being a worm!"

"Here, boys," Britomartis said as slipped the snake off her shoulder. "You can pet her. She likes it."

Severus was staring back at the mother of Colin Creevey. The face was not as heart-shaped nor were her long fingers and neck and torso as slender as they were, and her cupid's bow mouth had faded to a pale pink. The blue eyes were weary, but they still burned with intelligence. And her hair was still a lusterous blonde, even though it was quite short due to the inflatable sheep having eaten it back at school.

"Sonia Stellamaris," he intoned.

Britomartis looked up from allowing the Creevey brothers to pet Snookie-Poo. "Teasey?"

"Spirals," Mrs. Creevey stated. "Severus."

"Oh, cool!" Colin cried. "You know each other, mummy??"

"We had a history, love," Sonia answered. "Why don't you and Denny go to the Quidditch shop?"

Colin handed Snookie-Poo back to his teacher and dragged his brother off down the street. Sonia turned back to Britomartis and Severus.

"Motherhood really suits you, Stellamaris," Britomartis said.

Sonia gave a small smile. "I grew up a little. Married for love - a Muggle milkman of all things, but he's a brilliant writer. Family disowned me as a result, so there was no point in being a witch. Then Colin got his letter and ... " She sighed and grunted. "Damn, you look even better after all these years!"

"Thanks." Britomartis linked her arm back into Severus' while Snookie-Poo raised her head and tasted the scent of the stranger. "Are Colin and Dennis the only children?"

"Yes." She bit her lip. "So, you two ... have children?"

"No," Britomartis replied.

"Married?"

"No," Severus answered.

Sonia laughed bitterly. "I don't see why not, Severus. Bloody figures you'd grow out of being a gawky, awkward teenager into a tall, dark, brooding, elegant image of an anti-hero."

Britomartis smirked. "Yes, he does cut a fine figure as a full-blown man, doesn't he?"

"Martis - " Severus began.

"Hush, darling, this is Girl Talk; we're in competition." Britomartis set her mouth in a thin line. "Too bad all you wanted to do was take advantage of his mind - he's quite the lover, you know. His constant demands for sex have left me exhausted."

Severus turned around and pretended to study a stationary supply store window.

Sonia narrowed her eyes. "Yes, the stories about him and Asenath Paroo during our final year were quite wild."

Severus cleared his throat.

Britomartis remained uncowed. "She obviously didn't have much to keep his attention."

Sonia gritted her teeth. "Is it bad enough you have a better figure than me after all these years, you also have to rub my face in the fact you got the hotter looking man??"

Britomartis frowned. "I had been separated from him for twenty years due to Voldemort - "

"You-Know-Who, you mean!"

"During that time I had married for love and borne four children, then lost my husband and children in a single night when Voldemort's Death Eaters killed them. The youngest was only a year old." Her voice dropped. "Your complaints seem petty again, don't they?"

Sonia sniffed, trying to retain dignity. "Indeed."

Britomartis' expression softened. "Never take that husband of yours for granted. And cherish those two boys for they're your flesh and blood. Nothing can ever replace them in your life."

Sonia nodded. "I am sorry I did all that garbage - to both of you."

"I'm sorry my sisters were harsh on you back then."

Sonia managed another small smile. "I needed it. It was sort of a relief when I found out the world did not revolve around 'family' and 'reputation'."

"Mummy!" Dennis yelled, running up to her. "Look what Colin and I found - a rare Arctic furred tomato! It's very affectionate and it tastes great on pizza!"

"Excuse me," Sonia said. She smiled broader and added, "I hope things do work out this time." She turned to her children and stated, "You'll have to sell that back to the vendor, Denny ... "

Severus turned back around and gazed after the former Beauty of Ravenclaw. "Amazing. She's actually much happier now."

"Families have a way of doing that," Britomartis answered as they continued their walk. "I should have seen it back then, but I was too busy being insanely jealous."

"You were jealous?"

"Yes. Didn't realize that then, either. I was indeed terribly, horribly jealous." She pouted cutely. "Somebody had stolen my Snips away - and I hadn't even given him a tumble yet."

Severus looked up at her, seeing the pout, and rolled his eyes. "We were stupid children."

"We were teenagers, and were actually acting quite normal." She poked his shoulder. "She and I did look really similar back then."

"Yes," he acknowledged. "Both skinny and blonde. Terribly, terribly annoying."

"You didn't think so back then," she giggled as they reached the junk shop.

"I was a hormonal teenage boy, I had an excuse for the time being." He opened the door to the shop and pressed her inward. "Unlike you."

"I had PMS."

"Don't remind me." Severus spotted one of his least favorite students, pulled on the Scary Potions Master face again, and approached the short, dark-haired boy. "Mr. Potter ... "

Harry Potter spun around and saw his professors. "Vox! Snape! I mean - Professor - "

"Forget trying to come up with a half-witted, unintelligible opening line, Potter," Snape the Potions Master stated. "Have you finished your summer essay for me yet?"

"School doesn't start for another few days, sir."

"Your ill-preparedness will be the death of you, Potter." He leaned a little forward, as to imply that it would be soon.

"It wasn't my fault! My uncle locks all of my schoolbooks up during the summer because he hates magic! He won't even allow anyone to say the 'M-Word' in the house!"

Britomartis interrupted, "Considering the Weasleys had to break you out of a barred window last year, I'm not surprised. Have you been able to do any work at all?"

Harry visibly relaxed. "Oh, I finished the Crete paper a month ago, Professor Vox, that was the easy one. Although I had to type it up on a broken typewriter because my uncle took my parchments and quills away. Hope you don't mind."

"As long as it's done I don't mind if you sing it." She stroked his hair around his face and smiled maternally. "I'll expect to see you in Third-Year Worlds Religions on September third, Mr. Potter, along with your research paper."

"Absolutely, ma'am." He smiled up at her.

Severus sneered. "And I do hope you put more effort into your Potions' essay than you have in trying to avoid looking me in the eye."

Harry stared directly up into his face. "It'll be done, Professor." He turned back to Britomartis. "See you in a few days, ma'am." And he left the shop.

Britomartis smirked at Severus' sour expression. "Frankly, I like this model better than the last generation's."

"He's still got his father's cheek."

"But he does have Lily's eyes. Always was jealous that hers were a prettier green than mine."

Severus slipped her sunglasses down her face. "I've stared into both often enough in my youth - hers were full of pity, but yours were always filled with acceptance."

They gazed into each other's eyes for a long moment ... at least until the shopkeeper's chuckles made them look up and see him grinning.

"What?" Severus asked curtly.

"I was wondering if I'd ever see you two again. Last time you came here, you bought a silver trinket box and she clipped a bit of her hair to put in it. Just good to see it worked out. Carry on."

They looked around in another part of the shop. Severus attempted a more dour expression. "Do we really look like ... ?"

Britomartis dug around in a box labeled 'Trilobite Junk'. "Of course we do. Love changes a person's aura considerably. In your case you're actually smiling more, which is considered a sign of the End Times by most of our students."

"Indeed. Mustn't let them think I've gone soft." He practiced a more intense scowl. "'Mister Longbottom! Recite the seven uses of St. John's Wort in secondary condensation exercises! You don't know? To the rack with you'!" He smiled at her. "How was that?"

"It's turning me on."

"That's not the reaction I had in mind."

"I hope not. I would hate to have to chase Mr. Longbottom away from the door every night."

Severus hit Britomartis in the head with a stuffed toy Fwooper. "Bad witch! Bad! Bad!"

------------------------------

And hello again! Welcome back to the SnS universe where our protagonists are now adults and professors at Hogwarts. (Hope you didn't fall off the Knight Bus with this sudden switch now.)

I must make it clear early that some scenes, conversations, and incidents in this PoA will be slightly different due to Martis' presence (just like in 'Lady of Slytherin', which desperately needs a rewrite). I only do this warning because later on in this story there will be the confrontation at the Shrieking Shack between Snip and Spirals and the remaining Marauders, and it will definitely be from the adults' point-of-view - including some things said that will be scandalous to a trio of thirteen-year-olds.

I will also be including more information related to the history I had written out over the past year, which did not appear in 'Lady of Slytherin'. Some things are going to appear 'off' in relation to LoS 'canon', so don't freak, it's just what I've finally been able to work out.

I promise to remain faithful to the book and not use the movie version, except for the Whomping Willow scene ... and that's only because Lady Rowling had endorsed the 'Snape protecting the kids' scene as a key to his character.

So now - let the games begin!

Tess 


	2. Reconciliation

CHAPTER TWO: "Reconciliation"

-

TO: Britomartis Vox, High Priestess of the Lady of the Labyrinth, Instructor of Worlds Religions, Hogwarts School of Wizardry and Witchcraft

FROM: Eileithyia Perea Rena Atola, Priestess of the Lady of the Labyrinth, Healer of the Temple of the Triune Goddess

Greetings.

There, that's the stuffy formalities. How are you, cousin? I hear precious little from you these days - not like when we were youthful hellraisers trying to freak out our elders. It's been a while since we went out on a tear. Of course, we both have to be proper ladies now. Bleagh.

I don't know if you've heard or not, but I'm the Healer who's been helping your parents. As is appropriate, I make the reports in the classic trilogy - to the Temple, to the patient, and to the loved ones. And considering the circumstances (regarding when NOBODY got ANY owls from you), you will receive this report, even if I have to send it via kamikaze Hippogriff.

The curses on your parents' minds were quite ornate and complex; the cursor was quite the artist, if the term means anything in these circumstances. When you left, the curse was merely in partial abeyance. It took another week for their minds to be completely freed.

Saphira Vox was under restraint for a week after that. Her screams are still bringing me nightmares. It was fortunate that she had been under suicide watch for so long. Eugenius Vox was quieter, but still required a suicide watch. Despite this, he still made at least one attempt. He is recovering from the physical injuries nicely.

Eugenius has gone into Retreat with the Brothers of the Temple and has refused to see his children or grandchildren. He has stated the belief that he is tainted and unfit for human company. Suggestions of using a Memory Charm were rebuffed. As he put it: 'A man should face his sins'. It will take the Brothers a long time to burrow through his self-hate. Needless to say, he has abandoned his post in the Royal Courts, to which the Queen understands completely.

Saphira was all but catatonic after the screaming stopped, having to be force-fed for a short time. She has displayed a degree of the same self-hate, but also a strong desire to locate you. She has refused to go into Retreat, insisting that you be brought to her. She has been sleep-walking, picking up vases and decorations and singing them lullabies. It's rather unnerving.

On a personal note, though, this has begun a long-overdue healing. For a long time, Eugenius and Saphira's treatment of you has been poisoning our whole family. You may have noticed that none of your nieces or nephews have ever stayed the night under their roof, despite family custom . This was deliberate, a sign of the resentment caused by their rejection of you. As has been the fact that few letters are written to them from their offspring and their families from off-island, and their house is seldom guested. They had been aware of this, but due to the curse were incapable of pinpointing the cause. Now that they are aware of it, it adds to their pain.

Now that the circumstances of their behavior are known, the family is coming together again. Rapprochement is being offered to Saphira and Eugenius - who, it is sad to say, are incapable of accepting it at this time. But we hope one day that they will, and the Vox household will be filled with the sounds of children again.

On a side note, no less than twenty of your younger relations have applied to the European Ministry of Magic to become Aurors for the specific cause of hunting down the Death Eaters. It's questionable as to whether they would be accepted, but it's clear that Crete will be very unhealthy for any Dark Wizard for at least two generations.

Now for the purpose of this letter. I and the other Healers agree that Saphira needs to be with you if she is to resolve her self-hate. Ideally, both of your parents would benefit from your presence, but your father is still unwilling to accept help. Saphira's seeking-out of you is a promising sign.

We understand your duties at Hogwarts would prevent you from coming here. Therefore, we are asking permission to send her to you for a time to aid in her spiritual recovery. We will not insist nor demand, but we do plead.

Anticipating your reply,

Your cousin,

Eily

-

The Hogwarts staff meeting took place as usual the day before the students were to arrive. Several of the teachers were sharing photographs and stories of their summer vacations as they waited for the meeting to start, while others shared tea and discussed school issues.

Britomartis and Severus sat at the end of the table, she conversing with the witches around her while he quietly held her hand under the table. Professor Flitwick and Madame Pomfrey smirked and giggled together whenever their eyes rested on the two professors they had known as children.

Headmaster Albus Dumbledore entered the room and took his place at the head of the staff table, pulling his chair up as Professor Sprout handed him a cup and saucer of tea.

"Is everyone here?" he asked.

"Accounted for," Deputy Headmistress Minerva McGonagall stated.

"Good. A few announcements for everyone. First - I suppose you have all heard by now that Sirius Black has escaped from Azkaban - "

Britomartis asked, "I never did hear how he ended up there."

"I'm surprised you haven't heard," McGonagall said. "Considering the events of twelve years ago."

"I was busy raising a family at the time. What did they finally put him in for?"

"The murder of Peter Pettigrew."

Silence. "Somehow, I am not surprised," Britomartis stated. "Did he push his way to the front of the line or had first bagsies all along?"

A few of the teachers hid their smirks, although McGonagall pursed her lips together tight enough to make them turn blue.

Madame Hooch added, "Well, besides the twelve Muggles that were caught in the blast radius, as well as being implicated in the deaths of Lily and James Potter."

"Oh, now that's bad - Muggles are usually innocent, and Lily was a nice girl. So he's escaped now?"

Dumbledore nodded. "And is believed to be heading toward the school for Harry Potter. As a consequence, Dementors will be posted in the countryside - "

Professor Sybill Trelawney stood. "Headmaster - what about the children? The effects of Dementors on innocents ... not to mention my own abilities ... "

"If they approach the school, they will be taken care of immediately," Professor McGonagall said. "We told the Ministry of Magic we will take action if any of the students are in danger of those things."

"Trust the Headmaster, fake," Britomartis snapped at Trelawney.

"My Third-Eye says you are troubled - "

"Take your Third-Eye and shove it where - "

"Ladies!" Professor Flitwick squeaked.

Trelawney scowled. "Top-heavy tramp."

Britomartis scowled back. "Snake-oil saleslady."

"At least I have a legitimate post."

"At least the last Divinations teacher could divine a storm without getting wet."

A glare from McGonagall shut them both up.

Dumbledore continued as if he had not been interrupted: "As a result, we must move cautiously when venturing outside the school grounds. Students will be warned of this as well." He looked down at the parchment he had brought with him. "Now, for faculty requests. Professor Binns' request for a guest speaker to visit the History of Magic class concerning the Martian Invasion of 1881 is granted."

The ghost teacher nodded his head in thanks.

"Mr. Filch's request to sacrifice repeat offender students to demons is denied."

Argus Filch the Caretaker snorted, petting Mrs. Norris' head. "Be a rotten bugger. Kin I at leas' use the manacles and thumb-screws once again?"

"Denied."

Filch grumbled.

Dumbledore continued, "Professor Flitwick's request for students to study the Scabbard of Excalibur in Charms class will be granted."

The small teacher clapped his hands and giggled with glee, almost falling off his stack of books.

"Professor Grubbly-Plank, do you have any requests for your Runes class?"

She puffed on her pipe. "No, dearie."

Dumbledore went back to the list. "Mr. Hagrid's special request to bring in a Manticore for Care of Magical Creatures class is denied."

"Aw, Professor Dumbledore-sir, they won't be much trouble," Hagrid objected.

Britomartis rolled her eyes behind her sunglasses. "Hagrid, you're nine feet tall and built like a keep - of course they're not much trouble for you."

"Martis-love, the kids need ter know what ter do in case they comes across one."

"Run away?"

"Still denied," Dumbledore stated. "Madame Hooch's request for new brooms for Flying class is granted."

"WOO-HOO!" Hooch yelled, jumping up in her seat and pumping her fist in the air. "Thank-YOU, sir!" As she settled back down, she muttered, "About wicked time ... "

"Professor Jocastian's request to bring in a Wizard-Aware Muggle speaker is granted."

"Thank-you, Albus," the Muggle Studies professor said, not looking up as he fiddled with a Walkman.

"Any requests, Professor McGonagall?"

"None, Professor Dumbledore," the Deputy Headmistress answered.

"Madame Pince's request to place locks on the library to keep all students out will be denied."

Madame Pince sniffed indignantly. "Philistine."

He ignored her. "Madame Pomfrey's request to move the hospital wing to the third floor has been denied for this year, but will be reconsidered within two years." He looked up. "Is that all right with you, Poppy?"

"I can live with it. But the infestation of caterpillars needs to be taken care of," Madame Pomfrey stated. "Can't stand those things!"

Severus smirked to himself. When he began recovering after working for the Dark Lord, Pomfrey told him it was all right to be afraid, and even revealed that she was scared of butterflies. He always respected her fear, even when everyone else chided her for it.

"I'll take care of it," Hagrid assured her.

Dumbledore read, "Professor Sinistra's request for a difference-engine-guided telescope is denied."

"Hells-bells," she muttered, flicking back her long black hair with the silver streak.

"Professor Snape's request for the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts is denied."

"Once again," Severus muttered.

"Any requests related to Potions, Severus?"

"I need double the cauldrons budget. Every year the students get more destructive with their backfires - not to mention their laziness in cleaning out the previous experiment which contributes to the backfires."

"Granted, then. Professor Sprout's request to bring in a Casuis-Tree for Herbology is denied. According to Xanthian botanists it causes an outbreak of solicitors."

"That's really bad," Jocastian commented. "I hear those things are the Muggle versions of vampires."

"Professor Trelawney's request for more teacups is granted as usual."

"Thank-you, sir." Trelawney replied.

"Professor Vector's request for Muggle physicist Miguel Alcubierre as guest speaker in Arithmancy classes is denied."

Vector shrugged. "I tried."

"Considering the fiasco that occurred when Professor Penderdandis managed to bring in physicist Albert Einstein - " Severus began.

Pince reached back and rubbed her posterior. "I still feel the pinches."

"Me, too," Sprout added. "Been fifty years. No excuse, especially since I was a student."

"And obviously resulted in a Memory Charm on Mr. Einstein," Dumbledore finished. "As said, denied." He glanced at the paper. "Lastly, Professor Vox's request for her mother to temporarily reside at the school is granted due to special circumstances."

"Thank-you, sir."

"You're going through with it then?" Severus asked.

"She's reaching out this time. I can't deny her that." Britomartis looked up. "But I'm now sure it's not such a good idea with the Dementors running around the area. She's not very stable at the moment and that'll be a beacon for those things."

"I knew that was what was troubling you," Trelawney added.

Britomartis sneered at her.

"She'll be protected within the school grounds," Dumbledore assured his Worlds Religions instructor. "You both need this after all these years."

Britomartis nodded.

"So," Severus intimated to the room at large. "Who IS the new Defense Against the Dark Arts instructor?"

"A former student of ours who was one of the best students in the course when he attended," Dumbledore answered. "In fact, given his history and experience, he is practically perfect for the position."

Britomartis made a rude sound. "Anybody check his background and claims? The last one was a fraud of the highest order and a deviant on the side."

"Oh, I know," Hooch added. "The git wanted my boots. To wear."

"See?" Britomartis complained. "Not to mention Lockhart's offenses against all decency with those 'extra' Valentine's Day activities."

Severus rubbed his temples, groaning. He had at least twenty visits from those love-rats - er, cupids - that day. All sent by silly girl-students whose messages were preceded by the 'cupid' denying any association with images mentioned in the poems.

"He's a decent and honorable man," Dumbledore said. "In fact, the Dark Arts instructor is Remus Lupin."

Teachers present from twenty years ago broke into conversations and exclamations of surprise. Britomartis and Severus sat in silent shock.

"Loopy?" she said.

"Loony," he confirmed.

They looked at each other. Britomartis licked her lip. "Lupin and Black brought back into our lives again."

"At least the other two are dead," Severus murmured. "And these two are just bloodthirsty monsters."

Britomartis knew what he meant: Sirius Black was a mass murderer and Remus Lupin was a werewolf. "If the students are threatened in any way - "

"- Both will be nothing but a red mist," Severus finished.

-

Eileithyia Atola arrived at Hogwarts that evening through the fireplace in Britomartis' office. The cousins hugged each other and commented how good the other looked for their ages and introduced Severus before getting down to business.

"How is she at the moment?" Britomartis asked.

"Ready to see you. She was displaying symptoms of post-partum mood swings - incredible seeing it at her age." Eileithyia clutched her hands. "Are you ready for her?"

Britomartis inhaled deeply. "Send her over."

Eileithyia threw Floo Powder into the fireplace as Britomartis reached back and grasped Severus' hand. He squeezed her hand as tightly.

"I'm going to throw up," Britomartis whispered.

"I'll hold your hair back," Severus offered.

"Lady Saphira?" Eileithyia called. "You can come through now."

A 'zark' followed by a gust of wind and a flapping of clothing, and Saphira shot out from the opening of the fireplace, covered in ashes and soot.

She coughed as Eileithyia helped her up. "I've never traveled by Floo before," Saphira commented. "What an incredible experience - where's my baby?"

"Mother?" Britomartis ventured.

Saphira was a tall, strong woman - even in her early seventies - and managed to pull her equally tall and strong daughter into her arms and lay Britomartis' head over her shoulder. "My darling little baby girl ... perfect ... you got your looks from my side of the family, you know, little one. Going to be quite beautiful as you grow up. How I love and cherish you, my little Martis! My baby, my little baby, I finally get to hold you, never going to let you go, always keep you. Mama's going to take care of you and love you and adore you and cherish you and teach you everything you need to know - "

Despite the years of anger and rage, the clear sound of sincere emotion and true feelings in the woman's words broke through the hard shell she had crafted in her youth, and Britomartis found herself crying as hard as her mother was, the entire process of birth and first bonding squeezed into a moment nearly thirty-four years too late.

Severus, a complete outsider to the drama, silently watched in confusion. The aura of this Saphira Vox was completely different from the one he had seen during the school trip nearly two months ago. It was as if she were a completely different woman -

He realized how different. He remembered nearly fifteen years ago when he first joined staff and Professor Jocastian's wife had their first child ... Saphira's aura was exactly the same as a woman's that had recently given birth. It was most certainly not the aura of a great-great-grandmother.

He felt extremely uncomfortable. The last time he was even remotely held like that was when his mother visited him at St. Mungo's after he tried to commit suicide. After everything he had been through the past twenty years, the simple expression of love of mother to child seemed too pure and innocent for his presence to taint.

Severus moved to leave, only to find Eileithyia's hand on his arm. "I know this doesn't seem like a place for you, but you're going to be the grounding force for both of them."

"What do you mean?"

"I remember what happened while you were on Crete - you kept Martis from slipping into darkness when the memories of her family overwhelmed her. The emotional state of both mother and daughter will be quite fragile; your foundation in reality will keep both balanced."

"I can't do that."

Eileithyia smiled gently. "Yes, you can. Shonsey said you were best for such a thing."

Shonsey - Asphora LaChance - his mentor and counselor when he was a teenager. Still out there somewhere healing children. And the circumstances were essentially reuniting and mother and child who never had each other to begin with. "Shonsey? She's ?"

"Consultant in this case. She recommended you highly for the grounding party." She patted his arm, smiling. "Full confidence, you know."

Severus shifted his eyes to see the mother softly humming a Cretan lullaby while holding Britomartis against her like an infant. The sunglasses had slipped down one ear, exposing her eyes. Without a sound, she mouthed, 'Help me!'

He gazed down to the cousin. "The question would be preventing matricide."

-


	3. Snips, Spirals, and Moony

CHAPTER THREE"Snips, Spirals, and Moony"

Britomartis hurried up the steps from the dungeons to the Great Hall, meeting several students in the antechamber as they came in for the Start-of-Term Feast.

"Are you all all right" she called. "Damned Ministry didn't tell us about the Dementors searching the train until it happened! Miss Parkinson? Mr. Flint? Miss Humphries"

"We're okay, Professor Vox" Elizabeth Humphries sighed. "Massive chocolate was given. Draco wet himself when he saw the Dementors "

"I did NOT" Draco Malfoy exclaimed. "Potter was the one who fainted"

"Yeah, that's why you needed to change your trousers in a hurry."

"Leave him alone, Humphries" Pansy Parkinson barked.

"I beg your pardon, Parkinson, I didn't know he was your property." Elizabeth grinned. "I'll remember to ask your permission before I abuse him."

"Mudblooded freak" Draco muttered.

"Inbred Squib."

"Quiet down, both of you" Britomartis stated. "Go on in and seat yourselves - and Mr. Goyle, straighten that hat."

Britomartis turned back around and descended the stairs back to the dungeons, finding Serverus leaving the Potions Lab.

"Let's get this bloody thing over with" he muttered.

Britomartis stopped him and brushed his hair back from his face. "Promise me you won't turn Lupin into a slug before the students"

"So you wish for me to turn the students into slugs before he is turned into one"

"You know what I mean"

"Any reason"

"It would be bad for the students to see you acting childish." She smoothed wrinkles out of the turquoise gown over her hips, then arranged Snookie-Poo around her neck and over her shoulders. Pushing her sunglasses up, she blew him a kiss. "Time to behave cool and aloof before the children."

Severus held her face and kissed her, probing her mouth with his tongue before releasing her. "Love you, House Mother."

Britomartis giggled. "Love you, House Master."

They pulled their Professor Expressions on and ascended back up the staircase, taking one of the side entrances into the Great Hall and settling in their seats at the Head Table.

They bent their heads close. "Where's your mother" he asked.

"In my rooms. She's sleeping the sleep of post-labor, which means every little sound I make wakes her up and she coddles me like a newborn. I had to draw the line when she offered ... " Britomartis made a face. "Well, nevermind, it's a mother thing "

A body slid into the seat on her other side and she turned to see Remus Lupin next to her.

Britomartis was slightly shocked to see him after twenty years. Last she remembered was a thin, shaggy-haired, pale boy; now next to her was a worn-out man that looked older than his age of mid-thirties. His hair was still ginger-colored, but it was now sprinkled with gray, as was the thin mustache he now sported. Still as pale, with faded blue eyes and a gaunt appearance, plus his suit and robes had been turned many times, looking both old-fashioned and slightly shabby.

"Remus Lupin" she said softly. "A pleasure to see you after all these years."

He studied her for a moment, then his jaw dropped slightly. "Britomartis Vox." He bowed his head slightly. "I'm surprised to see you."

Remus stared at her. His teenage crush on the Slytherin Beater was an open secret to everyone that noticed - she had been the first girl he had noticed by scent and this had lead into nearly two years of an unrequited crush before she had been sent to Beauxbatons.

And she was even more gorgeous as a woman - bobbed ash-blonde hair, dusky skin, with a mature figure of settled womanhood which was wrapped up in a turquoise gown, a purple scholar robe, a large ornate golden belt, a snake wrapped around her shoulders, and the ever-present sunglasses. Not to mention the scent ... the scents of womanhood, nag champa perfume, incense, olive oil ...

And Severus Snape.

She was covered with Snape's scent.

He looked further up the table, seeing her constant companion from back then, now decked out completely in black but still possessing the long greasy black hair and an even more sour expression. "And Snape, also a professor. Potions, right"

Severus nodded, gazing at Remus with loathing. It had been less than twenty years for both; Remus Lupin was a particularly spineless specimen of invertabrae Severus had personally know ... they might have been on civil terms if Lupin had not begged for approval by the Maraudiots and had not stared at Britomartis like a lovesick idiot.

"And what are you teaching, Miss - I mean, Professor Vox"

"Worlds Religions - essentially, ancient magical systems and etiquette."

"That crosses over a bit into DADA, does it not"

"Somewhat; it depends upon the traditions. All of them are still active somewhere, so the students need to know how to deal with them." She glanced at Severus, who was now scowling hard enough to make his lips turn purple. She looked back at Remus, who looked like a good glare would do him in. "All right, boys."

"Beg pardon" both Remus and Severus asked at once.

"We are not teenagers anymore, we are all grown adults."

Both men nodded.

"So, Lupin, that means if you behave yourself you can hang out with the cool professors."

Remus broke into a grin and Severus bit the inside of his cheek to keep from grinning even though he could not hide the smirk.

Madame Hooch, sitting near them, commented"Yeah, just watch out for Hagrid, he'll steal your lunch money."

From the other side, Hagrid exclaimed"I wouldn'a do that! Those were lies"

"Why would students need lunch money now" Remus asked.

"Oh, you know, some like a rich diet" Britomartis answered off-handedly.

Everyone around her groaned just as the students finished filling the Great Hall.

-

Remus Lupin packed what little he had away in his office and inhaled the dusty scents of books and old schoolroom.

There were long stretches of time he spent in this room with Professor McElwain and subsequently Professor Flitwick, soaking up everything he could about defending one's self from the Dark Arts and becoming one of the most notable students to ever pass the class (minus the incident when he accused Snape of being a vampire - but the pieces had seemed to fit).

Now he was on staff as a teacher to a new generation of students ... including James (may he rest in peace) Potter's son.

He was still shaken by meeting Miss Britomartis again, and even more shaken by the fact that her scent still affected him on a primordial level. Damn it, he thought he was over this! They were not teenagers anymore!

But had anyone really had any closure on that subject? The one time he managed to summon enough guts to ask her to one of the dances, she declined on grounds of their groups being rivals. It was never over for him, despite accepting that she had left and he would never see her in this lifetime.

It annoyed Remus to no end that he felt like a fifteen-year-old boy again, feeling the surge of his old crush on her swirling around his brain and stomach.

Of course, that may have been getting used to the mashed turnip once more.

He had no business chasing after her after all these years; it was obvious Snape had claimed her at last. Besides, what did he have to offer her? He could not even afford a decent robe or suit at the moment, much less show anything for the past twenty years save a few more scars here and there.

Concentrate on something else. Like the fact that one of his students will be James and Lily's son ... it was spooky, though, seeing the child on the train, looking like both James and Lily. He remembered visiting them just before they went into hiding and teaching young Harry how to say 'Marauder'.

Now to teach the boy some things he would need to know.

-

Britomartis was assaulted by hugs on all sides by the girls of Slytherin as she entered the hallway to the girls' dorms.

Leading the charge had been Elizabeth Humphries, a Fourth-Year student pet, who had to show off her double-axe henna-tattoo she had painted on her calf and the henna-tattoo snakes writhing around her wrists (all were easily covered up by her under-uniform). Not to mention the streaks of lavender color throughout her blonde hair - 'A hair-color trick I learned from my Grandmum Betty.'

"Yes, yes, I'm happy to see you girls, too" Britomartis laughed as she hugged them. "I missed you over the summer as well. I like the hairstyle, Miss Bulstrode - I often told your mother that she would look good with a permed wave as well. Miss Davis, you've grown two inches taller already"

"We brought the First-Years" Sixth-Year Prefect Deb Lister said as she and Seventh-Year Prefect Arlene Rimmer lead a group of eight eleven-year-old girls up to her.

Britomartis released Daphne Greengrass from a hug and turned to the students. "Good evening, girls. I am Professor Vox, your House Mother and Worlds Religions teacher. This " she hefted the snake up. " - is Snookie-Poo, our house snake. Treat her well, give her mice with drops of brown mustard, and she won't sneak into your bed and strangle you. Usually. As your House Mother, you can come to me for anything you need no matter what time of day or night. General rules - treat each other decently, forget about taking boys into your rooms because the Protection Spells will kick in, keep track of your familiars, and for the Great Mother's sake, don't get caught. Any questions"

Kelly Woot, Sixth-Year, raised her hand. "ANYTHING we need"

"I think I'll regret this - but what is it"

"A night alone with the House Master."

Britomartis rolled her eyes behind her sunglasses. "I'm sure you've been practicing all summer, Miss Woot. Although he's switched his preference to females over twenty."

"Pooh."

The First-Years looked confused as the rest of the girls giggled.

"Anyway, one more announcement: my mother is visiting from Crete. Treat her with respect should you run into her and don't antagonize her, she's meaner than me. Address her as Lady Vox." A few girls blinked. "If there aren't any more questions, then off to bed with you. Be up early for breakfast - you'll get your class schedules then. Good night, ladies."

"Good night, House Mother."

The girls went up to their rooms, exhausted from the train ride and the feast and meeting with friends again. Britomartis made her way across the common room to the House Heads' corridor, finding Severus in the passage by her door.

"Yes" she breathed, wrapping arms around his neck.

Severus kissed her jaw up to her ear. "I already miss you in my rooms. It's going to be very lonely again."

"Persevere, my love." She moved his hair aside and nibbled his ear.

"Keep doing that and the students will have to accept the House Master and Mother have interests outside of scholarly pursuits."

"Can't traumatize them." She leaned back as his lips seared down her throat. "But it's their lookout "

He raised her back up and kissed her deeply and passionately. At last, the kiss finally tapered and he whispered against her lips"Good night, Sexy Knickers."

Britomartis laughed herself sick as they seperated and entered their own rooms. She shut the door, still laughing, pulling her sunglasses off and wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Baby" Saphira said. "What happened"

"Nothing, Saphira - I mean, Mother." She tried to control the giggling. "How are you feeling"

"A little better. Come here and let me hold you, baby."

Britomartis settled on the couch next to her and was wrapped up in the old woman's arms. She wanted to say something, but the feeling of her mother holding her and washing love and protective energies over her choked back any thoughts of interruption.

"I need to name you, my darling child" Saphira said softly, raising Britomartis' face up.

"You don't need to name me now."

"I need to. For the ancestors, for the family, for you ... for me."

Britomartis sat up. "It's too late now. I'm thirty-three "

"Please" Saphira begged, clutching her tightly. "I want to name you! Give you all of your names - the Family Name, the Proper Name, the Physical Name, and the Soul Name"

Britomartis knew the importance of the Amphidromia - the naming ceremony. She had gone through four of them for her children, despite never having a Amphidromia of her own.

After a third of a century, her mother wanted to give her one.

"Yes."

Saphira got up and lit the incense on one of the shelves of the main room, picking up the stick and whirling it around to the four points of the world, murmuring in ancient Minoan and calling upon the elements and the Great Mother.

Britomartis closed her eyes as Saphira traced ancient rune-signs on her forehead with her finger, then smelled the incense as it swirled around her head.

In a strong, cool voice, Saphira stated"Matere Teija, Mother Goddess, I present my child to you. May she grow strong in mind, body, and spirit in your service. May she bring honor to her family - past, present, and future."

Britomartis knew this was an abbreviated version of the Amphidromia ceremony, but still felt tears threatening to spill over her eyelids.

"Allow her to know that she is loved - deeply and unconditionally - by all of her blood. Her names shall be given by her mother ... " Saphira's voice slipped into a warm, personal tone, as opposed to the vocal petition to the Goddess she had just addressed"And I shall name you, my child ... The Family Name of 'Vox': the ancient word of 'voice'. The Proper Name of 'Britomartis': the Goddess of mountains and hunting, known as the 'sweet maiden'. The Physical Name of 'Pandora': the 'all-gifted one', may you be strong and graceful in any action you take. The Soul Name of 'Kairos': the right time and opportunity presenting itself to be captured in full." She held her daughter's face up to her own. "My darling child - Britomartis Pandora Kairos Vox - daughter of my blood, love of my life."

Britomartis broke into tears at last as her mother held her tightly, softly singing an ancient ballad in the quiet of the evening.


	4. First Day Fiasco

CHAPTER FOUR: "First Day Fiasco"

Severus Snape felt a sense of deja vu as he looked around the balustrades and columns and limestone portico, until he realized he was on Crete again. The night sky was filled with thousands upon thousands of stars, while the moonlight softly illuminated the stone and deepened the shadows.

A man was standing at the balustrade, staring across the ocean. Severus noted the man wore the local tunic and cropped trousers, his black curly hair pulled back with a Cretan hair-tie and his profile stood out strongly in shadow. He looked a little familiar, but the Potions Master could not place him.

The man turned. "So, you are the First."

Severus folded his arms. "And you are?"

"The Second." He smiled warmly. "Come stand with me. We have something important in common."

"What do you want?" Severus asked as he cautiously approached the man.

"To help you make her happy."

He narrowed his eyes; without a doubt, he knew the man was speaking of Britomartis. "In what way?"

The man laughed, not in sarcasm or contempt, but sympathy. "In ways that would make you both happy." He grinned. "I know you two never got a chance to consciously find out together, and it's slightly awkward finding out now."

Severus cleared his throat. "That's none of your business."

The man turned his face back to the ocean. "She's quite addictive, you know," he commented softly.

"Yes," Severus agreed.

"And matches her Goddess name as well - one of the most desired women of Crete, Britomartis the Nymph. Because she was an active girl who hunted, many a-man's loins rested on her natural beauty. Even the King couldn't keep his eyes - or hands - off the one in legend."

Severus gazed at the ocean. "It was like that in school as well."

"And yet you managed to keep your virtue intact around such a passionate woman."

"We were children. Too much pain for us to deal with - "

"And other flimsy excuses."

Severus chuckled. "Yes. Flimsy excuses. So succinctly you put it."

"We hardly beat around the bush in this culture. Unless we're teasing the girls." He grinned, looking at Severus. "Swatted her yet?"

"I beg your pardon?" He turned to look back at the man.

"She likes it, you know. Nothing hard, just a little swat across the backside. Makes this delightful squealing sound. Ought to try it sometime."

Severus cleared his throat again. "Why are you here?"

"Because you need a little guidance, my friend. The First usually educates the Second, but due to circumstances, the Second is educating the First. Just how it worked out. I'll see you later."

And Severus Snape awoke.

-

"Mother! This is not necessary!" Britomartis objected early the next morning.

The students of Slytherin were surprised to see their House Mother stalking out of the adults' corridor and into the common room, clad in her nightgown and followed by her mother, who had a towel in hand and a sponge in the other.

"You need your first bath, darling," Saphira stated.

"This is not working!" Britomartis yelled. "I refuse to go that far to help you recover!"

Girl-students giggled, while boy-students tried to imagine their House Mother in a bath, only to be swatted by the girl-students when their leers made it clear that they succeeded.

"WAAAH! MY BABY DOESN'T LOVE ME ANYMORE!" Saphira cried.

"Oh, for the Great Mother's sake, stop that! You're an elderly woman!"

Severus Snape entered, saw the scene of the wailing Saphira, and asked, "What now?"

"Her recovery is involving baths!" Britomartis exclaimed.

"SHE DOESN'T LOVE ME!" Saphira continued to wail.

Severus folded his arms. "So, Professor Vox, why are you twitching?"

"Incredible amounts of guilt due to being accused of not loving her, Professor Snape."

He rolled his dark eyes. "Grant her a compromise."

Britomartis snorted at him, then turned to Saphira. "All right, all right!"

"You will?" Saphira asked hopefully.

Britomartis grinned, then stuck a finger in her mouth and mumbled around it, "No. I wan' HIM to gi' me a bath."

The student body of Slytherin present in the common room broke into laughter, which was immediately shut up by a glare from their House Master, making them decide to head out to breakfast.

Saphira was busy stuttering. "B-b-but, darling - "

Britomartis shook her head wildly, the finger still in her mouth. "Wan' him. He'th nice."

Severus loomed over her. "Stop this at once, Martis, you're too old to have a soft-palate lisp!"

She pouted, pulling the finger out of her mouth. "You're mean!"

He was surprised to find a rolled-up 'Daily Prophet' slapped over his head. He turned to Saphira who was holding it. "May I ask why you're hitting me?"

"Stop scaring my baby!"

He snatched the paper away from her and swatted it over her head several times in rapid succession before giving it back.

She blinked for several seconds, then murmured, "Oh, dear, I'm sorry, Professor Snape. I don't know what came over me. Britomartis, I'm sorry, love. I went too far - you have to understand - "

"I know, Mother. It's just annoying to have it done at my age rather than in infanthood."

"Please tell me when I do it?"

"You won't listen to me. I'll have Severus do it."

He snorted. "I am a House Master, not a babysitter."

"Yes," Britomartis agreed. "I prefer it that way." She turned back to Saphira. "Mother, why don't you write it all down while I teach classes today? You can join me for lunch at the Head Table, all right?"

Saphira nodded, rubbing her forehead. "Yes, yes. I'll go back to our rooms." She wandered back.

Severus' black eyes narrowed and he hissed through his teeth, "What the HELL was that about?"

"What?" Britomartis asked innocently as she rubbed her bare arms. "You don't want to bathe me?" She began to purr. "Dripping water all over my skin and - "

"I didn't say that - "

A squeal made them turn to see one of the Slytherin boys - a Quidditch Chaser - having his fuses blown.

"You didn't hear that, Mr. Montague," Britomartis stated.

He shook his head. "N-no, ma'am!" he choked, stumbling past them in a hurry and through the exit to the dungeons.

"It will be through the entire school in less than ten minutes," Severus muttered.

"I know that," Britomartis said with an impish smile. "It will merely add to the lustre of your reputation as a great lover."

Severus seemed to be taken aback. "When did I get a reputation like that!"

"Well, I hope that money I spent on full-page ads in the 'Daily Prophet' wasn't wasted."

SPANK!

"Eeeek!" she squealed. "Snips!" She leered playfully. "Do it again."

Yes, it did indeed seem she liked to be swatted.

-

At her first class, Britomartis looked over her sunglasses frames at her students.

A pack of Fifth-Years, the Weasley twins among them, were sitting quietly and attentively. Snookie-Poo hung around Britomartis' shoulders, staring at them just as the teacher was.

"Welcome back to Worlds Religions," Britomartis stated. "I trust we will not have any demons interrupting this year, nor will we have people showing up in their underpants and claiming to be sleepwalking."

Several students glanced at the Weasley twins, whom were trying to look innocent. The fake halos over their heads made Britomartis pause and shake her head before she went back to what she was saying: "Since this is Fifth Year, your OWLs will be coming up at the end of the term. Last year's class was vacation - this year the work truly begins." She smirked. "We'll start with a timed essay about the Voodoun practice of using chicken blood in rituals."

"Shouldn't that be in Defense Against the Dark Arts?" Alicia Spinnet asked.

"Why? I'm asking you to write a recipe essay, not ways to kill off the Houngans." She narrowed her eyes, making them look creepier over the sunglass frames. "What does Voodoun have to do with the Dark Arts, anyway, Miss Spinnet? Are you adverse to chickens being sacrificed? If so, then I suggest you take up vegetarianism and go hug the Whomping Willow or some other such Muggle Neo-Pagan nonsense."

"Oh, hells," Fred sighed. "She's ranting again."

"But her ranting is always athletic," George reminded him.

"Yes, I must agree there. Quite hypnotic, too."

The rant continued: "And while we're on the subject of equating Voodoun with Dark Arts, we may as well spread the rumor that all Wizards and Witches get their powers by fornicating with demons - which we know ISN'T true, unless you're a Malfoy."

The class broke into giggles. Even the Slytherins had to hide their smiles.

"Essay starts - now."

Parchments and quills were whipped out and students began writing earnestly.

-

Severus slammed the door open from his office to his classroom, scaring the First-Years half out of their skins. He strode up to his desk and sharply turned around, his black hair whipping around his face. Surveying the class, he felt an internal shudder as he recognized several of the girls (and one boy) swooning from his entrance.

Damn. He wished Minerva and Britomartis had not pointed out that aspect to him on the 'list'. It was unnerving seeing it in eleven-year-olds.

"I expect you to make perfect marks in this class," he droned in his thickest Master-of-the-Dungeons voice. "Otherwise, you will disappear and ... " He paused for effect, lowering his voice even more. " - never be seen again." He gripped the edges of his robe and folded his arms across his chest, sneering down at them. "And despite what you hear, I am not a vampire, so ignore the lack of mirrors and sunlight in the lab." Seeing the students were properly sweating now, he allowed a cold smirk to show. "Smiles, smiles. You're only in the dungeons."

Amused and gratified by the nervous shivering, he began his standard 'Subtle Science and Exact Art' speech. He knew he had their attention and that they would be very alert - absolutely essential qualities in Potions making and alchemy. Which is why he tried to scare them in the first place.

Logical, no?

By the time lunch rolled around, he was just as hungry as the students and was one of the first to sit at the staff table, followed closely by Remus Lupin.

"Accused anyone of being vampires lately?" Severus mocked as he reached for a goblet.

Remus smiled in a serene manner. "That was rather fun, wasn't it?"

"No. I had no idea what you four dunderheads were doing by attacking me with stakes and garlic all a sudden." He swirled the liquid around in his goblet, peering at Remus over the rim. "Although, admittedly, proving otherwise was more amusing." He smirked. "Do you have any ... tomahto juice?"

Remus lowered his eyes. "All right, we were both stupid kids, Snape."

Severus frowned. "Did you think if you had murdered me, you could have gotten close to her?"

Remus suddenly looked up. "What? No! I don't know what you're talking about!"

"Oh, please, Lupin. Your crush on Martis back then was as obvious as your lack of spine." He slowly drank. "However, I'm sure we've abandoned childish crushes these days, correct?"

Remus cleared his throat and replied, "Most of us have, Snape. A lot of us also don't cover up insecurity with being an ass- "

"Good afternoon, Professor Vox," Severus greeted Britomartis as she sat between them.

"Good afternoon, Professor Snape and Professor Lupin," she replied. "Could one of you make room for my mother? She'll be joining us for lunch."

Severus got up and moved a chair away just as Saphira arrived. "Good afternoon, children," she greeted them as she sat. "I see you have a few playmates, honey."

Remus raised an eyebrow and Britomartis explained, "Late-in-Life mother-child bonding. You remember - when Teasey mentioned - "

Remus nodded. "Yeah. Good that it's finally happening, Miss Brit - I mean, Professor Vox."

"Mother," Britomartis said. "This is Remus Lupin. He was part of that group of dorks that bothered Sev and me back in school. He's the Defense Against the Dark Arts instructor this season. Lupin, this is my mother Lady Saphira Vox."

"Pleasure to meet you, madam," Remus said. He liked the mother's scent, almost like the daughter's. For the most part he wished he could turn his sense of smell off, but he may as well stick fireworks up his nose and not be able to smell at all. It was inconvenient at times, but there were times that he could live with it.

Saphira cupped his chin in her hand. "You poor child, you're so pale and sickly. You need to be outside a bit more."

Snape almost smirked. "Perhaps in a nice doghouse? We could chain you up on sunny days, with a dish of water and some leftovers in a bowl - "

"Severus," Britomartis said in a tone that conveyed 'Cut it out', 'Grow up', and 'Not in front of my mother' all at once. To Saphira she said, "Mother, we talked about this, remember? Focus ... "

"Focus ..." Saphira's eyes seemed to adjust. "Oh dear. I am sorry, Professor Lupin. I was warned that the undoing of the Imperius Curse would leave my mind prone to wandering for a time, but that's no excuse."

"The breaking of Imperius Curses are a delicate operation," he replied, glad to be part of a subject he could work with. "The mind is getting readjusted to its usual paths of thinking instead of the forced way the curse had made it. May I ask how long the curse had been in effect?"

"About thirty-four years."

Remus almost choked. That would mean ... at least around the time of Miss Britomartis' conception. "And you're not completely mad! Fascinating!"

"Oh, I never claimed to be sane," Saphira stated unemotionally. "I spent much time after the first breaking of it ... I'm sorry, you don't need to hear about it."

"On the contrary, I would like to discuss it with you. I've never spoken with anyone that had come out of such a long-term Imperius Curse with most of their mind intact. For the most part, anyone - Sorry." He smiled apologetically. "Meals are not the place to discuss shop."

"Indeed," Britomartis agreed as the Great Hall finished filling. "Meals are meant for light discussion concerning gossip, scandal, and the food."

"Which reminds me," Severus said as the food appeared. "I truly regret you and Professor McGonagall showing that 'list' to me."

"The list?" She paused in filling her plate. "Oh, yes, THAT list. Why?"

"It's not only the older students. The First-Years have that look, too!"

Britomartis grinned. "See? I told you! Face it, Snips, you're - "

"No, I don't want to think about it!"

Remus cleared his throat. "What?"

Britomartis turned to Remus, smiling smugly. "Oh, you haven't heard yet, have you? I suppose you might get your own following once you settle in. Severus has his own fangirl base here at the school - "

"Martis!" Severus hissed.

She waved her hand dismissively, her smile becoming even more smug. "It's the whole dark, brooding elegance thing he has going on. A lot of the girl-students think it's romantic."

Remus' mouth fell open.

Severus was a lovely shade of purple from both embarrassment and anger. "Professor Vox, will you kindly shut up?"

She sighed. "Of course, Professor Snape, but being a stud isn't anything to be ashamed about. You just have to learn to live with the primordial force of nature that is the sexual magnetism of Severus Snape. I have." She darted her tongue out, licking her upper lip.

Severus rolled his eyes; she was yanking Lupin's chain and she wanted him to join in. "But it is highly annoying with these bumbling virgins around. Can hardly get any work done when they attempt to do everything from sneaking into my office to offering themselves as 'lab assistants'. Had to bury that last one in the rose gardens."

"Mm. Yes. You do hate being called 'Snapey-Poo'."

Remus finally broke into laughter as their very serious expressions.

"I beg your pardon," Britomartis asked. "But are you feeling well, Professor Lupin?"

"Yes," he coughed. "Just swallowed the wrong way."

Saphira - unable to correspond her adult daughter's conversation with the rebirth processes seeing this same daughter as a year old child - occupied herself with cutting up Britomartis' food.

"And how is your first day going, Professor Lupin?" Britomartis asked.

"Interesting, to say the least." He grinned. "It reminded me of our first DADA class, Snape."

"Yes, Professor McElwain," Severus said. "One of the best instructors to ever grace that post."

"Whatever happened to McElwain?" Britomartis asked.

"No one knows," Severus answered. "He simply ... disappeared."

Unable to resist, both grinned and wiggled their fingers at each other behind Saphira's back. "Meh-steer-ee-us!"

Remus rolled his eyes. "You two really haven't changed, you know." He got a twinkle in his eye. "Incidentally, he is still believed to be alive - they found one of his eyes in Canada two years ago, and it was reasonably fresh." He put a huge forkful of sausage in his mouth. "And the year after he disappeared, they found one and a half of his toes, one in Japan and part of the other in Singapore."

Britomartis shuddered and pushed her food away. "There goes my appetite."

Severus snorted. "It takes more than that to upset my digestion, Lupin."

"Still got one of you. That counts."

Britomartis giggled. "I thought we all grew up?"

"We did," Remus answered. "It's just that now, our initially crude methods have been replaced by subtle one-up-manship."

"Much can be said for applied crudeness," Severus snorted. "I particularly enjoy the memory of Lucius Malfoy in that pink dress after the Cup Match Party."

Britomartis nodded. "Thanks. I still have that photo somewhere."

"I only heard it secondhand from James," Remus said. "And that was because somebody had stapled him to your common room ceiling."

"We cannot claim credit for that," Severus informed him. "We had our own problems at the time."

Britomartis stared thoughtfully into space. "I need to owl Xenia and ask her to send me my childhood album. I think she has it somewhere; it includes that particular picture of Lucy." She glanced at her mother. "Actually, it would be a good idea. Mother, perhaps you'd like to go through my photo album to help you?"

Saphira put the fork and knife down. "Yes, I would. Perhaps that can help me channel these odd notions."

Britomartis looked down at her plate. "Mother, what have you been doing?"

"Cutting your food, darling."

Britomartis used a spoon to scoop up the mashed peas, studying them. "Lessee ... by the way they are mashed and ... " She darted her tongue out. "Lack of seasoning ... I must be at least six months old at this point."

"Four," Saphira said proudly. "All my children switch to solid food quickly. They need the extra nutrition for their exceptional minds and bodies." She ruffled Britomartis' bobbed hair playfully. "Isn't that right, baby-kins?"

Remus cleared his throat and paid attention to his own food, completely ignoring what was going on for Miss Britomartis' sake. Severus' knuckles turned white on the arms of his chair as he tried to suppress the desire to throttle the old woman.

Rubeus Hagrid - sitting not too far away - tactlessly broke into laughter. "Aw, sorry, Martis-love. Dunno what came over me. Jus' motherhood is so beautiful - " He wiped the tears from his eyes with a handkerchief the size of a pillowcase.

Remus had to admire how she managed to hit Hagrid in the eye with a blob of mashed peas with such accuracy. As well as Hagrid's good-natured acceptance of it.

-

Ten essays were returned to her at the end of the day. Hermione Granger had dragged Ron Weasley and Harry Potter with her to turn in theirs early before their first Worlds Religions class and Britomartis had invited the trio to stay for tea.

"I heard your family visited Egypt this summer, Mr. Weasley," Britomartis begun conversationally as she poured tea into clay cups on her desk.

Ron - a handful of non-magically-made baklava in his mouth - nodded mutely.

Britomartis smiled. "While you're processing the baklava, I'll talk with the other two."

Harry blurted, "How bad is it when you blow up your aunt?"

Britomartis had the cup to her lips when asked; after a moment of staring over the rim at him, she placed it down and inquired, "Blown up how?"

"Inflated."

"Oh, that's different. If what little I know about your living family is true, then I'm not surprised or upset. Don't worry about it, Mr. Potter, inflation is a good thing in some cases."

"Well, she did insult my parents ... "

"Then she deserved worse - insulting the dead is about as trashy as one can get."

Hermione interrupted with, "Are we going to go on another Crete Trip next year, Professor?"

"I was thinking upon it. How did your parents take it when you told them of what you did this last trip?"

Hermione became prim and proper. "Nothing untoward concerning the culture happened."

"If I recall, you were wearing traditional Priestess-dress when you have not even been initiated into the Mysteries. That counts as a rather large breach of the culture."

"Oh, that." Hermione thought about it. "Would it help if I grew a little more up there?"

Harry had the decency to blush while Ron almost choked as he swallowed.

"No, it would not. You are not a consecrate, you have not been initiated into the Mysteries. Gentiles can't get into the Temple in Salt Lake City, non-Muslims can't see the Kaaba, and you can't dress in Priestess-garb. Period."

Hermione sighed. "Then what about native clothing?"

"Then that's different. Considering how you've grown by next year, I'm quite sure we can dig up some of my summer clothes from when I was your age." She turned back to Ron. "You need a subject change, Mr. Weasley. Did you like Egypt?"

"Yes, ma'am. It kinda reminded me of Crete in places."

"Crete and Egypt did trade extensively several thousand years ago. I've been there once - I particularly liked the Temple of Hatshepsut."

Ron rolled his eyes. "Fred and George tried to steal the Sphinx. She wasn't pleased."

"Of course she wasn't. She likes her sleep."

After a little more small talk (discovering Hermione had gotten a half-Kneazle cat named Crookshanks who did NOT like Scabbers she did not blame Crookshanks, Scabbers reminded her too much of Peter Pettigrew's rat form - scruffy coat and dull-looking in the eyes), the three students returned to Gryffindor Tower and Britomartis settled back at her desk to look over the research papers.

From Oliver Wood - "A Short Survey of Recent Bull-Leaping History" (After his 'Bull-Leaping by Broomstick' schtick, this should be interesting.)

From Glynis Ryper (graduated) - "Dolphins within Cretan Art and Stories" (Always a favorite subject.)

From Fred Weasley - "Playing Minoan Quidditch, Part One" (She was not surprised.)

From George Weasley - "Playing Minoan Quidditch, Part Two" (She was not surprised by this, either, especially since both twins had large handwriting. At least they were enthusiastic about the potential Quidditch team the youths were starting to put together on the island.)

From Elizabeth Humphries - "A Day in the Life of a Junior-Priestess" (Quite accurate. Probably got Ophelia to blab - most outsiders were not privy to a lot of the Mysteries.)

From Ginny Weasley - "Native Magical Creatures of Crete" (A good cross-section of study. Pity she did not meet any of the Wild-Elves in the interior of the island.)

From Draco Malfoy - "Architecture in Knossos" (Admittedly, the Malfoys did have a sense of style, from art to architecture, and she was pleased Draco found something he liked.)

From Ron Weasley - "The Culinary Delights of Crete" (She wondered if young Mr. Weasley would become a food writer; he was at the right age to tell quality in his quantity.)

From Harry Potter - "Minoan Temples - From Caves to the Palace" (A good sense of atmosphere in his writing; Mr. Potter seemed quite in tune with the energies of ancient magic.)

And from Hermione Granger - "Socio-Religious Comparisons of Muggle England, Wizarding Scotland, and Wizarding Crete, with Accompanying Desridata" (Nice girl, but she had to learn not to use a ten-Galleon word where a one-knut word would suffice. Britomartis was going to need a thesaurus to read this one. Not to mention extra time - three feet longer than required, with tiny handwriting.)

Well, time to start grading.


	5. RolePlaying and Injuries

CHAPTER FIVE: "Role-playing and Injuries"

Draco Malfoy - age thirteen, self-proclaimed Prince of Slytherin House, son of Lord Lucius Malfoy (Lord of what was not remembered, but the title was kept), and sworn enemy of Harry Potter - woke up early and dressed quickly. He had many things to do today, and it would be best for him to perform it himself.

He heard his House Mother talking loudly in the Common Room, and he lurked in the shadows on the staircase to the boys' dorms. Peeking around, he saw her dive-bombing under one of the couches.

"GOTCHA! You drooling piece of - !" She sat up, picking up one of the monster books Hagrid had assigned to his Care of Magical Creatures class. Managing to pin the mouth-flaps shut, she pressed it to her chest and ran her hand up and down the spine of the book which stopped struggling in her grip. After it quieted, she wrapped a belt around it.

"Second book that tried to eat Snookie-Poo," she sighed, placing it on one of the tables.

Draco fully stepped out of the stairway, tossing back his head to make his bangs fall into his eyes. "Good morning, House Mother. Having trouble with the local wildlife?"

"Good morning, Mr. Malfoy," she returned. "Slightly. Hagrid doesn't seem to understand that most students have never even heard of the Monster Book of Monsters, let alone know how to care for them." She settled into an armchair and he gracefully plopped down onto a couch. "Have a good summer?"

"Minus having to hang around with Mudbloods and Weasleys for the first few weeks, not too bad at all." He picked up a quill someone had left on the cocktail table. "My family went to Germany for a short holiday, which was relaxing." He twirled the quill in his fingers. "I heard you and Snape spent the rest of the summer here ... "

"And what are you driving at, Mr. Malfoy?" she asked bemusedly. "That we can't afford holidays on our teaching salaries?"

"Not at all. Just ... do be careful that none of the others known about your torrid little affair."

Britomartis shook her head. "Mr. Malfoy, you may be the only person who doesn't know that everyone knows, and the only one that cares." She smirked. "Besides, you may want to ask your mother of her early plans for you being betrothed to a Vox-Snape girl."

Draco's nose wrinkled up into a very similar expression of disgust like his mother's and he stated, "Yes, and she would probably have Snape's looks and your barbarism."

"Then we agree on something - we do not want to be related."

"Indeed! I'm going to have to speak to Mother about this!"

As Draco got up and huffed away, Britomartis smirked to herself. If young Draco Malfoy were not such a Little Nazi, she would have been proud to call him a son-in-law.

If she and Severus had not been pulled apart and had continued growing together and had produced their own offspring ...

No 'what-ifs'.

A curious game had developed in the Slytherin common room that first few weeks, and by the time Britomartis and Severus had noted it, the game had been firmly entrenched in the free-time of Slytherin's students Years Two through Seven.

Elizabeth Humphries was the ringleader. During her first few years in the Wizarding world, she had collected all of the 1970's published volumes (six of the planned seven) of the 'Larry Pothead' series by Carmen A.G. Almloving, and had developed a type of storytelling game based on a Muggle fantasy game she said her parents had taught her.

She had called it 'The Larry Pothead Role-Playing Game'.

The game itself was simple enough - a group creates characters based on the world of Larry Pothead. They could be wizards, hippies, or shadow government agents - characters that have appeared in the series. There was a main storyteller who created an outline of an adventure for these characters to go through, and the other students would 'play' their characters in these adventures.

Ms. Almloving had not been heard of since 1978, when the sixth book - 'Larry Pothead and the Tie-Dyed Prints' - had been published in the Wizarding world. Hence, book seven had not been released and no one knew the fate of the boy-wizard living among hippies or Da Man and his Shadow Agents that were chasing him. The emergence of this tribute game to the successful books from the seventies was a sign that Carmen A.G. Almloving's world had captured the imagination of another generation of young witches and wizards.

It was odd hearing the House Mother choke when one of the students proclaimed, "We need to get the 'Tie-Dyed Prints' to the Big Kahuna!"

"But wait!" Elizabeth - the Peace Mistress - stated. "There are five Shadow Agents before you, and all of them have ... guns."

The students listening to the role-play gasped.

"Rose and Hyacinth!" a player called." You're witches - take care of them with your magic!"

"Good call - Moonbeam, you're the hippie!" another added. "Use the 'Bong of Secrets' to put them out, too!"

Britomartis recognized the reference to the second Larry Pothead book title - it was the last birthday present she had given Severus when they attended together.

Elizabeth stated, "One of the Shadow Agents has pulled off his sunglasses and says 'You can't defeat my Muggle Onion and Garlic Italian Lunch Breath'!"

"Argh!" another cried, referencing the fifth book's title. "The 'Odor is Furious'!"

"Argh!" another added, referencing the fourth book's title. "My 'Gab is on Fire', man!"

Elizabeth shook her head, making a final sweeping announcement involving the third book's title: "Too late - the Hippie Guru Dogstar has become the 'Prisoner of Da Man'."

"OH NO!"

Severus snorted, having moved himself near the group while they were busy playing. "I suppose," he stated in a deadly-soft voice. "That you children having all this free-time to play means you have done your homework?"

Elizabeth looked up, followed by half of Pansy's gang and several boys. They quickly gathered their character sheets, quills, inkpots, and Larry Pothead books, and vacated the couches where they were playing.

Britomartis raised an eyebrow. "Professor Snape, was that truly necessary? Perhaps juggling scalpels while singing nursery rhymes would have a better effect?"

"Nonsense," Severus answered. "I never learned nursery rhymes."

"Granted." She smirked. "Have you heard what happened today in Professor Lupin's class?"

He approached one of the large glass windows looking into the greenish murkiness of the lake. "I am as disinterested in his teaching as I am in his lack of backbone."

Britomartis settled on the other side of the glass frame, gazing across at him. "Mr. Longbottom's boggart was you."

Severus' lip curled. "Amusing."

"And his use of the Ridikkulus spell resulted in the boggart-you wearing his grandmother's clothes - including a vulture hat."

He frowned. "Not amusing."

"Not really - the description given was not-so-sexy, either."

Severus traced his lips with a fingertip. "I truly have gone too soft. Time to instill more respect for my authority. Perhaps a few severed heads around the Potions Lab ... "

Britomartis leaned across to him and leered. "I love it when you talk dirty."

Saphira rushed into the common room and gathered Martis up in her arms. "My little adorable girl! We need to put you in your dresses soon - "

"How old are you now?" Severus asked.

Britomartis answered, "According to her, I'm only two-years-old. The rate seems to be a year a week, so I should be fully grown by mid-April."

Severus raised an eyebrow. "Lady Saphira, focus yourself, woman."

Saphira blinked a few times, then closed her eyes and knotted her brows. She still held Britomartis. "I'm really trying, Professor Snape, but I HAVE to work through this."

"At least we glossed over potty-training," Britomartis commented.

"By a very narrow margin," Saphira said. "How narrow you'll never know."

"And I don't want to," Severus grunted.

"I promise not to be like this when we have children, darling," Britomartis stated.

He cleared his throat and exited the room before he was forced to reply.

Britomartis ran down the staircases from her classroom and into the hospital wing, her purple scholar-cape billowing behind her.

"Where is he, Poppy?" she asked the head nurse.

Madame Pomfrey smirked. "Young Mr. Malfoy is perfectly healed and working properly. The total aftermath of the hippogriff 'attack' was a mere flesh wound. Anything else is histrionics on his part."

"Considering who raised him, I'm not surprised." The House Mother sighed. "And how's Hagrid taking this?"

"Not well. He blames himself, of course."

"Of course; the poor man had been blamed for student deaths over fifty years ago."

"They were not his fault - "

"No, but he was made the scapegoat." Britomartis swept over to the bed holding Draco Malfoy who watched her through his long blond lashes and made sure to turn up the angst of horrendous pain as she approached. "You needn't gain my attention through these methods, Mr. Malfoy. I'm here, anyway."

Draco paused in his moans and looked up at her. "I am injured - "

"You're all healed up, Mr. Malfoy. And - from personal experience - if your arm really was properly sliced by a hippogriff, you wouldn't be grabbing it and rolling around. You'd hold it close, and you definitely would not be putting any pressure on the upper-arm because of the nerve endings being inflamed. And you would be holding the lower arm close because you would be afraid of dropping it and losing it." She pulled up her sleeve, showing a faint white scar that went completely around her left elbow. "So stop whining. It makes you look even more infantile, childish, cowardly, and wretched than your father."

He stared up at her with wide gray eyes, then leaned back in the bed and narrowed his eyes again. "Traumatic response."

"Nice try, but Mr. Crabbe, Mr. Goyle, and Miss Parkinson told me of what happened. The amazing part of your little fiasco was that your skull hadn't been ripped open, because most hippogriffs go for the face." She sat in the chair next to his bed and arranged her sleeve back to normal.

Draco stared at the ceiling. "So why are you here, then?"

"As your House Mother, it is my duty. Because students being hurt scares me."

"My father will hear about this," he insisted. "I'll get that ugly sot sacked - "

"Nothing ever pleases you, does it, Mr. Malfoy?" she asked plainly. "You complained about Kettleburn, you complained about Hagrid, you complain about every single teacher in this school for some reason or another. What is your standard of measurement?"

"I really didn't want to come here, Professor Vox," Draco informed her. "I wanted to go to Durmstrang, but Mummy wouldn't let me."

Britomartis smirked. "According to your mother, attending this 'cess-pit' builds character." She folded her arms. "Well, you're stuck with us until you graduate, Mr. Malfoy, so you may as well make the most of it. Although I do have a question in my head."

"Be careful, it's in a strange empty place."

"I'll ignore the insult - any particular reason you don't like me, or is it just because your parents don't?"

He smirked. "Does it matter so much to you?"

"Merely curiosity. If it's because your parents say you have to, then you have little mind of your own."

He pursed his lips together, appearing quite pouty and even more babyish, then replied, "You're not true Slytherin. You act more like a Gryffindor than a Slytherin - you've fined us points and don't cut us any breaks like Snape."

"I am not Professor Snape. He believes Slytherins should automatically do what is right in for the good of the House's reputation because it is inborn. I, on the other hand, am more realistic and know children better than that. Overlooking bullying and performing favoritism makes my stomach turn, even back when I was a student here. There is no excuse to allow spoiled children to run the asylum. If you were a true Slytherin, you would know that in your blood."

Draco sulked. "I still hate you."

"Good. Keeps you alert." She pulled a brace of papers out of one of the pockets of her gown and began grading. "I have another question."

"Good God, woman."

"Why do you ham up your injuries? Any particular reason? Is it for the attention or that you like pain?"

"Your voice makes my head hurt. Good night." He lay his head back and closed his eyes.

"I understand," she carefully stated. "That your mother dotes upon you to the point of distraction. It is quite obvious from the amounts of sweets sent to you every day as well as the letters asking after you - "

"Those letters are reminders to uphold family honor."

Britomartis raised an eyebrow, not even looking up from her grading. "Not even a simple 'I love you, my child'?"

She felt his aura shrink and tense from her question, while he gasped softly and rolled his head away. Automatically, the papers were set down and she was on his bed, her hand caressing his face and finding tears dripping down one temple.

"Oh, honey ... "

"Go away, Professor."

"I'm sorry - "

"Just ... go away."

"Do you really want me to?"

He answered her with silence and one of his hands discreetly clutching hers tightly.

Britomartis had no idea that she would someday be comforting the child of Narcissa Black and Lucius Malfoy, much less his reactions confirming what sort of parents both turned out to be infuriating her. She knew both would be bloody terrible, even when they were teenagers, but seeing the result desperately wanting emotional attention but denying he wanted it at all tore her heart out.

She allowed Draco to silently cry himself to sleep.


	6. Revenge of the Malfoys

CHAPTER SIX: "Revenge of the Malfoys"

It was a Friday morning in late September when Professor Britomartis Vox entered her classroom in a frilly, beribboned pink baby doll dress and sporting a headful of crazy blonde spring-curls. Having Snookie-Poo - who was obviously irritated by the lace collar - casually draped about her shoulders did not help matters.

Her snarl made everyone shut up.

"The first person to even SNIGGER," she stated severely. "Will be fined one hundred points and will serve THREE detentions with Filch!"

The students stared down at their desks, save for Ron Weasley who slid down his chair and crawled across the floor and out of the classroom, running halfway down the corridor before he finally allowed himself to break into laughter as he dove inside one of Filch's broom cupboards.

"Surprised he didn't explode," Hermione sneered as she suddenly appeared next to Harry.

Draco Malfoy arrived in class with his arm bandaged up and hanging from a sling, looking as pathetic as he could muster. Pansy Parkinson pushed her seat partner off her chair and offered the now-empty chair to Draco.

Britomartis stared over her sunglasses at the display. "Are you quite settled in by being unfashionably late, Mr. Malfoy?"

He looked up at her, saw the baby-girl dress, and broke into high-pitched, barking laughter. Pansy, Crabbe, and Goyle tried shushing him, but Draco continued to chortle.

"What sort of statement are you making in the outfit, Professor? You're way too old for such costumes, especially with your figure."

Britomartis rolled her eyes and settled behind her desk, dipping her raven quill into the ink jar and writing as she spoke, "A pity I have to take one hundred points from my own House for Mr. Malfoy's sudden outburst of rude commentary."

The Slytherins became silent while the Gryffindors smirked quietly.

Britomartis looked up to the pole-axed Draco. "For being hell-bent on following formality, Mr. Malfoy, breaking into laughter at your teacher's attire shows poor taste indeed ... and a disregard for formality."

"I'm not myself, Professor," he answered faintly. "My injuries ... they've made me confused ..."

She peered over her sunglass frames at him. She was tempted to carry on the argument with him, but she realized that was how she thought back when she was her class' age. Besides, she did have a class to run, even if she was dressed like that annoying Muggle child actor Shirley Temple.

"We'll discuss it later, Mr. Malfoy. Children - today we are going to take notes on the healing practices of the Ixchel and how they can be applied to human physiology ... " She gave Draco a sweet smile. Mr. Malfoy, you may take your notes with your left hand, since that one is not injured -"

"Ma'am!"

"You have made it clear that your right hand is unusable. Since you are an honorable Slytherin who would not fake an injury, take all notes with your left hand."

Draco opened his mouth, his red face making it clear that the next words would not be gentlemanly.

In a tone suitable for welding steel, Professor Vox added, "And stop interrupting me or I will have you in a matching dress and send you down to Filch's office to serve your punishment."

Evidently the image of Draco Malfoy clad in a little girl's pink dress and appearing in Filch's dungeon office while saying 'I'm here for my punishment, sir.' did not sit well with the class, and there were moans of "I want a Memory Charm!" bandied about.

Ron returned and saw Hermione claimed his chair. "Welcome back, Mr. Weasley," Britomartis stated sharply. "Please find a seat."

Draco sulked.

This was how Britomartis taught classes all that Friday, as she had discovered her mother had placed a special charm on the 'proper toddler clothes' to keep her from taking them off until Saphira herself had deemed it all right. It was humiliating, insofar as she had used a similar charm to keep her own brood from running around _au natural_ during their toddler years as well.

She did not join the staff for lunch or dinner, as her attire was both silly and distracting - especially since a few of the more outspoken male students had expressed how much LARGER her chest looked in this outfit. It had been years since she attempted to kick at anyone while wearing Mary Janes, but she had to remember that she was a Professor and not a student.

Severus did not take the change of attire well. In fact, he took it worse than the wearer: "I had planned on asking you to walk the rose gardens with me this evening and perhaps indulge in some recreational activities ... but your current appearance is so off-putting, I may never have the desire for such activities again."

Britomartis frowned as she paced up and down in his private rooms after dinner. "The only good thing I can pick out of that is that little girls do not turn you on."

"Yes. I do believe the girl-students will be disappointed in that respect. Shall I attempt to lift the charm?"

She paused and shook her head, making the curls bounce. "I'm quite sure she has some other spell attached to it to vaporize any males from doing so. I did."

"I would be worried if she didn't. How much longer did you say?"

"The toddler years should be over by my birthday." She gazed up at him. "I AM turning thirty-four, aren't I?"

"Yes. Thirty-four going on four." He gave a low chuckle. "Perhaps you should be called 'Miss Malfoy', then?"

"Bite your tongue!" Britomartis grabbed handfuls of curls and groaned. "I can't stand this! I know she has to reweave me into her life, but not like this! I've a mind to toss her back through the Floo!"

"And why don't you?" Severus asked as he played with the buttons on his sleeve.

She turned back to him, yanking her sunglasses off and her eyes filling with liquid. "Because whenever she says 'I love you, my baby' I still break into tears and want to be held ... " She threw her sunglasses on the side table next to his sofa and plopped into the dark cushions, making the puffy ruffled skirt fly up and settle around her. She placed her face in her hands and began to do breathing exercises to calm down.

Severus bit his lip. "Shall I speak with her?"

"No, you can't hex her, darling."

"I can speak to offensive people without hexing them."

The banging on the door nearly made both jump out of their skins (Severus in life-long nervousness of loud noises and Britomartis out of plain surprise); the door flinging open to reveal Lucius Malfoy put both on the defensive.

Lucius took in the sight of Britomartis in the little girl dress and curly wig with pink bows, raised an eyebrow, and commented, "Snape, I thought you would have better taste in selecting her costumes for your perverse sex-games -"

"Oh, get that broom out of your ass, Lucy, someone needs the kindling," Britomartis growled. "What the bloody Avernus do you want now?"

"I've come here in regards to my son being attacked by a wild creature, of course." Lucius stepped into the room and looked around with disdain at the spartanly furnished quarters of the Slytherin House Master. "Really, Snape, you should not have gotten rid of Penderdandis' artworks -"

Severus scowled. "He took them with him when he ran off with Miss Price, Malfoy. Why come to the House Master in particular instead of the Headmaster?"

"He probably thinks we'd allow him to take part in a threesome like he wanted all those years ago," Britomartis piped up.

"Silence, wench," Lucius intimated, moving toward her and pointing the head of his snake-cane at her throat. "In fact, I have a particular desire to speak with you, as your neglect in my child's safety -"

Britomartis stood up and stared directly back into his face. "Neglect, Malfoy?"

"Shouldn't have said that," Severus muttered under his breath as he discreetly excused himself to make tea.

"NE-glect, Vox," Lucius repeated for emphasis. "Neglect in protecting my child from an obviously dangerous animal -"

"I've no idea what tales he's been telling you, but that child provoked a beast without just cause. Hagrid had a firm control over that hippogriff before Draco approached it in a threatening manner -"

"Are you," Lucius seethed through his teeth. "Calling my child - a Malfoy - a Liar?"

She stared up at him, unwavering. "Facts cannot be disputed - especially since there are some forty other witnesses who all relate the same incident the same way, including several Slytherins."

The cane head poked up under her chin as his cold blue eyes stared back into her blazing green. "Liar."

Britomartis clutched the cane head and pulled it away from her face. "Prove it." Her eyes narrowed. "And just remember before you whip your little wand out - that I alone know what you did last summer involving your own child. You have no RIGHT to attack my caretaking of Draco."

"Then you prove THAT."

"Gladly. I'm sure once the psychiatrists at St. Mungo's dig around in Draco's head, they'll find residue left over from a Dark Arts' possession with your fingerprints all over it."

The blue veins in Lucius' pale face stood out in stark contrast to his skin; he was now silent for the first time since he entered the room.

Severus appeared again, his arms folded as he levelly gazed at the two. "Lucius, may I suggest you go to the source of the problem related to your son - the hippogriff? Perhaps you could ... I don't know ... punish it for hurting young Draco?"

Lucius turned away from Britomartis and gazed at Severus. "Executing that beast would be a suitable punishment - it would certainly punish that teacup-brained oversized dust-mop who brought it on school grounds. An excellent suggestion, Snape!"

"Pleased to be of service."

Britomartis opened her mouth, but Severus raised his hand.

The blonde man swept around to face the House Master, smoothing nonexistent wrinkles out of his cape. "Excuse me, Severus, but I must ... visit with Draco before I meet with that idiot Dumbledore."

"Fancy that," Britomartis lilted. "Your child is injured and the first thing you do is tear into someone who had nothing to do with it instead of talking with your child. Of course, I expect a Malfoy to actually eat their young rather than love them."

Lucius turned back around to face her -

And Britomartis used every fiber of her being to not break down into laughter, as somehow a tattoo of a toilet seat had manifested itself on his forehead.

"Love has nothing to do with raising heirs, Vox. That was probably where you went wrong. Good night."

With that, Lucius Malfoy swept out of the House Master's chambers, slamming the door behind him.

Britomartis finally fell to the floor in laughter, clutching her sides and tears streaming down her face. "SNIPS!" she gasped.

Severus pushed his wand back down in his sleeve with his wrist. "Yes? Is aught amiss, my Martis?"

"You PRANKED Lucy!"

"I did no such thing. Anyone could have placed that tattoo on his head, including himself in a fleeting moment of honesty."

She sat back down. "But what about the hippogriff? Why did you tell him to punish it?"

He sat next to her, brushing a wild spring-curl from her face. "Because, my strangely-dressed love, I know Malfoy well enough that he will spend his energy going through the legalities to rub the Headmaster and Hagrid's faces in it. And the Wizarding legal system has slowed down tremendously since we were in school - this will take the better part of a year for him to bring it to court, and the red tape alone will keep him occupied ..."

"Meaning," she finished in realization. "That Lucy will be too busy to try to resurrect Voldemort this year!"

Severus visibly winced at the use of the Dark Lord's name. "Exactly. After these last two attempts, I dread to think of what his third would be. Best to either delay it or distract him. He has MUCH more free time now that he has been ousted from the board of governors."

Britomartis tackled him in a hug and giggled. "I'm quite sure Hagrid will find a way out for his hippogriff - meanwhile, let's listen to Lucy scream for our blood when Draco tells him about the tattoo."

He smirked, gently untangling himself from her. Damn, but the little girl look was REALLY a turn-off. He desperately needed to talk to Saphira about this.

Strangely, the screams never came.


	7. Fall Festival Shenanigans

CHAPTER SEVEN: "Fall Festival Shenanigans"

The Fall Festival started off with part of the Professor Vox Storm Troopers (as the Fifth-Year and older Gryffindor boys called themselves) demonstrating the prototype of the newly developed Minoan Quidditch, using an enchanted walnut for a Snitch, a borrowed Quaffle, and two nasty-tempered bulls in place of the Cretan aurochs (which had replaced the Bludgers in the Minoan version).

Harry Potter, Fred and George Weasley, and Oliver Wood were using the rougher Minoan Quidditch to help them refine their flying, as this version of the game placed a twenty foot ceiling restriction on the players, plus the threat of being gored kept the game quite interesting. The Beaters were now the Teasers, as they now had to keep the attention of the bull/auroch off of their teammates by slapping it in the snout and have it chase them instead.

Professor Britomartis Vox and Severus Snape sat in their traditional places on the sidelines of the festival and watched the students play games and eat treats.

"Still not quite authentic," Britomartis commented as she pushed down the skirt of her turquoise sundress as it fluttered in the wind. "The twenty foot ceiling is still dangerous with a real auroch on the pitch."

"As we both know from experience, Gryffindors have less intellect than a used tea-bag," Severus commented. "We should not expect them to do anything correctly." He leaned close and gently drew a long finger over her bare shoulder. "This dress is much more suitable than yesterday's."

"Mother is allowing me to wear the traditional child's tunic from home rather than that European monstosity of lace and taffeta."

He raised an eyebrow. "How did she find one in your size?"

"I told her it was the tunic, but it's really a dress. What is even more telling is her finding that baby-doll dress in my size!" She thunked the flat area of her chest just below the base of her throat. "I doubt they make the real ones in E-cups! If they do, I want to hunt down the manufacturers - and their customers - and feed them to Lethifolds!"

"I prefer not to think of such things, Spirals. It ruins the appetite."

"Quite right." She looked around. "Here we are once again, on the outskirts of a festival and people-watching. What can be said this time?"

"Besides the fact that Mr. Finch-Fletchley of Hufflepuff has been staring obsessively at your E-cups for the last ten minutes - without blinking?"

"Oh?" Britomartis glanced around the festival from behind her sunglasses. "Oh, there he is - over by the Merging Tarot table. Yes, the dribble on his chin is quite familiar-looking in most young boys that notice the first time."

"Do you think he will damage his eyeballs? He really should blink occasionally."

"I'm reminded of an old Chinese fable of a martial arts master who burned a hole in a fortress wall by staring at it."

"Then you're definitely in danger. I should dump water on you to keep you from combusting."

Britomartis giggled. "Getting this dress wet? Poor Finch-Fletchley will die of testosterone poisoning. Or a stroke."

"Too good for the common folk," Severus agreed. "Excuse me a moment, dear."

Severus got up and stalked over to Justin Finch-Fletchley, his dark robes billowing around him and bringing darkness to the golden warmth of the autumn. After a moment of talking towards the boy, he returned to his seat next to Britomartis while Justin turned away and clutched the table next to him.

"What did you say to him?" she asked in alarm.

"I asked him if there was any problem." A puzzled expression crossed his face. "And the boy answered in this voice too deep for his age: 'Of course not, Professor'." Severus narrowed his eyes. "Then I told him it was impolite to stare at proper witches while thinking smutty thoughts. He seemed to have gone faint after that."

"Did you also threaten to hex a mouth inside his underpants like you did to Pettigrew once?"

"No. I had forgotten about that." He allowed his wand to slip down his sleeve.

She pushed it back up. "Then what did you say?"

"Nothing at all. Gods, woman, you are suspicious."

"I also know you. Tell me."

"No. And I have changed considerably since we were younger."

Britomartis poked his shoulder. "Bother."

Severus raised an eyebrow. "Not in front of the children, Professor. They may get the idea we are human."

"Oh. Mustn't have that."

Severus peered across the grounds, looking for a subject change. "At least the aural energy around here will keep the Dementors at bay. Still, the Headmaster's memo was correct in warning us to be ready to defend the students."

"I hate those things." She rubbed her shoulders. "One measily mass murderer and they drag out those horrors."

"I rather liked the idea of Sillyass Prat being drained by those things the last twelve years ... it gave me a warm feeling at night until you arrived."

Britomartis smirked. "I'm sure it did."

"But you're more cuddly."

She broke into laughter. "Snips, you really should listen to yourself sometime, it's hilarious hearing you say these things while you're projecting your 'evil potions master' persona!"

"If you don't want me to say anything, then tell me to be silent." Severus raised an eyebrow. "They are things I wanted to say twenty years ago, you know."

"Yes. And don't stop saying them." She laced her fingers into his at their sides. "Oh, look, there's our Little Lord Malfoy now, pretending to be horribly injured and letting Miss Parkinson dote on him."

"He does bring shame to Slytherin by such childish actions." He paused. "We never did have a raving mad Lucius screaming at us last night, did we?"

"No." She paused. "Wouldn't Draco have told him about the tattoo?"

"The Headmaster surely would have ... "

"Perhaps neither didn't?"

The chortles of laughter that blasted from the direction of the Slytherin House Master and House Mother made several students break out into sweat and edge away from that particular section of the festival.

"You know ... " Britomartis began after the laughter died down. "After our pranks working out beautifully, I always wanted to kiss you."

"Since you were eleven?"

"Since just before I turned thirteen, actually." She smirked. "Mind if I claim one?"

"In front of the children?"

"We're not the center of attention."

"Oh, very well ... "

Their faces pressed close, lips seeking the other's ...

Saphira plopped down behind them and passed a package between their faces. "I'm trying awfully hard not to vaporize you right now, Professor Snape."

"Many people have said that," he returned as he pulled away. "What is your reason?"

"I see an adult male being WAY too close to my toddler child - what do you think?"

"I once set a man on fire for the same reason," Severus answered. "But the child really was three and not thirty-three."

"That's why I'm restraining myself."

Britomartis sighed and finally accepted the package. "What's this, mother?"

"The owl just delivered it - it's from Xenia."

The Worlds Religions professor grinned and quickly unwrapped the package. "My childhood photo album! I'm so glad Xenia kept it." She looked up. "Snips, this contains many pictures of a silly little girl-child that happened to have my name. You may want to wander off."

Severus allowed a smirk to curl his lips. "I'll leave long enough for ice cream."

"Yes, do that," Saphira agreed readily.

"Usual, love?" Severus asked Britomartis.

"Yes. Want any ice cream, mother?"

"Strawberry, please." She leaned across and gazed expectantly at the album.

"Two strawberries, then," Severus stated as he wandered into the festival.

"You like strawberry?" mother and daughter asked the other.

Britomartis immediately opened the album and began sharing the first few years of her life with her mother.

Professor Remus Lupin remembered Fall Festivals past as he walked the grounds of Hogwarts and the festival itself. He, James, Sirius, and Peter would run around, torment Snape, flirt with Vox, devour all the cinnamon funnel cakes made, and challenge everyone and their sister in the games.

Seeing Severus Snape carrying ice cream cones brought back distinct memories of when Britomartis Vox attended and the two Slytherins ate nothing but ice cream during the festivals. However, Snape being his dark Potions Master self made the ice cream run rather ludicrous looking in this age.

His eyes followed the dark figure and finally rested on Miss Britomartis accepting her ice cream from Snape and quickly attacking it with her tongue.

Remus halted abruptly and outright stared at her as she drew her tongue delicately across the pink ice cream, shaping the softness with her mouth. The tip of her tongue darted across the top, then swirled around the upper part before withdrawing. Her mouth enclosed the top portion of the creamy mass and slurped it up, drawing a whine from his throat.

He was quite aware he was not the only one being mesmerized - he heard at least three teenage boys whining and it was obvious Snape stopped breathing a minute ago.

Remus checked himself. Of course she was unaware of what she was doing - she was concentrating on some album with her mother and just licking the ice cream, not noticing the effect it had on the males around her. It was a product of filthy minds, nothing more.

Then Snape turned around ... and saw him.

Severus now had every right at his disposal to hex Loony Lupin into a grease stain.

As he got up and marched over to the DADA instructor, he felt a small measure of satisfaction as Lupin went even paler than usual and began coughing. It pleased him to no end with the images flittering through his mind with ways to humiliate the lone Marauder.

"Drooling on your shirt at your age, Lupin?" Severus asked, slowly pronouncing every syllable.

Remus' mouth fell into a nervous smile. "You know the problem as well as I, Severus."

"Indeed. One cannot forget almost being eaten alive by a scruffy-looking mass of drool and bad breath." He narrowed his eyes even further and began walking. "Incidentially, have you heard about the wolfsbane potion - "

"Yes," Remus quickly replied as he dashed to walk alongside him. "I've been studying it quite closely - "

"The full moon is within a few days, Lupin. Have you mastered at least First-Year potion-making enough to brew it?"

"Unfortunately, no, and you know better than I that the brewing of wolfsbane potion is beyond even the capability of a fully-accredited Seventh-Year." Remus smirked. "It may even be beyond you."

"Indeed." Severus paused before the Skeet Shooting booth. "If I should ... assist you by brewing and administering this potion as the Headmaster suggested, will you stop staring at Professor Vox like a lust-struck pillock?"

Remus stared at him. "Did I ever - in the years we attended - do ANYTHING to Miss Britomartis like the rest of them did?"

"You never tried to stop them, either, Lupin." He scowled and glanced at the Skeet Shooting booth. "Shall we finish that game from twenty years ago? Played honestly, this time, without that dullard Pettigrew squeaking like a stepped-on Puffskein?"

"I was judge, not player, Severus."

"You're the last Marauder; karma carries ever onward. Or are you still trying to make an alibi for yourself?"

Remus shrugged, his nervous smile growing. "I accept. Carnival wands. If I win, you stop accusing me of wanting to hump Miss Britomartis' leg."

"If I win, you stop thinking it."

Both men stepped up to the Skeet booth, the students parting and watching as their Professors picked up the birch game-wands. They brought their wands up and formally bowed, then spun and faced the thirty by forty backdrop.

(At least one upperclass Slytherin girl moaned from her House Master whipping his hair around ... surely he must have SOME idea of what effect he had on them!)

Skeets - small frogs with green butterfly wings - began dancing across the backdrop and the Professors began shooting by wand.

Within two minutes, the students around them grew in number and divided themselves into Lupin versus Snape camps, cheering on their Professors. It did not occur to anyone why Snape ended up with most all of the Sixth and Seventh-Year girls squealing in delight whenever he hit a Skeet.

Meanwhile, the energy patterns changed, and the Dementors felt it.

The air felt chill, and Britomartis looked up from the album as she rubbed her shoulders.

The aural patterns over the festival had changed considerably. Less than a half hour ago the patterns were blue and purple with red and pink streaks denoting happiness and excitement; now the colors were grayish-red, the aural patterns of competition.

She gazed up into the sky, peering past the visual world and gazing into the energies of the air ...

And saw Dementors swirling restlessly at the edges of the school grounds, gathering numbers as the aural patterns beckoned them for feeding.

"Great Mother ... "

Within two seconds, she had cast a loudness charm on herself and yelled, "STUDENTS - PLEASE GO BACK TO THE CASTLE! DEMENTORS ARE MASSING TOWARD THE FESTIVAL! STUDENTS - PLEASE RETURN TO THE CASTLE IMMEDIATELY IN AN ORDERLY MANNER!"

The faculty broke into command and began escorting students back into the school. Others - Dumbledore, Flitwick, and McGonagall - peered into the distance to see the first whisps of Dementors swooping down into school grounds; the teachers pulled their wands out, ready to battle and cover the escaping children.

Britomartis took away the loudness charm and pushed her mother toward the castle. "Get in, get in! You don't want to be sucked on by those things!"

"But what are - ?"

"Guardians from Azkaban - I'll explain later. Get in, HURRY!"

"I can't leave you - !"

"Mother, I'm a bloody adult and an instructor here - I HAVE to protect the children!"

Saphira dashed off, following the students back into the school. Britomartis turned around and saw the still competing Remus and Severus.

She ran over to them. "WILL YOU STOP THIS? There are DEMENTORS about to attack the students!"

Both men snapped out of their game, looking up to see the first Dementor heading toward them.

Severus dropped his game-wand and released his ebony wand into his hand while Remus tried to retrieve his from inside his robe.

"EXPECTO PATRONUM!" Severus yelled.

The Dementor spiraling toward them was blasted away by the Potions Master's Patronus - a silver raven in full attack.

Remus finally pulled his own wand out and released his own Patronus at the Dementors making their way toward the last few students running into the school, just as Flitwick, Dumbledore, and McGonagall did the same.

The Dementors scattered to the four winds, leaving the Professors and Headmaster gasping for breath.

"What attracted their attention?" Dumbledore wondered aloud.

"I wonder ... " McGonagall murmured as she gazed at Remus and Severus over her rectangular glasses. Britomartis raised a disapproving eyebrow as well.

The two younger Professors gazed at the ground in guilt.


	8. Toddling

CHAPTER EIGHT: "Toddling"

The last time Albus Dumbledore had these two individuals before him in his office, it was just over fifteen years ago when Severus had decided to split ties with him for the charade of infiltrating the Death Eaters by instigating a dangerous incident involving Remus' werewolf curse and having the Headmaster punish him instead of the Marauders.

Now both individuals - in their mid-thirties and professors, yet - stood before him again.

"I had expected the rivalry between you two to have died by now," Dumbledore commented.

Severus Snape snorted. "A friendly competition, sir. Right ... Lupin?"

Remus Lupin coughed and nodded. "We did not expect the Dementors to be attracted by our activity."

"I'm afraid it wasn't the activity itself, Remus, but your states of mind in your competition. Dementors are attracted to instability and lack of control, and the rivalry between you two has always been subject to one or the other. As a result, students were placed in unnecessary danger and the Ministry of Law Enforcement is investigating the incident. We are also receiving owls from concerned parents."

Remus buckled first. "I'm so sorry, sir. We didn't mean to put any of the children in danger. I just wanted to humiliate this ponce - "

"Get on with the punishment," Severus remarked. "It was a stupid act on our parts." Out the corner of his mouth, he muttered, "Leg-humper."

"Nancy-boy," Remus retorted under his breath.

"Licker of your own - "

Dumbledore's shock showed in his voice: "Pro-FESSORS!"

Both retreated, scowling at each other. Dumbledore felt like rubbing his temples; indeed, nothing had changed. He wondered when Britomartis was going to be dragged into this, since practically everyone alive (and dead) at the time knew about the potential love triangle that could have developed at any moment.

After all, he had straightened out the 'Sexy Knickers Incident' when Remus had sent the cursed note to Britomartis that one year.

He gazed at them over his half-moon lenses. "I suggest, Severus, that you make it up to Remus by brewing the Wolfsbane potion - "

Severus' mouth dropped open.

" - And Remus, you make it up to Severus by allowing him to substitute for you when you are 'incapacitated' during your time of the month."

Remus' mouth dropped as well.

Dumbledore slightly glared. "Otherwise, I will put you both on academic probation and suspend your pay until the following term."

Severus closed his eyes, accepting the terms. Remus nodded.

Dumbledore's face softened. "Good. Remus, you are dismissed. I will see you at dinner."

Remus bowed his head slightly and said, "Thank you, sir," before leaving.

Severus stared down at his adopted father. "Yes?"

"Was it really to keep up appearances, son?" Dumbledore asked as he leaned back in his chair.

"Partially. You do know I 'never forget', sir. Especially after 'almost being killed'."

"I am aware - "

"I believe that this is between Professor Lupin and myself, sir. Things had not been ... worked out properly."

Dumbledore's gaze remained steady. "In regards to Martis?"

Severus' aura became cooler. "Perhaps."

Dumbledore decided to let go of his questioning. "Please remember to not even accidentally pull the children into it."

"I am aware, sir. Good evening."

Severus returned to Slytherin House - weary, contrite - and was faced with a common room full of ... rather prideful faces.

He set his shoulders back and gazed at his charges with a scowl.

Finally, Quidditch Captain Marcus Flint stepped forward and said, "We all know you won the game, Professor. You creamed that scruffy scarecrow."

"Like any crow would be scared of him," Draco Malfoy added.

Heads nodded and several giggled nastily. A few of the older girls blushed as they stared at their House Master.

Elizabeth Humphries noticed the blushing Professor Snape Estrogen Brigade, smirked, and added, "Yeah, we all paid attention to how you handled your wand, sir."

The blush was now accompanied by choked giggles, as well as glares from other Housemates.

Severus narrowed his eyes even further at the purple-streaked blonde girl. "I suppose you will notice how to clean the windows of the common room, Miss Humphries, for such commentary ... ?"

Draco, Crabbe, and Goyle made faces, pointed, and chuckled at her.

Elizabeth sighed. "I'll never 'get' being a Slytherin. Why such a 'Mudblood' as myself got sorted into this inbred snake-pit is beyond me - "

Severus sensed a fight about to break out and was not in the mood to deal with one at the moment. "I daresay it is usually the Muggle-borns that are the most dangerous out of the lot of us," he remarked. "They have the most to prove and the least to lose." He glared at the rest of the audience. "Something you Pureblooded children should keep in mind when making enemies."

The students were stunned silent, including Draco and his goons.

Elizabeth grinned. "I'll go wash the windows now, sir, like a good little Evil Mistress."

"Proper attitude," Severus approved. "Proper ... attitude."

He swept his way to his rooms and closed the door, finally collapsing in his writing desk chair and staring at his parchment and quills.

Finally picking up a quill and dipping it in the inkpot, he impulsively scratched out a note to Martis.

The competition between Professors Snape and Lupin was still hotly debated that night in the Great Hall, with the Slytherins claiming their House Master was ahead, and various other students claiming the DADA instructor being ahead.

McGonagall had Britomartis seated with her that evening.

"I want you to put your foot down in regards to those two."

Britomartis gave her a puzzled expression. "I beg your pardon, Minerva, but what are you talking about?"

"Severus and Remus! They're STILL at it after all these years!" McGonagall sniffed. "I would greatly appreciate it if you would decide on one or the other so things - "

"One or the other?" Britomartis repeated. "Minerva - you have a dirty mind!"

The Transfigurations instructor waved her hand sharply. "Yes, I suppose that's why both started this nonsense once again by acting like a pair of alpha tom-cats trying to gain the attention of a she-cat in heat - "

Britomartis giggled. "Are you seriously suggesting that both are trying to gain my attention, even though I am clearly involved with Severus and - "

McGonagall pursed her lips. "This is what I see, Martis. I will NOT have Professors in my school involved in a love triangle - it will interfere with teaching."

Britomartis nodded. "I'll see what I can do about it." She snickered. "You honestly think Lupin is trying to compete with Severus!"

"Thinking and knowing are completely different."

Saphira watched as the students bid each other good night in the common room after coming in from dinner.

The energy of the children seemed ... fearful, predatory, depressed, lonely, angry.

Intellectually, she processed this as the environment that her youngest daughter had spent the first few years of her European magical training in. While the other twelve had been sorted into Ravenclaw (and all of them with rather cheery personalities save for Adonia, whom she had not seen since she left the family when she turned eighteen), Britomartis had been sorted into Slytherin.

For the past month of her stay, she thought about the connection of these Dark Wizards that had wanted her youngest daughter to be solitary and devoid of parental love, so that they could take her for their own plans. From evening discussions with both Britomartis and Professor Snape, Saphira had gathered that the Potions Master during the 1970's was the one who was supposed to recruit her when she got older.

After all, if a child is denied love and attention, they seek it elsewhere, from whomever offers it. Professor Snape recalled his happier childhood memories were assisting Professor Sartoris and being praised by him.

Saphira thanked the Great Mother that her older children had raised their youngest sister, and taught her everything about love and family and what she needed to be the fiercely loving mother-figure to others. So that when she arrived at Hogwarts, she carried the anger and sorrow of being without parents, but she was able to fight off the attentions of these Dark Wizards by being honorable, loyal, and loving.

And being empathetic and generous enough to reach out to a young Severus Snape, whom was also part of the passel of children meant for Darkness, but had reclaimed parts of his humanity with Britomartis leading the way.

She had carried the photo album with her all evening, and now opened it again, finding a photograph of her daughter when she had first entered the school -

The day she left for Hogwarts, turning around to face the camera; sporting knee-length hair and dark sunglasses, she made a rude gesture at the camera that universally meant 'kiss my butt' toward the island itself.

Probably meant for Saphira ...

She flipped back a few pages to an earlier part of Britomartis' life and watched the wizarding photographs of her four-year-old baby girl toddling around in the family compound and hauling a stuffed dolphin toy behind her.

She had to write Xenia and Tassos concerning the raising of her youngest.

Britomartis made sure her mother was asleep later on that night, and she slipped out of her rooms and through the common room, making her way silently through the halls and out to the rose gardens of Hogwarts.

Pulling her spiral-print cloak close, she waited in the waxing moonlight as she gazed across the gardens.

She remembered that the spot near the yellow rose hedge was where Igor Karkaroff had attempted to rape her ... and not too far away was the central court where Severus had started to summon the Dark Angels to kill Karkaroff for the attempt ... and in the middle of that court was where he was hit by the silencing charms to keep him from commanding those beings and she ran to him ...

She remembered that Yule Ball night vividly - every dance, every song, every gaze, and every word - from the horror of nearly being raped by Karkaroff to the pleasure of dancing with Severus for the first time before all and sundry, this place held her raw memories better than any album could hope to do so.

She felt a hand press against her back, moving up and caressing her bobbed hair. An arm wrapped around her waist and a body hugged her from behind.

"Imagine," Severus breathed against her ear as his long fingers brushed the hair away from it. "Sneaking out like we were students again."

Britomartis smirked. "Our sneaking out was much more innocent back then."

Severus chuckled. "Physically innocent, anyway." He kissed down her neck. "Gods, I miss this ... "

"Snips?"

"Hm?"

"Why are you competing with Remus Lupin?"

He paused, his mouth against her throat, then pulled away. "Why bring that up?"

"Minerva seems to be under the impression that you and Lupin are competing for my attentions."

"Minerva was never the most observant person. It's obvious that you're not paying him any attention at all."

"Then why wave your sticks at each other?"

He stepped away and turned to the night. Even in the night, he could feel the Light from her, like sunlight on his soul.

Severus explained: "I have ... unsettled matters ... from those days. Matters that my own soul will not let me drop until resolution is found. The Marauders - and Remus Lupin - are one such matter."

"Half of them are dead, my love. One is nearly destroyed. The last is nothing more than a brittle shell."

Severus turned to gaze at her, his liquid black eyes glistening in the moonlight. "I recall brittle shells being healed by loving women ... especially when there seemed to be nothing left to be healed." He lowered his face and stared at his hands. "Yes, I'm selfish. I've always been selfish concerning you. You were always MY healer, MY angel, MY Martis. No one else is allowed to absorb your Light."

"You fear I'll leave you for him?"

"Fear, yes. Not you, but him taking you away. Professor Jocastian once commented that all men are afraid of their women being taken away by someone better than them."

Britomartis approached him, wrapping her arms around his thin body. "No one is better than you, dearest."

Severus chuckled harshly. "I can hardly see why not - I know I'm bitter and damaged and selfish - "

"You're also loyal, loving, and good, despite what you believe about yourself."

He turned in her arms and brushed his lips against hers. "I still want you all to myself - no werewolves need apply."

"None will - "

A beam from a powerful lantern fell on them, and both shielded their eyes.

"What the devil are you doing, Mr. Filch?" Severus snarled.

The castle caretaker sniffed, lowering the beam of the lantern. "Thought I 'eard voices out 'ere."

"It was us, you potted idiot."

"I doubt you're a couple of boys who haven't dropped your stones yet," Filch cackled, then leered. "Or else 'Snips and Spirals' are off on another bloody mad rampage?"

Britomartis feigned innocence. "Never proved it was us."

Severus added, perfectly serious: "In any case, we still have several alibis we haven't used yet."

Filch grinned smugly, placing the lantern on a bench. "I still have my file on you two."

Severus folded his arms. "Rest assured, Mr. Filch, we've grown out - "

"I know you have, Snape, but I'm still not sure 'bout her."

Britomartis snorted. "Weren't you looking for someone?"

"Yes I was," Filch agreed, finally catching the hint. He picked up his lantern and added, "Nighty-night."

Filch and his lantern ambled away, leaving the Professors alone in the rose gardens once again. Britomartis embraced Severus again and whispered, "Want to make some happier memories in this place, my Dark Prince?"

Severus began kissing her throat again. "Miss July, how forward of you."

She giggled, her fingers reaching for the buttons of his frock coat ...

And a sound neither had heard for ages announced itself - unceremoniously, without preamble, and with a note of happiness:

"Baa!"

Severus and Britomartis turned their heads and gazed upon the inflatable sheep they had not seen in years.

"LAMBCHOP!" they cried at once.

The Professors looked at each other, back to Lambchop, then back to each other again, and proclaimed in unison: "Bloody hell."

They gazed back at the inflatable sheep as she wagged her tail.

"Why are you showing up now?" Severus asked.

Britomartis sighed, "Things are going to get very weird again, aren't they?"

With a snort of disdain, Lambchop turned her back on them and, flipping her tail up, toddled off into the bushes.


	9. Return of THE Box

CHAPTER NINE: "The Return of THE Box"

Fred and George Weasley had broken into Filch's office dozens of times during their five years of attending Hogwarts. It was quite simple, since Filch could hardly use any magic expect the automatic type that had been installed by other members of staff. Hence, such old spells could be tweaked by the duo.

So, the morning of October fifth, the twins had broken into the caretaker's office once again, looking for something that would make an interesting and nostalgic present for their Worlds Religions teacher.

"According to Filch's records and the map, dear twin, the good stuff should be in here." Fred raised his wand toward the empty wall.

George looked at the map. "The word for today, my brother, is 'tequila'."

"Wasn't that the word last week?"

"Yes, but don't pronounce it that way."

Fred shrugged. "Shame, I thought singing 'ta-KEE-lah!' was fun." He giggled and incanted the password. The empty wall dissolved before them and they walked into a vault filled with odd items and mysterious boxes. They looked around the room.

"George, dear chap, we are in heaven."

"Fred, old boy, the Muggles were right about that place."

As they rifled through the items, Something awoke.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Severus immediately recognized the midnight Dreamscape as the balcony of the Vox family house and decided to wait at the white limestone balustrade; he watched the dolphins break the ocean surface, scatting moonbeams with their wake.

"You're here first," the Cretan man commented as he appeared.

"You enter my dreams," Severus replied. "Damned few are able."

"Only because you finally allowed me to, First One." He sat on the balustrade and looked up at him. "You've always made her happy."

"Have I?" Severus snorted, folding his arms.

"It's true."

"Will you please leave?"

"No." The man tied his sandal-knot a little better. "You see, First One, the unity of parent and child needs your grounding influence, especially for her. She needs to feel womanly."

"I'm not following."

"Meaning that once she gets caught up with parent-child bonding, it's a little difficult to pull her back to 'womanliness' due to her hyper-focus on that particular issue."

Severus frowned. "The dresses aren't helping."

"Neither was her running around with dishrags and dirty diapers." He grinned. "I'm proud of you for dragging her out for that evening, she needed it."

"I seek no one's approval for what she and I do."

"That's how I feel about it - doesn't mean you have to like it." He became serious. "There's something troubling you in relation to the thought of children."

Severus turned to him sharply, his face a mask of quiet fury. "Get out of my head."

"I know about that Dark Wizard ... " Severus remained silent, and the man continued, "Even though she never told me herself, she dreamed and spoke in her sleep of facing a wizard threatening to take her children. I had watched and waited and none came for the little ones."

"They merely killed all of you."

"Considering the enemy, it was fortunate we were killed rather than the children taken by these individuals and be allowed to live in their Darkness."

Severus smiled grimly. "Yes ... fortunate. It nearly killed her soul as well."

The man got up and paced across the balcony, his hands held behind his back. "Nobody likes the cards they were dealt, First One. I accepted the hand I was given and enjoyed it while I could." He glanced back at Severus. "Believe it or not, you have a few cards hidden up your sleeve that you forgot about. Of course, it may take you a little while to find them, and then finding ways to never EVER show them to your opponents."

"Indeed."

He cracked a smile. "Indeedy." He turned full around and grinned. "Now, First One, tonight's piece of advice is to bite the inside of her wrist. It would make a nice birthday gift, correct?"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Britomartis entered her Fifth-Year Worlds Religions class on her birthday and was surprised to find her desk covered with flowers.

"Good thing I'm not allergic," she commented. She glanced around the room. "I'm afraid to find out, but where are Frick and Frack this time?"

Several students lowered their faces, hiding grins. Others rolled their eyes and waited.

Britomartis snorted. "Fine. They will be marked tardy - "

The Weasley twins strolled into the room, clad in Cretan male ceremonial garb (belted up tunics and sandals), and ritually bowed before her. Fred pulled a scroll from his tunic while George bowed again to Britomartis as he handed her a wrapped package.

"A-hem," Fred announced. "To commemorate the day of your birth, Professor Vox, we have composed this poem to express our admiration of you."

"Oh, Great Mother."

The twins stood together, grinned, and broke into spoken song:

_"Your eyes as green as mold,_

_your words are just as bold._

_Your hair the color of straw,_

_longer and we'll be in awe._

_For a middle-aged lady,_

_you're a hot-looking baby - "_

_ZARK!_

The rest of the class politely applauded as the pair of highly decorative but quiet wrought iron candleholders stood in place of the Weasley twins.

Britomartis slipped her wand back inside her robe and held up the package. "This better be either coffee or chocolate, or Gryffindor loses ten points for not properly bribing me."

The Gryffindors groaned as everyone curiously watched her open the package.

Behind the paper, Britomartis was startled to find an apparently empty jar labeled 'Invisible Marbles' with Filch's scraggly handwriting on a tag attached to the lid: _'Collected from a prank performed by Britomartis Vox against the Gryffindor Quidditch Team, 1975 - not to be placed under the Snips and Spirals files due to Vox acting of own accord.'_

Attached to this tag was: 'Happy Birthday, "Spirals" From: Frick and Frack'

She silently cussed them out for breaking into Filch's office and stealing incriminating evidence against her (even if it was almost twenty years old), then placed the semi-wrapped jar inside her desk. "Gryffindor spared. Now, shall we start today's lesson?"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Harry Potter often identified with the hero of Muggle author Douglas Adams' book 'Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy'. He understood how Arthur Dent felt COMPLETELY out of his element by being plunked into a whole world he knew nothing about and that he seemed rather important in odd ways to this bizarre world.

As he saw it, he was minding his own business in his History of Magic class when suddenly, a loud THUNK sounded right besides him.

This resulted in Ron Weasley waking up and several students to turn around, even though Professor Binns was still droning on about wizards during the Bronze Age.

Harry had no idea what to make of the object that somehow materialized next to him. It appeared to be a rather large packing crate covered in old runes, odd pictures, and strange sayings:

'Do not open Box.'

'Do not wave wands at Box in a threatening manner.'

'Do not wave wands at Box in a friendly manner.'

'Do not feed the Box after midnight.'

'Do not bleed on the Box.'

'Do not sit on the Box.'

'Do not abandon the Box.'

'Do not throw the Box in the lake.'

'The Box knows who's been naughty and who's been nice.'

'Do not taunt the Box.'

Harry turned to look at Ron. "Huh?"

Ron shrugged.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Britomartis transfigured the twins back to their normal selves, and the Weasleys gazed around her office as she shut the door.

"Well, gentlemen," she began. "How did you get that jar?"

"Nicked it from Filch's office," Fred answered, helping himself to the small Cretan vase filled with Cornish Pixie Stix. "He keeps all the really neat stuff in the vault."

"The vault?" she asked.

"Yeah," George added, plopping into the chair in front of her desk. "Y'see, Filch has this idea that some pranks are quite dangerous if another student gets a hold of them."

"Oh." Britomartis grinned. "How awful."

"Especially for us," Fred agreed. "Considering all the really decent prank items were created by two groups back in the seventies."

George continued, "A group known only as the Marauders and a group known only as Snips and Spirals."

Fred picked up, "We figured you were 'Spirals' because your own Quidditch poster called you 'Backbeat Spirals', and the items corresponded to your time of attendance."

George smirked. "Now who's 'Snips'?"

"None of your business," she replied, getting behind her desk and sitting down. "That was back when I was a foolish child who had too much energy and too much anger for my own good."

Both boys grinned. "Ma'am," George commented. "I'll say it again - a pity you are not twenty years younger."

"Yes, I'm sure your mother appreciates your romantic devotions to a middle-aged woman, anyway."

Fred choked on his Pixie Stik.

"Well," George began as he leaned forward. "We are the few people who know about the files of Snips and Spirals."

"Takes up a cabinet larger than ours," Fred added.

"And it's filled with less than three years' worth of pranks."

"Noted as the most brilliant within the past century."

"We know you're Spirals."

"And we want to know who's Snips."

"Why?" Britomartis finally asked.

Both bowed their heads and arms down to her. "So we may pay homage to the TRUE Masters of Chaos!"

Britomartis rubbed her temples. "Get out. I will not be party to your crude Gryffindor ideas of humor."

"Crude?" Fred repeated. "I have you know, Professor, we are top quality pranksters of the highest order!"

Britomartis gazed at them over her sunglasses frames, and allowed Snookie-Poo to crawl up her arm and across her shoulders. "Yes, how utterly ... elegant and stylish are your bad-word-writing sparklers."

"We're not quite capable of the Sham-Speak Spell yet, even with something as simple as the word 'crotch'."

The dung-eating grins were the last things she saw of the twins as they quickly backed out and left her office.

Britomartis turned and stared at Snookie-Poo. "That really was Snips' idea, not mine, you know."

Snookie-Poo flickered her tongue out and politely nodded.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Everyone in Gryffindor and Hufflepuff had to carefully move around the packing crate that had planted itself between their tables during lunch.

As soon as Severus and Britomartis entered the Great Hall, everyone at the staff table turned their heads towards them.

"It's - back," McGonagall stated through clenched teeth.

They blinked.

"I beg your pardon, Professor?" Britomartis asked. "But what is?"

Severus' eyes widened as he gazed across the Great Hall. "Martis!" he whispered, touching her arm.

She turned as well and her jaw dropped. "Our Box!"

An old familiar music sting rang out: 'Dun-dun-DUN!'

This silenced the student body. Severus and Britomartis studied the object in question, and she finally said, "What's it doing out here? I thought Filch confiscated it?"

"He did," Dumbledore answered. "But ... somebody had released it."

Her brow furrowed. "So, why ... Oh ... Great Mother ... "

Severus nodded. "'Karma carries ever onward', Professor. It seems - since Potter is the spiritual descendent of the Drooling Quartet - that our ... project ... has targeted him."

Madame Hooch smirked. "Round two begins - five galleons says that the boy starts ranting about Father Christmas being after him!"

Down the table, the ever-prim Professor Sinistra called, "Covered!"

Remus crossed his arms and lowered his head to the table, giggling quietly to himself.

Severus excused himself and, stoic as ever, managed to make it to the boys' lavatory before dissolving in laughter.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Harry and Ron ran through the Gryffindor common room, raced up the stairs to the dorms, dashed into their room, and slammed the door shut.

"Hey," Dean Thomas asked. "What's going on?"

"That packing crate is following Harry!" Ron replied, plopping onto his bed.

"Well it can't get in here," Neville Longbottom assured them. "It's bigger than the entry, isn't it?"

"Is it?" Ron asked.

Harry shrugged. "I don't know, but I don't like it chasing me."

Ron grabbed a Fizzing Whizbee from his bedside table and devoured it. "Maybe Sirius Black sent it after you, Harry?"

Seamus Finnigan laughed. "Why would a mass murderer send a box after Potter?" He smirked. "Besides, according to my aunt - who's working on the Sirius Black hunt - it isn't his style to play with his prey. Just blast them into nasty little gooey red smears."

"But he's been wanting to get at Harry for twelve years," Ron reminded him. "He's gone nutters!"

"He was nutter to start with," Seamus countered. "Stable types don't blow up entire streets of people at random - as a general rule."

"All right," Dean stated. "So, how did he get a packing crate past the Dementors? The Dark Arts on it would have set them off."

Ron threw his hands in the air as he began floating from his candy. "I don't know! ASK him!"

Neville shivered. "We WILL be safe, right? I mean ... if he makes it into Gryffindor Tower and tries to kill Harry - "

"SHUT UP!" Harry cried.

"Maybe Sirius Black's inside the box?" Seamus suggested.

Everyone threw shoes or textbooks at him.

A knock sounded on the door and a headful of frizzy brown hair appeared. "Is it safe to come in, or are you boys too busy entertaining each other with bodily noises again?"

Dean laughed and pulled Neville and Seamus with him on his way out. "We're just leaving, Granger, you can go ahead and torment Ron and Harry with your Potions notes."

The boys filed out and Hermione entered the dorm room. "That ... thing ... is sitting in the middle of the common room now."

Ron tumbled in the air. "How the bloody hell did it get inside?"

"I don't know - yet. The Fat Lady says this is the second time she's seen this box."

"Second?" Harry asked as he sat on his bed. "What do you mean?"

Hermione made herself comfortable in one of the chairs. "Evidently, nineteen years ago near Christmas, this Box roamed the school, chasing after four boys from Gryffindor. It was made in retaliation by two Slytherins."

"How do you know that?" Ron asked snidely.

"I talked to Professor McGonagall about it." Hermione sneered back at him, then turned to the other boy. "Harry, this Box was first sent after your father, Sirius Black, Professor Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew."

"My ... father?" Harry repeated. "What did he do to get two Slytherins to send that thing after him?"

"According to McGonagall, your father and his friends were tormenting these Slytherins constantly - "

"Whose side is McGonagall on?" Ron asked. "Slytherins ask for it!"

"AND," Hermione continued, ignoring Ron's interruption. "It had followed your father and his friends around for several days."

"Well," Harry said. "How do we get rid of it?"

"We have to open it."

"But those warnings say not to - " Harry began.

Hermione wrinkled her brow. "There's something else that McGonagall said, something that doesn't make sense."

"What?" Ron asked.

"The Slytherins who created the Box - they were Professor Vox and Professor Snape."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Happy birthday," Severus said as he handed Britomartis a package.

"Ooh, birthday presents in the Conversation Room again!" she giggled, taking the package and unwrapping it. She held up the dusky orange coin purse covered with stylized gold spirals and scissors. "Oh ... Snips!"

"Just like the one I gave you years ago," he confirmed. "Considering how we're ... together again ... and things hadn't changed that much in that regard ... "

"Things have," she argued. "For one thing, I can do this without you objecting - "

She performed a certain action that always made him yelp: "Eek!"

She pulled back, giggling. "Mother just celebrated my fifth birthday today - she gave me a load of clay-bead necklaces and a stuffed octopus toy."

"I beg your pardon - a stuffed octopus?"

"It's a common toy for the children to carry around. Dolphins, octopi, hippocampi - and winged-horses and bulls and snakes, of course. Animals that are common on Crete that aren't scary looking. Although my brother Kyros had a hideous Chimaera toy that scared me to death ... "

Severus raised her hand to his face and kissed her palm. "Back to us, Spirals. Were there any particular gifts that you wanted when we celebrated your birthday all those years ago?"

She smiled, her olive cheeks blushing in the lantern light. "Actually ... do you remember my thirteenth birthday when we were holed up here with the coffee and chocolate?"

"That was when the vision of our Box appeared." His pale cheeks colored as well as he continued to brush butterfly kisses over her palm. "And your 'caffeine orgasms' were also very arousing back then."

"Yes, I suppose so." She pulled her sunglasses off. "You did try to kiss me then, didn't you?"

He mumbled an affirmative into her hand. Of course he had tried to kiss her cheek back then, nothing else, but her hair had gotten in the way. That's all. Really.

She scooted down, laying back on the floor. "I've always wondered how that evening would have played out if we were ... less scared and had a better idea of things."

Severus raised an eyebrow, lifting his lips from her skin. "Spirals, are you suggesting we defile our secret place?"

"Or consecrate it, depending on your point of view." Britomartis gazed up at him as he continued to nibble down her palm. "Snips, if you keep kissing my hand like that - "

He bit down on her wrist, digging his teeth slightly into her flesh, feeling her veins suddenly pulse under his tongue. She gasped and cried out, her body trembling in response to this abrupt attack which sent her into a frame of mind centered in one subject.

Severus pulled away and smirked. "You have been bitten ... and three days from now you shall turn into a - MMPH!"

She had kissed his mouth shut by this point and there was hardly any conversation taking place in the Conversation Room after that.


	10. The Taming of THE Box

CHAPTER TEN: "The Taming of THE Box"

Britomartis was surprised to see the three Gryffindors in her office first thing in the morning.

"Tell us about the Box!" all three chorused at her.

'Dun-dun-DUN!'

She rubbed her forehead. "What is there to tell, children?"

"YOU created it!" Harry whined. "I haven't tormented you or Snape - "

"Despite Snape asking for it," Ron added.

"Shut up, Ron," Hermione snapped. "Professor Vox, why is it chasing after Harry?"

THUNK

All three flinched and did not bother to turn to see the Box sitting ominously behind them.

Britomartis pulled Snookie-Poo from around her neck and released the snake on the floor. "Believe it or not, when Professor Snape and I created it, we made no notes of what spells and potions we used on it."

"What?" Hermione cried.

Britomartis shrugged, picking up scrolls from a shelf and depositing them on her desk. "We were thirteen and fourteen, we weren't as disciplined back then. As to your question, I have no real idea why it would chase Mr. Potter, as we had directly made it to chase after his father, Mr. Black, Mr. Pettigrew, and Professor Lupin. Professor Snape and I believe the spells interacted with each other in strange ways and had independently decided to focus on lineage. As of now, Mr. Potter, you are the only living descendent of these people."

"So, how do I get rid of it?"

"Just ... " She silently counted to three, then continued in a slow, deep voice, "Open ... the ... Box."

'Dun-dun-DUN!'

"I hate that music sting," Hermione mumbled.

"My apologies," Britomartis stated, sitting down. "We thought it was rather amusing at the time." She smirked. "Mr. Potter, I do hope you serve your father's memory proud by taking this obstacle with good grace and not dither about it. It took them four days to finally get around to opening the crate."

"This is your fault," Harry snorted. "Yours' and Snape's!"

"Actually," she intimated in a severe manner. "It was your father and his friends who began it - if they had not bullied an anti-social loner and an imaginative hell-raiser, they would not have helped in the birthing of this object. Besides, they ignored the warnings on the door to keep out."

Harry opened his mouth and she cut him off with, "Speak with Professor Lupin about it, if you do not believe me. Your father was not called 'St. James' for performing benevolent miracles."

Hermione raised an eyebrow, but said nothing as she dragged Ron out with her. Harry pressed his lips together, then finally whispered, "Professor - "

Her expression softened. "Harry, those were ... dark times for all involved. I am sorry to be the one to inform you that your father was not a larger-than-life hero when I knew him. When I attended, he was an egotistical attention-grubbing bully who tormented Severus and myself for Sirius Black's amusement. Your father had indelicately propositioned me when I was a Second-Year and had participated in an attempt to mutilate Severus, as well as performing other atrocities, low pranks, and random bullying. He did not mature and become decent until his final years here, and I suspect that was entirely due to your mother's influence."

Harry looked down at his shoes. "Professor ... this is ... unbelievable. I know Snape hates my father, but you're ... you're on Snape's side."

"I know what you're saying. You think you know someone from what one faction says, then someone from the opposite side offers a completely different view, a view from the so-called 'villains' eyes. With few exceptions, people outside of legends are neither purely good or purely bad, they are a combination of all things. Your father was known in school for being popular and athletic and a quick thinker, but he was also a bully and a crude prankster. If he did not run around with Sirius Black or Peter Pettigrew, I probably would have known him to be a decent bloke."

"It was Sirius Black who influenced him!" Harry concluded.

"Actually, Mr. Potter, they influenced each other - each one fed off the other's actions. Admittedly, Black was the worse of the two; he was loathsome even when he was on his own." She smirked. "I have proof, too."

She pulled a picture out of her desk and pushed it across to Harry. He picked it up, stared goggled-eyed at the image, then quickly released it with a squeak. "What the ... is THAT?"

Britomartis picked it up and turned it around to gaze at the moving image. "Sirius Black, age fifteen."

"What's he DOING!"

"He's wearing a nappy and spanking an inflatable sheep. The image speaks for itself."

Harry pulled out his wand, handing it toward her. "Memory Charm, please."

She shook her head. "No, I want you to remember what we're dealing with here, Harry, and that he is not a larger-than-life force of fear." She slipped her sunglasses off. "Yes, he is a mass murderer, but he is also a sick individual who apparently went quite mad before Azkaban, and his mind has probably twisted further from the Dementor's influences and his own revenge fantasies. There probably isn't enough sanity in him anymore to plot effectively - he WILL slip up. And when he does, he will be caught." She leaned back. "I will ensure it."

"Why protect me, especially since you hate my dad - ?"

"I never said I hated him. We had a mutual respect, Harry, due to some incidents I will not discuss. Granted, it was a strained respect, but it was still there. Black ... well, I came closer to hating him than I did anyone until ... Our Mutual Acquaintance ... taught me what hate really is."

Harry gazed back at her steadily. "He betrayed my parents to Voldemort."

"And butchered a dozen innocents as well as one of his few friends. Thus he is being hunted, so he doesn't finish his dark master's designs." She locked her muted green eyes to his intense green eyes. "You have my word as a Mother and Warrior."

XXXXXXXXXX

Ron was a sidekick. He knew he was - either Harry's or Hermione's sidekick, it didn't matter. He was always the one who either tripped up the traps or got pulled along in the wake of his two friends or was simply at the wrong place at the wrong time. Plus being the youngest wizard in an exceptional family only twisted his shorts even more.

He wished he could have a unique talent like his brothers or his friends. Something that marked him out of his many brothers that declared him 'Ron' instead of 'yet another Weasley'. After all, Bill was a dragonslayer, Charlie was the dragon keeper, Percy was a (big)Head Boy, the twins were beaters on the Quidditch team and most popular in the school, and Ginny was the only girl and the youngest child. He was just 'another Weasley'.

Things to think about while in class. Incidentially, Charms class that day was interesting, as they were studying charmed artifacts that year, and the artifact on the table at the moment was the legendary scabbard of Excalibur, the wizard sword once wielded by the Muggle-Fae hybrid King Arthur, given to him by the wizard Merlin.

The scabbard itself was created by the witch Morgan le Fay, made with the leathers of the Graphorn (a mountain beast whose hide deflects spells) and the Manticore (a Mediterranean beast whose hide deflects charms) to protect the holder from magic. By use of mystic thread, these spells were bypassed to allow other spells to be woven into embroidered symbols to protect the holder from physical harm, in particular to prevent blood loss. According to legends, the scabbard had protected King Arthur for his entire life, until he turned against the witches of Avalon, and Morgan claimed the scabbard back. Almost immediately he was fatally wounded by his son Modred and had died.

Even after nearly fifteen-hundred years, the magic and charms woven into the scabbard were still strong enough to be felt without the use of magic-detection spells.

"See?" Harry said, tracing the tip of his wand over the faded gold embroidery. "This symbol, according to the text, protects against weapons, and this one protects against bodily force - they form a sort of 'double-C'."

"Like the Chudley Cannons logo!" Ron added brightly, leaning back and accidentally knocking the back of his head against the Box. He rubbed the sore spot and made a face at the crate.

Harry shook his head. "If they need any type of embroidered charm, it would be for them to actually win a game."

Embroidered symbols aiding physical prowess ... Ron felt an idea start to form, but it slipped away.

XXXXXXXXXX

Saphira waited until mid-morning break to stomp into Britomartis' classroom and slam the photo album down on her desk.

"When," she stated. "Were you going to tell me about your brother dunking you in a rainbarrel?"

The professor blinked, then bit her lip and remembered that to her mother's heart, she was five-years-old. She glanced at the page, seeing a photograph of one of her brothers holding her upside down over a rainbarrel and dipping her into the water when she was five. "Mama, Klemendis was the one being a pukehead - he got all gooey and mushy about a girl and she told him he was a bore, so I laughed at him and then he got me all wet in the barrel." She added a sneeze.

Saphira gathered her up in a hug. "My poor baby! I'll give Klem a thorough talking to about this!"

"Then could you do it later, Mama? I have lessons soon."

"I know, dearest." Saphira released her and knotted her brows. "Why are you wearing sunglasses inside, Britty?"

"Don't call me Britty - and I like wearing sunglasses." Britomartis adjusted them, then lowered her voice and added, "It'll make more sense when I'm ten, Mother."

Saphira nodded. "All right." She gave her daughter an extra hug. "Love you."

"Love you, too, Mama."

As her mother left, the mental image of her healer brother getting chastised for something he had done nearly thirty years ago made her grin like a maniac for the next few hours.

XXXXXXXXXX

By lunchtime, Harry and Ron ran out of their Charms class, barely outrunning the Box as it tumbled end-over-end after them down the corridor.

"We've GOT to get rid of this thing!" Ron yelled.

"I know! I know!" Harry agreed. "We need Hermione!"

They ran past Severus down the stairs, who watched the proceedings with mild interest.

The pair yelped as gravity made the Box tumble after them faster.

"I don't wanna die!"

"Don't let Snape hear you panic, Ron!"

Severus watched the Box chase them down the staircase and around a landing before he allowed himself to chuckle. "I almost miss hearing the Maraudiots screaming for mercy."

With a satisfied smile, he turned back and continued on his way to the staff room, humming 'Happy Days Are Here Again'.

XXXXXXXXXX

Harry and Ron ran into the Great Hall as the teachers returned for lunch from their staff meeting. The Box chased the two boys in.

"Hermione!" Harry yelled as they spotted her near the middle of the Gryffindor table. "We need to get rid of this thing - !"

"You need to open it, Harry," she replied before she drank her juice.

"But - "

"SNAPE made it!" Ron cried. "It'll try to kill him!"

"Well, it chased Harry's father before and he survived," she answered irritably.

"For how long?" Ron asked quietly. She elbowed his gut.

Harry held his face in his hands and moaned. "I don't NEED this!"

"Hey, Potter!" Draco yelled across the Great Hall. "Too scared to open a packing crate?"

"Maybe it has a Dementor in it?" Pansy suggested.

On cue, Draco and his goons flipped their hoods up over their faces and wiggled their fingers at Harry as they sang, "Ooo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ooo!"

The Slytherins giggled at the taunt.

"A Gryffindork afraid to open a Box!" Draco laughed as he pushed his hood back.

'Dun-dun-DUN!'

Hermione turned around. "I don't see you opening it, Malfoy."

"It's not chasing me, it's chasing Potter," Draco sneered. "It probably senses Mudbloods."

"On the contrary, Mr. Malfoy," Severus stated, suddenly very near Draco and his entourage. "James Potter and your second cousin Sirius Black were both Purebloods, and this ... artifact ... was after both of them in particular."

Draco sneered in return. "Surely you must be enjoying this, Professor, considering it was you who made it."

"With the assistance of Professor Vox." Severus' lip curled. "I believe that if you truly think you are immune to its wrath, then you should attempt to ... open it, Mr. Malfoy."

"ME!"

Severus leaned close and hissed, "Are you trying to humiliate the entire House, Malfoy! You have a perfect opportunity to make Potter look the fool! This is no time for spinelessness!"

Draco squirmed a bit, then straightened up and strode over, the fingers of his slung arm turning white from the fist he was making. "Very well, Potter. I shall graciously save you from the Big Scary Box - "

'Dun-dun-DUN!'

"- and show you how silly you're being!"

Draco put his 'working' hand on the lid and inched it up ...

And the Box screamed.

"EEEEKK! HELP! RAPE! DON'T RAPE ME! I'LL BE A GOOD LITTLE BOX - JUST DON'T RAPE MEEEEE! MOMMEEEE! WAAAHHH!"

Draco jumped away looking around at the assembled students, who had been stunned silent.

But not for long. Soon, laughter filled the Great Hall.

Along with assorted jeers ...

"Why, Malfoy, I didn't think you were into wood!"

"My heavens! Even furniture isn't safe!"

"Good thing Parkinson's as flat as a board!"

"Quick! Someone call the Society for Prevention of Abuse to Packing Crates!"

Malfoy flushed in anger and stomped out, his entourage streaming after him. Elizabeth stood up on her bench and bowed toward her House Master and House Mother, while several of the older Slytherin girls muttered informal proposals towards the Potions Master. Severus strolled silently to the other side of the Great Hall, stone-faced, although a faint smirk played at the corner of his mouth - or it could have been a tic.

Ron managed to recover first and asked the still-laughing Hermione and Harry, "Which one of you is next?"

"Us!" Harry asked. "Why not you!"

Ron shook his head. "Can you imagine what my brothers would say if they found out a lump of wood accused me of molesting it? I'd never hear the end of it! And what it would do to me poor mum - !"

"So was that it?" Harry asked. "It screams about being molested?"

"No," Severus answered, now suddenly very near the trio. "YOU still have to open it, Potter. Otherwise, it will continue to chase you until the end of your days ... At this rate, perhaps next week."

He swept away back to the staff table and seated himself to Britomartis' right.

She restrained the grin as she commented, "Snips, you are cruel to your own charges."

"It builds character. Penderdandis would have agreed with me."

McGonagall squawked, "Professor Dumbledore, you saw what he did! That was premeditated! Do something!"

Dumbledore turned his head and gazed at Severus, then raised his finger and wagged it while saying, "Bad Potions Master. Naughty."

"Humph," Severus responded with a frown. "I am chastised. Oh the shame."

"Albus!" McGonagall cried.

Severus turned his attention away from the bickering heads of the school and noticed Remus smiling. "What?"

Britomartis turned around as well. "Remembering old times, Lupin?"

"Yes," Remus confirmed. "Those were actually rather fun, even if we lost four days of sleep and began seeing things."

Severus smirked. "I always wondered what your reactions were upon finding out what was inside it."

"I was sworn to secrecy, Severus. Let me just say that it was the most brilliant prank I had ever had the pleasure of being a victim of."

"That's a dangling participle."

"Kiss my dangling - "

Britomartis cleared her throat. "Boys ... "

All three adults gazed across the room to see the Gryffindor Trio trying to figure out the Box.

"I give them four days," Severus stated. "Merely for entertainment purposes."

"Three," Remus challenged. "The sleep deprivation should kick in."

"Tonight," Britomartis added. "They have Granger goading them."

"So what would be the difference?" Remus asked.

"She's developing breasts and her legs are getting long - and those two are trying not to notice. One flash of thigh and they'll do anything she asks."

McGonagall, overhearing the previous conversation and bet, made a very interesting pinched face of prim disapproval over such casually earthy commentary - especially concerning her favorite student Miss Granger.

XXXXXXXXXX

"We already know it has to be opened to make it stop following you," Hermione said as their last class of the afternoon let out.

"And it'll accuse you of trying to have your way with it," Ron added.

"That would be if you or I open it, Ron," Hermione stated. "It has to be Harry."

Harry snorted. "I'll say it again - Snape is a sick dikta- "

"WE KNOW what you mean," she interrupted. "And we're not on Crete, so you don't have to use Minoan metaphors - " She glared. "Or their English translations."

"What's with you, Hermione?" Harry asked. "You've been ... off."

"Nothing!" she cried. "Nothing at all! Nothing you boys would ever understand! Of course you won't - YOU DON'T HAVE IT! Now stop questioning me!"

She ran off down the corridor, her robe billowing behind her, leaving behind two very confused thirteen-year-old boys.

"Harry?"

"Yeah, Ron?"

"What was that?"

"I ... really don't know."

"Me neither, that's why I asked you."

THUNK

"NOBODY ASKED YOU!" Harry and Ron yelled at the Box.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Shall we wait in your office for the screaming?" Britomartis asked later on that evening as they walked back from dinner.

"Screaming?" Severus repeated. "If you believe Potter will be stupid enough to come to my office about our prank - "

"He will be angry. And much as he is an average student, he is Gryffindor and will confront you about it. So, care to have me around?"

He brushed back a strand of black hair from his face. "You do know I will welcome you into my office, old pranks going off or no."

She smiled. "Good. I do think it'll be tonight."

XXXXXXXXXX

Dinner went the same as lunch, save Draco was missing and several of the Slytherins were snickering about his torrid affairs with packing crates, while the Box in question stood sentry behind Harry the entire meal.

Harry and Ron entered the Gryffindor common room, staring at the Box, which they knew they left behind in the Great Hall. Hermione shut her book and got up. "We're doing it tonight!"

Fred and George looked up from the small group surrounding them. "You WILL take pictures, won't you?"

"Shut up!" Hermione yelled at them. "This is no time for your gutter humor!"

Fred smirked. "I bet you guys won't touch it - especially after what it did to Malfoy this afternoon."

"Harry," she ordered. "Do it."

Harry snarled. "Sure, sacrifice me. 'Good ol' Harry, let's throw him into the Maw of the Beast!'"

Ron chimed in, "You're the only one who can, Harry!"

"I've heard that one before," Harry groused. "Too many times."

"Harry," Hermione said softly, stepping up to him, her eyes moist. "Please?"

The twins rolled their eyes. "Oh brother!" they muttered in disgust.

After a moment of fidgeting, Harry marched up to the Box as everyone else except Ron, Hermione, and the twins scrambled out of the common room. Carefully, he placed his hand on the lid and breathed deeply. He found himself staring at a carving of an ambiguous tentacle creature holding four figures in its tendrils.

Finally, he heaved the lid up, making it fall back and slam against the side.

A beam of light briefly shown down with a musical 'La-a-a-a-a!'

Then silence.

"Nothing's coming out," Ron stated.

George grinned. "I guess this means you have to crawl in there."

Harry shook his head. "I opened it. Nothing happened, so I don't care."

Hermione sighed loudly in disgust and pushed him. "Oh, move over!" She grabbed a chair and used it as a step-stool to climb up the side of the Box, leaning over the edge by her waist.

Below, Ron stared transfixed at the backs of her thighs which were exposed by her hiked up skirt. Fred and George snickered at their baby brother drooling on his tie. Harry blushed, but did not turn away; he thought that part of her was quite pretty for some mysterious reason -

Hermione began shrieking.

"WHAT-WHAT-WHAT?" the boys cried.

She pulled herself up and they finally figured out that she was shrieking in laughter. She held up a piece of parchment, guffawing and crying at the same time, as she hopped off the chair.

Harry snatched it out of her hand and read it.

He took the note and ran out of the common room.

"What'd it say?" the twins demanded.

XXXXXXXXXX

"'BOO'!" Harry yelled as he stomped into Severus' office.

He was too angry to bother being shocked by the Potions Master and Worlds Religions teacher pulling themselves up from the couch with their hair mussed up and her sunglasses hanging awkwardly from her face. Severus hurriedly buttoned his collar buttons while Britomartis dove back to the couch cushions for some other reason.

"ALL THAT FOR 'BOO'?"

Severus was first to compose himself, and glared at the boy. "Weren't you ever introduced to a wizarding custom called 'knocking', Potter?"

"Forget that, Snape - what sort of sick, stupid, juvenile, puerile mind has 'boo' as a joke?"

"And it took four days for your father and his ... friends to screw up the courage to find it," Severus snapped back in reply. "I must commend you, POTTER, for having more courage than your father, a madman, a dead dullard, and a spineless jellyfish all put together."

"PROFESSOR LUPIN IS NOT SPINELESS!"

"Silence."

Harry and Severus turned to the quiet voice backed by earth magic, Britomartis staring both of them down. "There is no need for shouting, gentlemen. Mr. Potter, please go back to your common room until you have calmed down. You may come to my office tomorrow morning to discuss what had happened - "

Harry balked. "Professor, this is between Snape and me - "

The Potions Master opened his mouth.

Britomartis gripped Severus' wrist in her hand. "Now, Mr. Potter, or ten points from your House for disobeying a direct order. We will discuss this QUIETLY and RATIONALLY tomorrow. Understand?"

Harry nodded and left the room.

She released Severus' wrist and he turned to her. "Why did you stop this?"

"Because, my volatile love, I will not tolerate interruptions during our intimate time together."

XXXXXXXXXX

Harry returned to the Gryffindor common room, sulking.

"Well?" Hermione asked.

Harry looked up. "I was going to let Snape have it for being a sick weirdo, but Professor Vox sent me away." He settled on the couch between Ron and Fred, then wrinkled his brow. "Funny, but I never thought Professor Vox to be the type to wear stockings and red suspenders."

The Weasleys ceased conversation and stared at him. Ron began stuttering, "R-r-red?"

Hermione growled.

"How'd you see that?" George asked.

Harry shrugged. "Well, she had her leg over Snape's shoulder - "

Fred gripped him. "Harry-mate, give us DETAILS!"

"Tell us everything!" George added as he jumped on the couch.

"What type of red suspenders?" Ron interjected, his face the same color as his hair.

"What type of stockings?" Fred asked. "Backseamed or fishnet?"

George stated, "We'll use a Pensieve on you if we have to - OW!"

Hermione spent the next few minutes swatting various Weasleys with her Arithmancy textbook while Harry stared at the parchment with the word 'boo' in dark ink and a stylized pair of scissors and a spiral done in goldish ink on each side of the word.

'Boo'. Geez, what kind of stupid joke is 'boo'? It would mean Snape had something resembling a sense of humor back when he was kid.

Harry was surprised to find himself chuckling.

Eventually, he was startled by something licking his ear and he turned to stare into the face of an inflatable sheep ... who had Fred and George's left shoes draped by their laces around her neck. She somehow grinned at him, then trotted out of the Gryffindor common room, leaving a very confused Harry the only witness to her presence.

"Hey," George suddenly said. "Where'd our shoes go?"


	11. Photographs

CHAPTER ELEVEN: "Photographs"

Hogwarts quickly went back to normal by mid-October, even though the teaching staff was still feeling repercussions from the Second Coming of the Box.

"Will it ever be studied?" Flitwick asked rhetorically as half of the staff had tea together one Sunday afternoon.

"It what?" Hooch asked.

"The Packing Crate of Darkness created by Martis and Severus."

She cackled. "It would probably make the research wizards' brains melt. I personally would not want to study anything magically created by a pair of hormonal teenagers who didn't understand half the spells that they used. Remember that it was known as the year of the 'Vox Box and Snape Drape'?"

Sprout, Sinistra, and Flitwick laughed, remembering the rampage of the first Box's appearance and the robe monster that roamed the halls of Hogwarts one evening.

"Good times," Sprout commented. "Hasn't been that entertaining in ages."

"Until Harry Potter showed up," Jocastian added. "Although his ... darker background ... prevents it from being as entertaining."

Several nodded. Trelawney sniffed. "I am quite relieved to have missed that era. These groups known as the Marauders and Snips and Spirals, running around the school without discipline - Professor Dumbledore must have been mad!"

Hooch rolled her yellow eyes. "Oh, Sibyll, it was quite harmless - except for the attempted murder and blindness - " Trelawney's large eyes appeared even larger behind her glasses. " - and both groups provided a welcomed distraction from the grind."

Vector poured himself more tea. "Still, it would be interesting to finally study that Box. Perhaps some of the spellwork can be used for practical purposes?"

"For chasing down people who owe you money?" Sinistra asked.

Hooch waved her hands. "You'll have to wait until the beginning of next month for my paycheck, Emma."

"Waiting and remembering, Rolonda."

Flitwick began giggling. "I say we collect the Box ourselves!"

"Professor," Jocastian stated. "How do you propose we do that? Break into Mr. Filch's office and carry it out under our robes?"

Hooch called, "Is that a box in your pocket or - ?"

Several witches threw their hats at her while others giggled.

"I like Filius' idea," Vector remarked. "I think - for the good of scholarly magic - we must acquire this artifact and study it instead of hiding it away."

Trelawney finally giggled. "This would prove to be a rewarding endeavor should we unlock its secrets. After all the ... creators aren't interested."

"This is illegal you know," Sprout pointed out.

"Not unless the Ministry decides to get involved, Pomona," Jocastian reminded her. "In fact, I recall no Ministry regulations whatsoever covering research into abandoned non-lethal magicks. So far, it's only been in the custody of the school. Being the faculty, we should have first go at studying this magical artifact with our own facilities."

"I'm game!" Sinistra stated.

"Hoo-wah!" Hooch added, swinging her fist in the air.

"Yes!" Flitwick cried. "A chance to study it at last!"

The teachers of Hogwarts began plotting over how to acquire the Box.

XXXXXXXXXX

Fred and George ran into the Gryffindor common room, holding photographs in their hands. "Come and get it! Hot off the line - photos of Professors Snape and Vox doing le-bouncy-bouncy!"

Everyone stared at them in disbelief, then the Professor Vox Storm Troopers got up and crowded them, closely followed by the members of the Professor Snape Estrogen Brigade (Gryffindor Chapter).

Percy cleared his throat and cut through the crowd. "What do you mean by 'le-bouncy-bouncy', you prats?"

"What we mean, brother Percy," Fred answered, grinning from ear to ear. "Is Professors Snape and Vox in the Slytherin common room - not in their robes - and going bouncy-bouncy."

"You're making this up!"

"Why would we make up something like that?" George asked plainly. "Ah, yes, ten sickles, Mr. Jordan, my friend. Thank you, sir!"

Lee Jordan scrunched his face up, then stated loudly, "It's two kids jumping on a sofa."

Ignoring the twins, everyone crowded around the photo Lee held, studying the moving picture of a greasy-haired boy and a girl with knee-length blonde hair jumping on a couch. Both were in trousers and sweaters, barefoot, but obviously having a great time bouncing on the black leather couch.

"Yeah, that's definitely Vox - as a First-Year."

"Almost like her Quidditch poster, but - uh - smaller."

"That can't be Snape."

"What are those round things on his face?"

"Those are his eyes."

"He sprang fully-formed from the ground - he was never a kid!"

Percy pinched the twins' ears. "McGonagall will hear about this, you two delinquents!"

"Wet blanket!"

"Mudded stick!"

Unbeknownst to Percy, they has transfigured his Headboy badge into a pastel-pink valentine-heart-shaped nappy pin.

XXXXXXXXXX

According to Saphira, Britomartis was now seven-years-old. Singing lessons were normal, except for Saphira's clapping and saying how talented her little girl was. The clothing had moved beyond frills (now that Britomartis was old enough to choose her own clothes).

Still, seeing Martis in overalls and a t-shirt gave Severus some pause.

"What are you wearing?"

Martis sat in his office chair and put her feet up on his desk. "I'm entering my rambunctious youth phase, so I dress like a tomboy while my mother commiserates over my being too 'unladylike'."

He raised an eyebrow. "And you dressed like this?"

"When I could. You try running through brambles with a skirt or shift on - get scratches in places you didn't know you had." She giggled. "Don't worry, love - just a few more weeks and I can dress like a teenage girl and expose way too much skin for my mother to feel comfortable with."

Severus thought about some of the teenaged fashion he saw on his last trip to Crete. "In Hogwarts that could get you arrested. Or at least give the male students ideas that have nothing to do with their studies."

Martis snickered. "Afraid that the wizards will lose control of their wands, Snips?"

"Precisely. And I don't want to clean up the mess."

"Or a free-repeat of our last year together."

"I doubt I could get away with turning silly teenage boys' heads into cabbages now."

Britomartis giggled. "Poor Rudy! At least he forgave us - I got an invite to his wedding several years back."

"As did I." Severus stacked the essays and tapped the corners into right angles. "There have been sightings of Sirius Black around the moors."

"There have been sightings of him at convenience stores in Canada, too. I wouldn't trust any hysterical third-hand reports."

"These reports came from Aurors on patrol, following various leads."

The energy of the room fell and she became more somber. "Great. Frankly, I don't trust either Aurors or Dementors to catch him; after all, they were around when he escaped."

"True. I do understand Professor Dumbledore will be calling for a staff meeting in relation to this topic this evening. We may have to guard the students ourselves."

"You and I both know he's after only Harry Potter."

"But he may murder others to get at Potter," Severus reminded her.

"Yes. Killed a dozen Muggles just to kill Pettigrew - and while the death of Pettigrew may be considered worthwhile in and of itself, I don't see blowing up innocents to be worth it."

"You always were a humanitarian." A knocking at the door and he yelled, "What!"

Two heads of red hair poked in. "Yes, it's true isn't it?"

Severus' curled his lip into a sneer. "Most things are false, Messers Weasley - especially the true things. What particular 'truth' do you refer to?"

Both came into the room and Fred stated, "That YOU'RE 'Snips', from the duo of Snips and Spirals."

George nodded. "Yeah, Snape has to be; all those photos of Vox have them together as kids."

Britomartis narrowed her eyes, getting up from the chair. "What photos?"

"The yearbooks ... "

Severus repeated, "What photos?"

"Nevermind the photos," Fred insisted. "We've finally figured it out - Severus Snape and Britomartis Vox were once the troublemakers of Slytherin."

"And the pranksters extraordinaire of Hogwarts," George added.

"And the creators of the Box!"

Both boys dropped to their knees and began bowing, their foreheads touching the floor. As one, they proclaimed, "TEACH US YOUR WAYS, O MASTERS!"

Britomartis managed to cover her giggle with a cough. Severus glared down at the redheaded duo.

"Oh, good god ... " he finally stated.

"You are Snips and Spirals!" Fred proclaimed.

"The true foils of the legendary Marauders!" George exclaimed.

Britomartis raised an eyebrow. "They collectively didn't have the brains of a turnip - pranking them was like hexing fish in a barrel. The only thing they were legendary at was making messes in their nappies at age fifteen."

"Ooh!" both boys cried appreciatively. "Zinger!"

"Adopt us," Fred decided.

"Please?" George squeaked.

"GET OUT!" Severus bellowed. "WE ARE NOT GOING TO ADOPT YOUR CLASSLESS WEASLEY HIDES! IF ANYTHING, I MAY HAVE YOU FLAYED TO MAKE A NEW PAIR OF SLIPPERS! NOW GO!"

"You'll consider it, then?" Fred asked as he and his twin scrambled out of the office.

George added, "Our people will call your people! Let's do lunch!"

As the door slammed itself behind then, Severus' face twisted in confusion. "'Do lunch'?"

"I have no idea."

XXXXXXXXXX

Saphira sat in front of the fireplace in her daughter's office and inhaled deeply. In her lap lay the photo album, open to the pages of when Britomartis was seven-years-old. One photograph disturbed her very much and she needed to talk with one of her other children that had been present during the affair.

She threw a handful of Floo Powder into the fireplace and called, "Xenia Vox."

Her eldest daughter's face appeared: oval with wide cheeks, dark eyes, and kinky dark hair shot with white. Intellectually, Saphira recognized that her oldest daughter was the right age to have been the mother of her youngest daughter. After having thirteen children, she was not surprised by this bit of kitchen math.

'Mother? Are you well? You've Floo'ed me quite late.'

Saphira nodded. "I am well, daughter. The Hogwarts staff has been kind to me and I am taken care of. Britty ... pardon me, but the recovery has me thinking of Britomartis as seven-years-old right now, don't mind my phrasing ... Britty has been wonderful to raise."

'That's great, Mother. I told you that you can ask me anything about her childhood.'

"Indeed, that is the reason for this contact. The photo album you sent has helped me in corresponding her growing ... but there's something here that is bothering me."

'Yes?'

"One photograph has the parlor flooded and her sitting on a floating cushion. What was that about?"

Xenia laughed. 'Oh, Mother, that was when she began her Junior Priestess studies and was trying to work on her Elemental castings! She accidentally summoned too many Undines and they responded by flooding the house.'

"I would have noticed the house flooding, wouldn't I?"

'You spent the entire day at the Temples. By the time you got back, the twins, Phaedra, and Kyros had helped her clean the water out. Although it was odd that you did not notice the water-logged furniture.'

Saphira shook her head. "Not at all; must have been the Curse."

Xenia nodded. 'We know, now. Anyway, Kyros took care of the Undines before they caused much havoc - '

Saphira looked at the picture of her smallest child hanging onto the cushion, and thought of the effects of uncontrolled Undines ...

Emotion overwhelmed her. Cutting the Floo connection, she ran distraught through the castle and down to the Dungeons, gave the password to Slytherin House, and dashed through the common room to the Heads of House corridor.

Slamming the door to the House Mother's private rooms open, she strode across the parlor to the bedroom and yanked the door open. She was across the chamber and pulled Britomartis out of bed, holding her tightly and keeping her daughter's eyes locked to her face to emphasize the importance of what she was going to say.

"HOW COULD YOU SUMMON UNDINES LIKE THAT?" she exclaimed. "You could have been hurt! Or worse! Silly silly girl! Never do that again!" She hugged her daughter fiercely, silently thanking the Goddess that her baby was unharmed.

The bed creaked, and Saphira looked over at Severus sliding off of the bed.

"PROFESSOR SNAPE!"

Severus nervously checked the buttons of his frock coat as he replied, "Um ... good evening, Lady Vox?"

Saphira's warm maternal feelings were being replaced by another feeling, much colder, but no less maternal. Her bluish aura snapped on around her.

Britomartis interrupted as she casually closed the front of her dressing gown, "Thank you for checking on my health, Professor Snape."

"What?" Severus exclaimed, but then figured out what she was up to. "Oh, yes, Professor Vox. You should watch yourself in the future."

Saphira clutched at Britomartis. "OH MY POOR BABY! You must have been terrified!"

Severus looked a question at Britomartis, who gave as much of a shrug as she could.

XXXXXXXXXX

The Weasley twins attempted to sell another Vox-Snape photograph on Monday.

"Step right up, step right up - pictures of Professor Vox at the Yule Ball of 1974 - "

"At least they're honest about the time frame now," Lee Jordan chuckled to another Vox Stormtrooper as he handed ten sickles over. He appraised the photo of a fourteen-year-old Britomartis Vox in a light blue Greek-styled gown and her knee-length blonde hair pulled up in an elaborate up-do, and smirked. "Actually, not too bad - the Greek Goddess look suits her."

Oliver Wood hung over his shoulder. "Some of her nieces look like her on Crete." He looked up at Fred. "When you guys going to sell pics of her during Quidditch?"

"As soon as we're able to break into the Slytherin Trophy Room."

The female in question asked, "What about the Slytherin Trophy Room?"

"EEP!" several students cried, scattering. Britomartis grabbed an ear of each twin while Lee had already hid his purchased photograph and the Quidditch Captain grinned.

Oliver began: "Oh, we were just discussing old Quidditch players and we were wondering - since you were the first female Slytherin player - if you had anything in your House's trophy room concerning your time as a Beater."

"Yes," Britomartis stated. "I see. I also see Frick and Frack were selling photographs. Whom of, this time?"

"Oh, my, look at the time!" George cried, trying to pull away.

"We have an appointment in Diagon Alley!" Fred added.

She flicked her wrists, causing a wave of pain to wash over them from the ears down, and their robes suddenly spewed out several photographs to the floor. "Mr. Wood, would you be so kind as to pick those up and show them to me?"

Oliver bit his lip, then scooped up the papers and held up one in her line of vision.

Her sunglasses slipped down her nose, allowing the boys to see her green eyes. "Hm. I thought all the evidence of that evening had been erased. Where did you find this picture?"

The twins hemmed and hawed, then finally a mumble that could be taken as 'Professor Lupin' spilled from their lips. She released them and turned away, stalking off down the hall as her purple scholar-cape fluttered behind her.

The boys glanced at each other.

"Professor Lupin?" Oliver asked.

George nodded. "That's where we found that one."

"Why would Professor Lupin have photos of Professor Vox of when she was a student?" Lee asked.

XXXXXXXXXX

Remus heard the knocking on the door of his office and he looked up from his grading. "Enter."

He was surprised to see Miss Britomartis open the door and enter, but he composed himself quickly. "Professor Vox, how kind of you to visit - "

"Fred and George Weasley had just informed me they had acquired a photograph of me taken during the Yule Ball from you."

"I beg your pardon," Remus replied. "But I do not allow students to rifle through my personal belongings."

"So you do not deny you had in your possession a photograph of me during the Yule Ball? I understood the event was to be forgotten and the films from the evening to be destroyed due to - "

Remus moved from around his desk and approached Britomartis, his hand touching her arm. "Professor Vox, please sit and have tea with me - we'll get this straighten out, and perhaps agree on a punishment for the Weasley twins for finding it."

Britomartis sat down in his office and pushed her sunglasses back up. "Professor Lupin, why do you have photographs from that event?"

Remus began fixing tea. "You remember the Hufflepuff Photographer?"

"Di Bozo, yes. Scruffy kid that participated in the Swimsuit Calendar Conspiracy with Nasty-issa Black. What about him?"

"He couldn't bring himself to destroy the film from the Yule Ball, so he gave them to me."

"Why you?"

"Never gave a reason, just gave them to me. Anyway, I kept them all these years in case it would be okay to show them again."

Britomartis nodded. "You're sentimental."

Remus chuckled and smiled. "Yes, very much so. Sirius ... Sirius used to say that a lot."

She inhaled deeply. "I'm sorry he turned out to be such a sociopath."

"I suppose it was inevitable with the way he was going." Remus turned back to her and set two mugs down with tea bags in them. "I apologize deeply for the tea bags - "

"It's all right," she assured him. "I find it easier than fishing the leaves out. Never could get the hang of drinking tea British-style."

"I suppose that's why von Gruppen wanted to give you remedial divinations?"

"Yes, I kept accidentally swallowing my tea leaves." She laughed. "Fun times, Lupin."

"They were, weren't they, Miss Britomartis?" he agreed, pouring water.

"Except for a few incidents," she added.

Remus looked down at the desk. "I am quite sorry I wasn't able to stop them - "

"In the past, Lupin. I understand Potter turned out pretty decent after I left."

"It was actually after he, Lily, and Snape became friends ... Anyway, I think Lily straightened him out better than anyone else could have."

"Usually takes the love of a good woman to make men grow up. They did produce a fine child."

"Yes, Harry is exceptional." He sat down and stirred his tea bag.

"Not particularly in his studies, I'm afraid."

"Ah, yes, I must agree." Remus bit his lip, then looked up again. "Miss Britomartis ... I must admit that Sirius Black being on the loose has me worried."

"It worries everyone, Lupin. For what reasons are you worried?"

"It doesn't make sense." He pulled the teabag out, tapped it with his wand, and it transfigured into a cube of sugar, which he dropped back into the tea. "I must tell you something in strictest confidence, Miss Britomartis."

"Yes?"

"Sirius was Lily and James' Secret Keeper when they were hiding from Voldemort. Sirius was James' best friend ... he would plainly not have betrayed them."

"But he did, didn't he?"

Remus nodded. "He was the only one who knew where they were hiding; the only way Voldemort could have known was that Sirius had told him." He exhaled and slumped back. "But Sirius wouldn't have. Nobody knew he was Secret Keeper except for Dumbledore. But he would not have betrayed them. He was nothing but cold fury the night we found out about Lily and James' deaths. He wanted to take Harry since ... "

"Since what?"

"Since he was Harry's Godfather." He looked up. "You see? Sirius wanted to protect Harry! Lily and James trusted him - "

Britomartis placed her mug down and reached across the desk to place her hands over his which held his own tea. "Lupin, Sirius Black had betrayed them. After Harry killed Voldemort, Sirius was probably going to kidnap Harry to kill him off like Voldemort had tried to do."

Remus closed his eyes, temporarily overwhelmed by both the conversation and her touch. "Miss Britomartis, it doesn't feel RIGHT. Sirius would not kill his best friend, his best friend's wife, and their child."

"He tried to kill me when I was twelve."

"That wasn't intentional, actually. He was too angry to think straight - "

"Just like he was angry with not being able to kidnap Harry so he blew up Pettigrew and a dozen innocent people?"

Remus fell back into his chair and sighed. He closed his eyes, then opened them as he stared up at the ceiling. "You're right. It doesn't make sense either way."

Britomartis bit her lip, still serious. "You do know I will not hesitate in blasting him into red mist."

"Because of what happened in school?"

"Because rabid dogs should be put down, especially when they murder innocents and threaten children."

"That goes without saying, Miss Britomartis."

She took a gulp of tea, and changed the subject. "Now, what to do about the Weasleys who cannot stay out of your personal belongings?"

XXXXXXXXXX

"Well," Dumbledore said at the staff meeting. "I suppose you all know why we are here?"

Severus blurted, "To investigate ways of turning Sirius Black into dragon chow?"

McGonagall took it upon herself to give the Potion Master a Look, and Severus scowled back in reply.

Dumbledore continued: "One of the Aurors posted at Hogsmeade has informed me that Sirius Black is definitely in the area. The sightings of him are consistent and are not fabricated, hence an alarm has been raised in the countryside."

The teachers murmured amongst themselves.

Hooch called out, "What are your orders, sir?"

"To protect the students of Hogwarts, we must set up our own watches in case he should enter the school." He surveyed his faculty and staff over the frames of his half-moon glasses. "As it is known he is extremely dangerous. I request that at least four of you be on guard at night in the corridors, especially around Gryffindor tower and places that would give him access to magical artifacts."

The staff nodded in agreement and many volunteered immediately. As McGonagall straightened out guard schedules, Britomartis turned to Severus and Remus and asked, "Anybody remember what he looked like in his Animagus form?"

Remus' eyes widened. "How'd you - ?"

"Lupin, the guys changed into their Animagus forms when you were babies, and Severus had figured it out and told me way before that. I never laid eyes on his dog-form myself, but I know you would know."

Remus nodded. "Perhaps I should tell everyone else to be on the lookout for his Animagus form, too?"

"It would be best," Severus sneered. "After all, rabid dogs should be destroyed. Cor-RECT, Lupin?"

"Yes," Remus replied, staring back at him. "RABID dogs."

"Cut it out, you two," Britomartis snapped. "You can measure your wands in the Little Boys Room after the meeting."

XXXXXXXXXX

The next day, Fred and George looked rather shaky and nervous. They had spent much of the evening cataloging the Defense Against the Dark Arts' training aids - many of which were either products of Dark Arts or captive creatures embodying the Darkness. Until the residual energies wore off sometime next week, they would not be having any pleasant dreams.


	12. It Started Innocently Enough

CHAPTER TWELVE: "It Started Innocently Enough"

"All righty!" Elizabeth Humphries called into the Slytherin common room. "Special game of Larry Pothead this evening for Hallowe'en!"

"What's the name of the campaign, Evil Mistress?" Blaise Zabini asked.

"Cut with the Evil Mistress crap; and tonight's campaign is called 'Commune of Doom' featuring the first appearance - in our game - of ... Da Man!"

Several RPG playing Slytherins gasped appreciatively and began calling out book characters they wanted to play:

"I'm Larry Pothead!"

"I'm Helena Grape!"

"I'm Rockin' Beasley!"

"I'm Big Kahuna Bumblebee!"

"I'm Hippie Guru Dogstar!"

"I'm Brother Snake!"

Elizabeth raised her hand and everyone quieted. "And I nominate Deb Lister to be Dungeon Mistress since I will play Da Man."

"Why?" Millicent Bulstrode - who normally played one of the head bad guys - asked.

Elizabeth opened her mouth, then paused and finally said, "Because I have ideas of how Da Man would be played best in this story." She flicked a strand of purple hair back. "I'm giving Lister my notes - if anyone tries to bribe her, you will meet with my Severest Resentment. Grr."

Graham Pritchard - First-Year - approached Elizabeth. "Miss Humphries, may I be allowed to be your character's personal lackey?"

Elizabeth raised an eyebrow. "Aren't you a little young for such work, shortie?"

Graham frowned. "Don't let my sweet face fool you."

She roared in laughter. "Hired, Evil Lackey. Shine my shoes!"

"Which is higher, though?" Millicent asked. "A lackey or a minion?"

"A henchman should outrank both," Blaise added. "Evil Mistress?"

"We'll have to work on the ranks before we start," Elizabeth agreed. "Might have to consult Crabbes and Gargoyle over how Malfoy classifies them."

"On the contrary, Miss Humphries," their House Mother said as she entered the Common Room from the dungeon corridor. "We must be getting ready for the Hallowe'en Party tonight."

"PARTY?" several exclaimed in surprise.

"We never had a party on Hallowe'en before, Professor," Prefect Arlene Rimmer informed her. "Just the feast, then back to the dorms."

"Actually, we used to when I was a student. But they grew too expensive - especially getting all the drunk ghosts out of the rafters the next day." Britomartis grinned. "But I talked the Headmaster into throwing a special one for the school. It'll be fun." She raised her voice. "Attention, all of Slytherin, please get everyone down to the Common Room; I will teach you the Costume Charm so you will have something to wear to the party! Hurry now!"

"Costumes!"

"Get the band to bring their stuff down!"

"I need to do my hair!"

"Wait a minute - ghosts can get drunk?"

"Yes - they imbibe spirits."

(whack)

"Who writes this stuff?"

"Who else - the ghost writer."

(whack)

"PARTY TIME!"

XXXXXXXXXX

Within five minutes, over two hundred students were crowded into the Slytherin Common Room along with their Heads of House and Saphira Vox, all attention on the female Professor.

"Now," Britomartis began. "The Costume Charm is quite simple. You do not have to think of what costume you want because it will pick it for you. All you have to do is stand before a mirror, point your wand at your reflection, and incant 'Dissimulo'." She glanced around. "A volunteer?"

Crabbe and Goyle pushed students out of the way for Draco to approach the mirror. "I'll be the first, Professor."

"Very well."

He leaned close. "This isn't going to turn me into anything stupid, is it, Vox?"

"Straightforward charm, Mr. Malfoy - Professor Flitwick taught it to us when we were younger."

He drew his bloodwood wand with his 'working' hand (his right arm still in the sling), pointed the tip at his reflection, and proclaimed, "Dissimulo!"

He was enveloped with white mist, which melted away to reveal Draco Malfoy in a black and white striped prison jumpsuit with a placard around his neck saying 'Bad Guy'.

Several of the Slytherins giggled behind their hands. Elizabeth outright guffawed, adding, "Yup, Malfoy is certainly in character!"

"Shut up, Humphries!" Draco snarled. "Like to see YOU do any better!"

Elizabeth smirked as she danced up to the mirror, pulled her mahogany wand out, and yelled, "DISSIMULO!"

After the white mist faded from her form, Elizabeth was clad in an elegant black gown with a tightly cinched silver brocade corset, snake motif jewelry, and a white-face mask with eyeholes and nothing else. Her purple-streaked blonde hair was pulled up into an elegantly disheveled pile. One wolf-whistle in the crowd was cut off with a yelp of pain.

Severus tensed, recognizing the mask from his past. All Death-Eaters wore similar masks, but that particular one - tightly fitted to the face, genuine ivory, the slightly baroque shape of the slanted eye-holes - was the ceremonial mask of the Dark Lord Himself.

Elizabeth pulled the mask off, looked at it, then made a sound of disgust. "Great - I look like a gothic enchantress mime."

"All hail the Evil Mistress!" Graham proclaimed.

"Shut up!" she answered. "Cut with the Evil Mistress crap!"

Severus regained his composure. "Indeed. You might forget who is really in charge here."

Now the Slytherins were looking for their composure as they spent the next several minutes taking turns using the charm. Somehow, Crabbe and Goyle dressed in matching prison garb to Draco's and having 'Goon 1' and 'Goon 2' on their placards seemed entirely natural, while Pansy accompanying them in a Muggle gangster moll outfit completed the group.

"Hey," one of the Quidditch players asked as students began to leave for the Great Hall. "Aren't teachers going to be in costume?"

"Of course, Mr. Derrick," Britomartis replied. "Would you care to demonstrate, Professor Snape?"

"Must I, Professor Vox?" Severus sighed.

Several members of the Professor Snape Estrogen Brigade and a few members of the RPG group paused and watched their House Master use the Costume Charm on himself.

Severus was quite sure his costume at the age of thirty-five would be entirely different from his costume at fifteen. In fact, he was certain he would be in the costume of the title character from the Dark Wizard play 'The King in Yellow' - clad in yellow robes, a face devoid of any features, and his flesh soft enough to adhere to anyone who touched him.

After a few seconds, Severus opened his eyes before the mirror in his Hallowe'en costume from twenty years ago. The giant black lambert wings were folded neatly against his back and his hair was cleanly braided back from his face. His white and gold armor was now battered, though, as if they showed the dents and scratches of the battles he had gone through in his own life. A scar crossed his left cheek, and in his hand was a battle-worn sword.

He experimentally shrugged his shoulders and the wings snapped out to their twenty foot span. He turned around to Britomartis, seeking her approval - her parted lips and her eyes widening behind her lowered sunglasses were enough. Matter of fact, her expression was the same as the night he had first appeared in this costume ... and was the same as the night he had finally admitted his desire for her.

The older girls gasped in awe, rendered speechless. Instead of just being elegant and dark and sexy, he was now powerful, elegant, mythical, dark, and sexy. The battle-worn 'Dark Angel House Master' was going to quickly become the older girls' favorite bedtime fantasy.

Elizabeth recovered slightly and approached him, her blue eyes still wide. "Sir, I want to have your children. Now. Please."

Severus bit his lip, gazing at the mask in her hands, unable to answer considering the mask. He allowed a sneer to break through.

Elizabeth was brought back to reality by the House Mother's tug on her hair. "Sorry, sweetie," Britomartis stated quietly. "But that position has already been filled."

"If he has a brother - " the Fourth-Year began.

"No, he doesn't."

"But are you sure - ?"

"Professor Vox?" Severus said, his wings folding back. "Your turn, I believe."

Britomartis let go of Elizabeth's hair and stepped up, performing the charm.

Now everyone gasped.

The devil-girl costume from twenty years ago still displayed a fine figure - if anything, a much finer figure than the first time. Severus would swear that it was cut a bit lower in front as well. Stiletto-heeled boots had been added, as well as a small riding crop that had been stylized to look like a tiny pitchfork. Baroque eye-makeup added a touch of dark elegance to her face, now no longer covered by the sunglasses.

The females all growled in jealousy while the boys gasped as blood vanished from their brains.

Somebody muttered, "Oh, Jesus."

To which another replied, "No, I don't think He wore red leather and high heels. Even at parties."

Saphira murmured to herself, "In my heart she is nine-years old, but ... my eyes say otherwise." (Oh, well,) she reasoned. (Girls in our family always matured early; I might have to give her the Talk, since this place is not as open as Crete.)

She glared at Severus, who stole appreciative glances towards her daughter, then decided to use the Costume Charm herself to 'keep an eye' on everything at the party.

As the last students vanished and her daughter left with Severus, she pointed her finger at the mirror, closed her eyes, and whispered, "Dissimulo."

After a moment, she opened her eyes and studied her own costume. "How ... appropriate."

Saphira exited the Common Room and made her way to the Great Hall for the party.

XXXXXXXXXX

The students NEEDED the Hallowe'en Party. The past month had been tense and strained due to worries over Sirius Black and the Dementors, and everyone needed to blow off steam in the safety of the castle.

Remus Lupin searched the crowd for people ...

Harry Potter in a Superman costume, with his friends Ron Weasley (wearing an eighteenth century frockcoat and breeches in orange) and Hermione Granger (dressed as Dumbledore, complete with beard) sitting with him and all drinking Butterbeers ...

The Headmaster disguised as an owl, with McGonagall in her Animagus form (a cat but wearing a smaller version of her hat) perched on his shoulder ...

Snape wearing a dark angel get-up that was pretty banged-up ...

And Miss Britomartis in a devil-woman costume with horns, tail, and red liquid leather ... !

He had heard stories about her costume from the Hallowe'en Party he could not attend twenty years ago, and had also commiserated with the Hufflepuff Photographer over there not being any photographs of her in costume that night due to the destruction of the camera.

But he was glad it was now that he could see it, when both were older and more matured, and she had the proper curves to pull off something of that calibre and could look more like a Goddess of Desire and Pleasure rather than a skinny nymph of adolescent fantasies -

He was startled when he felt a fingertip poke right into the center of his back. "I thought you would either hear or smell me coming a half-mile away, Lupin," Severus' gravelly-soft voice commented just behind his ear. "It's a miracle you are still alive, even if you are dressed like a vampire-hunter."

Remus growled slightly, lowering his face so the brim of his hat covered his expression. "Most honorable individuals do not attack from behind - "

"I'm not here to start a fight, Lupin, unless you want one." The fingertip withdrew from his back. "Your new batch is ready for next week's ... bout."

"Thank you, Professor - "

"And I see you have still not learned from last time about staring excessively at members of staff - "

Remus turned around, pressing his prop stake against the battered enamel armor over Severus' heart. "Your paranoia is getting the better of you, Severus."

The Potions Master gazed levelly at the DADA instructor. "Your lack of discretion will get the better of you, Lupin." He narrowed his eyes further. "You still look like a brainless love-sick pervert when you stare at her. Bad example for the students."

"As opposed to looking like a brooding, intellectual pervert, I suppose." Remus returned Severus' gaze, almost matching him in intensity.

The air-borne bacteria of Hogwarts will mark this day as the second in the school's history that several of them perished between the stares of the two Professors.

Salvation for the remaining bacteria came in the form of Britomartis Vox, as she murmured in a low enough voice for the pair of men to hear: "If you two keep staring into each other's eyes like that, I may get jealous."

They broke away from each other immediately, Remus wandering off to another part of the party with his leather coat swinging behind him, while Severus scowled. Britomartis chuckled.

"My, my, Snips," she commented. "All this alpha-male posturing is making you very attractive in the eyes of the girl-children. If you shared the English youth-fetish, I might be afraid for my alpha-female position. Then I would have to perform various exotic techniques to ... but enough of that."

Severus pondered for a moment, his eyes shifting to make sure they were not being stared at. "Perhaps you could feel a little bit insecure? Just a touch?"

"Twenty years ago I was - extremely so."

"As was I." He changed the subject. "Exotic techniques, Spirals?"

"Eek. Pervert," she remarked in a sultry tone, swatting his armored hip with the pitchfork riding crop. She smirked and lowered her voice even more. "If you keep asking, I may have to reveal my Devil Girl Forked-Tongue Technique."

The blood drained from his face and Severus faintly said, "Ah, this armor has gotten painful all a sudden - "

Britomartis giggled, pulling away. "Oh, Great Mother - we're acting like silly teenagers!"

Severus gave a sad smile. "We are, aren't we? It must be the costumes. How odd ... I did not think I was the nostalgic type."

"Nor I. But here we are wallowing in it." She reached under his braid and rubbed the back of his neck. "Happy times?"

"Some of the few."

"Like stars in darkness."

"Quite."

They stood like that for a moment, gazing at each other. Silence spread from their location, unnoticed by them, as the partygoers felt their auras.

A short distance away, Remus turned his head in shame and grief. On the other side of the room, Saphira gasped in awe.

And Albus Dumbledore smiled his secret smile.

Out on the dance floor, George Weasley and Elizabeth paused in their dancing and stared.

"What's with those two, Lizard-breath?" George asked.

Elizabeth shrugged. "They're having a Moment. They have them when they think no one's looking."

"It's horrible," Fred commented near them. "Is there a cure?"

"Pie fights," she answered.

"Righty-ho!" the twins sang.

Elizabeth paused as the two boys walked off, then realization hit her. She ran after them, yelling, "Don't you DARE!"

XXXXXXXXXX

Saphira - in her kunoichi (female ninja) costume - watched quietly from the background.

It was a good thing she had many years of training in meditative and spiritual disciplines to bolster her will. Because her mind and her heart were at war due to her eyes.

Saphira's emotional tapestry was in the process of being rewoven after three decades of brutal manipulation by a Dark Curse. The long-suppressed emotions she should have felt for her youngest child over a lifetime were being slowly and step-by-step integrated into her soul as they should have been from the beginning.

But the process was barely a third finished. Hence her problem.

Saphira's eyes saw her daughter Britomartis in a very provocative costume patterned after a spirit of lust in the Judaeo-Christian-Islamic mythology. Britomartis' lover Severus Snape was garbed as a warrior demigod of the same mythology.

Saphira's intellect told her that her daughter was not only a grown woman but a widow, and seeing her alive and with a man was a Good Thing.

Saphira's emotional reaction was that her daughter was nine-years-old, dressed like a foreign prostitute, and a man almost thirty years her child's senior was behaving toward her in a manner that needed correcting with an axe.

Intellectually, she wanted to cheer her daughter and Professor Snape on. Emotionally, she wanted to rush to Britty's rescue and tear out Snape's throat.

So she stood there, shivering in indecision.

A foolish Seventh-Year, seeing only a lush female figure in a snug lady-ninja costume, decided to introduce himself by pinching her bottom.

Saphira then proceeded to demonstrate the ancient martial arts of Crete on the impudent boy, thus giving her some emotional release and a distraction from her own worries.

XXXXXXXXXX

"I dare you to do it again, Martis," Hooch was saying later on that evening amid the group of teachers settled in the seats against one wall.

"Do what again, Rolonda?"

"The bull-leaping in the middle of the party." The flying instructor waggled her brows. "It'd be good to give Minerva a heart attack again."

Britomartis laughed. "She was positively LIVID with anger at Severus and me!"

"And why not?" Severus added, swirling the wine in his goblet. "I summoned a magical beast and you caused a riot - "

"Whatever DID happen to that singer?" Sinistra interrupted. "The one who pushed the Slytherin band aside?"

"Right," Hooch added. "The student - or whomever - that had a House Elf puppet on his shoulders."

"When was this?" Britomartis asked.

"You were bull-leaping, Martis," Severus answered. "During your performance, that ... House Elf had sang some loud, obnoxious, terribly written song."

Sinistra began to softly sing, "'And the man in the back said "Everyone attack!", and it turned into a ballroom blitz' - "

"That's it," Hooch confirmed. "Woo! That was fun!"

Britomartis raised an eyebrow and leaned toward Severus. "Snips, was it ... THAT House Elf?"

He nodded. "Same one." He bit his lip. "I never found it. I thought it was connected to the Dark ... " She nodded. "But ... nothing."

"Why did you think there was a connection?"

He blinked. "Martis, the Dark Wizard who wanted your children was the Dark Lord himself."

Watching Britomartis turn pale was a frightening sight for Severus, even back when they were children. His first reaction surprised him, because he found himself calculating the dates of her monthly cycles to see where she would be emotionally. (Old habits die hard,) he reasoned, before relaxing enough to allow his second reaction to surface.

His second reaction was pressing the rim of his goblet to her lips to make her accept the wine. After she finally swallowed a little, she began breathing again.

"Did you ever find out why?" she asked quietly.

Severus shook his head. "No. It was something I could not ask."

"Then why did he separate us if he wanted our children?"

"Perhaps you weren't proper Dark Mate material for me? I don't know." He gazed up at her. "Martis, did ... anyone ... ever come for your children?"

She shook her head this time. "No one. I always thought he intended to have OUR children. Thou's and mine." Britomartis inhaled deeply, then sniffed back potential tears. "I'm ashamed to admit this, but I was a little relieved when we were separated because whatever children we would have had could not be used by the Darkness." She lowered her eyes. "Much as I loved you, I also could not allow my unborn children to suffer."

Severus cupped her face in his hands. "I understand, Martis. I also thought the same, once I became ... enmeshed in the Darkness. I thanked whatever Light Beings who dared to care for me that they saved you and any children between us from that."

Her green eyes flickered up to gaze at him. "I still want those children with you, my love."

"Not yet."

Severus almost flinched. He had intended to say 'not now', or possibly deny the possibility. But the ... solid feeling that they would have children would not waver.

He had some things to ask Dion when he met with him next time in the Dreamscape.


	13. But Ended in Disaster

NOTE FROM THE AUTHORS: "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" has finally been released. Many of the facts presented by Rowling have completely turned our theories upsidedown or thrown them out the window entirely.

Still we both like the universe we created, and will continue to write our universe as close to canon as possible with a few exceptions.

I mean, come on, as if Britomartis Vox was part of canon anyway - why should the entire rest of it be canon?

Tess: Oh, yeah, I have an all new respect for Dobby - he so rulez!

Without further ado ... the next chapter ...

XXXXXXXXXX

CHAPTER THIRTEEN: "But Ended in Disaster"

"Professor Vox - Professor Snape ... come in," McGonagall intoned soberly.

Britomartis gave Severus a quizzical look while he remained stoned-faced as they entered the staff room. She realized she was the only one still in costume and discreetly uncharmed herself back to her turquoise gown and purple scholar cape.

"Hope this is fast," Britomartis whispered. "I need to get back to the role-playing group before - "

"Hardly a reason to hurry, Spirals," Severus replied, looking more agitated. "The Protection Spells will handle most of it."

"Yes, they really did handle the Quidditch Victory Party of '74, didn't they ... "

Severus coughed. "I stand corrected. I promised Penderdandis I would not allow the Persian rugs to be abused like that again."

"Is everyone here?" Dumbledore asked.

"Now they are, Albus," McGonagall answered.

Dumbledore gazed over the frames of his half-moon glasses, and quietly said, "Sirius Black was inside the castle."

The teachers and staff of Hogwarts gasped or uttered sounds of disbelief or fear. Britomartis turned to Severus and he nodded somberly to confirm the headmaster's words.

Trelawney closed her eyes behind her large lenses and murmured, "I saw the Grim, I saw the Grim."

"What happened?" Sinistra asked over everyone's voices.

The rest silenced themselves.

"It appears Sirius Black attempted to break into Gryffindor Tower. When the Fat Lady denied him entry, he ... slashed her portrait."

A murmur of alarm rose up through the school staff.

"Is she all right?" Pomfrey asked.

"She is absent from her painting, so we can only assume she had escaped. The other portraits are attempting to locate her at this moment." Dumbledore surveyed the rest of the professors. "Meanwhile, I request that all students be evacuated from their dorms and temporarily placed in the Great Hall for the night while we search the school for Sirius Black. Heads of Houses, return to your students and have the Prefects round them up to bring to the Great Hall - I will have it ready for them to spend the night."

"Now," McGonagall stated. "Aurors are already searching the school for Sirius Black, but we will be divided up in pairs to help in the search as well - I need pairs to search the dungeons, the main school building, Gryffindor Tower, the greenhouses, the library, the hospital wing, the smaller school buildings ... "

XXXXXXXXXX

Britomartis and Severus hurried back to Slytherin.

"Don't you think accusing Lupin of allowing Black into the castle was a bit much?" she asked disdainly.

"I voice my suspicions," he answered.

"You could do so in a discreet manner that would not agitate the others."

"A murderer is loose inside the school, and you lecture me about agitating others?"

"He must already be out of the castle by now, Snips."

"Then again, he is probably hiding within the castle, waiting to catch Potter unawares," he reminded her. "You and I both know this place holds more hiding places than the Gods intended."

"Rowena Ravenclaw was also a mad engineer," she retorted. "She designed this place a thousand years ago and crafted the adaptive spells that let it update itself. No one can ever map out every inch of this castle."

"Which is reason enough for us to search, Spirals; considering a sixty-foot-long basilisk hid under the school for over a thousand years and nobody noticed, this recent development disturbs me."

"Correct as always, Snips."

They gave the password and entered the Slytherin Common Room. In the center of the room at least fifty students - still in their costumes - were playing or listening to the Larry Pothead role-playing game with Elizabeth standing over them in her gothic enchantress costume.

"If I may have your attention," Severus began. Everyone's heads turned toward him. "The Headmaster wishes for all the students to assemble in the Great Hall for the night. Prefects, take the rest of the students to the Great Hall - the Headmaster will be waiting for you there."

"Why, Professor?" Elizabeth asked.

"Hold your tongue. Do as you are told - all of you." He narrowed his eyes at the students getting up and fiddling with their costumes. Without a word, his wand dropped into his hand from his sleeve; with a wave over his head, he called, "FINITE INCANTATUM!"

The costumes fizzled off of the Slytherins, making them hurry in leaving the Common Room.

Britomartis shook her head. "Asking works as well."

Severus briefly glanced at her, which made her remember that it was his intense moods that got her all hot and bothered twenty years ago -

She refocused herself. "I'll inform the girls dorm; you inform the boys dorm."

Both separated to find the rest of their students.

XXXXXXXXXX

By the time the last student left Slytherin, Britomartis and Severus turned to each other.

"All alone in the Common Room, and we still can't snuggle," she quipped.

"I would appreciate it if you would not joke at a time like this," he stated. "Have you also sent your mother out?"

At the last word, Saphira appeared out of the heads of house corridor. "I'm not being sent out with the students, I am searching for this lunatic with you, Professor Snape. I do not expect my child to sniff out a murderer - "

"Mother, I am - "

Severus' wand appeared again and he called out a series of hexes -

Which resulted in Saphira's limbs becoming useless and her voice to silence.

"Severus!" Britomartis cried.

He gently picked up Saphira. "Pardon me, Lady Saphira, but I do not need you in the way during our search for Sirius Black. You understand - you may beat on me later."

Britomartis pulled her sunglasses off and stared in wide-eyed disbelief as he swung her mother over his shoulder and carried her out of Slytherin. She followed both as he deposited Saphira within the doors of the Great Hall, closing them just after he lifted the hexes from her.

"Snips, you can be cruel at times," Britomartis commented.

"She would have gotten in the way."

"I know." She ran after him as he descended the steps to the dungeons again. "But still -"

"Be on the lookout, keep your wand ready." He softly incanted, "Lumos."

His wandtip lit up, giving a little light to the dark corridors, letting her know the discussion was over.

Britomartis also lit her wand up, following just behind him and keeping her head in motion to survery all sides.

SQUEAK

Their wands pointed down to their left, showing a scruffy-looking rat skittering past their feet.

"Looks like Mr. Weasley's rat," Britomartis muttered. "He really ought to keep that thing in a cage before the cats in the school eat it."

"Or your own snake."

"She's tried. She and Miss Granger's kneazle have a bet on who will get Mr. Weasley's rat first."

"Charming. You know, I often conspired with Medusa to get Pettigrew eaten."

"I didn't think you'd care for roasted rat, Snips."

"Not - " he began, just as what sounded like a tidal wave rush through the corridor; hot on the heels of the monsoon was a shriek of terror.

A knee-high flood of water poured down the hall, leaving a few inches of liquid in the dungeons.

"Oh, bollocks," Severus breathed. "I forgot about that."

"Me, too," Britomartis admitted meekly. "Let's see if there are any survivors."

Britomartis picked up the soaking wet skirt of her gown and rushed after the running form of Severus as they rounded the corner to the sound of the shriek.

Their wandlight fell upon a very female figure in boots, jeans, white shirt, black bodice, and a gray Donegal tweed flat cap. The female in question was sprawled before an open door and was thoroughly soaked from head to foot, dripping into the pool of water on the floor.

"By the Fires of Brigid - " the figure stated in a tone of awe as she pulled the cap off her head of red hair and wrung it. "THAT certainly had 'Snips and Spirals' written all over it." She glanced up at the source of wandlight, revealing a round face full of freckles and a pair of dark blue eyes behind gold-rimmed glasses. "Snape!"

"Who are you?" Severus stated.

She scrambled up. "Auror Fallon O'Shanahan, research assitant on the Sirius Black case." She slapped the flat cap back on her head at a jaunty angle. "And I take it you're still teaching potions here, Pro-fes-SOR Snape?"

"Indeed, O'Shanahan," Severus sneered. "I see you're still a clumsy child around the dungeons."

Fallon smirked. "I see you found yourself a girlfriend who looks like Spirals." She offered her hand to Britomartis. "Cheers, sister, Snips Snape here is quite a bore - he never got over his girlfriend Martis Vox leaving him, so I'm sorry that you ended up dating this loser who's still mooning over his first and only love."

"Oh, Snips," Britomartis giggled. "Did you really never get over my leaving?" She grinned. "Of course, Lolita, I suspect you never got over your crush on Evan Ryper."

"SPIRALS!"

The women met in a hug, their conversation overlapping, which Severus tuned out.

"Sorry I'm soaking wet - "

"I'm sorry, that prank was meant for the Marauders back then - "

"During the Legendary Prank War before my time - ?"

"Yes - "

He could not tune out for long. "Do you two mind not conversing like a pair of teenage girl-children? We have to search for Black!"

Fallon jerked her head towards Severus, grinning. "I can see how you found him again - that voice will make any woman's thighs turn to gelatin."

"Not quite how it happened, but I'll tell you later on," Britomartis replied. "Perhaps on one of your days off?"

"Sure - I'll just tell Kingsley." She off-handedly saluted them. "Carry on the search. We're gonna collar that son-of-a-bitch WITHOUT the Dementors."

"You hate those things, too?"

"My department's been itching to send them beyond the Seven Veils." The Auror noted Severus' impatient snort. "Anyway, see ye later." She turned and trotted down the hall, then suddenly turned again. "Hey, Snips - Spirals: it's good to see you two together again." She turned a corner, the last sound from her being the incantation for a drying spell.

Britomartis swept back to Severus, grinning. "Hail, hail, the gang's all here."

He snorted again. "The only ones missing now are Ryper, the Quidditch team, and Medusa. Unfortunately, Mr. Ryper had ... vanished ... after the War with the Dark Lord."

"Too bad; and Potter and Pettigrew have excuse notes for their absences, and Medusa served her time with our madness." She gathered up the soaking hem of her gown and followed him. "As for the Quidditch Team - I suppose I could have a harem of fine big strong men follow me around - but that might scare away our quarry."

"Or lure him out. I always had my suspicions about those 'Marauders' and their 'close bonds' -"

Martis giggled and swatted him. "Snips! You're awful! I thought you were only joking about that!"

"I know I'm not the only one who thought of it." He sloshed through the water. "Bloody hell - who's going to clean this up?"

"Penderdandis would have made us because we're the ones who set it up."

Severus continued sloshing. "I forgot how many pranks we had set up that the Marauders never set off. Filch had set off the fish one about ten years ago."

"Oh, the poor man! Did the fish smell finally wear off?"

"After two months. Mrs. Norris sat on his shoulders the whole time and licked his hair."

"Kinky."

XXXXXXXXXX

The darkest time before dawn arrived, and there was still no sign of Sirius Black in either his human or animagus forms. Many of the teachers continued their search, assisting the Aurors in accessing locked rooms and wings, or had gone off to bed to be ready for morning classes.

Severus and Britomartis entered the Great Hall where they found Dumbledore talking quietly with Percy.

"Headmaster?" Severus whispered. "The whole of the third floor has been searched. He's not there. Filch assisted Professor Vox and myself in the dungeons; nothing there either."

"Assist?" Dumbledore asked.

Britomartis managed a tiny smirk of pride. "The dungeons are flooded due to a ... "

"Yes, your Prank War from back then, Martis." Dumbledore's face briefly flickered with memories, then he asked, "What about the Astronomy tower? Professor Trelawney's room? The Owlery?"

"All searched ... " the Potions Master answered.

"Very well, Severus. I didn't really expect Black to linger."

Britomartis snorted. "He was an expert at not getting caught at the scenes of his crimes."

"Have you any theory as to how he got in, Professor?" Severus inquired, his silky voice becoming so calm it alarmed Britomartis to his angry simmer. "Even with his abilities, he would have been detected."

"Many theories, Severus, each of them as unlikely as the next."

"Not out of the realm of possibility," Britomartis added. "Even the Slytherin Common Room has loopholes in its spells - I'm quite sure he found a loophole here that we had not considered."

"That is what worries me most out of all my theories."

"You remember the conversation we had, Headmaster, just before - ah - the start of term?" Severus asked as quietly as possible.

Britomartis raised an eyebrow but said nothing. She noticed Percy Weasley was staring too obsessively at the two men, obviously trying to hear what they were saying.

"Come along, Mr. Weasley," she said in her motherly tone. "We must check on the students."

Both caught the tail end of Dumbledore saying, " - the Aurors will be informed, of course. I must go down to the Dementors, as well. I said I would inform them when our search was complete."

"Didn't they want to help, sir?" Percy asked.

"Oh, yes," Dumbledore replied in a dead voice. "But I'm afraid no Dementor will cross the threshold of this castle while I am Headmaster."

"Thank the Great Mother," Britomartis added. "Mr. Weasley, why don't I locate a Dementor for you to swap spit with - I'm sure you'll love to have one running around the school afterwards."

Percy shushed up and edged away as Dumbledore left the Great Hall. Britomartis sighed. "It's been a long night, Snips. Let's collect my mother and get back to our rooms. We have classes in the morning."

He nodded sullenly and both left the Great Hall as well.


	14. Chapter 14

NOTE: St. Trinian's is the creation of cartoonist Ronald Searle, and the first three movies are worth watching. Besides, in "Belles of St. Trinian's", there's a female teacher that looks almost like Snape. I HAD to use it!

CHAPTER FOURTEEN: "Substitutions"

The flash of light from the head table made everyone look up from breakfast to see Arithmancy Professor Leslie Vector change from a short, slightly balding man with a goatee, into a tall regal woman with long black hair.

"Overdue for her change," Severus Snape noted, not even pausing from nibbling on his toast.

Britomartis Vox sighed. "Poor Leslie - she's been going through this gender switching since our Third-Year together."

"Well, Filius did use her as an example of what happens when students pronounce their incantations with thick accents."

Vector looked up to the muttering students. "I am perfectly fine - classes will be held as scheduled, sorry to disappoint you."

Britomartis grinned. "Looks like you'll have to cancel your date with Madame Talbot."

"Why?" the Arithmancy instructor asked as she picked up where she left off with her scone.

The Worlds Religions professor leaned close. "Oh. I didn't know the wind blew that way."

Vector shrugged and leaned close, quietly saying, "Not quite, but she got a bargain on this Transformative Elixir that should clear up any ... incompatibilities."

Britomartis glanced over at Severus, a twinkle in her eye. "Snips - "

"No, no, a thousand times no."

"You've no imagination."

"That's correct."

Remus perked up. "I'd like to discuss this with you, Leslie."

"Oh?" she laughed. "Why?"

"I have an interest in transformation magicks."

Severus sneered, "Yes, you would."

XXXXXXXXXX

Saphira was still in a foul mood as morning slipped into midday. She was fully aware Professor Snape was a brusque, sometimes nasty individual due to his childhood, but him hexing her into submission like that the night before was just plain intolerable.

She had stopped him on the way out of his classroom for the lunch period.

"We need to talk, Professor."

Severus raised an eyebrow. "Madame?"

She pushed him into his lab with two fingertips digging into his chest. "I understand the nature of last night's emergency - but there was still no reason to hex me like that!"

He pulled away, his right hand going for the buttons of his frockcoat sleeve. "Apologies, Lady Saphira, but there was no time to explain to you that you were being unreasonable. Despite your ... psychological rerouting, Britomartis is still an adult woman who is a professor and has vowed to protect the students within the school. And you are fortunate that I am in a better mood today, otherwise I would tell you precisely what I think in no uncertain or delicate terms of how much of a nuisance you have been around here!"

"And what am I supposed to think of you being downright perverted with my daughter when all I can see is her being in the single digit age? Maybe that bloody Dark Lord of yours could have skipped my family entirely and chosen the ones down the street, but instead he chose MINE, so you'll have to live with your dead master's consequences!"

"HE WAS NEVER MY MASTER!" Severus roared. He stalked towards her, pressing his face close to hers. "Perhaps you think yourself more the victim, but I was just as much a victim as Martis. I never had any older siblings to save me, I never had a normal childhood in any form - do you have any idea what I went through when I was drowning in that pit of death and decay?"

Saphira was shocked when an image forced itself into her mind. She was not exactly sure if the shock was greater for the image itself or the fact that he was able to break through her own mental defenses.

She pulled away and saw Severus turn and stumble towards one of the desks, sinking wearily into the seat and holding one hand over his face.

In a small, contrite, quiet voice, he whispered, "Apologies ... I should not have forced my way in."

"Damned few are able," she murmured as she approached him and sat in the seat next to his. "Even then it was still very faint."

"I noticed ... and it still wiped me out ... "

She bit her lip, then gently touched the arm raised to cover his face. "Professor Snape ... Severus ... "

"Now you know I had no choice in my reactions."

"Severus, he was a horrible monster - "

"I do not wish to discuss it, Lady Saphira. I went against every grain of my being by having you see that, just for you to understand - "

"That your abuse under that monster was worse than what our family had to go through." She managed to pull his hand down from his face and hold it gently. "Understandable. Still, I do not like being treated as the enemy when I need to work on things with my daughter."

"Is that how I act?"

Saphira nodded. "I am not taking her away from you, you know."

"Yes."

"Although you must understand - "

"I do."

"Then please - "

He nodded. "I am sorry for doing that to you, Lady Saphira."

"I accept, Professor - "

The door slammed open and Remus stumbled into the room, looking pasty and sweaty, his shabby suit and robes disheveled. "Severus, it's time - is there anything else I need?"

Severus stood. "To go to Pomfrey, you dunderhead. I've given you the potion - what more do you want?"

Remus nodded, his ginger-colored-hair falling into his eyes. "Thank you, Severus."

Saphira stood up in alarm as Remus left the doorway. "What's wrong with Professor Lupin?"

"A condition that makes him look as stupid as he is the rest of the time - nothing to concern yourself with, Lady Saphira." Severus stood and brushed his robes. "Shall I escort you to lunch?"

"Yes, Professor."

As both exited the labs, an inflatable sheep draped in Remus' shabby old robe trotted down the hall and around the corner.

Severus continued on, ignoring the spectacle, while Saphira's jaw dropped open.

"HE TURNS INTO A SHEEP?"

"Hm?"

"Professor Lupin - that ... what's the word ... plastic sheep! Is that - ?"

"It would make more sense, but unfortunately, no, the sheep is not Professor Lupin; the sheep was known as Lambchop back when your daughter and I were students together. We have no idea where it came from, or why it showed up again. I suspect it wants to continue its wooing of Sirius Black."

"What?"

"Never mind, Lady Saphira."

XXXXXXXXXX

Pomfrey stared at the sweating, sick man in one of her hospital beds.

"This wolfsbane potion leaves him incapacitated before the full moon shows, Albus," she stated. "I actually feel worse for him for having to take it."

Dumbledore gazed at Remus. "A few hours until darkness, Poppy. Will you be able to smuggle him out during the last class of the day?"

"Leslie helped me last time, but she's currently unable to now."

"Yes, we all saw. Perhaps Severus?"

Pomfrey snorted. "And have him grumbling the whole time while trying to slam the man's head into the ground? I'd rather have the Dementors' help - "

A figure in turquoise and purple appeared. "I heard that it's starting."

Pomfrey said, "Martis, I need your help in getting Remus out of the school before the students see him."

Britomartis nodded. "Anything to help the poor goob."

"Martis - " Dumbledore cried.

She turned back to the headmaster as Pomfrey began to pull up Remus to dress him in a warm cloak. "Professor Dumbledore, the man has the spine of a jellyfish - he can't help it. I've always pitied him, even back when we were kids. There's no point in holding a grudge against this one."

She assisted Pomfrey in picking up the semi-conscious man and both left the infirmary.

XXXXXXXXXX

Remus became aware he was held upright and was being dragged somewhere in a place that smelled like dirt and decayed leaves.

"Nurse ... nurse ... I feel terrible."

"Little wonder," Pomfrey said from his left. "That wolfsbane potion is pulling all of your energy into your head to keep you from going insane. Martis, we're almost there."

"Fine, Poppy," Britomartis' voice replied on his right.

Remus swallowed hard, which seemed to make the whole tunnel echo with the sound. "Miss Britomartis - you know about - "

"I've known for a while, Lupin. Now quiet down and we'll get you settled in for the night."

The familiar sound of the trap door creaking open into the Shrieking Shack made him shake harder. "I'm so sorry ... I'm so sorry ... I'm so sorry ... " he sobbed.

He was pulled through the trap door and into the house. "Upstairs," Pomfrey said. "First bedroom on the right."

Britomartis blinked in the darkness, allowing her eyes to adjust. Remus continued to moan apologies as both women pulled him upstairs.

"Was he always like this?" Britomartis asked.

Pomfrey shook her head. "It's the wolfsbane potion doing this to him. Before the wolfsbane when he was a student, I merely escorted him here to ride out his changing. The potion is to help him control the madness - no chance of escaping and killing people."

"Did he kill anyone back then?"

"No. Although I was led to believe the rest of his so-called friends in Gryffindor took care of things on that end."

Both women snorted, and Britomartis added, "Yes, at least they tried to murder us in broad daylight."

Remus began mumbling, "Miss ... Britomartis ... Go away ... I won't be held ... responsible ... Please ... "

She kicked the door in - and paused as she felt a presence within the room STARING at her. Pomfrey's pushing of Remus into the room forced her to getting him into the room and onto the musty four-poster bed.

A dark thing moved in her periphial vision, and she turned her head towards the door.

Nothing, even though the creaking of the house seemed quite loud.

She turned back to the ill man. "Lupin ... Remus ... you'll be all right ... "

He gripped her wrist tightly, staring up at her through slitted eyes. "Please leave, Martis, please leave, please leave ... "

"Then let go of me, Lupin - "

He held onto her wrist tighter, surprising her with the strength in his hand. His pale blue eyes widened, shimmering into a greenish gold. "Not yet - !"

"Poppy!" Britomartis yelled.

"Damn," the nurse cried, lunging for his hand. "He's changing already!"

"It's still daylight!" Britomartis added. "He shouldn't be changing - "

Remus gasped and coughed, sweat falling in rivers from his skin. He released Britomartis by throwing her violently across the room. "GET OOUUUUTTT!"

Both women scrambled out of the room, Britomartis holding her wrist close to her chest as she and Pomfrey ran down the rickety stairs and dove down the trap door to the tunnel.

"Isn't the wolfsbane supposed to keep him sane?"

"It is - you don't want to know what a werewolf does in full lunacy." She glanced at the younger woman's hand. "Your wrist is broken. Come back to the infirmary and I'll get that healed up."

"Severus is going to kill him."

"If Snape ever finds out - patient injuries are confidential, and that wrist will heal up in a minute or two and no one will ever know the difference except us." She half-smiled. "Besides, I'm not too eager to heal up any hexes those two would do to each other in this day and age."

Britomartis delicately held her wrist, wondering why the Shrieking Shack looked like the room in her nightmare from the beginning of term.

XXXXXXXXXX

Severus whistled softly to himself as he entered the Defence Against Dark Arts classroom, the rain pattering harshly against the windows. "Finally ... " he breathed aloud.

Time to do some study plans before the students show up for the day's first class ... Perhaps a little joke to play on Lupin, with the students complaining bitterly all the while. Once they figure it out. He had a running bet with Filch that the students were too dense to figure out that their own DADA instructor was one of the creatures they were taught to look out for ...

XXXXXXXXXX

The Third-Year students grumbled under their breaths as they entered Worlds Religions class.

Britomartis smirked. "Judging by the foul names you're spouting, I take it you've had the delightful opportunity of having Professor Snape as your Dark Arts instructor?"

"Two scrolls!"

"On something we haven't studied yet!"

"TWO scrolls!"

Hermione marched up to Britomartis' desk and slammed her hands down on it, making the various jars of olive oil and honey and various stones rattle. She leaned close and whispered harshly: "I was under the impression that males who 'get some' become more mellow!"

Britomartis' face hurt from trying not to laugh. "I beg your pardon?"

"He was a NIGHTMARE, Professor Vox! We won't be studying werewolves for another few months, but he had us doing so! And he - "

"Told you not to be a know-it-all? Yes, I'm familiar with the complaints. Pay it no mind, dear. Just do your work and ignore his ranting moods. No matter what you do, he'll find something to rant about."

"How can you stand him?"

"He's a completely different person when he doesn't have to deal with students."

"He admits to eating babies?"

Britomartis finally broke into a smile. "Something like that. I understand Professor Lupin will be well by your next Dark Arts class, so you may rejoice."

"Thank the Great Mother," Hermione sighed as she turned back to her seat.

Britomartis smiled even more to herself. Miss Granger was certainly turning into a proper little Minoan Lady ... her Alia would have been the same age, but likely making sure Miss Granger never got ahold of formal priestess garb ...

XXXXXXXXXX

Saturday arrived, the wind and rain battering the Quidditch pitch and against the walls of the castle.

"So, Mr. Malfoy," Britomartis stated as she worked on the robe of one of the Quidditch players. "Are you sure you cannot play Seeker?"

Draco, sprawled on the couch, moaned. "I'm still hurt, ma'am."

"Too bad," she murmured. "Nearly three months, and you're still injured. What a waste. I thought you'd want to be healed up in time for the opening game, so you can show Potter who's boss."

He pretended to ignore her. She sighed.

"This is the first time in nearly two-hundred-sixty years that Slytherin has backed out of the opening game. The entire House has been looking forward to this game, in which we could start off the season ahead of Gryffindor - "

Draco made a rude noise. "Yes, and no one had been selected as my replacement. Who can we blame for that?"

"Your captain and your House Master." She scowled as Marcus Flint swaggered into the Common Room and plopped into an armchair. "If I had charge of the Quidditch selections, I would have chosen Lian Mei as Seeker and replaced Mr. Flint with Mr. Pucey, since he has something resembling a strategic mindset and is not repeating a year."

Both Draco and Marcus scowled at her in return.

"We've been winning for eight years in a row, Professor," Marcus informed her.

"Dirty tricks and guerrilla tactics - brilliant."

Draco gave her a dung-eating grin. "At least we don't destroy the equipment. Professor."

She grinned back. "Yes - your playing is far too delicate and pathetic to actually hurt anything."

Draco scowled and recoiled slightly. "Anyway, Professor, I'm injured and that's the end of it. The Hufflepuffs will have to kick Gryffindor backside for me."

"Yes," Britomartis agreed, biting the thread. "Never mind how cold and wet and windy it is out there."

Flint smirked, folding his hands behind his head and resting his feet on one of the tables. "Better them than me. I prefer snow as opposed to rain."

Britomartis sulked silently to herself. (Honor, what's that ... ?)

XXXXXXXXXX

Britomartis, Severus, and Saphira held their umbrellas low over their heads as they made their way across the grass towards the Quidditch pitch.

"Well, I can honestly say I never played an actual game in these conditions!" Britomartis yelled over the noise of the storm.

"Can you blame them for not wanting to play today, Spirals?" Severus asked.

"Yes, I can - Quidditch Honor Uber Alles!"

Saphira giggled, brushing wet silver hair out of her mouth. "Exhilerating, I must say! I've seen only the Minoan version played by my grandchildren - I expect this to be as exciting!"

The three ducked under the stands and began to ascend the stairs to the bleachers. The rain could not reach them and the noise was somewhat muffled. "Pity our own team isn't playing," Britomartis added.

Severus snorted. "And have Lucius of the Toilet Seat Tattoo prattle on about forcing his 'injured and traumatized' child to participate in sports? I'd rather have bamboo splinters shoved under my fingernails - it'd be less painful and tedious."

"The more I hear of the father of Draco Malfoy, the more I cannot stand him," Saphira announced.

Deciding to have a little fun, Britomartis added, "Oh, did I forget to mention he tried to have his way with me?"

"WHAT?"

Severus bit his lip, not sure if he wanted to laugh or sigh in disgust.

Before Britomartis could explain, a voice yelled up from below: "Snips - Spirals! Wait up!"

Severus decided to sigh in disgust. "Oh, joy, O'Shanahan arrives."

Britomartis glanced at his face. "Why the sour look, dearest? I thought you didn't mind Lolita?"

"Not as such, but she grates on my nerves - especially in her Seventh-Year potions' class."

"Lolita?" Saphira murmured.

"Long story, Mother," Britomartis replied.

Fallon appeared on the landing, clad in a Muggle leather jacket and the gray flat cap, which looked right and looked wrong on her. She wrung the flat cap out again. "I got the day off - sorta. After what happened at the Fall Festival, nobody's taking chances with all the students out in the open like this." She offered her hand to Saphira. "Auror Fallon O'Shanahan."

"Saphira Vox - Britty's mother."

"Britty?"

"I'll explain later, Fallon," Britomartis stated. "It's time for the game."

The four continued up the stairs. "What's with Hufflepuff and Gryffindor opening? Did they change the line-up?"

"Temporarily," Britomartis answered. "It seems our Seeker injured himself by frightening a hippogriff, and SOMEBODY wouldn't get a replacement Seeker."

Severus made an ungentlemanly sound. "Do shut up, woman."

"Make me, Dark Prince."

"Not in front of your mother."

Fallon nearly grinned her face off. "I love it." She turned to Saphira. "Madame Vox, these two were in love with each other back in school, but both denied it, even though it was plainly obvious to every one else."

"How would you know?" Britomartis giggled. "You were a First-Year."

"I was also your roommate and heard you talk in your sleep - " She leaned close and murmured in a thick Cretan accent " - 'Oh, yes, Snips, I love your fingers! Do it again - ooh-ooh-ooh'!"

"You are lying!"

"About that - never!"

The four reached the bleachers and used their umbrellas as a solid roofline over their heads. Fallon peered into the rain and watched the players warm up on the pitch. "I hope my daughters get into Hogwarts - both would love to be on the Quidditch team."

Britomartis warmed up to the topic. "How many children?"

"Two little girls - neither by Evan, I'm afraid. Both are attending a Muggle primary school called St. Trinian's. The Muggles are horrified of the place, but I think it's perfect for young girls to learn how to really get by in life."

"What's so bad about it?"

Fallon's eyes shifted. "Well, I heard that just after the last war, the school was occupied by the British Army, and they suffered higher casualties there than they did fighting the Nazis." She broke into a grin. "The progress reports from their teachers are promising - Harriet is ten years old and already head of the Debate Society's Blackmail Division, and Petronella is nine and an expert in her chemistry classes - something about improving purity and yield."

Britomartis decided Fallon was pulling her leg about the whole thing and changed the subject, "So, why haven't you written me?"

"Why haven't you written me? I sent you at least an owl a week for three months. I know Snape sent you at least two letters a day until ... the Lake Incident ... "

"I heard about that. Well, it seems Voldemort had a vested interest at the time - "

Britomartis spent the next few minutes of game time explaining what had happened in her life and the theories she and Severus had concerning her departure and what had happened to her mother.

Afterward, Fallon shook her head and whistled. "By the Fires of Brigid - that IS hella' outrageous. If the Dark Lord really does show up again, you know I'll give him a few extra kicks."

Britomartis chuckled. "Not scared?"

"Of course I'm scared, but you have to do what's Right despite being scared."

"You sound like a Gryffindor."

"And you sound like a Hufflepuff - who would know we were once Slytherins?"

Britomartis sobered. "What made you decide to not join in the Death Eater festivities during that era?"

"Didn't have it in me. If I weren't Muggle-born, I probably wouldn't have been invited, anyway. I was out to prove myself as a capable human being that did not have to rely on any type of crutch to make it through life; magic was merely another tool to me." She raised an eyebrow. "And what about you, besides being raised by humans as opposed to cold reptiles?"

"You're insulting cold reptiles. I suppose it simply is that: I entered Slytherin thirsting to prove myself, too." She paused, then asked, "Did anyone else we know survive?"

Fallon tapped her forehead. "Greta Bulstrode married Fearghus Flynn and he took her name. He's managing the Kenmare Kestrels since he got his ass handed to him by two Bludgers. Greta is running a florists' shop out at Kenmare and they have a daughter."

"Millicent. She looks just like her mother, but has Fearghus' growl."

"I'll feel sorry for whomever she decides to hook up with. Peony married Grant Parkinson; he's working at Gringotts and she's a housewife. I know they had one girl - Pansy. I was invited to the baby shower."

"Yes, she's attending, although she has more leadership ability than Peony ever did."

"Lupin had more leadership ability than Peony ever did. Aki moved back to Japan and is now a Charms teacher at Sakura Academy. Last I heard, she married some guy her parents arranged her to, and is giving him grief."

"I'm surprised she accepted the arranged marriage."

"She's a romantic at heart, you knew that."

"What about Oriana Crescent?"

Fallon bit her lip. "I haven't been able to get a straight answer out of anyone concerning her. I know she had a kid with Nott, but she was later killed by Death Eaters - not too long after the fall of the Dark Lord when they were being hunted down. I don't know if she had married Nott or if their kid - Theodore, I think - was just a by-product of some Dark Wizard rape. Nott was definitely a Death Eater, I know that."

"Too bad. I thought Ori was too much of an airhead to get involved." She thought about it. "Theodore never mentioned who his mother was."

"Don't blame the kid - he found her body." She shifted mood. "Better subjects. The Quidditch team essentially fell apart after you left, although Thomas St. Claire went on to play for the Winbourne Wasps and won a few of the Quidditch World Cups. I told you about Flynn. Lessee ... oh, all three Woot brothers are on the Appleby Arrows Quidditch team and they like to try to beat up Thomas when they play together. I dated Bill Kauffey a few months when I was a Fifth-Year, but he went on to work in his dad's cauldron business."

"Heard from Evan Ryper?"

Fallon shook her head. "Not since the War with the Dark Lord. Evidently he participated in the war against him and then vanished afterward. Dumbledore would probably know where to contact him; I haven't had a desire to do so because ... well, after the whole thing with the Dark Lord, my offers of comfort would mean very little."

"You'd be surprised at what even a little comfort could do. How's Bridget?"

Fallon smiled sadly. "Still at it. She finally married that Muggle she'd been chasing and they managed to produce one kid. I'm surprised he turned out as well as he did, considering I thought Bridget's womb was pickled."

"Is he attending Hogwarts?"

"Yeah - Gryffindor of all Houses - name's Seamus Finnegan."

Britomartis blinked. "He mentioned his aunt was working on the Sirius Black case."

"Well, he's right. I am."

XXXXXXXXXX

The Quidditch match between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff raged on for over four hours. The howling wind and crashing thunder and intense rain made it impossible to hear Lee Jordan's by-play of the game or even see the by-play itself.

The streaks of yellow and scarlet robes were barely perceptible in the blinding rain. However, Britomartis, feeling the game in her bones, stood up under her umbrella and yelled out both plays and jeers towards both teams in their play.

At one point, everyone was positive Harry Potter and Cedric Diggory were chasing the Snitch, and the roar of the crowd could be barely heard over the rain, wind, and thunder -

Until the breeze of coldness fell over the crowd, suddenly muting the noise.

Britomartis felt lightheaded as she pulled her sunglasses off and allowed her eyes to readjust on the wispy forms of the Dementors that had abruptly filled the air over the stadium.

"Great Mother!"

Everything happened at once:

Harry began falling from his broomstick.

Dumbledore appeared on the field, seeming to stop Harry's fall with a wave of his wand.

Severus and Britomartis shielded Saphira with their bodies.

Fallon jumped out of her seat and raised her wand towards the Dementors.

Dumbledore's wand also pointed towards the Dementors.

Both Fallon and Dumbledore cried out at once: "EXPECTO PATRONUM!"

Britomartis gazed up to see Dumbledore's Patronus for the first time - a flaming silver phoenix of immeasurable size attacking the Dementors closest to himself and Harry, slashing the apparitions apart with a wave of its silver flame wings.

Overhead, Fallon's Patronus in the form of a silver wild boar charged towards the Dementors heading straight for her huddled companions. The attack drove them off, sending them screaming into the rain after the ones dispersed by Dumbledore.

Britomartis looked up. "Where the Avernus did you learn that?"

Fallon began breathing again, then finally answered, "Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies. Come on - let's get the kids inside. Dumbledore looks like someone twisted his shorts into the Lindesfarne Knot while he was wearing them."

Britomartis nodded dumbly and Severus stared at Fallon harshly.


	15. Rain

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN: "Rain"**

**It was the early evening by the time Britomartis visited Harry Potter in the hospital wing.**

**He looked so pathetic, like a half-grown puppy that had been freshly washed, as he stared glumly at the pile of wood splinters spread across his quilt. He reminded her of Severus when she had first held him in the library after Sirius Black had dragged him through the mud.**

**"May I join you, Mr. Potter?" she asked.**

**"Professor," he replied politely, not looking up.**

**She settled into the chair next to his bed. "I heard the Whomping Willow made a mess of your broom. This is what's left of it?"**

**He nodded listlessly.**

**She glanced at the splinters. "Quite thorough, too. Luckily, it wasn't you."**

**"I'd have preferred it, Professor - at least Madame Pomfrey could patch me up. This is my ... " He glanced up. "It seems sort of silly, doesn't it? Mourning the loss of my broom, I mean."**

**"If it's served you faithfully and has given you victory in Quidditch, I think that's reason enough." She bit her lip. "What are you really thinking about?"**

**"Nothing."**

**"Sure it isn't - I recognize a lost child when I see one."**

**"No, really, nothing."**

**Britomartis stared at the pile of wood on the quilt. What would Dumbledore do?**

**"Would you like a lemon drop?"**

**Harry looked at her oddly. "Excuse me?"**

**She shook her head. "No, I can't do Dumbledore's approach. I'll have to do mine." She gestured at the broom remnants. "Put to rest at sea? Ground burial? Cremation? I would go with cremation myself - proper send-off for a heroic end, that sort of thing."**

**Harry pondered a moment, then nodded. "Cremation would be proper."**

**"Whom do I invite to the service?"**

**"Ron. Hermione. Ginny, I think - she used to ride it a bit at the Burrow."**

**Martis clucked her tongue. "Letting such a young thing ride your broomstick. Shame, Mr. Potter."**

**Harry flushed a brilliant red, even though he knew she was joking. "Nothing like that." **

**She nodded, handing him a block of chocolate. "Compliments of the Slytherin Chapter of the Harry Potter Club."**

**"Isn't that 'Slytherins Who Want Harry Potter Clubbed'?" he asked as he accepted it.**

**"Only Young Malfoy and his _coterie_. The rest admire you, even though they won't admit it on pain of death." She got up and leaned close to kiss his temple - making sure he knew she was not aiming for his scar like the girls on her island had done - then moved to leave.**

**"Professor?"**

**"Yes?"**

**"Thank you."**

**She nodded. "When you're ready, just bring it and yourself to my office."**

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**Remus Lupin coughed a little, then pulled his thin robe closer around his body.**

**It had been a few days since he had recovered from his Time and had spent those days in his office or his rooms, afraid to come out to staff meals.**

**He had barely been able to control the transitional phase of his changing; the potion had made him too sick or delirious or something and his transitional phase made him the most vulnerable to the Werewolf Mind rather than his full werewolf state now.**

**It was a side effect of the Wolfsbane Potion, of course. He knew the transitional phases (turning into and turning back from) were more painful and sickening than usual due to the potion, but at least he did not have to worry about accidentally killing anyone. Quite the contrary, the potion actually allowed him some mental clarity and he could spend his time studying and remembering everything in his werewolf state.**

**Remus had mainly been afraid of facing Miss Britomartis. He remembering treating her badly when she tried to help him to the Shrieking Shack, and he was certain he had broken a bone or two when he threw her across the room. He rationalized that it had been better to throw her across the room than allow the Werewolf Mind to go through with the idea of ...**

**He shivered. This time had been the closest he had ever been to his werewolf state around her, and he had forgotten the powerful effect she had on it. Things had changed - her scent and such - but the fluttering at the edges of his consciousness when human had remained the same, and the transitional phase when the wolf and human parts were fighting each other found her even more desirable in that respect.**

**Remus reached over to the fire and used a potholder to pick up the kettle of water and bring it to his cup. He poured the hot liquid in and replaced the kettle over the fire before tossing in a teabag.**

**He wondered (for the umpteenth time) why the hell her scent affected his werewolf aspect so much. None of the other girls back in school sparked an interest (perhaps because of all the dried floral soaps they used, which irritated his nose), and the few women he associated with in his adult years produced no reaction, either. He was quite attracted to a few of them ... but the werewolf part remained silent on all the others.**

**Damned annoying. Especially since he still carried a torch for her after all these years.**

**And he had hurt her.**

**Remus was rather surprised when an owl fluttered in and dropped a scroll into his lap. The owl settled on the stack of books next to his teacup, and he offered the bird a nibble of biscuit in thanks. The owl took off, and he opened the scroll.**

**Written in a familiar blocky script was: 'Are you going to join us for dinner tonight, Lupin, or am I going to have to send a vampire up for you to hunt? My wrist is fine, you're forgiven, now get your skinny ass down here; we're having a spag and toast night, so we'll probably have a food fight before the night's over. You and Rolonda versus Severus and myself - losers have to clean the Great Hall. -- Martis Vox'.**

**Remus chuckled to himself. He doubted McGonagall would allow any of them to have a food fight, but her invitation was duly noted and he was forgiven by her.**

**He found himself missing the old days, especially the ways they would all prank each other ... then remembered all the nasty pranks he had to suffer because he was a Marauder, and quickly moved back to the present of finishing his tea.**

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**Severus was summoned to Dumbledore's office that evening.**

**Fallon O'Shanahan was seated before Dumbledore's desk, half-grinning and half-upset as she scribbled in a notebook. "Hey, Snips."**

**"How many times have I told you to stop that?" Severus snapped. "'Professor' if you will, 'Snape' if you must."**

**"How about 'Your High Exalted Imperial Snapeness'?"**

**"No."**

**"Aye," she answered, shifting from her lilting Irish brogue and into a lower class British accent. "I'll put down 'Master Gentleman Snape'." She giggled. "Bit of Shakespeare there."**

**"I know of his work." Severus turned to Dumbledore. "You sent for me, sir?"**

**"Yes, Severus," Dumbledore replied. "It has come to our attention that ... Sirius Black's animagus form has been seen around the Quidditch stadium."**

**"I would be surprised if anyone saw anything through that wall of rain or the Dementors," Severus snorted, folding his arms. "Who makes these claims?"**

**"Several Gryffindor students, who said they saw a large black dog sitting on the top row of bleachers."**

**Severus scowled. "Positive it wasn't one of our dear professors?"**

**Dumbledore gave him a warning look across the bow. "Positive, Severus."**

**"And why have I been called on this matter?"**

**"Thought you'd like some leads so you can have first crack at him," Fallon chuckled.**

**"Miss O'Shanahan - " Dumbledore warned.**

**"Sorry, sir," she apologized, turning serious. "Snape, there is a slight possibility that Sirius Black may be after other people as well as Harry Potter. There is no denying the history between you two during the school years, and there is also no denying the histories he's had with Professors Vox and Lupin. After spending a dozen years in Azkaban and being snacked upon by Dementors, I wouldn't be surprised at all if he has a whole list of people he wants to kill in revenge."**

**"Several of us located right on the school's premises," Severus surmised. "How convenient for him. Has it occurred to you that he doesn't even know Martis and Lupin are also here?"**

**"If he's hung around as long as we suspect, he may know," Fallon answered. "We also know that several offspring of his Death Eater buddies are also attending; with the Death Eaters ratting each other out back in the early 80's, he may take revenge against those buddies by targeting their kids."**

**"That assumes a Death Eater would have some form of parental affection for his offspring. They deliberately tried to stamp out such ... weaknesses."**

**"As mentioned, Black is mad at this point - rather unpredictable." She sniffed. "Tell me, Snape, has anything out of the ordinary been noted by you or Vox?"**

**"There is something ordinary around here? Must be hiding behind the tapestries."**

**"Snips - "**

**"No, there has been nothing out of the ordinary, save for the break-in noted around Hallowe'en. Of course, it may have been avoided if - "**

**"If the Dementors weren't posted around the school," she argued. "Of which I am beginning to suspect - if Black is an animagus - are unable to detect animagi."**

**"Beg pardon?" Dumbledore asked.**

**"If the Dementors are unable to detect animagi, it would explain how Black had escaped Azkaban - he simply changed into his animagus form and slipped out."**

**"Then why didn't he do so twelve years ago?" Severus asked sharply.**

**"I'm an Auror, not a Muggle profiler! We have to catch him to ask. Anyway, it would explain how he is roaming the countryside around the school and had even been able to sneak into the school past them."**

**Severus clapped slowly in a sarcastic manner. "Brilliant deduction, O'Shanahan; if only you applied yourself to your potions NEWTS just as energetically!"**

**She raised an eyebrow. "Snape, get over yourself. I'm only here to give warning that Black may not be after only Mr. Potter - and may have you, in particular, on his hit list."**

**Severus smirked. "Bring him on."**

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**Severus and Fallon left Dumbledore's office, walking quietly down the open hallway towards the dorm buildings in the full moonlight.**

**She glanced at his frowning profile. "It's no secret you can't stand me, Snape. Why?"**

**He halted, turning to stare at her in shock. He had been so used to playing games of subtle and elusive wit with those around him, a person outright asking him a direct question actually unnerved him. Only Britomartis had done that - and now Fallon.**

**He turned away. "Silly girl-child."**

**"I'm in my thirties and a mother of two girls. I know silly girl-children." She snorted. "Come on, Snape, out with it."**

**"I do not dislike you," he said. "In point of fact, my feelings for you are largely neutral. But I do dislike your manner. Especially your casual behavior in the face of serious matters. Any serious matters - whether madmen threatening schoolchildren or affairs of the heart - are likely to be fodder for your low-brow sense of humor. And some things are too important for such a cavalier attitude."**

**"'Affairs of the heart' ... ?" A blank expression was quickly replaced by one of genuine surprise. "Oh, dear. Don't tell me you took my casual flirting way back then seriously!"**

**"Of course I did. And I still do. I find your disrespect of the bond between myself and Martis to be most aggravating. Important things should be treated as such, not made the subject of casual schoolgirl giggles." He gave her a mild glare and continued walking. "That includes ignoring the safety of children in order to waste time discussing hare-brained theories instead of finding some practical application of what is known."**

**"Ouch, am I bleeding?" **

**He made a sound of absolute disgust and hurried his pace.**

**She brisked her way back to his side. "Snape! Sorry - I didn't mean to hurt you. All right, so playing silly didn't sit well with you; sorry about that. Instead of brooding, you should have told me to shut up. And if you hadn't noticed, those three Dementors were coming RIGHT for Martis' mother. If I hadn't used the Patronus - "**

**"If you hadn't, I would have."**

**She began laughing. "You KNEW I was, Snape! I know a Legilimens when I see one!"**

**"Very perceptive. But you are aware that - unlike the characters of comic books - a true Legilimens has to actually follow procedures? Actively concentrate? None of which I was doing at the moment? Or do you Aurors get all your training from _Hero Wizard_ comics?"**

**She bit her lip. "Snape ... If I told you how I knew, it would compromise both of us in light of the potential future terrors of the Dark Lord."**

**Severus stopped at mid-step, not bothering to look back at her. "You knew ... ?"**

**"I told you, if I tell, it would compromise both of us in our work. You can't deny that a second war could develop if the Dark Lord succeeds in becoming corporeal - that's been his agenda these last two years, hasn't it? We're both needed in that potential conflict, in our respective stations of work, and the less known the better." She paused, and then added, "And it's only out of respect for Martis that I'm allowing you to know that much."**

**Severus barely turned his head. "Dumbledore can be ... dotty at times."**

**She grinned. "It wasn't his fault, actually, although he had a lot to do with it."**

**"When?"**

**"As Arthur would like to quote: 'None of your beeswax'."**

**He was now quite sure what she implied. "Be more discreet in the future, then. The work relies on it."**

**She nodded. "Yes, sir." She smiled. "Severus ... I really am happy for you and Martis being together again. You both were so perfect together; it was heartbreaking seeing you separated. I have always respected Snips and Spirals, and I completely respect Severus Snape and Britomartis Vox as they are Meant To Be."**

**He nodded. "Any excuses for your behavior when I was teaching?"**

**"Oh, that? I really did think you were hot back then - but you already knew about my thing for older men." She sighed, grinning. "I really was trying to cheer you up by being silly."**

**"I was in no condition to appreciate it."**

**"Sorry." Fallon started to reach across to touch his face, then pulled her hand back. "Be safe, take care of Martis, and blast Black."**

**He nodded. "You're not getting off that easy."**

**"Of course not - you've always believed in grinding down high expectations so nothing comes as a surprise." She moved to leave, and then added, "By the way, where I'm from, we joke about the sacred so we won't be driven crazy by the seriousness of it. Intensity is not necessary for living."**

**"Speak for yourself."**

**She gave him a grin. "You know, if you weren't so intense, you wouldn't have so many Lolitas chasing you and begging for a love-child." Fallon blew him a kiss. "So, yes, I DO know."**

**As she left, Severus rolled his eyes. "Always the last word."**

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**The Larry Pothead role-playing group members were literally bouncing off the walls, giggling hysterically to themselves as those outside of the group watched from corridors and doorways with both annoyance and fear.**

**Britomartis also watched from the Heads of House Corridor, her arms folded and carefully observing the bouncing, laughing role-players. Saphira stood behind her, her light brows knotted over her blue eyes.**

**"Did you ever - ?"**

**"No, Mother, this appears to be completely unprecedented."**

**Finally, Britomartis snatched Elizabeth Humphries out of mid-bounce - obviously the ring-leader of the bouncing - and held the girl before her. Elizabeth's purple-streaked blonde hair had flown out of a top knot, and her mouth was open in a HUGE toothy grin which exposed the gap between her front teeth. Her quartz-blue eyes rolled around in their very wide sockets.**

**"HEEE-EE-EE-EE-EEEE!" she giggled.**

**"What is going on?" Britomartis asked calmly.**

**"MY MUMMY AND DADDY SENT ME A GIANT BAG OF CURIOUSLY-STRONG HYPERBOMB CANDIES - WANNA HIT?"**

**Graham Pritchard was waving his hands in front of his face and crying, "I have X-Ray Vision! I CAN SEE THROUGH TIME!"**

**"I LIKE BUNNIES!" Millicent Bulstrode squealed, squeezing her cat hard enough to make its eyes pop out. "THEY'RE FWUFFY!"**

**"FILCH STOLE MY UNDERPANTS!" Blaise Zabini shouted as he raised up his robe, showing off his under-uniform.**

**Seventh Year Jennie Breeden giggled hysterically, "ARR! I'LL SWAB ME DECK WITH YER INNARDS AND STUFF!"**

**Elizabeth held out a shivering bag to her House Mother. "WE HAVE GRAPE AND ORANGE AND TUTTI-FRUTTI - "**

**Britomartis snatched the bag away.**

**"HEY! GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY TUTTI-FRUTTIS!"**

**She dropped the girl and drew her wand out, calling out "STUPEFY!" to all the students bouncing around the room. They stopped and floated in mid-air, then finally fell to the floor like autumn leaves.**

**Peeves materialized, hooting in laughter and tumbling in the air. "What - a - PARTY!"**

**"Peeves! Get lost!" Britomartis snarled.**

**He performed an obscene gesture with his tongue. "Ooh, touchy-touchy, Britty Voxie!"**

**"You know the Baron doesn't want you in here!"**

**"He can't stop me if he doesn't know - "**

**The Bloody Baron suddenly materialized behind him and tapped his shoulder. Peeves turned whiter than usual, then screamed, "I DIDN'T DO IT THIS TIME! I HAVE WITNESSES!"**

**The Baron apparently did not care as he grabbed Peeves by the top of the head and slung him through one wall and into the bottom of the Lake. The Baron vanished, snorting in contempt at the students of his House.**

**First-Year Derek Frobisher suddenly snapped up and yelled, "MY GOD - VOX HAS ENORMOUS BOOBIES!" Then crashed back down.**

**Britomartis blinked, dropping the bag to the floor. "Great Mother - it can break a stun spell - !"**

**Saphira carefully picked up the still shivering bag and opened it slightly, looking at the contents. "Looks like ordinary hard candies." She looked again. "Although they're humming in vibration."**

**Britomartis slipped her wand back in her robe. "They could probably be considered narcotics." **

**Severus entered the Common Room and gazed around at the unconscious Slytherins. "What in the - ?"**

**Daphne Greengrass snapped up and cried, "PINK AARDVARKS!" Then somersaulted forward and passed out.**

**Deb Lister and Arlene Rimmer both sat up, pointed at each other, and yelled, "SMEGHEAD!", and then unceremoniously passed out.**

**Severus sighed, not really wanting to know what was going on now.**

**"Could you analyze these, Professor Snape?" Britomartis asked as she gestured towards the bag her mother held. "It appears some metabolism-altering chemicals had found their way into our House."**

**Severus hesitantly accepted the shivering bag from Saphira and carefully peered into it. "Hard sweets?"**

**"Elizabeth Humphries had mentioned her parents had sent them to her. Evidently she had shared it with her role-playing group and they had spent the last five minutes bouncing around the Common Room."**

**Elizabeth sprung up this time: "I AM THE GOBLIN QUEEN!"**

**"Indeed," Severus murmured, closing the bag. "Her Excellency should be amused to hear that." He turned back to the House Mother. "Of course these will be analyzed. Shall I give Miss Humphries detention or should you?"**

**"This was an accident, Professor - I doubt there was intention to drug anyone."**

**He nodded and left the Common Room as the other Slytherins slowly came out of hiding.**

**Adrian Pucey abruptly called out: "MALFOY EATS RATS!"**

**The sober ones dove back into the halls.**

**Several other role-players began singing, "NARF! NARF! NARF!" then eventually quieted down.**

**Britomartis and Saphira turned back to their rooms, and the mother asked, "Britty, aren't you going to revive the students?"**

**"Not yet. I need to consult Poppy about this candy in their systems and see if they need to be in any sort of detox. I'm afraid that they may start right back up with the bouncing and giggling again if I take the stun spell off. Even WITH the spell, they break out of it for a few seconds at a time."**

**Saphira was silent a moment, then grabbed her daughter around the neck in a hug and cried out, "MY BABY CAN WORK EUROPEAN MAGIC! You'll definitely be getting your letter for Hogwarts this year, dear, and - "**

**"MOTHER! I'm a professor at Hogwarts right now! FOCUS!"**

**"Oops, sorry."**

**From the Common Room came the yell of one of the Prefects: "Hey, Professor! What do we do with the inflatable sheep? It's trying to crawl inside Warrington's robe!"**

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**The very next day - Sunday - had more rain pounding down on the castle.**

**Severus had a single Hyperbomb candy in a jar on his lab table as he, Britomartis, Dumbledore, McGonagall, Pomfrey, and Saphira gazed at it.**

**The Hyperbomb looked like any other hand candy or sweet, save for the irregular lozenge shape denoting it was a homemade concoction. This one was bright yellow-green in color, identified during analysis as 'lemon-lime' flavored. It very steadily made its way around the inside of the jar by vibrating rapidly.**

**Severus donned a pair of lab gloves and opened the jar, grabbing the vibrating candy.**

**"Gloves?" McGonagall inquired.**

**"I haven't slept, yet, Minerva, due to handling these barehanded when I first acquired them. Some of the effects seep into the skin." He used a pair of lab scissors to cut the sweet in half.**

**"How are you feeling?" Britomartis asked.**

**"As if I consumed a full lab cauldron of coffee." He slipped the candy through the cage bars of one of the lab mice.**

**"What are you doing?" Pomfrey asked.**

**"Showing you what Professor Vox witnessed in the Slytherin Common Room."**

**The mouse sniffed the candy, and then experimentally licked it. Within two seconds, the mouse began vibrating, then bounced around its cage - weakening the bars - and finally shot out of the cage and through the door of the potions lab.**

**"Was that a rocket or a mouse?" Saphira asked in awe.**

**"This particular sweet had been banned from recipe books since 1704," Dumbledore commented. "Hyperbombs were found to cause solidification of the blood vessels by the third dose."**

**"How?" Saphira asked.**

**Severus cleared his throat. "It is essentially an interdimensional pocket, meaning the sweet is holding more than it appears. Each one of these candies contains six pounds of ingredients - most of it comprised of sugar, honey, coffee beans, flavorings, and treacle."**

**"SIX POUNDS?" Britomartis cried. "So what's running through their veins now is - ?"**

**"Caffeinated syrup," Pomfrey answered. "I'm having to flush out their blood vessels this weekend."**

**"Hence the reason why it solidifies the arteries," Dumbledore added.**

**"Pardon me a moment," McGonagall stated. "I was led to believe that Humphries' parents are Muggles. Where would they get a hold of a banned recipe book and work with such recipes?"**

**"Perhaps there are magic folk in her family tree somewhere?" Britomartis suggested. "I always suspected it whenever a student says they come from Muggle families; look back nine or ten generations, and there's likely some Muggle gal that rode a Wizard's broom stick - or a Muggle fellow that got to stir a Witch's cauldron - OW!" She glared at McGonagall who had smartly tapped the back of her head.**

**McGonagall glared back at her. "Crudely phrased, but somewhat accurate."**

**Pomfrey tittered a giggle and tried to suppress it.**

**Saphira finally said, "Perhaps the recipe got passed down by way of a family recipe book? Recipe books - or at least their contents - can be passed down for generations."**

**Dumbledore nodded. "Perhaps it would be best to ask Mr. and Mrs. Humphries where they managed to find this recipe - it's quite dangerous to be in Muggle hands. Find that book now."**

**A curious, odd smile manifested on Severus' face.**

**Pomfrey nodded. "I'll go revive Humphries."**

**As the others left, Britomartis approached Severus and stated, "Turn out your pockets."**

**"I beg your pardon?" he asked.**

**"Snips, I know that look on your face - you're planning to use those things, aren't you?"**

**"I have no idea what you mean," he replied, turning back to the candy and depositing both halves into the jar again.**

**Britomartis threw her arms around his body and moved her hands down the front of his frockcoat.**

**"Professor Vox! This is highly - !"**

**Her fingers moved along the hems where the coat parted just below his waist.**

**"This is not the time or place for such - !"**

**"Stop being a worm!"**

**McGonagall had returned to say something, but seeing Britomartis' arms pinning Severus' arms to his body and her hands in his pockets as he squirmed made her think twice and instead turn around and leave again.**

**Finally, Britomartis turned out one of his trouser pockets and three Hyperbombs fell to the floor.**

**"Spirals!" he objected as she released him.**

**She glared and sarcastically snarled, "I'm sure you were going to use them for some interesting playtime between us!"**

**"I - "**

**"You were going to give them to Lupin, weren't you?"**

**"Only as a get-well present - you always say to treat him nice now - "**

**"You're going to try to kill him!"**

**"Humiliation is not fatal! The last two are for the day of the full moon - the effect of the candy on his lycanthropic state should be worth a scholarly paper or two. He would probably survive."**

**She paused, thinking about it, and then advanced on him again. "No you don't, Severus! So help me, you leave that poor shell alone or I'll - "**

**He leaned forward, his nose touching her nose. "You'll what, Sexy Knickers?"**

**"I won't let you - " And she described something rather intimate that he had been planning to do. " - during winter holidays."**

**Severus blinked. "You fight dirty."**

**Britomartis smiled and looped her arms around his back this time, snuggling close. "Be a good boy and you'll be rewarded properly."**

**He chuckled and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her forehead. After a moment, he commented, "You were just as curious about the effects on a werewolf - "**

**"A second of temptation!"**

**"The Old Spirals would have charged ahead of me, a handful of Hyperbombs in each hand and cackling madly."**

**"The Old Spirals wouldn't be able to do THIS to you - " she replied as she did something very naughty.**

**He squealed, which seemed wholly inappropriate for him, but would have been a sound most of the upperclass girls would have traded their eyeteeth to hear once.**

**"Point taken!" he agreed in a thin, faint voice.**

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**Much later on that day, Elizabeth had been revived and was still twitching in her hospital bed as she kept her eyes closed.**

**"All I know about it is that my mum had made the sweets and sent them to me," she told the Headmaster, Deputy Headmistress, and her House Mother. "She probably got it out of Granny Joy's cookbook if it freaked everyone out like you said."**

**"Granny Joy?" Dumbledore asked. "What was the name of the cookbook?"**

**She shrugged. "'The Cooking of Joy' or something like that. It's on the cookbook shelf in the kitchen."**

**"That book has been banned since 1704, Miss Humphries."**

**Elizabeth opened her eyes and stared at the Headmaster. "Granny Joy never mentioned that!"**

**"Who's Granny Joy?" McGonagall asked.**

**"The last Witch born in my family before me," Elizabeth answered. "Gran'pa Morris moved her portrait from his cottage to the manor proper when my letters arrived - she told me how to get to Diagon Alley and how to get to the family account at Gringotts and everything else. I didn't know I was a witch until then."**

**"You wouldn't happen to know 'Granny Joy's' proper name, would you?" Dumbledore asked.**

**"Joyeux Moliere - my seven-greats grandmum on my mother's side."**

**McGonagall pressed her hand to her mouth and grinned, then pulled her hand away. "Miss Humphries! The Moliere wizarding family line in England produced nothing but Squibs!"**

**Professor Vox gave a chuckle. "That's a long enough time to be considered Muggle-born. Besides, hadn't the old family name been extinguished by that silly British custom of taking the male's family name? So that family name wouldn't be recognizable to any Wizards bothering to do family research on her."**

**Dumbledore brought the topic back on track. "Joyeux Moliere's writings were banned by the Wizarding world - her experiments and inventions in the world of confections were dangerous to Wizard and Muggle alike. These Hyperbomb sweets were particularly noted as harmful to the circulatory system."**

**"I can believe it," Elizabeth agreed. "I feel like I have Turkish coffee sludging through my veins." She giggled. "Although it finally explains why Uncle Jug-Ears got turned into a giant canary that one time when Mum made cremes for his birthday. So, Granny Joy never got to publish her cookbook?"**

**"She did," McGonagall answered. "But it was quickly suppressed a year after its publication when injuries from those confections became outrageous."**

**"She never mentioned this. I'm going to have to talk to her when I get back home." She became somber. "You didn't send anyone out to my parents, did you?"**

**"We had to inform the Ministry that a cookbook had escaped notice."**

**Elizabeth sat up, waving her arms around. "But it's a family cookbook! Mum very rarely made anything from it! Just these two times with the canary one and the Hyperbombs! Once she's told, she'll keep it tucked away and won't use it again! It's part of my Wizard ancestry!"**

**"Headmaster," Britomartis added. "Isn't there a provision in the laws saying that family may keep curiosities from their Wizarding ancestors, provided they are secured? I'm quite sure Miss Humphries can be charged with keeping this recipe book safe."**

**"Yes, I can be!"**

**Dumbledore patted the young Slytherin's hand. "Elizabeth ... Elizabeth, we'll work out something. I'll contact the Ministry and ask them to consult with your parents and Joyeux Moliere's portrait. Is that satisfactory?"**

**She nodded and fell back to her pillows. "Thank you, Headmaster."**

**Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Britomartis left the infirmary, and the privacy screen next to Elizabeth's bed was pushed aside, showing the faces of the Weasley Twins, Ron, and Harry Potter.**

**"What was that about a sweetie turning your uncle into a canary?" George asked.**

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**It seemed as though Severus immediately fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow that night, for one moment he was closing his eyes and the next moment he realized he was sitting on an outcropping of rock in the middle of the Mediterranean Sea in the middle of a moonlit night.**

**"What now?" he asked irritably.**

**Dion suddenly appeared next to him, fishing pole in hand as he cast the hook into the dark water twenty feet below. "Now that you've calmed down enough to sleep, I can talk to you about the other day, First One."**

**"What?"**

**"Your hypersensitivity towards an ally."**

**"My WHAT?" Severus inquired.**

**"You heard me. The Irishwoman is fiercely loyal to 'Snips and Spirals'. Turns out when she had heard of our marriage, she wrote many nasty letters to me about my personal habits involving goats and such. Unfortunately, they never made it to us."**

**"Like all the other letters," Severus hung his head. "So, O'Shanahan has the delicacy and tact of an elephant. Why did Martis marry you, anyway?"**

**Dion shrugged. "Perhaps out of loneliness. Perhaps I wore her down. Perhaps I was convenient - "**

**"She did love you."**

**"Eventually. I had loved her since we were kids; she only began to love me after you had been out of her life for years ... and even then, I wondered ... "**

**Severus's hair curtained his face. "I wasn't worthy of her then and I'm still not worthy of her now."**

**Dion chuckled. "Of course you are. You certainly had more claim than I had." He whistled a short tune, and then added, "You know, Snape, if you had ever visited Crete back when we were all teenagers, I think I would have beaten the snot out of you."**

**"Then you would have had to take a number. Any particular reason?"**

**"For you being her soulmate."**

**"Stupid reason."**

**"I was an immature teenager; that's all the excuse I can offer."**

**"And so you're interrupting my dreams? Sounds like revenge to me."**

**"You called me, whether you consciously admit it or not."**

**Severus turned away, staring at the horizon and listening to the waves caress the rocks below. "Why?"**

**"We'll find out, won't we?" Dion reeled in the line. "Tell me, First One, why had you chosen this Path?"**

**"What do you mean?"**

**"The hell, the torture, the sacrifice, the pain, the persecution, the - "**

**"I suspect I am paying for horrendous sins from a past life." He gazed up at the Cretan. "You said you knew your Fate, despite losing your life and the lives of your children."**

**"Unfortunately, the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. Some parts fit for a time, and then are changed later on - all going in the direction of the Restoration of Balance."**

**"Apocatastasis," Severus stated. "And you are saying ... everything we've done and are doing ... ?"**

**"Is a part of the Path. You could have easily not taken part ... "**

**Severus suddenly blurted: "We both chose to!"**

**Dion nodded, a sad but approving smile appearing. "I know."**

**Severus held his head in his hands. "Predestination leaves me cold."**

**"Nothing was said of Predestination - in fact, the future likes to visit the past to play out the possibilities. It is how the Dark Lord was spurred into action during the War, whom he knew to strike, and why he kept you on the tightest leash he could find - "**

**The Potions Master whipped his head around to stare at the fisherman. "What?"**

**Dion cast the line out again. "The Paths are fraught with danger, Snape, no matter how much you know. Are you positive you want the possibilities given to you - their choices, their heartaches, their madness? Even the sanest of men go mad when he must make everything 'go' right. And even then, his awareness may change the correct course into a nightmare."**

**"Then why tease?"**

**"To explain to you that you have Choice, even if it appears you do not." Dion grinned. "She always knew she had that Choice."**

**"Yes, she explained it to me when we were children. I never understood what she meant."**

**"You chose to be the Order's spy."**

**"I had no choice."**

**"You did. You could have graduated and hidden yourself away. You could have dropped everything and flew your broomstick down to Beauxbatons to rescue Martis and run away like you had always wanted."**

**Severus cracked a small smile. "But I chose to appease myself."**

**"It was no longer appeasing the Headmaster?"**

**"It was at that time, but I needed proof of my own worthiness."**

**"Have you found that proof?"**

**The smile vanished. "Not yet. I still carry the stigma of being a Death Eater, even though I joined out of duty to the Order."**

**"She doesn't know why you did so."**

**"And she doesn't need to. The less she knows, the more protected she is. I had killed and performed horrible things as a Death Eater, and had been subjected to nightmares that I do not wish her to even know of. I KNOW that the Dark Lord is not dead; this - " he pulled back the sleeve of his shirt, exposing the pale outlines of the Dark Mark " - has remained warm since his disappearance. He is not dead, merely in sleep. These last three attempts through Quirrell, the diary, and the Malfoys are proof enough that he is waiting to be resurrected once again. I know I will be summoned, and I do not want Martis to be used as my weakness again - he had already sent her away once, and this time he may actually kill her."**

**Dion shook his head. "And how are you going to protect her once you are summoned again? She won't leave you now, and will fight the demons themselves to be by your side."**

**Severus nodded in agreement, knowing Dion was right. "I don't know."**

**"What do you know?"**

**Severus pondered a moment, and then hung his head. "I know I want a family with her."**

**He peeked up and saw her husband and father of her children smile. "And you wonder if you're worthy, Snape."**

**"I'm not."**

**"You are. So says her second husband."**

**"What?"**

**Dion and the rock outcropping and the ocean faded away, and Severus drifted back into sleep.**


	16. Tales of Snips and Spirals

CHAPTER SIXTEEN: "Tales of Snips and Spirals"

By late November, Saphira had gotten her 'little Britty' ready to attend Hogwarts and had been privy to many things her daughter had gone through her First Year.

"Must we do this?" Severus sighed as Britomartis exchanged his scholar-cape for his old school robe.

"Yes," she answered. "This is when she needs assurance the most, especially considering what I went through the following few years. She's going to be quite hysterical at some parts, so we have to be extra-accommodating." She checked the school robe borrowed from one of her girl students, then adjusted her sunglasses, and finally draped Snookie-Poo over her shoulders. Addressing the snake, she murmured, "Do you think you can impersonate your grandmother Medusa?"

Snookie-Poo let out a snake sigh, not quite understanding humans.

"I look bloody ridiculous," Severus added as he scowled at his reflection in the small wall mirror.

She smirked. "You look like the Old Snips - short robe and hair in your face." She darted her tongue out and purred, "Great Mother, is THIS bringing up old memories ... "

"Hopefully back during your First-Year, since your mother believes you are eleven years old at this time."

Britomartis glanced at the clock in the House Master's room. "Ten o'clock - students in bed. Time to discuss things with mummy."

She reached over and squeezed his hand, he squeezed back, then both quietly made their way across the hall to the House Mother's rooms.

Upon entering, Saphira clapped her hands over her mouth, then softly said, "Thank you for helping me with this time."

"Of course," Britomartis answered. A grin spread across her face and she pulled the reluctant Severus into the room. "Mother, I've settled at Hogwarts all right, and I was sorted into Slytherin."

"Slytherin?" Saphira repeated as she sat on the couch. "But all your siblings were sorted into Ravenclaw."

"I had to prove myself," Britomartis replied. "But I got to see the twins, Phaedra, and Kyros my First-Year."

"How are you getting along with everyone, darling?"

Britomartis plopped on the couch and pulled Severus down to sit next to her. "It's all right. I had to save another Slytherin from a group of Gryffindor boys - this is my friend Severus Snape."

Severus had to clench his teeth to keep from exploding into screaming due to the silliness of this exercise. "Good evening, Madame Vox."

"Good evening," Saphira responded. She pulled the photo album into her lap and pointed to a picture. "So this is you two during a school function?"

Both peered at the photo in question - the young Snips and Spirals from 1972 were laughing hysterically together as the magic-made words 'James Potter is a Doe' were written in the sky over the Quidditch Pitch.

A smile cracked the corner of Severus' mouth. "Yes, indeed, Madame. Wonder what tasteless pranksters sky-wrote over the pitch?"

Britomartis grinned. "Gee, I wonder which pranksters stole the Marauders' clothes while they were swimming in the lake?"

Severus' smile turned up another notch. "I nearly forgot! And what pranksters set up the slippery potion for the Marauders to slip on?"

"The same two who released a Cornish Pixie down the front of Sirius Black's trousers, I suspect."

He sobered. "Which resulted in you nearly dying - "

"WHAT?" Saphira exclaimed. "WHAT HAPPENED?"

Britomartis sighed. "Severus, we weren't ready for that, yet."

"I'm the socially backward one, remember?"

Saphira clutched her daughter's shoulders. "Baby, what happened?"

Britomartis took a deep breath, and explained how she had nearly died of hypothermia when the Marauders - Sirius Black, James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, and Remus Lupin - had hexed her silent and buried her in the snow when she was too sick to stop them.

By the time she had finished telling her tale, Saphira was already up with a labrys in hand and stomping her way up to Remus Lupin's chambers on the sixth floor.

Severus finally broke into laughter.

Britomartis clutched at her hair. "She's going to kill Lupin!"

Severus chuckled, pulling her down on the couch. "My dearest Martis, that sorry sot of a werewolf should thank his Guardian Idiot that he is incapacitated at the moment and is not within the school."

"She might go out and try to kill Sirius Black!"

"Not at this stage." He reached over and began biting at her throat. "You're right - these things do bring back memories."

"This isn't the time - "

"It wasn't the time back then, either."

"Ooh!"

XXXXXXXXXX

Dumbledore was quite impressed when Saphira Vox strode into his office just before he got up to leave for the evening.

"Headmaster Dumbledore!" she began, slamming her hands down on the ornate desk. "Tell me EVERYTHING you know about the incident involving my daughter almost being killed by those four boys!"

He gazed at her with a benign expression. "Please sit, Lady Vox, and ... how did you get in here?"

Saphira narrowed her eyes, snapping her fingers. The door behind her flung open and revealed the gargoyle statue staring into the office; Dumbledore thought it looked a little frightened as she snapped her fingers again and it spiraled back down to its default position in the hallway.

"Simple lock enchantment," she answered. "Only the younger civilizations use enchanted physical barriers to protect things. You will not find a physically-locking door on Crete." She turned cold again. "Now, what happened to my daughter?"

Dumbledore - knowing this was going to happen - openly explained how a prank war between her daughter and best friend and four boys from Gryffindor had taken a nasty turn which resulted in the boys acting in an irrational and stupid manner. He also informed her of how the daughter's friend as well as the rest of her children attending at the time had taken vengeance into their own hands and retaliated. He also remembered to include the punishment of the four boys as well as other incidental information he could remember. His uniquely British outrage at the unforgivable crime of Bad Sportsmanship mollified Saphira somewhat.

Saphira had her eyes closed by the time he finished. After a moment of silence, she asked, "And this did not clue you in on what type of person this Sirius Black was?"

"He proved to be suitable for his work - "

"HE NEARLY MURDERED MY CHILD!"

"And it was not tolerated." Dumbledore leaned forward. "Lady Vox, what could be done had been done. This incident occurred over twenty years ago - Britomartis is now a grown woman who is protecting the students from Sirius Black. And ... I am sure ... she has learned ways of protection that our European wizards have no idea existed."

Saphira breathed deeply several times, then looked back up at him. "My apologies, Headmaster. I ... I'm catching up ... "

Dumbledore nodded, reaching across the desk and taking her hands in his. "I understand completely. Continue to reweave her into your life."

She squeezed his hands. "I'm trying so hard - and she is trying to accommodate - but she gets cross - and then Professor Snape - " She released a pent-up little scream. "I'm finding it very hard to think of both of them as being the same age! I feel that some creepy older man is showing an unhealthy interest in my baby!"

Dumbledore chuckled. "I can assure you, Lady Vox, I was witness to them in school - two years difference, but very close friends."

Saphira calmed a little. "He would protect her if Sirius Black came around again?"

The Headmaster nodded. "I daresay there would be nothing left of Mr. Black, save a red mist."

XXXXXXXXXX

The very next morning, Fifth-Years had DADA with their substitute Professor Snape.

The Weasley Twins were already wearing the halos over their heads, which had a somewhat annoying ability to flash on and off at random intervals.

Severus entered the room with the door slamming open, his scholar cape fluttering behind him like great black bat wings, as he stalked to the front of the class. He turned and faced the students, making sure to sneer at the females with the daydreaming expressions on their faces.

Damned Hallowe'en costume ...

Or it might have been the hair. He found it both amusing and irritating that his greasy hair was admired by the silly girl-children.

He noted the smirking Weasleys and strode up to them, his face like a stormcloud. Both boys cringed as he whipped his hands into his robe and pulled out two amulets.

"Messers Weasley!" he demanded. "If I were to cast a Killing Curse at you, which amulet would you want to wear? Quickly now! My wand is ready!"

The boys cringed and cowered, the cold sweat visible on their freckled faces as their shaking fingers pointed to each amulet, then switched to the other.

"How decisive," he sneered. "And why would you want these amulets?"

"Uh ... to protect us?"

"No. They would be useless. But at least they would cover the burn marks from the Curse."

He strode to the front of the class. "Today we are going to discuss the rumor, myth, and reality concerning protection from the Dark Arts. Placing an open pair of scissors under your doormat will NOT protect your household from demons, just as ringing an iron bell will NOT drive away Cornish Pixies." He glanced at the Weasleys. "And contrary to the cries of amulet peddlars in Daigon Alley, the only possible defense against a Killing Curse requires ancient magics and sacrificial victims ... as, if Mr. Potter were here, could tell you."

The students fell into a respectful silence. The twins pulled their joke halos off and put them away.

Severus finally had the upper-hand again.

The rest of the class went rather smoothly after that ... save for halfway through the session when the scent of magic wafted towards him. Feeling out the general energies of the room, Severus was not really surprised to smell the strongest odor of magic around the Weasley Twins.

Silently, he redirected the energy towards the Weasleys enough to make whatever they were doing to him to - in effect - happen to them.

Giggles erupted around the class, which were quickly squashed by a Look from their substitute. The Weasleys appeared confused; Severus remained poked-faced as the hour wore on and the magical prank continued its work on the twins.

The bell rang, and Severus called, "Dismissed." He swept over to the desk and sat, taking a quill out to start grading the essays he promised to give Remus to grade.

Unable to take it anymore, Cedric Diggory jumped up to the twins and exclaimed, "You're bloomin' bunny-ears!"

The twins shrieked, then Alicia Spinnet handed them a pocket mirror and both took turns feeling their new body parts and looking at the ginger-colored rabbit ears growing from the tops of their heads.

Fred laughed. "George, my brother, we have been had by the Master."

George also laughed. "Fred, dear chap, you are correct. We must present accolades to him."

"You coming or not?" Lee Jordan asked as students left the room.

"Just a mo', Jordan," Fred requested. "We'll be out in a bit."

Severus peripherally watched the Weasley Twins approach the desk as the last student left the room. "Yes?"

"How'd you know?"

Severus continued to stare at the paperwork before him, his quill scratching away at grammatical errors. "Any child should know by now that magic produces a distinct scent; and considering matters, I should not have let you get off that easy."

Both grinned. "We have been pranked - " said George.

" - By one half of the legendary Snips and Spirals," Fred finished.

Both bowed their heads, their rabbit ears flopping onto the desk.

Severus said a not-very-nice-bad-foreign-word he had heard Britomartis use once when they were younger. "Ten points from Gryffindor for wasting precious oxygen by breathing. And if you should try anything like this again, said bad habit may be cured. Dismissed."

Severus turned his full attention back to the grading and waited for the twins to leave the classroom. He looked up and stretched, leaning back in the chair and grinning.

"Bunny ears on the professor - wish I had thought of that!"

XXXXXXXXXX

The send-off of Harry Potter's Nimbus 2000 was a quiet, private affair that Saturday during the Ravenclaw-Hufflepuff Quidditch game. The continuous rain mercifully ceased its incessant pounding long enough for Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Britomartis to gather at the edge of the Forbidden Forest.

Harry carried the splintered remains of the broom in a box, holding it tightly to his chest as if it were the only thing he had in the world (and he would probably be right). Hermione and Ginny politely wore black veils (to hide their rolling eyes at this male foolishness) while Ron was wiping away tears - he had no problem admitting that he adored Harry's broom as much as Harry did.

"Are we all gathered?" Britomartis intoned.

The students nodded.

Britomartis pointed a finger at the pile of kindling before her and a bright white flame sprung up from the damp wood, drying it out before burning into steady red and orange flames.

"We are here to celebrate the service of Harry Potter's Nimbus 2000 - which has spent the last two years aiding Mr. Potter and the Gryffindor Quidditch team in their victories. Most brooms live on to become old - losing their speed and smoothness and special charms. They become senile and not recognize their masters. Yet, this Nimbus did not succumb to galloping old age, but had met its end while doing its duty: in the thick of Quidditch battle and finally felled by the nastiest tree ever taken from the Forest of Killer Trees. Only this Nimbus had such a worthy adversary, and its end was heroic." She flicked her wrist and the fire danced into blue and white flames. "Mr. Potter, have you anything to say before you send your broom to its Final Rest?"

Harry nodded, stepping forward. "This was a gift from a witch who believed in my abilities before I was even aware of what they were. Before I came to Hogwarts, I had no one who believed in me as a person. This ... representation of her belief has served me, the team, and her well." He opened the box and began tossing the wood splinters and bristles into the white-blue flames. "Thank you, dear friend."

He passed the box to Ron, who picked out a few shards and threw them into the fire. "The best broom I ever knew."

The box was given to Hermione. She placed a few more bristles on the fire, but said nothing. Ginny accepted the box and made her own offering, adding, "Good-bye, Nimbus 2000."

Britomartis finally held the box and deposited the rest of the remains in the flames. "By the Great Mother and Father, to Saint Anne the patron saint of broom makers, and to the Broom Goddess Devera - may the broom of Harry Potter be given high honors."

The flames burst into a bright white, then slowly settled down into a normal fire, eating away at the rest of the wood and kindling.

Within a half hour, the five walked back to the castle. Harry walked by Britomartis' side, his scarf wrapped tightly around his neck against the damp wind. The other three walked ahead of them.

"Professor?" he finally said.

"Yes, Mr. Potter?"

"Why do this for me? I mean, being Slytherin's - "

"Teachers are not supposed to have nepotistic feelings towards their former Houses, even if they are heads of those Houses. If I have any nepotistic feelings, it's towards students who have shown interest in learning and loyalty to their friends. My people firmly believe in the accounting of one's self, not what little groups they belong to on Earth. I do not blame you for your distrust of Slytherins - I distrusted many in my day - but do not judge all people by the groups they must keep company with. You're bound to miss an ally."

Harry paused and Britomartis stopped walking. He looked up at her. "Have you ever been attacked by a Dementor?"

"No." She pulled her sunglasses off, allowing him to see her concerned eyes.

He turned his head away. "I hear her. My mother. When I'm going under the influence of the Dementors, I hear her screaming."

"Oh, honey ... " She offered her arms open.

"It's not ... that ... bad, really. Am I imagining it?"

"I understand contact with a Dementor can trigger forgotten traumas in some. Their influence dredges up bad memories ... "

"Then it was her screaming - screaming the night she died ... " He looked up at her again, then slipped into her arms and squeezed her tightly, pushing his glasses up before burying his face into her shoulder.

Britomartis held him tightly, stroking his dark hair and sending him comforting energies. "It's okay ... let it out ... She was taken from you, you have every right."

Harry pulled away a little, his cheek still against her shoulder. "I'm sorry to do this."

"Anytime you need to, dear." She kissed his temple. "Anytime, dearest child."

Britomartis gazed up at the heavens, wondering if Lily Evans would have approved of Spirals Vox being her son's mother-figure.

XXXXXXXXXX

"We have formed a plan of action to attain The Box."

"Excellent! When shall we attempt the deed?"

"The last night before winter holidays. We shall take it with us to Filius' home in Dalriada and work on it there."

"Everyone is welcomed to stay for the holiday! My grandchildren will be glad to have visitors from the school!"

"Do they know about us bringing a magical artifact?"

"No, but I suppose they must be told ... "

XXXXXXXXXX

After Saphira finally calmed down (which involved hanging Professor Lupin upside down and covered in voles in the owlery for an afternoon), she went back to looking through the photo album with Britomartis after classes.

Britomartis and Severus commented on photographs one evening while he made tea in the House Mother's chambers.

"Here's the picture of Severus and myself during my First-Year - we're jumping on the couch at the beginning of winter holidays."

"Miss Price the House Mother at the time told us to behave ourselves ... " Severus murmured.

"But nobody ever caught us doing the Butter Prank."

"The Butter Prank?" Saphira repeated.

"Oh, the Headmaster dared us to turn the castle's windows into butter." Britomartis grinned. "We only managed to get the Great Hall's windows."

"Your brother Kyros was blamed for it, though," Severus reminded her.

"Only by Filch. And he accuses everyone of everything, so Kyros was let off for lack of evidence."

"And what's this?" Saphira asked as she pointed at a picture of a blonde person in a pink dress and being cuddled by a plastic sheep.

Britomartis giggled. "Lucy Malfoy - Draco's father - age fifteen. This was after an absolutely traumatic incident involving him, his then-girlfriend Narcissa Black - "

"Relation to Sirius Black?"

"Cousins - but most Purebloods are cousins or closer by this point - and poor Severus here. After the riot at the Quidditch Cup Victory party, I had knocked Lucy out with his cane and dressed him up in one of Narcissa's dresses."

"Why?"

"He was about to kill Snips."

"Do you still have that snake cane?" Severus asked as he served tea.

Britomartis shook her head. "I gave it to Ophelia when she was born. She used to hit Dorian and Damon with it ... when she could finally pick it up."

Saphira nodded. "Yes, I remember Ophelia carrying around a snake-head cane on occasion."

"That's the one." Britomartis looked back down at the picture. "Heh. The funniest thing in the world, though? Lucy and Nasty-issa were the same size back then. He fit into that dress PERFECTLY."

"I did tell you," Severus commented. "That I truly believe both are identical twins."

"Which makes them having Draco all the more icky."

Saphira swallowed. "Are they really?"

"Here's a picture of both, Mother - at a student festival. The two blondes in the crowd."

"Yes ... yes, they look exactly alike!" Not wanting to think about it, she found another picture. "Ah - training for bull-leaping!"

Britomartis traced her finger over the practice shot of her performing a backflip over the auroch charging under her. "I'm surprised my hair didn't catch on that thing."

"You matured," Saphira blurted, noting the arc of the body lines.

"That summer, yes." Britomartis pointed to a photograph of that same summer where she was flying on a broom and hitting thrown rocks with her beater bat. "Took me the whole summer to learn to properly balance on my broom with those things."

Severus sighed in disgust. "And everyone noticed when you returned. Especially the Moronauders."

Britomartis giggled. "Why Snips! Reverting to our youthful speech habits, are we?"

"Slip of the tongue, Spirals." He paused, seeing her smirk. "Quiet."

"Don't worry - we can let your tongue slip later."

Saphira glanced up at that and decided to file it away for future consideration. "And this photograph? With babies?"

She pointed to one in which Phaedra, Artemisia, and Britomartis were cuddling the four Baby Marauders.

"The Moronauders in question. Those four boys." Britomartis tittered. "Adonia was dismal at potions."

Severus snorted. "Beyond dismal - her own potions attempted to kill her before she finished them, because it would have meant doom for the universe."

"Only once, Snips! Don't exaggerate."

"I had class with her - I know what really happened." Severus smirked and continued, "Those four dunderheads had managed to get themselves coated with one of Adonia's potions and turned themselves into infants."

Britomartis smiled, turning around and wrapping her arms around Severus' neck. "Wasn't that wonderful, Snips? Having them as babies and washing and feeding and burping and - "

Severus' face turned a rather dull shade of green. "Baby fluids - all - over - the - place."

"Oh, you male! They were sooo CUUUTE!"

"I should have let Medusa eat them - "

"WHAT!" She pulled away.

"After all, that bottle of Snake Sauce was just going to waste, and they were perfect bite-sized portions - "

"You WERE trying to get Medusa to eat them!"

Severus looked offended. "I was just ... keeping their minds active."

"With visions of being eaten by a snake!"

"They were much better behaved afterwards. Temporarily, at least."

"You told me they were conscious during the whole time!"

"They were - that's what made the threats so delicious."

Saphira watched quietly with a raised eyebrow while Britomartis tackled Severus to the couch with tickling and squirming.

"No - Martis - ! Stop! Not-in-front-of-your-mother! This is - unbecoming of - our - profession! Martis! Stoppit!"

"You really were in the hospital wing in the middle of the night! You really weren't trying to be naughty with me - you were there just to torment them!"

"Of course! Although the former did enter my mind on a subconscious level - "

Saphira's emotions blurred her vision. An older man - dark-clad, creepy, greasy, with a shadowy aura - was molesting her small, defenseless barely matured daughter.

She may have been a woman in her seventies, but she was still quite strong for her age. She got up and pulled her daughter up by the back of her gown, then pulled Severus up by the front of his frock coat and jerked him before her so they were staring eye to eye.

"Professor Snape - my daughter still has another year to go before she is a full citizen in my country - !"

"Mother!" Britomartis began.

"And I cannot remain blind to the fact that you are more intimate with her than I care for you to be - !"

"Lady Saphira - " Severus also began.

"I would prefer Britty would keep company with much younger people - that young Harry Potter and his friends would be slightly - "

Severus' nostrils flared; she was dredging up things he had long-forgotten ... Asenath Paroo's parents threatening to kill him for not being 'suitable' mate material for their daughter. "NOT acceptable for the company of your daughter?" He stood straight up over her, staring coldly down his nose at the older woman. "While you were ignoring her very existence, I was her CONSTANT companion during her three years at Hogwarts. There were no objections from the school staff concerning our friendship - "

"Severus!" Britomartis cried.

He continued staring Saphira down. "So, I would appreciate it if you would not misalign my intentions with your daughter!" A sharp knock at the door and he absently added harshly, "ENTER!"

Some of the role-playing group members - Prefect Deb Lister, Graham Pritchard, Chaser Adrian Pucey, and Blaise Zabini - entered the room and immediately went silent as they witnessed the stand off between their House Master and the mother of their House Mother.

Saphira, uncowed, pressed forward. "And what ARE your intentions with my daughter?"

Severus - not noticing the students - pressed close again. "What I intend to do with your daughter involves me stripping her down to her bare skin, covering her with a chocolate sauce and cherry bikini, licking that all off, then strapping her down and - "

By this point, a giggling Deb had clamped her hands over Graham's ears while both Adrian and Blaise turned red in their faces. They carefully shuffled themselves out of the room and quietly closed the door.

Britomartis swallowed hard. She knew she was going to have to answer to Dumbledore for what the students witnessed ... but most of her mind was occupied with keeping notes on what Severus was describing.

" - then the warm-ups would be over and the REAL perversion would begin!"

Saphira stood for a moment in complete and utter shock, then she broke into a hesitant giggle and faintly said, "I ... I'm sorry, Professor Snape. I ... must have forgotten again."

"Forgiven," he finally seethed.

"I'll ... go do some writing to work this out. Um. Good night, Professor."

Saphira quickly made her way over to the bedroom and shut the door behind her. Britomartis turned to Severus and nimbly pressed herself against him, drawing her arms around his body. "Snips, were you serious - ?"

"Bottom drawer of my desk in my private chambers - a picnic hamper with chocolate sauce, cherries, and whipped cream. Fetch it." He glared and snapped his fingers. "HOP TO IT, WOMAN!"

"Eek! Yes SIR!" she squealed gleefully.

She swung the door open and discovered Adrian and Blaise standing at the door, with Graham's head poking around the corner.

"Um, Professor Snape, please, ma'am?" Blaise asked.

She nodded, moving away.

"What?" Severus spat.

All three saluted him then scrambled out of the hallway; they were suddenly followed by many threats against their lives, familiars, families, and their potential ghosts.

Britomartis sighed and sat down, deciding to take a raincheck. Children always had a way of throwing a cold shower on things.


	17. Deja Vu

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: "Deja Vu"

The room was dank, dark, and smelled musty. Britomartis gazed around the room, peering into the darkness. Involuntarily, she rubbed her shoulders from the bitter cold around her.

A pair of red eyes snapped open.

She fell, scrambling back amid the thick layers of dust and broken pieces of furniture.

"No. Not again ... "

The eyes suddenly rushed towards her face, stopping within inches of her own eyes. "Traitor bitch ... "

She reached out and grasped the throat, feeling snake skin in her hands. "Traitor to what?"

Other hands seized her body, pulling her away from the eyes and ripping her fingers open to release the snakebody in her hands. Britomartis struggled against the hands and arms, feeling their bodies enclose around her.

The eyes appeared before her again, accompanied by a stench of death. "Traitor to the hand upon you, traitor to your calling - "

"My calling is not this!"

A forked snake tongue quickly licked her cheek, burning her flesh in its wake. "We mark you for later - "

She screamed.

XXXXXXXXXX

Britomartis awoke in her own room in her own bed, feeling the blood and adrenaline pounding throughout her brain in nightmare state. She blinked several times, staring up at the silver canopy of her bed and wishing for all the world that she was not alone.

After the pounding/boiling sensation in her head quieted down, she finally convinced herself to get up and pull a dressing gown on; first checking in on her mother to make sure the old woman was not awakened, then leaving her rooms and moving silently across the hall. She pressed her hand to the door and whispered the password Severus had put on the entrance to his rooms. Slipping in, she made her way to the bedroom and opened the door.

"Snips?"

His room was even darker than her own, but his sleepy voice answered from the darkness: "Yes, Spirals?"

"The nightmare again."

"Tell me, my dear."

Within seconds, she had slid into his bed and into his arms, and he held her the rest of the night.

XXXXXXXXXX

The students of Slytherin House got ready that morning to go into Hogsmeade for the last time before holiday break. Draco snorted at his image in the common room mirror, flexing his arm around and pretending to stretch it to make it stronger.

His House Mother appeared right behind him. "I see the sling is off at last, Mr. Malfoy."

He grinned. "Yes, it's finally healed after that brutal attack." He flung his scarf over his shoulder, barely missing her. "Going into Hogsmeade with us, Professor?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact I am. I'll be accompanying the students as guard."

Draco turned around, staring down his nose at her even though she was still several inches taller than him. "Let us hope you don't wet yourself into a faint like Potter does whenever he sees the Dementors."

"Being sensitive to the Other Realms doesn't imply any sort of weakness, Mr. Malfoy. Just as being caught unawares by a full-charging beast doesn't imply any sort of weakness, either." Britomartis glanced back up into the mirror and brushed aside a loose strand of ash blonde hair. "Does it, Mr. Malfoy?"

Draco rolled his eyes, pulling his cold-weather cap down around his ears. "Sometimes, Professor."

He swung around her and made his way to the entry, pausing to stare at First-Years Graham Pritchard and Derek Frobisher shining a pair of knee-high black leather boots which laced all the way up the front. "What ARE you two prats doing?"

Graham looked up from the left boot. "We're polishing the Evil Mistress' boots."

Derek nodded and added, "Just like she told us."

Draco made an ungentlemanly sound. "That half-breed whelp? Why do you two demean the great Pure Blood families of Pritchard and Frobisher by being her servants?"

The eleven-year-old boys looked at each, then back to Draco.

"She gives us cookies," Derek answered.

"Really good cookies," Graham assured the Third-Year. "And we're the only ones allowed to call her 'Evil Mistress' to her face."

"Unlike you, Malfeasance. Nyah."

Draco made a sound of disgust and stalked off. He was going to have Crabbe and Goyle punish them later for their disrespect.

XXXXXXXXXX

Severus wrapped his gray winter coat-robe around his body, then threw on several scarves and pulled up the hood of his outer robe.

Well, Britomartis HAD asked him to help her guard the children from the Dementors when they went into Hogsmeade - as if Hagrid wasn't capable of ... oh, nevermind, he really wasn't capable against those nasty things - especially since she had made the connection between the Patronus Charm and the Dementors being repelled by it. "Damn it, O'Shanahan, you never knew the meaning of the word 'discretion', you big arse bitch."

The fireplace crackled to life and the green image of Minerva McGonagall appeared. "Severus?"

"Hm, yes?"

"I want to check with you one more time concerning the students staying over during holiday - "

"There are still three: the Frobisher boy, the Pritchard boy, and the Humphries girl."

Her image nodded. "It's going to be a small group this year, it seems: I'm having Potter, Granger, and the Weasleys from my House, and Filius and Pomona don't have any students staying."

"Small gathering indeed." Severus rubbed his lip. "Shall we throw them all in a room together and see if any are left alive after the holiday?"

McGonagall smirked. "I would give you three to two on my students."

"Tut-tut, and you accuse me of nepotism. Although mine are nastier."

"Nastier than the Weasley Twins?"

"Yes, but not as devious, I'll grant you that." He became serious again. "If Potter tries to sneak into Hogsmeade while I'm there, I'll give him a sound thrashing for it."

"I would prefer you to do so - rather a bruised posterior than madmen and Dementors."

Severus was grateful the robes allowed him to shiver without her noticing. "Indeed."

XXXXXXXXXX

The students tore out of the coaches and scattered in all directions once they reached Hogsmeade; some went into Honeyduke's, some went into Glad Rags, others to Scrivenshaft's. The small wizarding town suddenly became alive with the chatter and activity of students.

Severus offered his hand to Britomartis as she exited their carriage. "Seems odd coming here together as adults."

"Why is that, Snips?"

"I still half-expect a drunken Hagrid to be stumbling into the Three Broomsticks." He glanced at her. "Or your long hair whipping around you in the freezing winds."

She touched the ends of her shoulder-length bob poking out from under her black mink kubanka. "I'm growing it out again, although probably not to the length it was before."

"Just don't pull it back like Headmistress Auttenbaum. That hat you're wearing reminds me of her."

Britomartis giggled. "I'll never be that pale or humorless."

They walked toward one of the second-hand shops. Severus brushed black strands of hair from his mouth. "Thank the Gods Below for that; I prefer a warm woman to a statue."

She giggled and threw her arms around him, pressing her cheek against his scratchy-wool hood. "Flatterer. What shall we do for your birthday this year?"

"Must we do anything anymore? I prefer to forget that I have one."

"Only because you caught Goldilocks Lunkhead trying his damnedest to get me into his fan club last time."

Severus scowled. "I thought he was trying to get you into his bed."

"Same thing to him, only legally. Still, there was no need to place the orange urine hex on him." She brushed the hood aside and kissed Severus' cheek. "Perhaps something special for your birthday involving just us two ... "

He curled his fingers around her wrists and slipped out of her arms, holding her hands. He smirked and said, "It does sound nice ... but I have a similar idea that may surprise you."

"Ooh! Yes, Snips, surprise me! Does it involve blindfolds?"

He chuckled. "Calm yourself, Sexy Knickers. I'm not sure I can get the necessary articles, but be prepared to be awake early that morning."

Britomartis giggled, then abruptly stopped. "What about my mother?"

He snorted. "Send her and our students out for a day or two. Make up any excuse."

"All right, Snips."

"That's 'yes, sir'!" he corrected her as he pinched her through her mink coat.

"YES, SIR!" she squealed, her grin broadening across her face.

Severus smirked, pulling her sunglasses down slightly to look into her green eyes. "Now, wench, do your shopping and I'll meet with you in front of the tea house at two."

"Yes, sir!" She darted her face inside his hood and kissed him quickly, then whispered against his mouth, "Love you."

"I love you, too."

She left him alone, and Severus began his own special search for the one necessary article that would help in this idea that had suddenly gripped his imagination.

XXXXXXXXXX

Britomartis did her own shopping that day. It helped, since she needed to get Severus' gift, as well as various other gifts for various other people that Severus did not care to remember exist.

His one Persian Flaw in her eyes - not being able to forgive those who cannot answer for other people's crimes. She had once mentioned that if she had practiced his form of grudge-holding, she would never have spoken to him again. He reminded her that he never expected her to be as damaged as he was because she was Perfect to him.

She did not mind the students were scared of him or hated him. None of them knew him when she knew him, of when he was a lonely, traumatized boy who blossomed into a honorable and intense young man, who could simply Look at her a certain way and she instinctively knew she would bear his children ...

(Not yet,) she reminded herself. (Ah, I am becoming sentimental in my old age. Or broody.)

At least her mother was starting to accept Severus more readily now that Britomartis was no longer an 'underage citizen'. The week she 'turned' fourteen was hell as everything her Third-Year had to be revisited, including Igor Karkaroff's attempted rape (in which Saphira had to be bodily restrained from leaving the castle to locate the piece of pond scum) and her sudden exile to Beauxbatons (of which Saphira had to be restrained again since everyone knew where the French school was located). Dumbledore had taken Saphira to his office and evidently both had talked for three days straight on the matter; Britomartis herself had no idea what was said, but she had to assure her mother that she knew the mother was not at fault.

Britomartis entered Dervish and Banges, finding the Patil twins at the counter and discussing the repair of their cauldrons with the owner. Padma turned and waved, saying, "Namaskara, caci Martis."

Parvati was still busy with the shop owner as Britomartis folded Padma into a hug. "Hi, honey. I'm sorry we have to limit our family time to outside of school."

"It's okay, auntie," Padma replied. "Mum explained about having to keep up a proper appearance for the others."

"And your classmates would consider it unfair if they knew of our relationship." Britomartis smiled and asked, "How's your brother?"

Padma rolled her eyes. "He's being a pain in the backside to be honest. He's driving Mum and Daddy crazy by not settling on one girlfriend."

"Phaedra and Monsoor did tell me they weren't going to institute arranged marriages with any of you, despite what both families say about it. I suppose Rohan's using the opportunity to sow his oats while he can."

"If he sowed any more of them, half of India will have Cretan blood in their veins."

Britomartis laughed. "Definitely a Vox. Once you and Vati are done here, want to have lunch at the Three Broomsticks?"

"That would be nice." She glanced back at her twin. "Neville mixed up Vati's cauldron with his during last Potions class and he busted it, which ended up destroying mine in the process."

"I sort of feel sorry for the poor boy."

"Well, it doesn't help that your boyfriend keeps scaring the pee out of him during every class."

Britomartis gazed at her niece over the frames of her sunglasses. "What makes you think Professor Snape is my 'boyfriend'?"

Padma rolled her eyes again. "Auntie, the whole school knows, including the portraits, the ghosts, and the rats. There's probably some backward village in America that doesn't know yet, but I'm sure there's someone heading there on broom right now."

"True," Britomartis sighed. "We never were able to keep it quiet, even when we didn't know about it ourselves back when I was your age."

"It's that 'soulmate' thing, auntie. Mum said you always were a romantic." She smiled sadly. "How's Grandmother healing?"

"Doing much better now that I'm reaching full maturity. You probably heard about the episode involving her plans to burn Beauxbatons to the ground."

"Well, it was sort of hard to miss her ranting when Hagrid and Filch had to carry her out of the Great Hall when she began beating the Headmaster around the shoulders during lunch last week." She looked up expectantly. "Will Grandmother get better?"

"I'm sure she will. She's always been a strong woman - and she won't let the Dark Ones win. I think by summer she'll be well enough to see everyone again."

"Good. Vati and I are thinking about going to Crete with your class this summer and we'll meet with Mum, Daddy, and big loser brother there."

"You're certainly welcomed to come, even if you don't pass my tests."

"No, auntie, mustn't show any type of nepotism - if we don't pass, we'll get to Crete on our own. Then they can choke on trying to figure out our family relationship."

Parvati turned from the counter and joined her sister and aunt. "All right, he said he could fix mine, but Paddi - you have to get a new one."

Padma growled. "I should make Longbottom buy me a new one."

"I'll help you buy a new one after lunch, Padma," Britomartis stated.

Parvati grinned. "Lunch - great! Three Broomsticks is the only place that serves a decent curry!"

XXXXXXXXXX

Several minutes later, Britomartis and her nieces were seated at a table and had already ordered. Padma and Parvati related stories of their respective Houses' goings-ons, while Britomartis studied the people in the Three Broomsticks.

Luckily, she had her sunglasses on ... she stared for quite a long time at the Gryffindor Trio (or 'Marauders Redux' as Severus had begun calling them), and remembered that Harry Potter was not supposed to be out of the castle. Perhaps it had been dumb luck that the boy's nightmarish guardians did not sign his permission slip, but the staff also knew that allowing Mr. Potter out on his own without a teacher at his elbow to protect him from either Sirius Black or Dementors was begging for trouble.

Still, she had to let it slide. Hermione Granger was with him - a girl more gifted than the star wizard of her school days Evan Ryper, and who was both loyal and devoted to Harry's safety and survival. And Ron Weasley was also present, a boy who had the strategic mindset to be able to think their way out once he set his mind to it. Not to mention she understood needing to get out of that bloody castle as often as possible because the place could contribute to cafard, sometimes referred to as 'cabin fever'.

She noted McGonagall, Flitwick, Hagrid, and Fallon coming into the Three Broomsticks, accompanied by a civil servant of a man dressed in a suit and a pinstripe robe. She recognized him from his pictures in the 'Daily Prophet' - Cornelius Fudge, Minister of Magic. She almost laughed when she saw Harry being shoved under the table by Hermione and Ron, who were not too far away from the adults and were obviously listening intently to the discussion.

Britomartis felt a little envious - she could picture herself and Severus much younger and doing the same thing. Besides, she really wanted to know what McGonagall, Flitwick, Hagrid, Fallon, and the Minister were talking about.

"Hey," Parvati said. "Auntie."

"Caci," Padma added in Hindi. "Stop plotting. The scary white Potions Master isn't here to help."

Britomartis refocused on the twins. "Sorry, girls." She paused. "Am I really that predictable?"

Both giggled. "You haven't changed that way since we were little," Parvati stated. "Even when you were with uncle Dion, you always got that look when you were thinking."

Padma swatted her. "Vati!"

"It's all right, girls. You can talk about Dion." Britomartis pulled her sunglasses off and rubbed her eyes. "I always had trouble shutting him up about himself back when we were kids."

She was surprised but grateful when her nieces wrapped her up from both sides in a fierce hug.

XXXXXXXXXX

Severus was first to arrive at Madame Puddifoot's Tea Room around two o'clock.

He had found the articles he needed, even though he had to stare down at the shop clerks to keep them from smirking in his presence. Very likely his shopping expedition will spread around Hogsmeade like wildfire, but he reminded himself his money was as good as anyone else's.

He just hoped Britomartis didn't think he was a fool for indulging in dead ideas.

He remembered his first holiday visit to Hogsmeade with her, when all the other students were home and it was just the pair of them in Slytherin. They were given a lot more leniency than he would have allowed, especially allowing Martis to go into Hogsmeade during her First-Year. They had been dropped off in town by Hagrid, who told him not to be getting any strange ideas involving Madame Puddifoot's. He had no idea what the man meant, not until Britomartis explained that the tea room was where the couples from school went to go on dates. He had been forced into taking Narcissa Black here once when she put that lust spell on him.

He did find the decor absolutely ludicrous - it brought to mind how Lockhart had decorated the DADA office - but he also knew this was the only place in the region to find any decent blackberry tea.

He was startled when a pair of hands clasped over his eyes. "Guess who?"

"Spirals, this is unbecoming of our profession."

Britomartis pulled her hands down and rounded his body, pouting. "What gave me away? My voice, my nails, or these fatpads pressed against your back?"

"A combination of all three - you do sound like your mother, at least three Seventh-Year Slytherin girls have the same style of nails, and I have no comment on the last criteria." A puzzled look crossed his face. "Although ... I am finding that when you surprise me or touch me without warning ... I don't react as badly."

"True. You don't cover your head or start hyperventilating." She squeezed his hands. "Come on, we need to get you warmed up - your fingers are frozen."

Both entered the tea room, the cheerful bell of the front door ringing to announce their entrance.

Every single student head (nearly 80 of the patrons in the tea room) turned to them. Silence fell over the room, then Slytherin Prefect Arlene Rimmer cried out, "SMEG! IT'S OUR HOUSE MASTER!"

Another voice shouted, "Our Professors caught us!"

Then the room erupted into an uproar of students running out the backdoors and jumping out windows, trying to avoid the possible capture by Snape.

Severus growled in his throat as the last student whimpered, "Wait for me!" before executing a dive out of a window.

"As soon as we return to school grounds, fifty points off EACH House for being completely idiotic." He snorted. "I only punish them for doing such things ON school grounds, but the mass exodus was completely ... " He turned to Britomartis, noting her blank expression. "Spirals?"

"Snips, I just had a feeling of deja vu!"

He took her elbow and guided her to a table. "'Deja vu' in what way?"

"Us coming in here and the students panicking." She pulled her sunglasses off and massaged her forehead. "It feels like I've seen this before."

"Odd, indeed." Severus dropped the hood from his head and looked around. "At least we won't be bothered by giggling children." He closed his eyes. "I forgot how awful this place looked."

"Does hurt the teeth, Snips," Britomartis agreed, shaking her head and putting her sunglasses back on. "Well, what shall we order?"

Severus felt a nudge and looked down. "Oh, hells. What the HELL are YOU doing here?"

Britomartis glanced over the side of the table and smiled. "Even Lambchop needs to get out of the castle once in a while." The smile turned to an evil grin. "What tea would you like, dear - sheep sorrel or lamb mint?"

Lambchop the Inflatable Sheep and Severus Snape the Potions Master did not like puns or word plays, and both expressed their displeasure in different ways. Severus was content with turning his head in disgust, while Lambchop felt it necessary to give a raspberry and tongue-display first.

XXXXXXXXXX

The students came to an abrupt halt.

"Oi! Why are we running away!"

"They caught us!"

"Doing WHAT! Having tea?"

pause " ... oh."

"Wanna go back?"

"No."

"Me neither. Let's go to the Three Broomsticks."


	18. Ninjas, Snowgoons, and Mirrors

**CHAPTER 18: "Ninjas, Snowgoons, and Mirrors"**

**Headmaster Albus Dumbledore knew he was not familiar with the eccentricities of his school. Even after spending over one hundred years as either student or professor on these grounds, he knew he could never predict everything within and outside of these walls.**

**As he walked down the ground floor corridor to get to the kitchens for a midnight snack, he was rather surprised to see a half-dozen black-clad individuals tip-toeing across the hallway from a corridor and to one of the dungeon entrances.**

**He silently watched as these very distinctively-shaped individuals dove into the stairwell, then decided to follow them to see what they were up to. There must have been some reason that the extremely short one (Flitwick, he was sure) was leading a long-haired witch (Vector), a witch wearing knee-high boots (Hooch), a top-heavy witch (Sprout), an extremely tall and skinny wizard (Jocastian), and a witch with long manicured nails (Sinistra) like this through the halls at this hour.**

**"Shh!" Jocastian shushed. "Put a silencing charm on your boots!"**

**"Put a silencing charm on your cake-hole!" Hooch answered in a harsh whisper.**

**"Please!" Flitwick squeaked. "We're coming to Mr. Filch's office."**

**"Are you SURE he's in another part of the castle?" Sinistra asked.**

**"He's busy chasing after Minerva's Trio," Vector said. "You know how those three gallivant around the school at all hours and save our hides at least once a term."**

**"They're welcome to it," Sprout added. "Here we are."**

**"Just need to get it, then we can leave early in the morning for my grandchildren's home before the students leave," Flitwick stated.**

**Dumbledore hid himself in the shadows and gazed upon the group as they pointed their wands at the lock and incanted as one: "Alohamora."**

**The ninja-dressed teachers slipped into Argus Filch's dark office. Dumbledore heard several murmurs of "Lumos." as he quietly peered in from the doorway. He made a mental note to himself to teach these amateurs how to properly sneak around the castle.**

**"My reconnaissance says that the item is not in the secret vault yet," Flitwick said. "It is still out here in the main office - OW!"**

**giggle "Looks like Filius just ran into it," Sinistra said.**

**"Now, to get it - " began Jocastian.**

**But he never finished, as a comic-sounding 'POOF' filled the room and the ninja-teachers vanished in a puff of smoke.**

**Dumbledore stared into the room, then pulled back as Severus and Britomartis' Box tumbled end-over-end through a door only one-third its size, out of Filch's office with no damage done, and down the hallway.**

**He shook his head. "Amateurs. Good thing young Potter isn't the type to blackmail them."**

**The Headmaster turned back and made his way to the kitchens.**

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**Harry was getting a drink of water in the Gryffindor boys' bathroom when he heard a wooden 'THUNK' echo behind him. He sighed and turned around.**

**"Not again," he cried. "If you didn't have that broom up your backend, Snape, I'd shove it up there for you - "**

**Harry flung the crate's panel up, allowing it to bang against the side as the musical 'La-a-a-a!' sounded again. He used the sink to help him climb up and look into the Box.**

**"Professors?"**

**Flitwick cleared his throat in embarrassment while the others tried to hide their mask-covered faces. "Um, good evening, Mr. Potter ... um ... could you let us out?"**

**Harry nodded. "I won't ask."**

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**Britomartis' eyes snapped open at exactly six o'clock in the morning on the twenty-first.**

**She stretched, her feet seeking for her slippers, and then she finally slipped into them and pulled a dressing gown on her way to the bathroom.**

**After a few moments - her hair brushed and a few dabs of Nag Champa perfume oil spread over certain pulse points - she picked up Severus' birthday present on the way out of her rooms and across the hall to Severus' room.**

**Whispering the password, she opened the door and peered into his parlor, noting a larger-than-usual fire burning in the fireplace along with many pillows and blankets spread over the sofa in front of it.**

**Severus himself appeared, clad in his gray nightshirt and carrying a tray of tea cups and pot. Britomartis breathed, "Happy Birthday, Snips."**

**He smiled. Not a predatory, cold smile, but a genuine, sincere smile that made his liquid black eyes glitter. He placed the tray down and turned to her, holding her face as he pressed into her body and kissed her mouth passionately. After a moment, he pulled back a little and licked her lower lip with his tongue. He finished in a husky whisper with, "I miss having you in my bed, Spirals."**

**"Perhaps ... just for the holiday ... we could ... " She grinned and sat on the sofa. "I have your birthday present - come on, open it!"**

**He sat on the sofa next to her and accepted the package, tearing the ribbons and paper off. "Oh, dear, it isn't the head of Harry Potter. How disappointing."**

**"Sorry, darling, but I believe Granger is reserving him for later use."**

**Snape shivered in comically-exaggerated disgust. "The concept of a 'Marauders Tertius' this soon makes me ill." He gazed down at the ornate serpent-themed frame with the photograph of themselves from the Yule Ball of 1974. They were in their dress robes - him in black satin and velvet, her in silky blue. They were holding each other and smiling, sometimes kissing each other's faces. "But I thought there were no surviving pictures from the Yule Ball because of what happened ... " He trailed off. "Where did you get this?"**

**Britomartis smirked and leaned close. "I have my sources." She kissed him this time, pressing him back to the sofa and brushing freshly-washed strands of hair out of his face.**

**"Spirals, not yet ... " he objected softly, pushing her back up. "There's something else."**

**"Hmm?" she asked, sitting up and blinking.**

**Severus reached over to a side-table and picked up a wooden box usually used to store Tarot decks. He held it and paused briefly, staring at her.**

**"Spirals, there was something that happened our second Christmas holiday together."**

**She thought back on it. "It was the first time you got drunk. We made the Snow Goon. You filled the Great Hall with lime gelatin all by yourself ... "**

**"Not really any of that. It was after we made all those snowmen on the lawn. Do you remember ... we came back to the Common Room and ... stripped out of our clothes and ... saw each other that first time ... ?"**

**Britomartis pressed her lips together, then broke into a smile, her green eyes twinkling. "How could I forget? I saw the boy I liked in his shorts and nothing else and it sent me into a state of confusion over how I felt."**

**The blush creeping up Severus' pale face was an interesting sight. "And I saw you for the first time - and I tried to convince myself you were JUST my best friend and that I should not look at you in that way ... "**

**"Did you ... ?"**

**He gazed levelly into her eyes. "Yes. That was part of the reason I pursued Sonia Stellamaris, to distract myself from you."**

**She chuckled. "Neither of us were ready, though. I found myself rationalizing to Phaedra that I was NOT in love with you at the time, especially after seeing your skin. I thought it was lust."**

**"Twenty years late, but I still ... " He opened the box. "I'd still like to see what would have happened that afternoon if we weren't as scared ... and the AHP System did not get us."**

**Britomartis pulled out the pink object and spread it out in her hands. She broke into laughter. "Snips! Pink panties? You are a sentimental old darling!"**

**He moved closer to her, his lips brushing against her lips and face as he spoke, "It was central to all my fantasies of you at the time, the ones I never admitted to myself. Please ... grant me that whole day once again."**

**Severus pinned her back to the sofa amid her happy cries of consent.**

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**Fred and George ran out into the snow-packed lawns around the castle and immediately began a snowball fight with each other across a wide expanse of slushy white stuff.**

**"Wait a mo'," Fred stated. "Do you see what I see over there?"**

**George looked up and paused in the making of his snowball. "Yes, indeed, there is our favorite snake and her henchboys."**

**Striking a pompous pose reminiscent of his brother Percy, Fred stated, "Let us go bother them for our depraved amusement."**

**Tossing the snowball over his shoulder, George struck a similar pose and matched his twin's pomposity, answering, "Yes, we must. We certainly must."**

**The Weasleys slugged through the snow toward Elizabeth Humphries, who was engaged in making a snow fort with the assistance of Derek Frobisher and Graham Pritchard. The boys artfully used their wands to form the smooth walls facing outward and solidifying them into ice while Elizabeth built up the inner walls.**

**"Hey, Lizard-Breath," George began. "Expecting an attack?"**

**"Yes," she answered, brushing a purple-streaked blonde strand of hair out of her mouth. She waved her hand and the two First-Year boys dove behind the ice walls of the fort. "My lackeys had informed me of your derogatory treatment of them yesterday simply because they were - as you both phrased it - 'nasty little snake babies'."**

**George whirled around and stared at Fred. "I TOLD you they'd tell her!"**

**Fred head-smacked George. "Well, everyone MUST agree that you and Malfoy sending your goons out after each other is quite entertaining."**

**"Just leave the name-calling out of it, boys," Elizabeth suggested. "Just because we happened to be sorted into the 'Bad Guy House' doesn't mean we're out to eat babies. Besides, I do not employ goons - that is for lowbrow elements like a Malfoy. I have lackeys."**

**George pulled his scarlet and gold cap off. "Lizard-Breath, I apologize for my own mistreatment of your goons - I mean, lackeys."**

**Fred raised an eyebrow at his twin, and then pulled his own cap off. "Yeah, I'm sorry, too."**

**"Not good enough," she answered, moving back behind the snow fort. "Our honor must be avenged." The First-Year Slytherins ducked behind the walls. "Let's see if you Gryffindorks can survive a _real _snow war - FIRE!"**

**"YAAAHH!" Derek and Graham yelled.**

**Several snowballs were lofted over the fort's walls, splattering into the Weasley Twins and making them scramble back enough to grab snow and attempt to fire back.**

**"CHEAT!" Fred yelled. "You got a head start!"**

**"Always be prepared to fight for your life, as my House Master would say!" she retorted. Standing on the walls of the fort, she struck a dramatic pose and held her wand high, crying out, "For the glory and the honor of the House of Slytherin!"**

**Pulling out their wands, the Weasleys incanted at the ground, which surged up into a snow-tsunami. Elizabeth barely managed to get under cover before the wave broke against the snow fort battlements.**

**The satisfaction the Weasleys felt was short-lived, as a gigantic snowball launched itself out of the snow fort. The twins managed to dive to either side as the seven-foot-across mass of snow hit their previous location.**

**With the preliminaries out of the way, the snow-war between Gryffindor and Slytherin began in earnest.**

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**Playing in the snow again seemed an entirely new experience for Severus. The last time he had 'played' in the snow like this was exactly the same day twenty-odd years ago when he and Britomartis had been first hit with the Protection Spells.**

**Still, he found he enjoyed playing, especially when he put his mind to wand-sculpting the snow and ice into figures and beasts. He especially delighted in making a twelve-foot-tall snow statue of Britomartis, working out all the details of her hair and skin and shape as well as the folds and drape of one of her Minoan gowns. He delighted in making that sculpture because the woman in question had tackled him to the ground and used ways of kissing to make him forget about the cold.**

**Britomartis had forgotten how fun snow could be, even though she was wearing a gown this time; snow angels and snow sculptures and snowball fights ... yes, it was fun when one participated willingly.**

**However, both were also conscious of recreating the events surrounding a similar day when they were thirteen and fifteen, which had made them all too aware of the other.**

**She still chuckled at herself. She was thirteen at the time, barely aware of her own desires in that regard. Hells, she was actually perfectly normal, even in this backward British culture. (Of course, try convincing ANY thirteen-year-old that they are NOT freakish outcasts ... ) She was quite relieved her companion had been Severus Snape ... any other boy may have pushed her into something she wasn't ready to be responsible for; but he remained shy and respectful during the whole semi-romantic part of their relationship when they were younger.**

**She gazed at him as he began work on another snow sculpture, his face much older, more tired, the trials of his life still haunting his eyes ... and thanked the Great Mother yet again for allowing them to find each other once more, when both could handle -**

**That also bothered her, that both instinctively knew that whatever they 'had' back then was too deep and powerful for them to handle when they were teenagers - both had admitted they were relieved when they had to be pulled apart. Whatever 'this' was had linked them eternally in both soul and karma. Perhaps Padma was right: this was a 'soul mate' thing.**

**(Dion, I hope you are not hurt by this; I adored our marriage and our children.)**

**She was brought back out of her thoughts by Severus calling her. "Spirals, I need help with this odd sculpture idea - something I know you would have enjoyed - "**

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**Remus Lupin shuffled through the snowy Quad and out of the castle. The most notable apparition before him was the Weasley Twins and a few Slytherin students having a snow war with each other. He was rather impressed - he knew the Marauders and Snips and Spirals never got into anything this chaotic or outrageous, especially involving the invocation of Snow Sprites. The Slytherin snow-dragon chasing one Weasley while the other guided swarms of Snow-Sprites into dive-bombing the Slytherin fort was quite amusing.**

**Barely managing to avoid getting buried in magically propelled snow, Remus made his way across the grounds towards the pitch, where he was surprised to see Britomartis and Severus making snow sculptures. He briefly admired the lines of the twelve-foot-tall Britomartis sculpture (he absently noted that the statue was now a proper shape and size for Hagrid), then his eyes rested on the Slytherin House Master and Mother, laughing and working on something out of the snow.**

**Lupin was not blind; he had conceded defeat, especially after noting Snape's scent all over her. He could also not deny his own feelings. She was Life in a concentrated form; it annoyed him how he kept having to snatch his mind away from thinking smutty thoughts, even after all these years. For Gods' sakes, they were in their mid-thirties, they weren't school children anymore!**

**(Yes, so - if given the chance - why do I still want to pin her to any flat surface and make her scream my name?)**

**Why, indeed? Damned werewolf olfactory sense. Nastily, he wondered if the Voxes had any werewolves in the bloodline ... it MIGHT just give him a legitimate excuse for feeling this way.**

**He heard and smelled the woman coming up behind him before she spoke. "Good afternoon, Lady Saphira."**

**She finally reached his side and said, "I was wondering where everyone was - I was left alone in those depressing dungeons this morning."**

**Remus shifted from foot to foot in the snow, thinking that his socks were soaked and were starting to freeze to his feet. "Playing in the snow, it seems." He added up the dates in his head and commented, "Your daughter is sixteen and in her Sixth-Year of schooling here?"**

**"Around there," Saphira confirmed. "Mind if I babble about her at this age?"**

**"Not at all," Remus answered, intensely curious as to what Miss Britomartis had been up to at age sixteen.**

**Saphira covered many things, providing the album of pictures to help in her storytelling - Britomartis bull-leaping at the summer games in the brief leaper's costume and harshly chopped-off hair (Remus felt his stomach twist, as he had fantasized of her once long beautiful hair back when he was a teenager), attaining full priestesshood at the temples in the tight-bodice and tiered skirt of priestess garb, getting drunk on Reki the first time and her sisters catching her in the bed of her friend Dion Tuzoia (Remus knew Britomartis had married and produced children and had lost them, but this was the first he had seen any reference of her late husband), dressed in her Slytherin robe and green bodice and leather trousers and sunglasses outside the gates of Beauxbatons, participating in a duel of Swords and Wands (a Beauxbatons dueling tradition), and photos of Britomartis' only friend at the school: a half-Veela girl named Nathalie Bellamy whose photograph made him drool down his chin; Saphira had added that Nathalie Bellamy-Delacour had named Britomartis her children's Godmother, which led her into a sad but proud rant over how much better of a mother her daughter turned out.**

**Remus noticed with alarm that Snape had pushed Miss Britomartis behind a snow sculpture and was preparing to do something quite naughty; and frankly Remus did not care to deal with a possibly over-protective mother.**

**"I should get Sainthood for this," he muttered to himself as he quickly grabbed Saphira's arm. "Come on inside, you feel completely chilled, Madame. I'll make you some tea and we can talk in my office."**

**"Hm? Yes, it is freezing. Thank you, Professor Lupin." **

**Both turned away from Severus and Britomartis, and Remus suddenly became very aware over how similar the mother's and daughter's scents were. Musky, soft, with olive-toned skin meant to be kissed in dim moonlight ... **

**(Gods, preserve the virtues of werewolves and great-grandmothers!)**

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**"AAAAARRRRGGGGHHH! WE'RE GONNA DIE!" Derek and Graham screamed as they raced past Britomartis and Severus while the older two were continuing work on their ice sculpture of an Elder God.**

**"What's with them?" Britomartis asked.**

**"First-Years," Severus answered, not looking up.**

**"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! IT WASN'T MY FAULT!" Elizabeth added, running like hell in the same direction of her minions.**

**"What wasn't her fault?" Britomartis inquired.**

**"Very likely it was if she had to say that," Severus replied. "As I recall you did when you behaved that way."**

**"And what about you, sirrah?"**

**"I was the very essence of Propriety and Rectitude, naturally."**

**The Weasley Twins were trying to trip the other up as they dashed past as well.**

**"YOU'RE THE SACRIFICE!"**

**"NO, YOU ARE, SEWER-BREATH!"**

**"IT WANTS YOUR BLOOD!"**

**"THEN YOUR BLOOD IS JUST AS GOOD!"**

**Britomartis watched them scramble off into the distance. "You don't suppose they shoved Cornish Pixies down Hagrid's trousers?"**

**"They couldn't reach that high," Severus retorted casually. "And despite being Gryffindors, I doubt they have either the courage or such a pronounced death-wish."**

**Both were rather surprised to see a two-headed Snow Goon ambling after the five students, roaring and grumbling as it made its way across the snow.**

**Severus blinked while Britomartis felt a grin threatening to break.**

**"I'll wager a foot rub they figure out they have to freeze it," she stated.**

**He snorted and rolled his eyes. "I wager a back rub they don't."**

**She finally grinned. "You're on."**

**He sighed in disgust. "Calling upon the Snow Sprites is ALWAYS a bad move."**

**"You must let the children make their mistakes - just like we had."**

**"Indeed. Oh, well, it should be entertaining."**

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**Elizabeth whipped around, barely avoided getting ran over by the twins, and pulled her wand out as she incanted, "REDUCTO!"**

**The Snow Goon blasted apart in a shower of stinging snowflakes. The boys stopped running, and Elizabeth permitted herself to breathe again.**

**The snowflakes reassembled themselves into a solid mass of snow, and then fell into a more grotesque shape of tentacles and eyestalks. It renewed its chase after them.**

**"YAAAAAAHHHH!" the whole group yelled.**

**Derek and Graham threw themselves under a fallen log and into a badger den, where a mother badger decided to use her natural attack abilities in dislodging the two boys from her home.**

**With the younger two occupied and fighting for their lives, Elizabeth, Fred, and George coalesced into a running group.**

**"This is all your fault!" Fred cried.**

**"It's yours!" George retorted.**

**"You shouldn't have used Snow Sprites to help!" Elizabeth shrieked.**

**"I'm too young to die!" Fred objected. "I haven't passed my seed on yet!"**

**"You never will, sheep brains!" George told him.**

**Elizabeth interjected, "One good thing comes out of this at least!"**

**"Go boil your head!" the twins chorused.**

**Elizabeth stopped and muttered, "Boil - boiling - YES!"**

**The twins ceased running and gazed back at her in horror, now too far away for them to grab and rescue.**

**Her wand was out and she pointed it at the snow monster as she cried, "RELASHIO!"**

**The snow monster screamed in an arcane language as it boiled away, becoming nothing more than vapors of steam in the air.**

**The twins looked at her in shock as she put her wand back in her coat.**

**"George, my brother," Fred said in a low whisper. "Lizard-Breath has my deepest respect."**

**"Agreed, dear brother Fred," George affirmed, also speaking low. "I would be honored for her to bear my child."**

**"Or mine."**

**"Or both." George paused. "I find that thought strangely exciting."**

**Fred nodded. "Me, too."**

**Elizabeth shivered, as if someone had walked on her grave.**

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**"Have enough snow down your trousers, Snips?" Britomartis asked the sun began to set that afternoon.**

**Severus looked up from the 'Deranged Snowman' he was working on (one that was a Siamese twin connected by the heads) and nodded. "All this activity has melted it then refrozen it to my body. And you?"**

**"I think I still managed to get snow down my knickers again."**

**"Time to go in." He placed his wand back inside his coat and reached for her gloved hand with his. "Mustn't have you get frostbite."**

**"You handle cold much worse than I do."**

**"Used to. Spending the last dozen years in the dungeons has made me immune." He smiled and pushed the hood of his cloak back, shaking the snow caked to the gray wool as they made their way back to the castle.**

**Britomartis noticed his black hair was pulled back in the braid he used to wear it in back during school. "You're wearing the blue hair-tie."**

**He nodded. "The same one. I hadn't touched any of them since you left, Spirals."**

**She gazed at him and murmured, "You still look wonderful with your hair pulled back."**

**"Sentimental wench."**

**"Focus on your fantasy, my love."**

**"Yes," he agreed, pulling her into the castle and stamping the snow off of his boots. "Do you think I'm being ridiculous?"**

**"No, I think you're being perfectly romantic." She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, then twirled her fingers around his braid. "Twenty years ago we were shy and confused teenagers."**

**"Now we're strange and confused adults." He kissed her roughly, breathing against her lips, "Are you wearing them?"**

**"Yes."**

**"Good." With another kiss, he pulled her down the stairs to the dungeons and commenced with an intensely active evening.**

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**Severus lay awake, staring at the ceiling. He had been staring at the ceiling since Britomartis had curled up and fell asleep in his arm. He recalled his first birthday with her, when she got him a new quill and both shared a Fizzing Whizbee, floating around the Slytherin Common Room and being children.**

**Exactly twenty-one years later her gifts were not-so-innocent, however greatly refined and appreciated. And it was for this reason he was awake and staring at the ceiling.**

**He adored her and their loving, yet it left him in a mixture of depression and reflection.**

**Severus supposed it had to happen, the dark reflections after such activity. He considered her acceptance of his adult heart to be more sensual, fulfilling, and deeper than anything physical they had done (although she proved more than an adequate teacher). It was part of his nature, after all, to suspect anything good.**

**He still marveled that such a wonderful woman wanted him at all, just as he had back then.**

**He wanted to wake her up and talk, but she was exhausted. He got up and pulled his gray nightshirt on, rebraiding his hair as he left his rooms.**

**Severus wandered the school halls. He had no idea why. Filch never bothered him, anyway, since he wandered the halls during sleepless nights and consequently helped in catching sneaking students.**

**Down stairs. Down halls. Into an abandoned classroom.**

**And there was the Mirror of Erised.**

**Fate was a bitch. A nasty, crude bitch in heat.**

**He had heard of the Mirror in passing, magical artifacts, etcetera. He certainly had no idea Dumbledore still kept the damned thing on school grounds. Temptation, hell, it was dangerous. He knew of the stories of those driven mad by desires they could never reach.**

**And still, he felt his body move toward it, unbidden, much against what his logic and sense were telling him.**

**Temptation shared the same qualities mentioned as Fate.**

**He stared at his own reflection. Severus Snape in his gray night shirt, braided black hair, hooked nose, dark eyes, thin and pale.**

**Figures began to appear. He peered closely, their dark shapes making his heart pound. One solidified.**

**Britomartis.**

**His Martis with her ash-blonde hair and her turquoise gown. No sunglasses. Smiling beautifully at him. He himself was in a suit and robe in a rich dark purple (the Headmaster's robes, he realized suddenly), his hair graying around the temples and forehead and pulled back in the braid, his face somewhat older. And he was smiling as well.**

**The shock was the appearance of seven more figures - a nearly-grown boy, a girl in her midteens, a younger girl, triplet girls who appeared to be preschool age, and a toddler boy. All of them were olive-skinned like Martis. The boy had spiky black hair, the Snape nose, and wore Muggle clothes - jeans and a t-shirt with a skull. The oldest girl was a spitting image of Britomartis at the same age with long ash-blonde hair, wearing the Hogwarts school under-uniform, and had spirals painted on her cheeks. The middle girl had long black hair in twin French braids, the Snape nose, and wearing a Hogwart's robe and leather trousers. The girl triplets all had brown hair and wore Cretan sandals and tunics in different colors. The toddler boy was blonde and smiling, wearing nothing more than a tunic.**

**His image's hand was on the older boy's shoulder who looked up at him, grinning and holding a quite doctored-up broom, showing it to him. The oldest girl held a wand and seemed to be transfiguring a snake into a goblet. The middle girl was hugging him around the waist and looking quite protective. The triplets seemed to be playing a variation of the Bother Game he and Britomartis had played when they were younger. The toddler-boy was in Britomartis' arms, being held tightly by her.**

**"My ... my children ... ?"**

**He touched the mirror, feeling the cool surface and thin layer of dust under his fingertips.**

**His family. No fear. No violence. No darkness surrounding them. No shadow of the Dark Lord dimming the vision. Just him and Britomartis and seven children of their mingled blood.**

**Seven children!**

**Severus fell to his knees, feeling tears prickle the back of his throat and sting his eyes, blurring the vision of his deepest, most desperate desire - of his own family, a family that did not grow up with the same horrors he had, of Britomartis being the mother of those children ... of him being with her forever and having their own sons and daughters. Not apprentices, not heirs, but children.**

**A hand touched his shoulder and he swallowed a sob.**

**"I had often wondered if you had ever seen the Mirror of Erised," Albus Dumbledore commented softly. "I am glad it was now instead of before."**

**Severus hated weeping in front of the Headmaster. He hated it back when he was a student, and now as a Professor it was completely unacceptable. He remembered when he had finally been adopted by this man, and how Albus Dumbledore would never punish him or shame him for weeping. **

**But the ghosts of personal failure ceaselessly haunted Severus Snape.**

**"Before ... when there was a possibility it could have happened if she had not been taken. Before ... when I was completely alone and abandoned and knowing I would never see her again. Before ... when I joined the staff like a whipped dog and wished I was dead."**

**"Yes." **

**"I see my family in there, Father. Martis, myself, seven children. Seven of them ... When Pure Blood tradition has only one child born per family; and with my blood and Darkness, such a child is conceived only with fertility potions." He wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his nightshirt. "Yes, grant me to see such a vision now when she is back in my life and I would kill ANYONE who thinks of tearing us apart again."**

**Dumbledore picked the man up gently. "Now - when it could happen, if you trust yourself." He smiled kindly. "And that is the only obstacle at this point."**

**Severus was familiar with the Headmaster's carefully-applied words. "At this point." He glanced back at the images, of Britomartis and their children. "I want it to be safe for them. I have to make it safe for them, so they'll never know fear like I have."**

**Dumbledore nodded. "Every potential father who calls himself a True Man will always ensure such things."**

**Severus watched the children being open and loving, of Britomartis being loving to their children and himself, of himself showing both pride and love to all of them. "I won't be anything like my biological father. I prefer to be like you - "**

**Dumbledore raised his hand for silence. "Severus, do not dwell. One of the greatest weaknesses of your vast intellect is your ability to over-think things. Allow them to happen."**

**As Severus walked away from the mirror, he casually commented, "Why don't you lock the door or something?"**

**"I tried," Dumbledore replied as he walked with him. "It would disappear and reappear in the common rooms or Great Hall. It's safer this way."**

**Severus nodded in understanding. "If I may ask -?"**

**"What do I see in the Mirror?"**

**"Yes."**

**"Socks."**

**The Potions Master looked up in surprise. "I beg your pardon?"**

**"At my age, in this weather, you come to appreciate a good thick pair of woolen socks."**

**Severus smiled.**


	19. Blame the Eggnog

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Merry Christmas, Happy Yule, and have an all-round grand time this holiday season. And, as our Slytherin House Mother would say, "Don't get caught."

XXXXXXXXXX

CHAPTER NINETEEN: "Blame the Eggnog"

Christmas morning rolled around (faster for the adults rather than the children, which is true whether one is Wizard or Muggle). The previous few days had Graham Pritchard and Derek Frobisher filling the Slytherin Common Room with multiple choruses of 'Can we open our presents yet?' at least three times every hour, at least until Professor Snape transfigured them into bowls of fruit and lectured them about decorum and grace in the halls of Slytherin. Meanwhile, the morning of, Britomartis and Saphira watched the three students toss paper over their shoulders with wild unwrapping abandon.

"This is a stranger custom than the rest," Saphira remarked. "Father Christmas?"

"No, Mother, he's inside the packing crate," Britomartis replied.

"What?"

"Nothing. If you notice, most of the givers are friends, so the Father Christmas story doesn't really apply here. "

Saphira picked up a discarded tag. "'To Lizard-Breath. From your Luv Slaves'." She raised an eyebrow, glancing at the First-Years. "Dear?"

Britomartis looked at the tag. "Ah, the Weasley Twins - see, the drawings of the sign of Gemini are making Two-Finger Salutes. Funny, I thought they were Aries." She looked up, blinked, then laughed. "Oh, won't Minerva have a fit when she finds out her two Beaters had declared themselves the property of my pet student!"

Saphira also laughed.

Elizabeth plopped down on the couch, a Cornish Pixie Stik hanging out of the corner of her mouth. "You found the message from the Gryffindorks? I can tell you now, I did not encourage them."

"I know, dear. There's something about a girl who doesn't care to be in Slytherin and the strange men that collect around her."

"The Weasleys do count as strange, especially those two." She held up a plunger. "By the way, this is what they sent me."

"Yes, they gave me the scrub brush that matches it. I believe this has something to do with that missing WC from the Ravenclaw dorms."

Saphira began folding the tag into an intricate origami sculpture. "Why are you staying over here during holidays, Elizabeth?"

The Fourth-Year sighed. "I'm old enough to work at my parents' inn as wait-staff, so naturally the boorish octogenarian American tourists would LOVE to pinch the fanny of a little blonde teenage girl in a chamber-maid's outfit. As a result, I'm spending my holiday in House Pole-Up-Thine-Arse."

"Would your parents allow such a thing?" Britomartis asked.

"Dad taught me how to scream loud enough to bring Uncle Nasty and Gran'pa Morris running, and Mum taught me how to kill a person with a soup ladle. And now that Gran'pa Morris got that new mulching machine, we don't have to worry about disposing of the evidence. See - don't have to use magic."

Saphira nodded in approval. "Every young lady should learn to defend herself, especially when the males of the civilization are not taught manners."

Elizabeth tapped the rest of the Pixie Stik in her mouth, swallowed, then leaned closer to the two women. "Professor; Madame Vox - I want to go to Crete next summer. I liked our last visit."

"I'm definitely having another trip," Britomartis assured her. "It really helped the students in understanding the cultural aspects of my class."

Saphira added, "And we'll have better arrangements for next summer as well, since ... well, anyway, you children are always welcomed back."

Elizabeth sat up. "Good. Dorian promised to help me feed Malfoy to the squids."

Britomartis grinned. "I turned his father into a tentacle monster once."

"He probably enjoyed it, didn't he?"

"I try not to think of that part."

XXXXXXXXXX

Christmas dinner in the Great Hall was one of the smallest gatherings in recent years, needing only two large round tables to accommodate the two dozen teachers and students left in the castle. All of the students congregated towards their own table, where Gryffindors and Slytherins actually sat down with each other and talked freely.

Being that the table was filled with all the Weasleys, Harry, Hermione, Elizabeth, Derek, and Graham, the students were at a notch below high treason with their laughter and silliness (and Percy not knowing the back of his robe was embroidered with the words 'Still Wets Bed' - Fred and George were besides themselves trying to figure out who did it).

The adults: Dumbledore, McGonagall, Sprout, Pomfrey and her husband of almost twenty years, Hagrid, Filch, Mrs. Norris (seated at her own spot on the table), and Lupin were seating themselves when Britomartis, Severus, and Saphira arrived in the Great Hall. The three sat as well, with Saphira grinning and leaning close to Remus, saying, "My, my, you do look quite smart when you're dressed properly."

Remus smiled shyly. "I thank you very much for the robe, Lady Saphira; Miss Britomartis - I mean - Professor - "

Saphira sighed. "She and I discussed it - that is why you got the suit from her and the robe from me. It's our mothering instincts that can't stand to have a person dressed in rags when he needn't."

Remus realized he was blushing. "Again, I do thank you very much." He looked down at his hands. "Did you like my present to you?"

Saphira nodded. "Quite honestly, you're the first man outside of my family I had received a gift of perfume from."

Remus returned to blushing. "Did I overstep my bounds?"

"No, dear. It just surprised me is all." She brushed a strand of silver hair back from her mouth. "Now, what is done at your Christmas parties here in Great Britain? Human sacrifice? Exploding Chocolate Frogs? Throwing pies in people's faces?"

Remus allowed himself to relax. "Of course not - that's only for Easter. We're much more rambunctious on Christmas."

"Crackers!" Dumbledore called, holding up one. McGonagall accepted his invitation and pulled.

Several cracks and bangs sounded in the Great Hall as crackers were pulled. Saphira and Remus tugged the one between them. Britomartis picked one up and offered it to Severus. "Well, Snips?"

Severus rolled his eyes and took the other end, both of them pulling at once - a pointed witch's hat with a stuffed vulture appeared, along with a lavender crown, two slips of paper, and a pair of wooden finger rings.

He narrowed his eyes at the hat as Britomartis giggled, "The Longbottom Boggart strikes again." She perched the lavender crown on her head while Dumbledore discreetly took the vulture hat for his own.

Severus sniffed. "He hasn't wet himself all semester because of that damned thing." He offered one of the wooden rings to her. "This isn't promising anything, you know. This is just part of the ... "

"Celebration, sure," she lilted, lifting her hand up to him. He tried to push it onto her forefinger but found the ring too small, so he slipped it over her pinkie. She snatched up the other wooden ring and placed it on his pinkie. "Think of it as practice."

"Don't push it, Spirals."

Britomartis picked up one of the slips of paper and read, "'Children are our only form of immortality'."

He picked up the other paper and read his silently, then snorted. "I do believe there are supposed to be bad jokes printed on these, not quotes."

"Yes, we always manage to get the quotes; so what's yours say?"

"'Be nicer to Harry Potter'." He frowned. "This handwriting looks like Ginevra Weasley."

Both glanced up to stare down the youngest Weasley, who was busy pretending to be engrossed in gazing at the Christmas tree behind her seat.

"She claims to have an alibi," Britomartis said. "As if the little hearts drawn around his name weren't proof enough."

Severus rolled his eyes again. "Silly girl-children."

The doors flung open and Professor Trelawney stepped into the room, wearing a sparkling green gown that only made her celery-stalk figure even more boyish.

The men - minus Severus and Filch - stood politely (Hagrid bumping the table and upsetting the leftover cracker contents on top), while Dumbledore stated, "Sibyll, this is a pleasant surprise!"

Britomartis sighed and locked eyes with McGonagall. "Who invited her?"

The Deputy-Headmistress answered, "She's still a teacher at this school, Martis."

"Yes, but that still doesn't answer my question."

Trelawney moved into the room, making the fishtail-hem of her gown barely touch the floor. "I have been crystal-gazing, Headmaster, and to my astonishment, I saw myself abandoning my solitary luncheon and coming to join you. Who am I to refuse the prompting of fate? I at once hastened from my tower, and I do beg you to forgive my lateness ... "

Severus leaned close to Britomartis and whispered, "Probably ran out of cooking sherry in her kitchenette."

She gently poked his shoulder and giggled, "Bother."

Food appeared on the table and students began filling their plates. Pomfrey and her husband were laughing with - or actually AT - Sprout and Flitwick over some private matter.

"Certainly, certainly," Dumbledore said happily to Trelawney. "Let me draw you up a chair - "

The students watched as Dumbledore drew a chair in mid-air, leaving them quite impressed. The chair thunked itself right between McGonagall and Severus, and Trelawney suddenly screamed.

Everyone looked up to see the Divinations teacher clutching at her heart. "I dare not, Headmaster! If I join the table, we shall be thirteen! Nothing could be more unlucky! Never forget that when thirteen dine together, the first to rise shall be the first to die!"

Britomartis leaned close to Severus and whispered, "Quick, Snips, put a thumbtack in her chair!"

"Already done," he answered nonchalantly.

"Besides, Akiko always said four was an unlucky number because it has the same Kanji as 'death'."

McGonagall looked up at Trelawney and smiled sweetly. "Then you may sit with the students since there are only ten of them at their table." She glanced at Mrs. Norris the cat seated quietly and cleaning a paw: McGonagall fought a little salute of respect towards Trelawney for counting Mrs. Norris as a person, even in cat form.

"Bull dung," Britomartis sighed. "She's not going to sit."

Mrs. Norris suddenly jumped off the table and went stalking after something-or-rether out of the Great Hall.

"NOW will you sit down?" McGonagall asked. "The turkey is getting stone cold."

Trelawney nodded and settled between McGonagall and Severus, then shrieked and held her backend as she jumped up, twisting around to see what poked her. "Somebody put a tack in my chair! The Spirits, ah, warned me before I finished sitting down!"

McGonagall already had a spoon in a tureen, ignoring the outburst, and asked, "Tripe, Sibyll?"

Severus stared coldly back at Trelawney. "Why are you looking at me as if I did it?"

Trelawney kowtowed and pretended to be smoothing out wrinkles in her gown. "I am sorry, Severus, I didn't mean to imply that you of all people would - "

She finally sat back down. Britomartis adjusted her sunglasses and stated, "Surely you must know who put it there, Sibyll-dear."

"Certainly I know, Britomartis-DEAR. But one does NOT parade the fact that one is All-Knowing. I frequently act as though I am not possessed of the Inner Eye, so as not to make others nervous."

"That explains a great deal," McGonagall commented. Flitwick and Pomfrey exchanged looks over the turkey.

"Yes," Britomartis added. "Must be maddening to have all those threads of futures and potential futures flying at you in the face constantly. Of course, Madame von Gruppen had to actually concentrate when she did her Divinations, which gave her some sanity."

"I doubt Helga would appreciate our idealization of her." Dumbledore remarked casually. "She was quite modest - may Heaven keep her."

The memory of their departed comrade caused a few teachers to choke back acid comments. Dumbledore took advantage of the distraction and stated, "Come now, it's Christmas - and the feast this year is rather good." He addressed the students' table. "Derek? Graham? Enjoying yourselves?"

"Y-yes, sir!" they replied in unison. "Thank you, sir!"

"Then dig in!"

XXXXXXXXXX

Within two hours, there were only three attempts at starting a food fight (one of them between Britomartis and Trelawney), Severus hurting himself as he kept from laughing hysterically at Harry Potter (who unknowingly got a sculpture of a pig made of mashed potato on his head), the Twins drawing mustaches and beards on each other's faces with gravy, Elizabeth and Ginny and Hermione whispering enough Girl Talk to make the boys around them scoot away, Percy reminding everyone constantly to behave which got him hexed with sausages hanging out of his nose and ears, and a competition between Hagrid and Filch over who would consume the most eggnog at the end of the dinner.

After dessert, the large bowl of eggnog appeared on the table and Dumbledore stood as he began ladling the thick, rich liquid into punch cups. The adults passed the cups around their table. A matching bowl appeared on the students' table, only filled with a bright red fruit punch, which Percy took the honors of serving to the younger crowd.

After everyone had their cups, Dumbledore raised his glass and stated, "A toast to Christmas and the New Year!"

Severus raised his glass as everyone else, but noticed an odd scent waft to his nose as he did so. He pulled the punch cup close and sniffed the eggnog, automatically analyzing the contents -

Eggs, cream, sugar, salt, vanilla ... and Ambrosia.

He darted his tongue out and dipped it slightly into the drink. Citrusy with a backwash of lime and coconut.

DEFINITELY Magical Crete's signature wine.

He leaned close to Britomartis and breathed, "Someone spiked the eggnog with Ambrosia."

Britomartis thunked her cup down on the table as everyone drank. "Well, don't look at me, I KNOW what that stuff can do." She lifted her cup up and sniffed hard, and added, "I can JUST barely smell it - you are the Master."

"Of course I am," Severus replied. "But who did this? Your mother?"

They glanced at Saphira, who daintily sipped from her cup.

"You're joking," Britomartis retorted. "Frick and Frack?"

"They would be my first suspects, but they wouldn't dare to incur my wrath in that regard."

"What makes you so sure?"

"They still want us to adopt them." He thought about it. "Potter?"

"Much as he will probably drown his many sorrows in a bottle of firewhisky when he's older, he certainly won't take anyone else with him while doing so, dearest." She glanced up. "Hagrid?"

"Where would he get any Ambrosia?"

She grinned and imitated the Care of Magical Creatures instructor's heavy accent, "'Froom a stranger doun' at pub'."

"Really, Spirals," Severus snorted. "Filch?"

"That's even more ridiculous. If it can't scorch metal, he won't drink it."

"Flitwick?"

She laughed.

"Agreed - he has far too genteel and decent a basic nature to indulge in pranks." Severus looked over the remaining suspects. "We can remove Minerva, Pomona, Poppy, and her Michael for the same reasons. And I doubt Dumbledore would get his own staff drunk on Ambrosia in front of his students. AND Lupin wouldn't know where Crete was if he was dropped on it."

Britomartis clapped his shoulder. "Check the children's punch. If it's clean, we can remove them from the Suspects' List. No one here except Filch would drug children as a prank."

Severus flinched, being the first and only one to be offered Filch's 'improved' eggnog as a student. "Good idea." He got up and went to the children's table, looming over them.

The youngsters looked at him silently, then broke into laughter.

Percy peered at Severus through his sausages and commented, "My God, man, you look AWFUL! Here - lemme help." He waved his wand, and the table centerpiece suddenly had sausages hanging from it. "That's better," he muttered, then glanced back at Severus. "Hey! How'd you get over there!"

Severus shook his head as Percy slid to the floor to the laughter of the other students. He returned to the teachers' table and reported, "No need to check, they appear to all be well lit. At least the Gryffindor Head Boy is - the badge enchantment, you know."

Britomartis nodded. She was aware that the Protection Spells included an enchantment for making Prefects unusually susceptible to alcohol so they could be easily detected when they snuck or were bribed drinks (yet another paranoid precaution by Salazar Slytherin of less-than-sainted memory).

"So," she concluded. "Our Villain is one of the students."

"How long does it take for the Ambrosia to circulate through?"

"Less than five minutes."

"Oh, bollocks."

"Yes, the lot are already pasted beyond no return."

They turned and gazed at the party. At least Poppy Pomfrey and her husband Michael Browne were being quiet as they cuddled at the table, although the way Minerva McGonagall was running her fingers through Albus Dumbledore's beard while giggling like a school girl was rather distressing.

Britomartis got up and approached Saphira. "Mother? The eggnog has Ambrosia in it - "

"I know, dear. Gives it an interesting taste, doesn't it?" Saphira giggled, then looked under the table. "It appears Professor Lupin cannot handle it."

Britomartis also peered under the table, noting the semi-conscious Remus softly singing to himself. "No, it appears he could not. Can you help me take him back to his rooms?"

"Mm. Where's the floor, dear? Someone's hidden it."

"Nevermind, Mother." Britomartis got up. "Snips, think we should take the kids back to their dorms first?"

He nodded. "The paintings should be drunk enough on their own to grant access to anyone."

She sighed and made her way over to the passed out Percy Weasley. "I certainly hope the Aurors aren't taking the night off. Sneerius would remember how holidays would get around here."

"As long as Potter is surrounded by a large group, we should be able to get away with this." He looked down at Percy and snorted. "I'm tempted to embroider not-so-nice things on his badge."

"Like you did with Lupin? Hee!" They both picked him up between themselves and looked up to see Harry Potter snatching Dumbledore's hat off the table and plunking it on his own head.

"Look at me!" Harry crowed. "I'm the Headmaster now!" He pointed at Severus. "Fifty-million points off Slytherin because Snape's an CENSORED!"

A roar of laughter came from various directions. Severus ground his teeth much louder than ever before.

"No, Snips, you can't kill him yet."

Britomartis glanced back at Dumbledore who was smiling serenely amid the chaos as he held McGonagall against his side. She raised an eyebrow and he winked in reply.

Hm, so the Headmaster's only buzzed, not bombed.

She and Severus began dragging Percy out of the Great Hall just as Graham began bouncing all over the room and yelling, "I CAN SEE THROUGH DIMENSIONS! YAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Sev?" Britomartis said. "I think Mr. Pritchard hid a Hyperbomb from us."

Severus made an ungentlemanly sound, not bothering to reply.

XXXXXXXXXX

By the time they got back, Ron and Hermione were missing, and Hagrid had picked up Sprout in a fireman's carry.

"Are you helping us get people to their rooms, Hagrid?" Britomartis asked as she picked up the passed out Derek in her arms.

"Huh?" he asked. "Oh, shure, Martis-luv. Just, ah, taking Professor Sprout ter, ah - "

Sprout twisted around and giggled. "Your place or mine?"

"Oh, mine, a'course," he answered. "Night."

Hagrid, carrying Sprout, left the Great Hall.

Britomartis and Severus stared after them. "Snips?"

"Yes, Spirals?"

"Did a teacher just carry off another teacher to perform acts of lechery?"

He nodded slowly. "Wasn't that the intention with Ambrosia? 'To relax the bridal couple to consummate the marriage'?"

She nodded back. "Guess it works on half-giants, too." She hefted up Derek. "Could you Stupefy Mr. Pritchard and see if you can take him to the hospital wing?"

"If I must."

Pomfrey sat up and rubbed her forehead. "Oh, dear, another Hyperbomb victim?" She peered closely at the bouncing Graham. "Oh, two of them." She uneasily got up. "Come along, Michael, we have an injured student."

Severus incanted the Stupefy spell towards Graham, who slowly fell to the floor, although he continued twitching. Britomartis left the Great Hall while he strode over to pick up the student.

He was surprised to find Trelawney hunched over the table, giggling madly to herself as she quickly sketched on several pieces of paper. She looked up at him, her large eyes staring into him, then she broke into a gasped laugh. "SEVEN children, Severus? You randy stud, you!" Then she fell back to sketching more.

He rolled his eyes. "Sloppy methods she's got." He picked up the back of Graham's sweater and dragged the boy out into the halls and up the stairs to the hospital wing. After he deposited the boy, he went back out and met a curious figure in the hall.

Ron's head was bopping down the hall as he sang entirely and drunkenly off-key:

"I ain't got no-body

and nobody cares for me - "

Severus stared him down, scowling harshly. "MIS-ter Weasley ... "

Ron's head turned around, the turning making the edges of an Invisible Cloak semi-visible around him. "Hey, Mister Snake! How's it hanging - or is it?" He made a rude gesture and danced off, giggling.

Severus grimaced. "I hate that Weasley in particular."

XXXXXXXXXX

Britomartis returned and noted Ginny Weasley was cuddled up to Harry. He was not really objecting, as he held her and allowed her to kiss his face.

Britomartis also noted that Fred and George were trying to out-do each other. She was rather surprised when she overheard them talking about ways they were going to seduce (or molest) Elizabeth. Elizabeth herself was busy taking notes on what they were saying. She reminded herself that Elizabeth was Of Age in Cretan society, and the twins were yet a year older than that. Although she doubted whether the Weasley parents or the Humphries parents would understand such reasoning.

The Worlds Religions instructor turned her attention to the adults' table, where Pomfrey had appeared again and was helping herself to another cup of eggnog. Britomartis approached the table and asked, "Has Severus returned yet?"

Pomfrey shook her head. "Hadn't seen him since the infirmary." She grinned. "You know, Martis, we always thought you and Severus were playing 'hide the purple parsnip' back then."

"Purple rutabaga," McGonagall giggled. "Come now, Poppy, one must be accurate about Professor Snape's assets."

"Rutabaga?" Britomartis repeated. For some reason, she felt her ears get hot.

"Chinese rutabaga," McGonagall added. "Oh, dear, I made the Earthy One blush!"

Britomartis shook her head and turned to see Hermione enter the Great Hall, giggling hysterically.

"You'll never find out!" she shrieked in laughter. "You'll NEVER figure out how I did it! I'm a genius! You'll never trifle with me again, you peons of mice brains!" She noticed Ginny cuddled up to Harry and snorted. "Harry! Come on, you need to go to bed! Professor Auntie Martis, peel Ginny off of Harry! He needs to go to bed!"

"If you'll help me take them to your dorm," Britomartis replied.

"Of course. You take the redhead, I'll get Harry." She peered around. "Where's Ron?"

"I haven't found him yet."

Hermione rolled her eyes, which ended up crossing them. "Whatever."

Britomartis gently peeled Ginny off of Harry, holding the girl as she finally passed out. Hermione helped Harry up, following the Professor.

"Hermy?" Harry slurred.

"Yeah?" she replied.

"I don't feel good."

"Neither do I. Wanna trade underwear?"

"Okay."

Britomartis bit her lip. Both were a year under Cretan Citizenship age, and it somewhat distressed her that such a thing was being discussed in the school. She hoped Gryffindor's Protection Spells were just as ... active as Slytherin's were.

She allowed Hermione to yelled the password ('Scurvy cur!') and Lord Cadogan yelled drunkenly back, "Same to ye, wench!" as the portrait hole opened.

"He seemed to accept 'open it or else' last time," Britomartis commented.

Hermione giggled, plopping herself and Harry onto a couch. Ginny was deposited on another couch. Ron was in the dorm, seeming to be completely engrossed in whatever he was doing at the desk. Britomartis peeked at what he was working on, and studied his sketches.

"Don't forget to embroider the edges with the runes for physical reflection, it aids the protection aspects far better."

"Ooh!" Ron squeaked appreciatively. "Thanks!"

She left the room just as Hermione was saying, "Now, Harry, if you wear my underwear and I wear your underwear, this means we have to get married ... "

Britomartis rubbed her forehead, and pretended she did not hear it.

XXXXXXXXXX

Severus had managed to drag Flitwick and Filch to their respective rooms when he met with Britomartis back in the Great Hall.

"How many offended you when you put them to bed?"

"Miss Granger insisted Mr. Potter must wear her underwear."

He rubbed his temples. "My suspicions are beginning to lie on her." He glanced at the Weasley Twins and Elizabeth at the table. "What are they up to?"

"Last I heard George was going to CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED Elizabeth's - "

Severus' eyes bugged. "He what?"

"I'm not going to repeat Fred's statement, because I want you to believe I don't know about such things."

"And how is our little Evil Mistress taking these crude advances?"

"As you can see, she's taking notes."

"Very likely to blackmail them with such information."

"Or hold them to it."

"Spirals!"

She made a face. "Shall we interrupt them, or just start in on the teaching staff?"

He glanced at the table. The only ones left now were Dumbledore, McGonagall, Trelawney, Lupin, and Saphira.

Britomartis suddenly gripped Severus' arm hard enough to make him wince.

"What is it, woman? That hurts!"

"It - it's Sibyll! I do not bloody hell BELIEVE it!"

"Believe what? That she knows how to draw?"

"Severus! She is having a True Sight! Right now!"

Now Snape was surprised. "Are you sure?"

Martis sniffed. "I am a fully-initiated Priestess of the Great Mother, Severus. I know a True Sight when I feel one."

"In which case, I must apologize to her for the many awful things I've said behind her back." His brow creased in puzzlement. "But why have we never seen any sign of this before?"

"Perhaps it's only when she's in a trance ... or drunk. There have been such cases."

Severus managed to restrain a chortle. "And that does beg some intriguing questions about how and why Dumbledore hired her." He went over to her. "Sibyll? May I see that?"

She regarded him, then released another giggle and said, "Okay, but you have to let me pinch it."

"Pinch what - ? OW!"

Trelawney's hand retreated from his backside. "Thanks!" She surrendered the sketches. "Now, if you'll excuse me, dear Severus, I'm going to pass out now and join many others in the Dreamlands."

She promptly collapsed and fell out of her chair.

Severus blinked, then brought the sketches back to Britomartis.

They studied the first one - Hagrid and a tall, imposing woman who appeared to also be a half-giant; at least, anyone that tall had to have Giant blood. Britomartis blinked. "Wait a minute - that woman - she looks like my old assistant-headmistress at Beauxbatons!"

"With Hagrid?" Severus asked.

"Who knows." She pulled that sheet away and studied the next one. "Oh, my."

Severus quickly pulled that one away. "I do not care to know what goes on behind locked doors involving Marauders Secundus, even as adults."

"Oh, Snips, as if nobody was expecting it. Although I think Miss Granger would be rather sore after that." She looked at the next sketch. "Seems the Ambrosia is directing Sibyll's Sight into romantic matters. I think Minerva looks rather charming in that wedding gown. But who is that gentleman with her? And what's with the crowns and big amulets?"

"Are you SURE this is the result of Sibyll's Sight?"

She tapped her nose. "Positive. We just don't have the references to correlate them. Besides, I want to believe Minerva is a closet romantic."

A flip of the page showed the Gryffindor Trio as adults, with a number of children around them, as well as two House Elves in clothing. Severus peered at that one. The oldest girl looked vaguely familiar ...

"I wonder which ones belong to whom?" Britomartis asked rhetorically.

The next one had a rather embarrassing sketch involving Trelawney herself and a ...

Severus crumpled that one up. "I seriously DOUBT - "

Britomartis giggled nervously. "Those were only lewd jokes passed around at taverns. Nobody really has mated with a Centaur ... although Doni said she knew it was possible. But everyone prayed she was kidding because the alternative was too much to think about ... "

He shook his head. "I wouldn't have put it past Adonia to have tried." He studied the next sketch and his jaw dropped; it was a sketch of the family he saw in the Mirror of Erised, including their same clothing and postures.

Britomartis smiled approvingly. "Seven, my dearest love. It's a good number for us. Look, we're going to have triplets - "

"Martis, I ... "

"Hm?" she looked up at him. "Sev, it's going to Work. What was taken away from us when we were younger is going to be restored someday." She cocked her head and gazed at the sketch. "Snips, you're wearing the Headmaster's robes."

"Apparently."

"And I'm sure Sibyll has never seen you in braids - "

"All right, I am convinced she may have some ability with True Sight." He glanced back at the sketcher, passed out on the floor. "Shall I drag her back up to her tower?"

"Perhaps so," she agreed, flipping another page. She paused and raised an eyebrow. "A pink-haired girl embracing a werewolf?"

"Burn them when you get the chance. These may prove too ... odd to be kept."

"But, Severus, any prophesies made - no matter what the medium used - "

He turned to her. "Britomartis - ! Please. These may be too dangerous, and would you really want Potter and his entourage to get any ideas?"

"They will on their own, Sev, but I'll do as you say."

"Good." Severus turned back to Trelawney and began picking her up to carry her.

Britomartis approached the fireplace, looking through them again, and finally settled on the sketch of herself, Severus, and their children. They're all beautiful ... My skin, his eyes, the fires of intellect and love and action pulsing in them ... The children we were meant to have so many years ago ... The children we will have someday, when the Gods deem the time Right ... Ah, my Severus, you think you cannot love anything because of your own childhood, but even this simple sketch shows you'll love them fiercely.

She was startled when Dumbledore spoke softly behind her, "Prying into the future, Martis?"

"I had always thought Sibyll was a fraud and the only reason you had hired her was because you owed her parents a favor," she remarked.

"Partly right - after Helga's death, I interviewed extensively for a suitable replacement. I knew Sibyll was the granddaughter of Cassandra Trelawney, and I had hoped blood would tell. Her interview left me singularly unimpressed with her abilities, although she did have a firm grip of the disciplines and theories."

"So what made you decide to hire her?"

Dumbledore stretched his gnarled fingers out to the fire. "She went into trance during the interview, and she prophesied something I had been on the lookout for ... "

Britomartis gazed at the sketch of her and Severus' family, then finally blurted, "The birth of Harry Potter."

"Not Mr. Potter in particular, but something to strike back at You-Know-Who with." He smiled. "Although Harry's arrival was one of the major parts of the prophesy. Very good of you to pick that up."

"You gave me permission to look into your thoughts, sir."

He fully faced her. "Have you had any training as an Occlumens?"

"Not in the ways of European Occlumency. Occlumency here is like a blast shield - which can eventually be chipped away. The ancient magicks actually have a version that makes thoughts bend and bounce away from the equivalent of a Legimens. Like reading cotton candy."

"Fascinating. Why hasn't this been shared with the rest of the Confederation?"

"None of you asked. Typical North European arrogance - you assume that your way is best unless someone forces the opposing view on you." She shrugged. "Anyway, I haven't mastered it completely; it takes years to be able to discipline the mind enough to be in such a ... Zen state so it could simply avoid being read. Many of our Spirit Warriors are Masters of our type of Occlumency."

"Could you tell me more about your Spirit Warriors?"

"Maybe in a few days, sir, when things are calmer." She glanced up at him. "Why aren't you drunk?"

"The Ambrosia made the eggnog taste 'off'. I'm helping Minerva to bed, so I suppose you must help Remus to his own rooms."

Britomartis nodded, tossing the sketches on the fire. "Of course."

Dumbledore went back to the table where McGonagall was softly snoring. "Incidentally, Martis, a Mobilicorpus Spell can help you move those who cannot move under their own power."

She sighed and exhaled in disgust. "I completely forgot - I'm too used to hauling drunks around in person. Good night, Headmaster."

"Good night, Martis." He picked up Minerva's slack form without much effort and glanced back at her again. "Oh, and keep an eye on those three."

Britomartis also glanced over at the twins and Elizabeth, and peered closely at them.

The twins were - as Artemisia had once described a drunkard - three sheets, two pillowcases, a bed ruffle, and their pants to the wind. Their gravy beards were dripping all over the tablecloth and had even smeared onto their clothes. Their cheeks and noses were quite red from the alcohol.

Elizabeth was stone sober, with perfectly clear eyes and precise movements. Even her handwriting was sharp.

Britomartis hurried over and the twins paused in their lewd commentary. "Oi, Professor," Fred slurred. "Didn't mean to leave you out in the snow, but you should know that we can't compete with Snape."

"It's all right, Frack. Just get yourself and Frick to bed, all right?"

"We're not done," George added. "We haven't even covered what we wanted to do with the custard - "

"NOW."

Britomartis stared down at Elizabeth as the twins retreated. "Don't bother to play drunk - I know you're just as sober as I am. Now why?"

Elizabeth squirmed. "Thought it'd be good for a larf."

"Your House Master will want your head on a platter. This is most unbecoming of a Slytherin."

The Fourth-Year huffed loudly. "I didn't even want to be in Slytherin - you of all people know that. Really, I thought it'd be funny as hell to get McGonagall loose for once, and to see what would happen with this lot." She made a face. "Believe me, I did NOT expect George and Fred to declare their lust for me; I thought they were just being dorks before this."

Britomartis sat down. "You do know nothing like this will go unpunished. They'll want to know who did this to them - everyone who was drunk will want to know." She paused. "How did you get it into the eggnog and punch?"

"Asked the House Elves. I traded them a few bottles of Butterbeer to do it."

"You just seem to be getting everyone drunk, aren't you?" Hard Bitch Glare #4 fell over her face. "As your punishment, you will drink the rest of the punch and have a hangover with the rest of your classmates."

"What?"

"An Ambrosia hangover can be quite nasty. Best to start in on it now." She dipped the ladle into the punch and poured the liquid into a cup, then handed it over to the girl. "Best to hurry up and catch up with the rest of them. And I'm also leaving my mother to look after you while I help Professor Lupin to his rooms."

Elizabeth smirked as she accepted the punch cup. "I'll help Professor Lupin to his rooms."

"After your first cup of Ambrosia, I'm not letting you near anything male. Besides, an over-enthusiastic teenage girl will probably give him heart failure."

Elizabeth nodded in agreement, then took a swig. "Actually, it makes the punch taste better than usual. Hangovers are pretty bad on this stuff?"

"Very."

"Not any worse than the Pig's Eye Scrumpy back home ... " Her face twisted up, then finally relaxed into a lopsided grin. "Cool. Is Professor Snake going to take me back to the dorms?"

"No." Britomartis got up and made her way to the adult table to pick up Remus as she muttered about Elizabeth, "Lightweight."

XXXXXXXXXX

"You know, Miss Britomartis," Remus hiccupped as Britomartis guided his floating form down the hall. "The only other time I ever got drunk was at Lily and James' wedding reception."

"A good time was had by all, I take it?" she asked.

Remus made an ungentlemanly sound. "Sirius got all the women. I was the one passed out under the table." He peered up at her, grinning. "Looks like I did it again, eh?"

"Yes, seems to be a theme."

"Thank you for the suit, Miss Britomartis. I like brown tweed."

"I remember that's all you really wore when classes weren't in session." She stopped in front of his door and asked, "Password?"

He gave her another grin. "If I give it to you, does that mean you'll come in and molest me in the middle of the night?

Britomartis sighed. "Oh, really, Lupin. What is this thing you have about me?"

He twisted his head and muttered his password at the door, making it fling open. "Oh, nothing much. Get me down."

She lifted the spell and helped him stay on his feet as he stumbled into his rooms. Remus continued, "You know who sent you that note?"

"What note?"

"The one that started with 'Dear Sexy-Knickers'. That was me."

Britomartis stared at him. "You? Why couldn't you just sign yourself?"

"Too scared." He plopped on his bed. "Could you make me some strong tea, please?"

"Yes, of course." She began making tea with his beat-up kettle and his tin of tea bags. "Is that why you asked me to the Yule Ball?"

"Yeah. I was wild mad for you back then."

"Even after all those pranks?"

"Despite the pranks." He rolled over and gazed at her. "I am the only one who still has the Slytherin Girls' Bathing Costume Calendar. McGonagall never got my copy."

Britomartis giggled. "You are quite a card, Lupin." She tapped the kettle with her wand, heating the water up. "You have it here?"

"In the bookshelf over there."

She went over to the shelf and pulled it out. "I never really got a good look at this thing back then. I was too upset with Narcissa to see what it was." She flipped through. "Ah, yes. Peony Danderfluff ... I didn't realize how much Pansy looks like her mother ... Nasty-issa, being a total whore ... Brittany Valkaria ... always wondered what happened to her ... "

"Death Eater. Incarcerated at Azkaban."

"Too bad, always liked her. Oriana Crescent, may she rest in peace ... Aki Mori ... one of my few close friends ... Asa Gangreene, a Black Handmaiden ... "

"Killed by Death Eaters ... "

"May she rest in peace, as well. Oh, there I am." Britomartis studied her own photo, slightly faded to a sepia tone but still moving. "Great Mother, was I ever that young?"

"Desirable at any rate. Most of the guys in school were mad for you, too. The only reason they didn't approach was because ... "

"Because everyone believed Severus and I were together." She closed the calendar, then dropped several bags of tea into the kettle. "What really prevented you from trying?"

Remus closed his eyes, laying his head back. "Besides our groups being enemies? Probably because I knew you'd say 'no'."

"Likely."

He opened his eyes again. "I did enjoy dancing with you at the Yule Ball."

"You were fun to dance with, too."

"I didn't have a chance at all, did I?"

She paused, then shook her head. "No, you didn't."

Remus sighed, deflating. "Always ends up that way." He frowned, then hiccupped.

A strange idea struck her. "Lupin?"

"Wha?"

"Did you ever know any pink-haired girls?"

"No. Why?"

"Nothing." She poured the tea into a cup and handed it to him. "Here's your tea."

Lupin carefully sat up and swayed back and forth. "Stop moving it."

"I'm still, you're swaying."

"Make me stop."

Britomartis placed the cup down and braced his shoulders.

She was surprised to suddenly find herself lying across his lap with his hands pinning her wrists down. "Miss Britomartis, I never got to say it twenty years ago and I'll never get to say it again - I want to breed you!"

Her knee bent upward and kicked into his head as she rolled out of his lap and struck the point of her elbow into his face. She finished getting up from the bed.

"PROFESSOR Lupin! I will not tolerate this sort of behavior, even though you're under the influence of Ambrosia!" However, Lupin was apparently unconscious, so instead of letting him really have it, Britomartis left in a huff.

XXXXXXXXXX

That night, Remus Lupin dreamt of Sirius Black in chains ... with Peter Pettigrew in a Death Eater cloak, pointing at Sirius and laughing.

His barely conscious mind wondered what that meant, but then a replay of one of his old "Britomartis-Vox-In-A-French-Maid's-Uniform" dreams interrupted his train of thought and the vision was forgotten.


	20. Ghosts

CHAPTER TWENTY: "Ghosts"

There were several screams the next morning all over Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry ...

There was Percy Weasley, who discovered the sausages were still hanging out of his ears and nose ...

There were the Weasley Twins, who woke up in their dorm room in Fred's bed and Lambchop the Inflatable Sheep snuggled between them; the fact Lambchop wore a blonde wig with purple streaks did not go unnoticed ...

There was Derek Frobisher, who found himself stapled to the Gryffindor Common Room ceiling ...

There was Minerva McGonagall, who woke up in the rafters of the Great Hall and wearing nothing more than a pair of wellies ...

There was also Filius Flitwick, who also woke up in the rafters of the Great Hall and wearing a chicken suit ...

There was Sibyll Trelawney, who woke up in the middle of her bed and surrounded by many-many-many sketches of a rather intriguing-looking red-haired and bearded centaur ... and that many of those sketches had her in naughty positions with him ...

There was Poppy Pomfrey and her husband Michael Browne, both in her office and wearing rubber gloves and nothing else ...

There was Argus Filch covered in Mrs. Norris cat scratches, and Mrs. Norris in her human form looking quite angry and muttering, "'Purely professional' you swore, you bloody weirdo ... "

There was Remus Lupin, who wondered how he ended up with a bruise on his side of his head and a fractured nose ...

And there was Pomona Sprout and Rubeus Hagrid, who did not scream, but smiled and giggled shyly as they got dressed and had a large pot of strong tea with a jug of goat milk.

XXXXXXXXXX

Ron stared at the designs and schematics, trying to drown out the hysterics of his best friends.

"Nothing happened?" Harry asked.

"NOTHING happened!" Hermione confirmed, stepping out of the girls' dorm and wearing a whole new outfit.

"How do you know?" Harry asked in his rather clueless but innocent way.

"I checked, Harry, all right? NOTHING happened!" Hermione snapped.

"Then can I have my underwear back?"

This brought Ginny into more hysterical crying (the hysterics started when she awoke to find Harry and Hermione on the couch together, without trousers, and obviously wearing each other's underwear), which Harry tried to comfort as best as he could by asking what was wrong.

Meanwhile, Ron was secretly beaming with pride. He created - by himself - something that Hermione would have traded her eyeteeth to design. How he was going to make this, he wasn't sure, but he was certain that this magical artifact of enchanted clothing would be useful someday. Besides, the protection spell woven into the back made it look like a Chudley Cannons playing cloak, so that would be worth making even if it did not work.

He noticed the margins contained non-magical-item-related scribbles; he blushed, realizing most of them had to do with various females at the Christmas Feast and what he thought of them. Although he was not aware of harboring any secret romantic fantasies about his own House Mistress. And he did admit (in the deepest, darkest parts of his heart) that he did fancy Hermione a bit ... well enough to make him annoyed whenever she acted holier-than-thou and treated him like a three-year-old. At least there was nothing related to his sister, thank the Gods.

Just cut the margins off, keep this parchment safe, let his imagination stew over what to do with this design ... and try to locate some goat's milk.

"Um?" a small voice cleared its throat over his head. Ron looked up and saw a sandy-haired First-Year Slytherin boy attached to the ceiling. "Could you let me down, Weasley?"

Ron rolled his eyes. "Frobisher, you're such a prat."

"I'll tell the Evil Mistress you said that."

"Not if you want down."

"Sure you aren't Slytherin?"

"Now that hurt."

XXXXXXXXXX

There was still one more scream, at least a suppressed scream, in which Saphira had walked out into the Slytherin Common Room and found both her daughter and Severus snuggled on a couch together in front of the fireplace, both sleeping soundly and covered with only a blanket.

Saphira intellectually knew her daughter had a relationship with Professor Snape, but it did not really hit her until this point of how physical it had been. Part of her was walking on eggs, thinking that her sixteen-year-old daughter was involved in an affair with a man twice her age who was also her professor; but the other part reminded her that both were close in age and had been like this for ... how long ... the past year or so?

Still, it was actually fascinating switching between perspectives and drawing Severus into the picture enough to make her believe that her sixteen-year-old daughter was merely having fun with her eighteen-year-old boyfriend.

She quickly turned around and went back into her rooms, pacing around the floor as ideas began bubbling.

Saphira liked Severus. He was a good man, despite his self-sacrifice to the Darkness and the shadows over his soul that had damaged him. He could be rough and harsh at times, but both women knew how to deal with such raw edges. There was no denying his devotion to Britomartis. It was quite clear they loved each other, and that this love was forged by both souls and sealed with karma.

He came from a good family. The Snapes were Dark, but she had learned that Confutatis Maledictis Snape had been given the Dementor's Kiss almost twenty years ago and was no longer a part of Severus' life. His mother - Tenebria LeStrange Snape - had been her daughter Tassos' best friend in school, and Saphira knew her when Tenebria would visit Tassos during her travels. Now that she thought about it, Severus shared more in common with his mother than that awful father of his.

Yes, an intellect, devoted to her daughter, a silent warrior in the fight against Darkness due to knowing it intimately, and from a good strong wizarding family ...

An alliance between them would be beneficial.

Saphira pulled out parchment, quill, and ink, and began writing to her husband.

XXXXXXXXXX

Elizabeth perched an ice pack on her head and stumbled into the Slytherin Common Room, staring at her House Master and Mother still sleeping on the sofa. She rolled her eyes (which made her eyes hurt worse) and muttered, "Good God."

She left the Common Room, slowly making her way out of the dungeons and up the eternal staircases to the hospital wing. She felt everything in her body want to retch horribly when one of the staircases decided to move, and it took her several moments to make the world stop spinning even though the staircase had finished its movement within ten seconds.

"If Rowena Ravenclaw wasn't dead, I'd kill her for that," Elizabeth muttered, picking herself up and continuing on to the infirmary.

She creaked the door open, glancing into the room.

Her lackey Graham Pritchard was bound up like a mummy and held in bed with many magical traction devices. Madame Pomfrey was busy trying to take him out of the wraps while she was talking to the Weasley Twins: "No, I do NOT have any hangover remedies around here! What do you think this is, Enablers Incorporated? Get over your hangovers on your own, you two! Hold still, Mr. Pritchard, I can't get you out of this while you're struggling so."

Elizabeth attempted to brazenly walk in, but she barely managed a crawl by the time her legs gave way and she hit the floor. Fred and George immediately ran over to her and helped her up. "Pomfrey, you were just as pissed as the rest of us - what right do you have to be bright-bloody-eyed and bushy-bloody-tailed so soon?"

"Knew she was holding out on us," Fred stated.

George nodded. "Hand it over, or we brew it ourselves."

Pomfrey pulled her wand out and yelled, "IMPINGIO!"

The yell made Elizabeth's ears bleed (not because it was loud, but because of the hangover), and she did something quite unladylike down the front of George's sweater as a result of violently being thrown out of the infirmary.

"Oh, Gods," she coughed. "I'm so sorry."

George carefully peeled off the now rather nasty blue sweater with the large yellow 'G' embroidered on it, and asked, "Didn't mean to get you tossed out, too, Lizziebreath."

Fred pursed his lips. "I bet you two pounds of Honeyduke's chocolate-toffee blocks that Pomfrey has at least two dozen hangover remedies that's she's not sharing."

"It doesn't matter," George replied. "We're stuck with headaches and craving goat milk for the rest of the day." He rolled up his sweater and glanced at the still pale and ill-looking Elizabeth in his lap, until he finally dug into his back trouser pocket and handed her a kerchief. "Here."

"Thank you," she muttered miserably, taking the kerchief and wiping her mouth. "I'm sure neither of you have any romantic notions about me now."

Both became pale, but Fred covered it up with a cough and a win-over grin. "Well, snakes and lions don't breed well together anyway, right, George?"

His twin nodded, not looking at their companion. "Right, we tried it our second year in COMC class. Kettleburn about got us charged with performing unnatural charms on a serpent."

"But the lion didn't mind at all."

"After the rash cleared, the lion was fine. It was the snake that complained."

Elizabeth sighed. "Could you two kinks help me down to the dungeons so I can crawl back under my rock and nurse this hangover?"

Both smiled in sheepish embarrassment and helped her up. "Come on, Lizziebreath," George said. "We'll take you to a girls' lavvie so you can clean up first."

As they helped her down the hall, Fred looked over Elizabeth's head and mouthed, 'LIZZIE-breath?'

George mouthed back, 'Shut up.'

XXXXXXXXXX

Britomartis' eyes snapped open and she suddenly sat up. "Damn!" She pressed her fingers to her temples. "Damn! Damn! Damn!"

"Hm?" Severus murmured in sleep. "Wat'iz'it?"

"The children - !"

With his eyes still closed, he reached over and pulled her back into his arms. "They're fine. Snuggle."

Britomartis pulled away. "Then my mother - remember? She still thinks you're a dirty old man - "

Severus opened his eyes, then made a face. "She hasn't walked through, has she?"

She wrapped part of the blanket around her. "I don't know - "

Saphira - dressed in one of the warmer Cretan gowns with much colorful embroidery - appeared out of the Heads of House Corridor and rushed through the Common Room to the main exit. "Get dressed, Britty. After I send this off to your father, you and I need to go out and talk about some things." She glanced back, raising a silver eyebrow. "Unless he's so entertaining that you can't tear yourself away from him."

Britomartis' nostrils flared and she replied icily, "Yes, mother, I find him extremely entertaining - "

Severus blushed up to his hairline and hid under the rest of the blanket.

"Nevermind, dear, nevermind." Saphira held up an envelope. "I'll owl this to your father and meet you in the main hall." She blew them a kiss and was out the door.

Severus pulled the blanket down his face, showing only his liquid black eyes. "I think I prefer her trying to kill me."

"She's acting weirder than usual," Britomartis stated, slipping out from under the blanket. "And I probably should figure out what it is before something traumatic happens."

"Why?"

"Because according to my album, Doni and Arti will soon catch me in bed with Dion, whom I was going to marry at eighteen."

She went to her rooms, and Severus sat up, feeling jealousy, apprehension, and guilt fill his gut. And he didn't know why.

XXXXXXXXXX

Albus Dumbledore studied the note that had arrived by owl that morning.

There was no reason to tell anyone about this. He needed to confirm this himself, and having the other staff in on this would bring utter chaos.

There was no denying that handwriting, with the harsh finish to the ends of the words and the sharp peaks of the higher lines of the lowercase letters.

'He's in your midst and I will get him. The real betrayer of James and Lily will be punished!'

Sirius Black was near, and he was bent on revenge.

But not the type of revenge everyone assumed.

XXXXXXXXXX

Hagrid and Sprout walked back to the school, unceremoniously made their way through the castle gates ...

And stared in awe.

"Well, will ye look at that," Hagrid breathed. "Who th' bloody hell put th' Pitch in th' Quad?"

"A better question is how they made it fit in the Quad," Sprout added. "I would have swore that the goals were further apart than the Quad's ends."

"They are, sweet," Hagrid commented, shaking his head. "Professor Dumbledore ain't goin' ter like this at all."

XXXXXXXXXX

Britomartis entered the Three Broomsticks, stopping Madame Rosemerta who held three mugs of butterbeer in her grip. "Has my mother arrived yet? Tall woman, silver hair, colorful cloak?"

Rosemerta nodded and rolled her eyes. "Yes, and she's making it impossible finding goat milk this early in the morning after Christmas. She's over by the tree and is asking when the robe shop will be open."

Britomartis raised an eyebrow over her sunglass frames, then located her mother and sat down at the table across from her. "What's going on?"

Saphira's blue eyes lit up. "I'm not sure where to start ... You know that we practice arranged marriages in our family - "

"Yes, Eusebius is still on walkabout after twenty-five years and nobody has heard from him since he finally divorced that harpy you and father arranged him to ... "

Saphira cleared her throat. "Her parents fabricated her nature."

"Her parents fabricated everything else, too." Britomartis sighed. "Mother, please - PLEASE - focus. I am thirty-three-years-old and I am a widow."

Saphira drew a blank. Britomartis pulled the photo album down from her mother to herself, and opened up to one of the last pages. She pointed at a Wizarding photograph of herself and a young Cretan man holding and smiling lovingly at each other. "Mother ... this is me at age eighteen. This is Dion Tuzoia, age twenty-three. This is our engagement photo."

Saphira looked up in alarm. "When did you get married?"

"May of 1979."

Pause. "Dion was that boy with the flying carpet that used to throw stale baklava at the twins' heads."

"Yes, that boy."

"But what about Severus?"

"Mother, I was sent away from Hogwarts when I was fourteen, remember?" Britomartis reached across the table and held Saphira's hand as the older woman's lip began to tremble. "At the age of sixteen I was attending Beauxbatons, having a horribly exciting sexually tense relationship with the student council president, won my first year of the bull leaping games, had finally attained priestesshood, and trying to ignore Dion even though he was proving to be the sweetest and most loving man I knew ... "

"Oh ... Britty ... !" Saphira placed her hands to her face. "Oh, Great Mother, I'm so sorry I keep forgetting!"

Britomartis pulled Saphira's hands down. "Mother, please. You didn't know all that was going on - "

"But I should have!"

"Mother." Britomartis pulled back. "I knew this time would be difficult for you. You and father always started talking about getting ready for the arranged marriage when one of us is sixteen ... Little wonder Doni and Arti went their own ways when you tried to arrange them off."

"Artemisia never said anything - she and her suitors never liked each other, then she just up and left the family when she was twenty. I had to find out through Tassos that Artemisia had married her sweetheart from Hogwarts and had a son. And Adonia ... Adonia resented everything your father and I did to help her along - "

"It was usually at my expense."

"I am sorry. And she left the family at eighteen. I still haven't heard anything about her."

Britomartis bit her lip. "Adonia has renounced her bloodlines and denied her Goddess Duty. She is living in Australia among the Muggles - Mundanes - with various female companions."

Saphira hung her head. "And we drove her to this."

"She never liked children to begin with, that's why she gave up her Goddess Duty. She had once said that she'd rather be celibate than bring someone into the world that she could not accept. Best not to traumatize the child in question by not having it." She managed a wry smile. "Although where she got her taste in companions is beyond the rest of us."

"Is it possible ... ? To possibly bring the children - your siblings - back together this summer when we return to Crete? It might help your father. I want to see all of them as well." Saphira lowered her head and placed her hands over her face. "Why am I doing this? My youngest children hate me and the rest resent me, and I don't know half of my grandchildren - "

Britomartis felt her stomach fill with acid. Much as she used to dislike her mother, she never wished her ill. And having Saphira beat herself up like this was heart-wrenching. "Mother?" The older woman looked up at her. "Come on. We'll Floo Xenia and see if the family is ready for something like this in six months. Maybe Father will be well enough to leave the Brotherhood." She paused. "What DID you owl Father about this morning?"

Saphira shook her head. "I had written him about my progress, and I added that I think you and Professor Snape would be suitable for marriage together."

"Not yet, Mother." Britomartis smiled wanly. "Sev is making his own progress in his own way, and I have to let him do that before I drag him before the High Priestess and claim him as mine."

Saphira nodded. "His soul is not Dark, merely Shadowed - he can be healed."

"Albeit slowly and with much love."

XXXXXXXXXX

Britomartis and Saphira left Hogsmeade later that evening just as the full moon had appeared over the tree tops, appearing as a large silver orb in the blue-black sky.

"The countryside is quite pretty at this time," Saphira commented. "The snow is blanketing everything and the moonlight reflects softly from it. The beauty makes up for the cold. A little."

Britomartis giggled. "Snips and I used to fly our brooms over it at night a few times. It's quite a rush to look ahead and see white ground meeting dark trees and the dark sky above. Although my face would half-freeze off." She paused, staring out the window. "Would you like to ride a broom, Mother?"

"No, not anymore, dear. I never could get used to those things; I prefer the carpets."

"Stop." The carriage stopped and Britomartis opened the door, standing on the step and gazing across the expanse of pearlescent whiteness towards the Shrieking Shack. She blinked, saw nothing, and moved to get back into the carriage until she heard a long low canine moan from the shack followed by the sounds of crashing and splintering wood. "Go, go, GO!" she ordered as she dove back into the carriage and slammed the door shut.

"What?" Saphira asked. "What's wrong - what happened?"

Britomartis set her jaw. "The Shrieking Shack is active tonight."

"The what?"

"That old house at the edge of Hogsmeade - reputed to be the most haunted house in all of Britain. The ghosts at the castle say they don't go there because it's the 'wrong sort of crowd' that hangs out there. It's become a tradition at Hogwarts for students to dare each other to go in, but nobody ever does."

"What's in there?"

(Professor Lupin in his werewolf form, Mother.) "We're not sure, but it's certainly monstrous. Nobody bothers it, it doesn't bother anyone, and that's perfectly fine for all involved." She looked up at the carriage ceiling. "Faster."

"So why are we running away?"

(I am deathly afraid that I won't be able to fight off a werewolf's advances as easily, Mother.) "Because it was making more noise than it should, and that makes people very nervous."

"That's understandable," Saphira agreed.

XXXXXXXXXX

Severus was in a snit by the time Britomartis returned. He grabbed her arm as she entered the Slytherin Common Room and pulled her into his private chambers. He pushed her against the door and leaned close enough for his nose to touch hers. In a soft, deadly voice, he stated, "Why didn't you tell me Lupin tried to molest you?"

She returned his gaze steadily. "Because it was none of your business."

"I had to find out from him when Poppy made me help her carry him to the shack and he confessed what he did and asked for our forgiveness."

"I'm not ready to play with him yet."

"Damn it, woman! Why are you so flippant about this?"

"Because I handled it myself. I'm a big girl now - I can tie my own sandals and everything." She stared him down. "Including taking care of a drunken pervert."

Severus snarled, but did not back down. "Poppy had to do everything in her power to keep me from killing him - "

"As well she should; much as I do not believe drunkeness is an excuse for behavior, he also would not have normally done anything of the sort because he knows his chances are nil." She drew her arms around him. "I do thank you for attempting to avenge my honor once again."

He pulled his face away from hers and sighed. "I still want to hex him past his next three lifetimes."

"I took care of it by myself, he knows that he can't get away with it." She kissed him deeply, causing him to finally relax and enjoy her mouth. "Severus?" she mumbled.

"Hm?" he asked.

She pulled away a bit. "Everyone does know that Hermione Granger put the pitch in the Quad, right?"

He pulled fully away and shook his head, going back to get his scholar robe. "Yes, but no one's been able to put it back yet. We've been trying to figure out how she did it all day." He swept the robe over his shoulders and approached the door as she moved away. "Come along, perhaps we can help the rest of the teachers put it back before the students get back from holiday."

Britomartis rolled her eyes. "Neverending fun. At least no one can blame us for this one." She pondered. "Perhaps a variant on the Internal Expansion spell? Contracting the Pitch, carrying it over, and re-expanding it?"

"But then how would one compensate ...?"

As they made their way to the Quad, the technical minutae occupied their conversation, but their hearts were light, and their arms were around each other.


	21. New Year and New Angst

**CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: "New Year and New Angst"**

**"Well ... that could have gone ... "**

**"Less than disastrous?"**

**"Better, Snips."**

**Britomartis and Severus stared at the mortal remains of the pudding all over his couch and most of his front room.**

**"Are you sure you didn't get that recipe from Miss Humphries' ancestral cookbook?"**

**She shot him a dirty look over her pudding-splattered sunglasses. "I'm positive."**

**"What about the brandy? Was it the last of Bridget O'Shanahan's poteen stash?"**

**She swatted him with a pillow this time.**

**He replied with a pillow in her face, throwing her sunglasses off. "Then where did we go wrong?"**

**"I think the Salamanders have occupied the castle for far too long and cannot process Muggle food preparations." She paused. "The pudding is still giggling."**

**Severus sighed, scooping his finger through a blob of New Year's pudding on her gown front. "And the Muggle writers made this sound so delicious ... " He tasted the pudding then added, "Not too bad ..."**

**Britomartis sighed. "Happy bloody New Year."**

**"I prefer non-bloody ones, thank you."**

**"Sorry."**

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**School started up once again, the only difference the other students noticed was the fact the Gryffindor Trio were broken up; it was painfully obvious to everyone that Potter and Weasley were not talking to Granger.**

**Britomartis peered over her sunglass frames at the Firebolt broom in question that had caused the fight between the three in the first place. "Want my opinion, Minerva, or is my expertise not needed?"**

**"Anything you can give would help," McGonagall sighed, leaning back in her chair in her office. "It could have been sent by Sirius Black. But then it could not."**

**"You didn't do it this time?"**

**"No. I only helped once; I expected Potter to tend to his own upkeep thereafter."**

**"He was quite devastated when he lost his Nimbus 2000. Very bad depression, like he had lost a friend."**

**"Little wonder. But he also has a duty to the Quidditch team, and he should not have to fly a Shooting Star when we play against your team -"**

**Britomartis frowned. "It's not 'my' team, Minerva - Severus looks after them, and allows it to be corrupt because he doesn't care for sports much." She gestured towards the broom. "What do I detect from this? No, I do not detect any malevolent spells or charms attached to it." She pulled a crystal from her robe and ran it the length of the broom about an inch above the wood and bristles. "Nothing negative at all - the crystal isn't reacting." She put it away, and then brought out a vial of powder, which she poured over the broom. Fingerprints showed up in several colors. "None of these prints are matching a male in his mid-thirties."**

**"Where did you get that?" McGonagall demanded.**

**"From an Auror - she created this wonderful little powder that can make fingerprints appear. Different colors denote age, sex, and sometimes the differences between Wizards and Muggles. Ingenious little potion. Severus doesn't know about it because he might wet himself in jealousy."**

**McGonagall turned purple. "Martis, please leave my office."**

**Britomartis shrugged. "Sorry for ruining the conspiracy theory."**

**"No. It's the fact that your temperament has reverted back to the way it was when you attended classes." McGonagall gazed at her over her rectangular frame glasses. "How old does your mother see you as?"**

**"Eighteen."**

**"How long until you are seen as your true age?"**

**"Sometime in April. And things will get worse."**

**"PLEASE keep it out of your interactions with the rest of us - do remember that you are an adult and instructor here at Hogwarts."**

**"Yes, Professor. My apologies." Britomartis bowed her head and left McGonagall's office, breathing deeply to calm herself. "She's right, I am getting bitchy. Probably because at eighteen I was pregnant with my first child."**

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**January continued on in a dark and depressing manner. The Gryffindor Trio were walking on eggs around each other, Snookie-Poo was in deep slumber due to the cold, a terrible pneumonia was making its way through the school, and the Quidditch Pitch was still acting out of sorts after being put back in its proper place by wanting to squeeze two of the hoops at one end together.**

**Also depressed during this time was Remus Lupin, who knew he was not forgiven by Miss Britomartis and carried his guilt for his reckless drunken behavior for several weeks. He went around even more ill and paler than usual, and students were beginning to give him advice on how to take care of the cold they believed he had.**

**Lastly, Britomartis had to cancel several classes for the month of January (only assigning book readings and essays during that time) when her mother began to experience the events surrounding her daughter's previous marriage and motherhood. This had even tried Britomartis' capacity for strength in the face of adversity, especially when she began to dream of being a young mother again with Alia in a pack on her back and Sybil in her arms. With Saphira on one side dealing with the fact that she remained ignorant of her grandchildren until their deaths, and with her own guilt and confusion on the other, Britomartis found herself armed with a vial of a fertility potion she had purchased that afternoon in Hogsmeade and making her way to Severus' room.**

**She stood outside his door for an entire hour that night, holding the fertility potion in her hand and remembering the first and only time she had been covered with such a thing, when the Dark Lord was feeling out the possibility of breeding her and Severus. The memory of nearly conceiving and carrying children intended for Dark purposes threw a cold shower on her actions, but she began to notice a different empty ache in her soul. An emptiness that made her realize how much she had missed having children in her life, making her redouble her promise to marry Severus and have children with him.**

**She had finally gone back to bed that night, amid dreams that she could never remember, and she was able to rest at last.**

**Meanwhile, Severus had been mediating the mother-daughter traumas by allowing both to rant separately while he merely nodded, listened, and said nothing. He was finding it easier to deal with their clashes and upsets since neither really expected him to say or do or fix anything.**

**Fortunately, none of this was within earshot of the students in Slytherin, for which Severus was grateful. Especially when Saphira and Britomartis had their Fight of All Fights - the 'time' Britomartis accepted the role of Dark Mother when the Priestesshood had to execute a dark wizard found on Crete.**

**Severus was present when the door of their rooms slammed open and Britomartis stalked out. He immediately cast a non-eavesdropping charm on the area of the corridor and put up a magical barrier so the women would not wander out of the hallway.**

**"HOW COULD YOU?" Saphira cried, chasing after her. "Only priestesses trained in such -"**

**"I WAS, Mother!" Britomartis answered her, whirling around and facing the older woman. "I was twenty years old - I had been a Priestess for four years and had been training in Her mysteries since the age of eight! I was not pregnant at the time, I was perfectly healthy, and of sound mind. I was a suitable candidate."**

**Severus remembered a technique from his own therapy that Sibelius Hammer (may the man rest in peace) had once used. "From the beginning, ladies, and please be clear in your description?"**

**Britomartis nodded. "When I was twenty, a Dark Wizard was found living on the island. No one had known he was a Dark Wizard, which made his discovery all the more horrifying."**

**Saphira added, "He had been living on Crete for years. I had grown up with this man, to be precise. He was a toymaker in our city."**

**The daughter continued, "His toys had been draining children of their energy for years. Children would play with his toys, and he had charmed the toys to drain their spiritual essence whenever the children would play. He had been doing this for nearly half a century when he was discovered."**

**"He was discovered because one of the children had died. The toy was her mother's and had accumulated enough power from both the mother and daughter to act like a Dementor and suck the child's soul out."**

**Saphira's voice remained steady: "The toy doll was now possessed by the life force of the child and the child's body died."**

**Severus nodded. "Engorgio Transferum. The result of a dark spell turning into a mutation of itself."**

**"Eventually," Britomartis added. "The child's life also left the doll, but not before the Dark Wizard's execution."**

**Saphira explained: "The execution of a Dark Wizard by the Priestesshood is performed by three of the Spiritual Warriors within the darkest parts of the temple complex. This is where the Greek stories came up with the Minotaur, of people being sent into the depths of the Palace and never to be seen again. The Spiritual Warriors never execute the innocent, only the vilest of criminals and murderers are given this death."**

**"Part of that ritual also involves the Dark Mother," Britomartis further explained. "Usually a Priestess with a strong sense of herself and the understandings of Darkness to be able to guide the executed into the Afterlife. I was chosen by the rest of the Priestesses to be the vessel through which the Dark Mother could collect this being."**

**Severus pondered this. "How is that?"**

**"There are two parts - the physical realm and the spiritual realm. In the physical realm, the execution takes place and the Priestess portraying the Dark Mother holds the executed until he is completely dead. In the spiritual realm, the Dark Mother 'takes' the soul of the executed and carries him or her to the Afterlife."**

**"I can see the anxiety." An unchecked memory of doing something similar himself when one of the Dark Witches died in childbirth filled his mind. (Yes. When you were merely twenty as well, and Madame Cathari had called for you to give her pain-killing charms because she was too small to carry those twins and had to birth them by herself without any midwives. And that bastard Lord Cathari wouldn't allow her to be touched by any of the healers ... So, young Severus Snape, the Potions Master of the Death Eaters and the Dark Lord's Right Hand, had held the woman as she cried and begged forgiveness for her Dark Sins and slipped into the Afterlife. Lord Cathari didn't even bother to be around and had even skipped his wife's funeral to be with his mistress. Oh, Gods Below, what evil creatures you allow to breathe and breed!) "And what is the problem?"**

**Saphira rubbed her forehead. "A twenty-year-old girl is not meant to be the vessel for the Dark Mother - "**

**"I needed to do it, Mother," Britomartis replied. "There were fights in the Priestesshood for who would get the honor of making sure this beast was delivered right where he belonged. I was chosen. Get over it."**

**"You could have died!"**

**"But I didn't." Britomartis folded her arms and dropped her head as she closed her eyes. "True, I was a mess the next few months, but I did my duty to the Great Mother. A far sight better than some women have -"**

**The silence was deafening, making Severus' teeth ache as the tension and heartbreak filled the room with a muted roar. Mother and Daughter had reached a head, and Severus restrained every muscle in his body to stand still and not run away as confrontations like this in his own home had resulted in violence. (But he also did not want to end up blasted through the lake window again, as he was now fully aware of what ancient magic could do to a physical body.)**

**"How - could - you?" Saphira whispered.**

**"I don't know," Britomartis answered coldly. "Go away."**

**And with that, the daughter walked into her room and slammed the door shut.**

**Saphira looked around, then made her way to the hallway entrance. "We can't do this anymore. It's far too late. Nothing can be done." She pressed her hand to the corridor's barrier, the shield shimmering under her touch. "Please, Professor Snape - "**

**Severus waved his wand at the entrance, making the barrier quietly pop like a bubble. "Where are you going?"**

**"I don't know. I need to get out and think ... or drink or cry or ... I don't know."**

**He nodded at her retreating figure, then turned back into his own rooms and grabbed a handful of Floo Powder from his mantle, tossing it into the fire. **

**He had no true experience in mediating arguments or stopping emotional violence. Therefore he required an ally experienced in these alien arts.**

**"Healer Asphora LaChance, St. Mungo's Hospital."**

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**Asphora LaChance had been briefed of the situation by her former patient Severus Snape as well as acquiring enough background information from healer Eileithyia Atola of Crete to be prepared upon meeting Saphira and Britomartis Vox.**

**She secretly never liked traveling by Floo, but she reasoned it was better than Portkey. Perhaps a little too-old fashioned, but nobody complained much.**

**After the initial disorientation, she stepped out of the fireplace into a dark, spartanly furnished room and shook the ashes from her traveling cloak. She looked around, allowing her eyes to adjust, and she saw a tall, dark man gazing down at her.**

**He spoke first: "Shonsey."**

**Asphora smiled slightly, testing out the waters. "Must you stand like that, Severus? It's quite frightening."**

**"Thank you. Besides being Potions Master, I also teach advanced courses in 'Looming' and 'Scowling Menacingly'."**

**She finally laughed. "I do believe you made a joke, Sev."**

**"No one would believe you," he retorted. "I'm sorry we had to leave on such ... terms."**

**"I couldn't allow Albus to do what he did to you in good conscience, especially since I was an Auror at the time." She reached up and patted his cheek. "But I am very pleased that you were able to recover as much as you could when you came back to us. Ames had done wonders with you."**

**Severus blinked. "All he did was push my buttons."**

**"And that got you to thinking and fighting back to the Light. You never gave yourself enough credit in your own recovery." She looked around. "Do you have a mirror so I may make myself a little more presentable?"**

**Severus pointed toward his private bath and watched his old counselor fluff ashes out of her dandelion puff hair. It was still silver, but seemed to be a less shiny silver than he remembered. He had to remind himself that he had last seen this woman just over fifteen years ago and that she was still older than him by a good twenty years.**

**But she was still warm, loving, and entirely devoted to her work of healing children.**

**She returned from the bath, now clean and wearing a soft mint green gown with a long lavender vest. "I do appreciate you calling me at this point, Sev," she remarked. "From what you had described to me, this is perfectly normal during reconciliation efforts of children with their parents."**

**He opened the door to the hallway. "In what way do you mean?"**

**"The snapping of one; usually we only see this when the parents had abandoned the child and later enters their life once again. Although I must admit this circumstance is unique within itself with the curses used on the parents." She paused thoughtfully. "But I would not be surprised if there are more cases like this than we thought." She followed him out to the corridor. "Which one is here?"**

**"Britomartis," he answered.**

**Asphora nodded. "Your friend from your school days."**

**"The same."**

**"And where is the mother?"**

**"Unknown at this time."**

**"Why don't you try locating her, Sev, while I talk to Britomartis?"**

**"I will."**

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**Britomartis wanted to ignore the knocking on the door, but she felt the energies of the visitor on the other side without concentrating much. Warm, powerful, comforting. Everything that she always tried to project to her students.**

**Getting up, she approached the door and said, "I take it my sulking has gone on long enough?"**

**The door flung open and she stared at a small woman with dandelion-puff hair pulled back with a dark headband. The woman's finely wrinkled face and maternal blue eyes reminded her of the priestesses who were transitioning between Mother and Crone aspects in their lives.**

**"Britomartis Vox?" the woman asked.**

**Britomartis pulled her sunglasses back on and nodded. "Yes. And you?"**

**"Healer Asphora LaChance, St. Mungo's. I was Severus' case worker and healer when he unfortunately made his way to my ward when he was a teenager."**

**The teacher knotted her brows in puzzlement. "I beg your pardon?"**

**"Severus asked me to ... mediate what has been going on between your mother and yourself." She peered in. "May I come in?"**

**Britomartis nodded, opening the door wider and admitting the small woman in. "He had mentioned you once, when he told me about his suicide attempt."**

**Asphora settled herself into the couch. "We worried over him the most because of all the Darkness he had been through. He said you helped him a lot when you attended Hogwarts."**

**Britomartis sat across from her. "I did what I could. He was a loner, I was a hellraiser. Between us we made one very neurotic unit." She cracked a smile. "But you're not here about that -"**

**"As a matter of fact, it does explain your relationship at the time. He was abused by his parents and you were neglected by yours."**

**"So, the freaks of Slytherin stuck together." Britomartis rolled her eyes behind her sunglasses. "I bet when you were in Hufflepuff, everybody played with your hair and said it matched your House."**

**"I was at Beauxbatons, Sword House."**

**"I was in Swan House for four years."**

**"My condolences. So, you and Sev automatically reached out to each other -"**

**"I reached out to him first. I thought he needed someone to take care of him."**

**Asphora smiled gently. "Children should never be abandoned."**

**"Exactly. As you can see, that reasoning has led me to being Slytherin House Mother. If any House needed a mother, it was certainly this one."**

**"But your own mother is attempting to make amends."**

**Britomartis fell back into the armchair. "I know, I know, I KNOW she's trying, but I'm getting sick of it already. I never thought I would ever say this in my lifetime, but my mother is SMOTHERING me."**

**"As is normal for such things ..."**

**"Normal? How is this normal?"**

**"The basic premise of an abandoned child being reintroduced to their parent again. I've usually dealt with adolescent children being reunited with their parents, but I made an exception in this case."**

**"Why? Because we're the first to be reunited after a curse?"**

**"Partially, but mostly because Sev asked me to." Asphora smiled softly. "I think you've ranted and cried long enough. Talk to me and I'll help you sort it out."**

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**Severus searched the entire school, the grounds, and asked every being living (and dead) if they had seen Saphira Vox anywhere.**

**Finally, a House Elf popped into existence in front of Severus as he was making his way to the Headmaster's office. Severus thought the Elf looked familiar, but could not place it. He thought he knew most of the messenger Elves in the castle -**

**"Silvery Snake looking for Britty Vox's mother, he is?" the House Elf asked.**

**Silvery Snake. Only one House Elf ever addressed him as such. (Most of them addressed him as 'Tall Scary Professor'.) This one had helped him escape the Malfoy Manor when a Portkey had sent himself and two healers straight into the dungeons of the Malfoy family home. The two healers had died under torture while he had hidden himself inside an Iron Maiden. The Elf had even dressed his wounds from the spikes and given him the 'bad broom' that the Malfoy's had beaten the Elf with so he could escape. "You were a Malfoy House Elf, weren't you?"**

**The Elf nodded. "Malfoy give Dobby his freedom with a sock." Severus now understood why the Elf was wearing five different socks on each foot, although the twenty tea cozies stacked on his head still looked ridiculous. "Dobby is first employed Elf! Dobby even earns money and calls Headmaster 'barmy old codger' -"**

**"Dobby, do you know where Saphira Vox is located?"**

**Dobby nodded, the tea cozy hats threatening to fall off his head. "Silvery Snake no like it, he won't. Britty Vox's mother -"**

**"Where - is - she?"**

**Dobby flinched, then straightened himself up and smiled coyly. "Oh, the shame of Britty Vox's mother! She in such a state, she was, when Recess Loopin' find her and take her to his room, he did."**

**Severus felt his heart racing inside his chest. "Where is Professor Lupin's room, Dobby?"**

**Dobby shook his head. Severus raised an eyebrow.**

**"Dobby ... " Severus began silkily. "I understand House Elves have a particular fondness for two liquids. I'm sure a Free Elf like yourself still enjoys these drinks when you allow yourself to imbibe ... "**

**Dobby grinned. "When Dobby does his work, sir, yes."**

**"Coffee or butterbeer?" Severus inquired.**

**"Coffee, of course, Silvery Snake-sir." He paused. "Where?"**

**"Where is Saphira Vox?"**

**"Recess Loopin's room, sixth floor, second corridor, west wing."**

**"Go to my office in the Potions Lab; I have a bag of Jamaica Blue Mountain in the bottom left drawer of my desk. You may take a measuring cup's worth as a reward."**

**"Oh, thank yous, Silvery Snake-sir. Yous is a gentleman, sir."**

**Severus was already stalking up the stairway to the Teacher's Residential Floor before muttering, "No wonder the rest of the Purebloods howl about House Elves needing to be suppressed. Although Malfoy deserved to lose that one." A strange thought occurred to him. "I wouldn't be surprised if the little toad knocked Lucy off someday. I certainly hope I get to see it."**

**The cheery thought was replaced by one of anxiety as he finished climbing the stairs and made his way down the corridors to the west wing's second hall. **

**What was he going to do, anyway? It had been at least two hours since Saphira had walked out of Slytherin House; she might have had tea with Loopy and gone to Hogsmeade or something.**

**But then again ...**

**Severus stood before the heavy oak door, drawing his wand out and tapping the nameplate reading 'R.J. Lupin'. "Professor Lupin," he called. "I was informed I would find Saphira Vox here - "**

**"OH MY GOD!" Remus' voice shouted from behind the door. "It's Snape!"**

**"What are you freaking out about?" Saphira's softer voice asked in exasperation.**

**"He'll kill me for what I did!"**

**Severus felt every cell in his body tense, and he yelled, "LUPIN! If you do not open this door, I swear to all the Gods Below that I will blast it off its hinges and stake you with the shards!"**

**The door flung open - with Remus still struggling into a ratty old robe and Saphira slipping her colorful dress on over her head.**

**Now Lupin's panic made sense. Although how the situation came about would probably be a mystery comparable to the Pyramids.**

**Severus raised his wand. "Be lucky Martis isn't here, you bastard, or else you'd be in REAL trouble -"**

**Saphira pointed her finger at his wand-hand and his wand jumped out of his hand and into hers. She pointed it back at him. "Professor Snape, do you mind not interrupting something this intimate? I never interrupted you and Martis when -"**

**"This is neither the time nor the place, Vox," he replied harshly. "And which of the devils drove you to this lump of jellyfish excrement?"**

**"None of your business, Mr. Snape!"**

**"I'm positive your husband wouldn't approve of this -"**

**"My culture is much different from yours, I can assure you!" She snorted. "Just because Mr. Lupin offered me some comfort -"**

**"I am not surprised she finally told you to get lost," Severus seethed. "You're as flighty as my own mother! I had called in a professional to help reconcile you two, and you run off to - to - " He turned and glared at Remus. "She'll have your head for this. After you tried to assault her at Christmas, and then this, no court in the Wizard or Muggle world would convict her for what she'll do to you." He grabbed Saphira's arm. "You're coming with me to straighten things out with your daughter." He scowled at Remus again. "We'll deal with you later - and for Gods' sakes, put some trousers on before then!"**

**Severus pulled Saphira out of Remus' room and dragged her down the staircases to the dungeons.**

**"You are damned lucky the students are in their dorms at this time, you heartless bitch," he snarled. "At least you retain some form of dignity, if it means anything to you."**

**Saphira lowered her brows over her eyes. "Just like a man raised in a Patriarchal context. We're still nothing but chattel to you."**

**"That's twaddle," Severus replied, now allowing her to walk on her own, even though he still kept a grip on her arm. "I greatly respect your culture and beliefs. What I don't respect is someone running off and doing something so blatantly juvenile and stupid. Don't you remember that piece of pond scum had actually attempted to molest your daughter this past Christmas while he was drunk?"**

**"He's apologized profusely for something he would normally not do."**

**"Indeed. And you still feel him worthy enough to - "**

**"Oh, shut up, Severus. I'm a grown woman of seventy-three and well past the age of baby-production. Besides, it was nothing."**

**He stopped completely still and stared at her. "NOTHING? You call something like that nothing?"**

**Saphira raised an eyebrow, and then covered her mouth to suppress a giggle. "Oh, Severus! Such intimacies are always Something when both people love each other. But Mr. Lupin and I do not love each other. I rather pity him, actually."**

**Severus rolled his dark eyes up to the ceiling. Pity still meant little to him. "I don't understand. I don't want to understand - "**

**"So, you'll hide behind protocol and rules - "**

**He resumed pulling her to the Slytherin Common Room. "A fine mess you've made, for sure. Concentrate on reconciling with your daughter - not giving that flobberworm a chance to learn how to breed."**

**Severus yelled the password and tossed Saphira into the Common Room. He turned around and was surprised to see Dumbledore standing behind him.**

**"Did I hear everything correctly, Son?"**

**Severus finally broke into an angry-depressed-crazy grin, and replied, "Yes, Father, as a matter of fact, you did - my future mother-in-law had spent the evening doing biological things with Lupin." He barked a laugh, and then held his head in his hands. "Gods, Father, I will NEVER understand women."**

**"I'll tell you a secret, Severus: neither do I. I've have a hundred-twenty-odd year head start on you, and I'm no closer now than I was at your age." He paused thoughtfully. "I did ask my friend Nicholas Flamel recently if he understood women at all. He said 'Albus, after well over six hundred years, I still don't. So it must be That Way'."**

**Severus sighed. "Their reasoning has no logic."**

**"Women have more convoluted reasons than we do for why they do things, and it makes perfect sense to them. However, they don't allow sentimentality to rule their thinking."**

**"Strange. I thought women to be more sentimental than us."**

**"Oh, they are, but they aren't ruled by it. 'Men are ruled by sentimentality, hence it blurs their thinking'."**

**"Robert A. Heinlein," Severus automatically identified the quoter.**

**Dumbledore grinned. "You were always best at identifying Muggle authors."**

**Severus looked away. "So, what shall I do about Lupin?"**

**"Nothing. Allow the three it directly affects to work it out themselves."**

**The younger man rubbed his temples. "Wake me when it is over. Better yet, wake me when it's ancient history."**

**Dumbledore smiled sympathetically. "Come up to my office and we'll have some lemon tarts and divinity. I have some things I want to discuss with you, Son."**

**As both men left, Dumbledore smiled to himself. Severus was now referring to Saphira as his future mother-in-law, meaning the younger man was readying himself for marriage and that family he saw in the Mirror. This pleased him more than anything else, that his son was now feeling alive and human enough to want these things.**

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**By the end of two hours, Asphora now had a very clear picture of Britomartis Vox's life and personality, and thoroughly understood why Severus had latched onto this woman in both childhood and adulthood. The woman's aura was a brilliant gold, blinding everyone with her love and compassion; the gold also hid a knot of scarlet anger deep within her, and that knot had everything to do with her parents.**

**Healers have tried for years to counsel Britomartis in relation to her parents, and had succeeded to the point in which she lived her life the way she wanted. Then the Death Eaters came and killed her young family, resulting in her leaving her home and making her way around the world as an anthropologist and mercenary. The only reason Britomartis returned to Hogwarts was a run-in with a Death Eater cult in India and she needed to go back to her roots to finally face them.**

**Now that she had worked that out, there was still the damage her parents had unknowingly done. Asphora cursed the cult of Voldemort yet again, her work having brought her into frequent contact with children whose lives were forever altered by his or his minions' actions. At least she was able to help the woman work out and identify some of the problems with the sped-up reweaving process.**

**Asphora liked Britomartis very much, and was quite certain she would be at the wedding of Severus Snape and Britomartis Vox sometime in the future.**

**She had invited the mother in by this point and at least another two hours were spent on mediating a discussion between the mother and daughter. Asphora was amazed over the small differences of how mothers treat their children at different ages. She also began to feel out the depths of the curse's work on this family and her stomach clenched in realization that so much happiness was lost because of the Dark Lord.**

**At least they could start again, and this time consciously.**

**When dawn rolled around, Asphora was quite tired as she made her way to the House Mother's fireplace to use the Floo. Severus' face suddenly appeared in the fire and said, "Shonsey? Could you please come up to Headmaster Dumbledore's office?"**

**"If I must," she replied.**

**"Do you remember where it is?"**

**"Yes, I do. I'll be there soon."**

**Asphora turned back around and walked through the Slytherin Common Room. She remembered both Severus and Britomartis relating tales of things that happened here - the eruption of pranks, fights, Protection Spells, and all manner of confrontations. And there was always that over-powering feeling of doom the room held, with its shadows and green torchlight. She did not blame either for not wanting to stay in this room for long periods of time.**

**She could also taste the fear and despair in the air from a thousand years of students feeling they were sorted into the wrong House or had collaborated with the wrong students.**

**Finally out of the Common Room, she continued on her way to the Headmaster's office ...**

**XXXXXXXXXX**

**Dumbledore waved his wand and a very shaky Asphora LaChance appeared out of the wings of the gargoyle. "Healer LaChance - !"**

**"I saw something," she whispered in puzzlement. "A great black dog, like the Grim."**

**Dumbledore looked up at Severus, who nodded his head a quarter of an inch and got up. "Where did you see the Grim, Healer LaChance?" the Headmaster asked.**

**She fell into the armchair of books that Severus had previously occupied. "In one of the dungeon passages. It was heading toward a painting of fruit." She looked up at the cup of tea Dumbledore offered her and accepted it. "I'm afraid you found out the Healer-Auror's fear - the appearance of the Grim always unnerves me."**

**"As it does many people," Dumbledore agreed. Severus exited the room and rushed down to the ground floor, drawing his wand as he descended the steps and into the maze of dungeon corridors.**

**"You can't run anymore, Black," Severus breathed. "And I have no qualms in using It against you within this school. I would actually get an Order of Merlin for bringing in your remains to the Ministry."**

**He listened to the sounds of the dungeons - two ghosts playing chess in the abandoned potions classroom, House Elves snoring softly, rats breathing and squeaking, spiders spinning their webs.**

**And something else breathing. Severus smirked. "Did you always suspect it would end this way, Black? Me hunting you? I've always known these dungeons better than you. And with fifteen years since your last visit, I suppose you don't remember that this corridor is a dead end ... ?"**

**The breathing became harder, wheezing in response to his words.**

**"LUMOS!" Severus shouted.**

**His wand light illuminated the form of - a strange flash, and then a rat screamed and scurried away between his legs. Severus used several foul words in at least four languages for his stupidity in stalking a rat, then resumed his trip back to the kitchens to see if any damage had been done.**

**Nothing outside the kitchen's entry painting. He tickled the pear which giggled and turned into a handle, and he opened the door.**

**He was assaulted by several pots and pans and cooking utensils wielded by at least fifty House Elves shouting, "GO BACKS NASTY UGLY DOG!"**

**"STOP THIS NONSENSE IMMEDIATELY!"**

**One of the House Elves stopped and cried, "It's Tall Scary Professor! Backs off!"**

**"WHAT THE DEVILS IS GOING ON?" Severus demanded as the House Elves retreated back. Several began slamming their weapons on their heads as punishment for attacking a member of faculty.**

**Sneezy approached. "We's so sorry, Tall Scary Professor sir, we is. We thoughts yous was ugly smelly dog that tries to gets in here. But yous not, Tall Scary Professor sir."**

**"Where did it go?" Severus asked.**

**"We chase it out, we did!" Missy added proudly. "Chase it out the castle, we did."**

**"Well, I suppose there is nothing else." Severus sighed. "Back to what you were doing."**

**"Yes, Tall Scary Professor sir!"**

**Severus wandered out of the kitchens and looked up and down the corridors as he returned to the Headmaster's office. Shaking his head to Dumbledore's questioning eyes, he slipped into another book-comprised chair and stuffed a large chunk of divinity in his mouth as Asphora and Dumbledore caught up on news since they last saw each other fifteen years ago.**

**Thank the Gods today was a Sunday and he could sleep in.**


	22. Chapter 22

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO: "Slytherin Pranks"

By the time Feburary rolled around, many things in Slytherin were on even keel again, especially after a stray Hyper-Bomb was found and consumed by Millicent Bulstrode's cat. The poor thing had to be placed in a bubble charm to keep it from hurting itself as it bounced around the Common Room. The impromptu game of Common-Room Quidditch was halted after the paintings on the walls complained.

Of greater interest was when half of the Larry Pothead Roleplaying Game members decided that they had to recreate a scene they had played out in the game, and spent most of a free evening in the Common Room attempting to turn each other into puddles of water. Needless to say, by the time Britomartis had found out what they were up to, most of them were half-melted puddles of flesh hanging off of their skeletons, which grossed out many of the Ladies of Slytherin (Mk. 398) who simply had run to tattle to the House Master.

Britomartis had just turned all of the RPG'ers to normal and they got back to their role-playing when Severus showed up to dispense some of his own punishment for teenage stupidity. Seeing nothing wrong save for the usual silliness of this group of students yelling attacks at each other, he turned on the Ladies of Slytherin and turned THEM into puddles of water for about two hours for wasting his time.

Meanwhile, Draco, Crabbe, Goyle, and Marcus Flint had a wonderfully delicious prank to pull on Harry Potter during the Gryffindor-Ravenclaw Quidditch game. It might even get them some points for their House as long as their House Mother did not find out.

XXXXXXXXXX

"A Firebolt!" Draco spat as he, his goons, and the Slytherin Quidditch captain made their way out of the entrance of the castle. "At this rate, they'll win the Cup this year!"

"And you know how bad Snape's going to take it if we do lose it," Marcus added. "He might actually try to run the team!"

"We can't have that," Draco agreed. "My father says Snape was the worst person at the team tryouts - he can barely fly a broom."

"No, what would be worse is if he makes Vox run the team."

Draco wrinkled his nose up, reminding Crabbe and Goyle of their master's mother during one of her 'moods'. "He wouldn't dare! We'd have to replace the equipment ourselves after every game! Or she'd make us play strictly by the rules and we couldn't win at all!"

Marcus grinned. "That's why we're going to mess up Potter good at this game."

Draco returned the grin. "Just the sight of them turns him into gelatin." He glanced at Goyle. "All right, I'm on your shoulders - Crabbe, you got yours?"

Crabbe nodded. Marcus looked around, then broke into a very off-key rendition of a Muggle song he overheard while at the train station:

"One way, or another

I'm gonna getcha' -

I'm gonna getcha-getcha-getcha-getcha - "

XXXXXXXXXX

Elizabeth Humphries snapped her fingers, and Graham Pritchard and Derek Frobisher looked up from their betting pools in Slytherin's stands and replied as one: "Yes, Evil Mistress?"

She gave both a pained expression. "Remind me why I allow you to call me that?"

"Because it annoys Malfoy," Graham replied.

"And we're young enough to think you still have cooties," Derek answered.

She sighed, rolled her eyes, and finally stated, "All right. Now, what do you guys think Malfoy and his Girlfriends are up to?"

"You mean Parkinson?"

"No, his goons and our gloriously gorilla-like Quidditch team Captain."

"Oh, those girlfriends," Derek giggled. He paused. "Whatever it is, it probably has to do with Harry Potter."

Graham bit his lip, then blurted, "Since Flint is with him, I think it's something Quidditch-related." He glanced around Slytherin's stands.

"No, they aren't here - I looked." Elizabeth raised an eyebrow. "Now, my minions, where shall we look for Malfoy?"

"Under a rock?"

"Behind the sofa?"

"In a cat pan?"

"Good one, mate!"

"I thought so."

"Boys!" Elizabeth intimated. The First-Years quieted. She resumed, "The prospect of Malfoy being absent from a Quidditch game is worrisome, as this means he is up to No Good. Being the noble Slytherins we are, we must make sure he is preserving the dignity of our House by not pulling any foolishness - especially of the simplistic, lowbrow sort that Malfoy favors. Since this is a Quidditch game featuring his favorite target, the debut of said target's new Firebolt broom, and our own team captain is missing, we must assume he is planning on being an amateur and trying to sabotage the game."

The boys looked up at her. "How do you know all that, Mistress??" Graham asked.

"Because I overheard Malfoy plotting an incredibly juvenile and stupid prank concerning Potter the other day." She smirked. "Now ... with you two being my faithful guard, I want you two to locate Mal-fois-gras, Crabs, Gargoyle, and Flintbox and sabotage their costumes."

"We thought you were going to ask us to stop them," Derek said.

"Of course not. We merely annoy, we do not interfere. As a great Muggle philosopher once said 'A single grain of rice can tip the balance'; we provide that grain of rice and let everything else work around it. Now go."

"Yes, Evil Mistress!"

XXXXXXXXXX

Britomartis knocked on the door of the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher's office, and the door immediately opened to Remus Lupin staring out of it.

"Oh, Gods," he breathed.

She smirked. "I understand you had your way with my mother."

"Um ... " He blushed

"She told me how you crossed your eyes and howled at one point; it amused her very much."

"Um ... " He blushed a deeper red.

"I'm surprised you were able to look beyond your western European prejudice that believes anyone over fifty is disgusting and non-sexual."

He looked up sharply at her. "Actually, Saphira is quite attractive - she could easily pass herself off as forty."

Britomartis grinned. "Good boy. I was hoping that the culture that created the Sheela-na-Gig in her early history would still hold onto such mysteries." She held out her hand.

"What?" he asked.

"Make up. I forgive you for your drunken lapse at Christmas. I intended to do this several weeks ago, but the regrowth trauma got in the way."

"Um. What about the incident involving your mother?"

"That's her business. You see, Lupin, my culture is a little more relaxed about such things. She doesn't love you, so it's all right."

He blinked. "You know, I did not expect your honesty to get any more blunt as we got older, but it has. Excuse my surprise."

"Excused." She continued to hold her hand out. "Again - I forgive your slip of control at Christmas."

"You're not ... ?" He hesitantly took her hand.

"Offended by your offer? No. I was just offended by you trying to go through with it. I am flattered that you carried a torch for me all those years ago, for sure, but you were always more well-adjusted than I could deal with."

Remus laughed. "Me? Well-adjusted? Wherever did you hear that?"

Britomartis giggled. "Well, not as messed up as Severus and myself. I didn't even know of your curse back then, I just thought you were sort of 'vanilla'."

"It's been ... difficult my whole life, but I've accepted it. I'm somewhat glad you always thought of me as 'vanilla' and weren't afraid of me."

"It's all right, Lupin."

"You can call me 'Remus'."

"I'm allowing your True Love that."

His eyes widened. "What?"

"Never you mind. Come along, there's a game between Gryffindor and Ravenclaw, and Mr. Potter got his Firebolt back, so this should be quite fun."

Remus was surprised by her dragging him out by the arm, and the pain kept him from wondering what her cryptic statement meant.

XXXXXXXXXX

Derek and Graham panted as they plopped themselves to either side of Elizabeth.

"Mission accomplished!" Derek proclaimed.

"As soon as they step onto the Pitch, they will have trouble," Graham clarified.

"Very good, my minions!" Elizabeth cackled. "Nobody will out-prank us! Least of all Drecky Malformed."

XXXXXXXXXX

Gryffindor versus Ravenclaw started with a bang, with Harry's Firebolt becoming the focus of the game. Lee Jordan, commentator, continued to make it the focus by acting as ad-man for the broom.

"I'm tempted to turn him into a puddle of water myself," Britomartis remarked. She stood up in the teacher's box and yelled, "JORDAN! GET TO THE BYPLAY OR I'LL FLUNK YOUR WORLD RELIGIONS EXAM! THIS IS QUIDDITCH!"

Hooch, hovering nearby, added, "Obey the destroyer of Quidditch equipment!"

Britomartis flushed and sat back down between Severus and her mother. "Twice in once season and I'm marked for life!"

Severus chuckled. "Compared to how many centuries before that?"

"Shush."

Harry pulled a Wronski Feint, then pulled right back up, Ravenclaw chaser Cho Chang still trailing along the ground below him toward her team's goals. Then a sudden stream of silver energy shot out from Harry and hit the edge of the field.

Severus stood up, as did McGonagall and Lupin. Britomartis peered over the top of her sunglasses. "What the Avernus was he shooting at??"

"Who taught him the Patronus Charm?" McGonagall demanded.

Severus narrowed his eyes, then shifted his eyes to Lupin. "Yes, I wonder who?"

"Knock it off," Britomartis told them. "Minerva, are those students at the end of the field?"

"I believe so. Let's go, Martis."

The women left the stands as Harry grabbed the Snitch and was gang-piled by his teammates.

Lupin hurried off, and Severus approached Dumbledore who was getting out of his seat. "Sir, did you know Professor Lupin had taught Potter the Patronus - ?"

"No," the old man answered. "But I am impressed with Harry's ability. Quite natural, like his father."

Severus snorted. "The Dementors were not even present – "

"I suspect, Severus, that a … robe pranking may have gotten out of hand."

He folded his arms. "Comparing such things when a third of the participants are dead, another third are mad, and the last third innocent is crude, Headmaster."

"Well, shall we find out what necessitated the use of a Patronus?" Dumbledore asked.

XXXXXXXXXX

Britomartis unrolled one of the wads of black material. "Mr. Flint! What is the meaning of this?"

Draco poked his head out from another wad. "Some damn mudblood sewed up our cloaks!"

His House Mother pulled back and stood up. "I should have known you would be behind such an uncouth prank."

"An unworthy trick!" McGonagall seethed. "A low and cowardly attempt at sabotaging the Griffindor Seeker!"

Britomartis added, "Detention for all of you, and – unfortunately – fifty points from Slytherin."

"But - !" Draco tried interrupting.

"Professor McGonagall would have taken one hundred points if she had her way, which I am almost inclined to allow her, given that you had disgraced Slytherin with such a belly-scraping, brain-numbing prank."

"I shall be speaking to Professor Dumbledore about this!" McGonagall was still ranting, her thin face nearly red. "Professor Vox, this is unacceptable!"

"Professor McGonagall, I do agree."

"And here he comes now!"

Dumbledore and Severus approached the group of gathering students giggling at Draco and his goons trying to get out of their cloaks. Severus pulled Britomartis' arm and whispered into her ear, "Martis, isn't that the adhesive charm one of your brothers created?"

"Looks like it. It got published about fifteen years back, so anyone could have done it." She smirked. "Do we really need to find out who glued them together?"

"Not really."

"Good. Now, what sort of detention can we give them for pulling a Maraudiot-type prank?"

"Oh, I have a few things in mind, most of them involving cleaning the showers."

"How nasty."

"Of course. If young Malfoy and his henchmen are going to stoop as low as a Marauder, they deserve equal punishment." He glared at his Slytherin students. "And not practicing good sportsmanship is dispicible enough on its own."

Britomartis said nothing. Severus inadvertantly was on Harry Potter's side. Needless to say, she was never going to point this out to him.

XXXXXXXXXX

Gryffindor's victory party was loud enough to be heard through Sir Cadogan's painting and out into the hallways. Elizabeth sat in one of the sitting areas near Gryffindor.

She wasn't sure why she did. Perhaps perchance of talking to a Weasley. Malfoy was terribly horrid and was being especially lording in the Slytherin Common Room enough to break up her Larry Pothead role-playing game and force her players to their dorms.

So, she hung out near Gyffindor.

It still irked her she was sorted into Slytherin. The last witch in her family was almost three hundred years ago, and Granny Joy was the worst kitchen-witch to ever publish a cookbook. She felt she was more suited to Gryffindor, anyway. She had a concept of honor, and even had a flair for the daring. She had nothing in common with her housemates, save for a wicked sense of humor on occasion.

Fred and George swung the portrait open and stopped in perfect step with left feet in the air as they noticed her across the hall. Fred nudged George. "My brother, your lady caller has arrived."

George stuck his tongue out at his twin. "Fred, old chap, you are a git." He waved at her. "Hey, Lizziebreath. What's up?"

She looked down at her black boots, feeling incredibly stupid for being there. "Well, why didn't you invite me to your party?"

"No other houses allowed," George replied. He picked her up under the shoulder and pulled her along. "But you can go on the sweetie run with us."

"I beg your pardon?"

Fred whacked his brother in the back of the head. "Hey, what's with dragging Lizardbreath along for that? It's our secret!"

"And who's she going to tell?" George argued. "Considering the things we all got up to on Crete last summer and we still have our heads, she's not going to snitch to her House Masters about us. Right, Lizzie?"

Elizabeth grinned as they ran up to the third floor. "Of course I won't! Honor on my mum's porriage. What are you two ponces up to?"

"Ponces?" Fred pouted. "That was naughty. We like girls." He paused in front of the statue of the one-eyed witch. "Cover your ears and close your eyes, we have to keep some secrets."

"Ooh," she commented sarcastically, clapping her hands over her ears. "You obviously trust me beyond the ends of the earth."

George was the one who pulled her with them and she was suddenly sliding down a stone chute. When they landed, he pulled her hands away. "You can look now."

She made an unladylike sound. "Logical extrapolation states that there is a secret passage involving the statue and we are now in a corridor that leaves the school. You two prats are going to Hogsmeade, aren't you?"

"Brillant deduction, Miss Humphries," Fred replied, leading the way. "But not Hogsmeade in general – we are going directly to Honeyduke's."

Elizabeth paused, while George yanked her wrist to keep moving. "You mean we're going underground all the way to Hosgmeade – er, Honeyduke's?"

"Correct again," George confirmed, not letting her wrist go.

She shrugged and trotted behind him, not minding him grasping her wrist. "When did you find this passage? And does anyone else know about it?"

"A couple of years ago."

"And very few people know."

"You're only the second we've told."

"And the last."

"Feel honored."

"Oh, I do. But you made sure I'd never be able to get in on my own. I suppose I must succomb to your perverse lusts if I am to find out this secret?"

Fred laughed loudly, while George blushed. "It's not like that at all!"

Fred added, "Last second idea on our parts, Lizardbreath. You can help carry the goods back with us."

She snorted. "I did not want to be a pack mule to run snacks back to Gryffindor's party."

"Too late now, we're almost there."

Elizabeth was dragged along in the wake of the Weasley twins … and she liked it, especially since they gave her a chunk of crushed-peppermint white chocolate after the Honeyduke's raid.

When they returned her safely to the hallway outside Gryffindor Tower, she flicked her fingers through her purple streaks and went back to Slytherin House. Lambchop appeared and trotted in lockstep with her, softly baa'ing 'Bad to the Bone' to which Elizabeth provided vocals.

The Weasleys were surprised to find out later during the party that they had signs posted on their backs; Fred's reading 'Sleeps with sheep' and George's reading 'Sleeps with snakes'.

XXXXXXXXXX

Saphira heard noises outside the door of the House Mother's rooms, and then a knocking on the door. She lit the lamp as Britomartis got out of the bedroom, pulling a dressing gown on as she got the door.

Severus Snape was outside the door, clad in his long grey nightshirt, and he said, "Martis, he broke in again!"

She yawned, and the lamp was finally lit. "Who?"

"Black. According to Professor McGonagall, he was in Gryffindor Tower and was slashing up Ronald Weasley's bedcurtains."

Both mother and daughter put hands to mouths in identical gestures of horror. "Is he all right?" Britomartis finally asked.

"He is alive. But we must hurry and search the school before Black escapes."

"Right. Mother, stay here."

"Yes," Saphira replied. "Please be careful."

Both left, and Saphira nervously paced the rest of the night.

XXXXXXXXXX

By dawn, the search turned up nothing, save another time-release prank set up by Severus and Britomartis when they were youngesters. The unfortunate recipient was Hagrid, and he threatened to let loose a pack of Cornish Pixies on them for his entire front (including inside his clothing) ending up bright orange with green polka-dots. It took most of the morning for Severus to find the antidote in one of his old student notebooks and turn the half-giant back to normal.

Other than that, the security of Hogwarts was now brought under the strictest scrutiny.


End file.
